Ahhh, I didn't get called into work today. I love you, Mini-MOD. In that platonic, thanks-for-not-making-me-get-dressed way. I hate getting dressed. Just like I hate shoes. I hate dresses, too. Speaking of-- Rose talked me into going to prom. I have five days to find a dress and shoes (hate squared). There will be hell to pay. Wren+voluminous gown does not bode well for the world. I have not worn a dress since I went to prom sophomore year.

...SUBJECT CHANGE!

So, who all wants to come sailing with me? I'm making my list. (People currently not in St Louis do not count. Sorry.)

Anyone feel like riding jet skis at my graduation party? (See above parenthesis.)

o.O ...Puni Puni Poemy. Almost funnier then Dragon Half.

::EDIT BEFORE HW::
Oh! Before I forget...Biker and I got through the Mechanical Age, Stoneship Age, Spaceship Age, and are in Channelwood in Myst. It is amazing what the power of teamwork can do in a few short hours, ne?

...I must play it again on my own, tho. ^_^ Just so's I can say I beat it. Though the "we" approach was a LOT of fun.

::EDIT AFTER HW::
Well, I got the fonts to use my IME. Now I just need to figure out how to make Blogger support hiragana short of putting every damn thing I want to say up here as an image. I'd do it...but there HAS to be an easier way.

::THIRD EDIT::
みな　みって　ください！
にほん語　です！　これは　いい　です！

＜３恋。

("Everyone please look!"
It's Japanese! This is good!"

<3 Wren. [Ren])

BWAHAHAHA!!! I am the encoding GOD. Sorry for those of you who now have to install Japanese language packs. But you need them, anyway. Be worldly, you bastards. Oh, and as you can see, I know all of two kanji, so if any Japanese person stumbles across my blog they will laugh at my errors and etc. But, I'm only first year. So I don't mind. Plus, I'd never be able to read what they were saying. ^_^

By the way, "恋" is the character for my name. Yes, I know I'm supposed to put it in カタカナ since it's foreign. If I were to go by my full name I would put it into katakana. But Wren=ren perfectly in pronunciation, so I chose a character instead. It was my sensei's idea. (Now I want to make sure that using this when I go abroad won't offend anyone, since I'm gaijin). The character means "beloved" (comprised of parts meaning "pink" and "heart"). I also could have chosen　"鎌" (among others), which meant "to temper or harden". Despite my odd desire to go with the second, I chose the first because it looked prettier and, more importantly, had fewer strokes.

Something for my ex-wife, Phase I

Booyaka.

Today...

may or may not suck. I have a 300-word vocab test fifth hour. But, I don't have to pay any attention in my classes until 4th hour, so I have time to study for it. So this is good.

But-- I forgot to eat breakfast and I have to give up my lunch hour to make up the latest plant sex test. This is bad.
I do have money for food, though, should I have time. This is good.

Tonight I have to work Hell Shift, and they're making me go in an hour earlier than usual to do it. This is bad.
But I do get to leave at nine and go home, and the fam will be out of town. This is good.

So today may or may not suck.

HMM...

I found out today that I've been happily married for months now...when she requested a divorce.

She's leaving me for Uma.

*grabs katana* It's on.

Imagine this on my wall with all four panels framed

This...affects me deeply.

Early Morning Exhaustion

I need a job with better hours. I don't really mind the staying up late, since I'd be up anyway, but I would love it if my shift started a few hours later so I could actually get some damn homework done. Ah well. I only do one weekday shift in a work week.

Oh. I missed an awards ceremony last night, so when I came home everyone had IMed me and either been like "they called your name, you should have been there", or "be glad you didn't go!!!" I just want to know what I got, if anything. I am glad I didn't go. Money > Ego stroking.

Just got done typing up a lab for Plants and People and am SO tired and cold. I have all my heavy blankets that are usually kicked down at my feet up around me. Course, the shower had nothing to do with my current coldness. Or the fact that I could be dressed in more than just a bedsheet. I need to find the motivation to get dressed. Too bad its not toga day at school again.

I wrote my last paper for Pegasus AP on Sunday. We already got them back; the Grammar Witch grades crazy fast. I got a C, which is what I was aiming for, really. I didn't want to put forth the effort to get the B or the A. It's nice to know that I don't have to do another one, though.

Hmmmm. I may have a paper due 6th hour today. Either that or on Friday. It may well be my last high school paper.

Yesssssssssssssssssssss...

::EDIT 1ST HOUR::
Anyone have any idea where I could get something that lets me write hiragana on me comp? Program, font, etc...

I feel the need to be evil. Such a thing would help.

Shiroi! Shiroi yami no naka! <--This worries me. VERY literal translation= "White! White darkness of (my) interior"!

::EDIT AFTER SCHOOL:: Nobody told me we had a spanish test. Oh well. Heh. I need to find a way to keep a permanent plant growing in the side pocket of my backpack. The cherry tomato looked too cute in there when I was bringing it home.

Wren's get home routine:
1) throw backpack into study.
2) Rip off random article of clothing. Or three.
3) Get iced tea and apple.
4) Flop in front of laptop.

An interesting thing about my family

We seem to rely overmuch on phones for communication. By we, I mean them, because I am sure all of you know how often I actually charge my cell phone. And...when it is important, it is usually impossible to get ahold of any of us. But the point is we TRY to rely on them a lot. I have my own phone, Fam has her own, Unc has his own, then we have the home phone. None of them ever get answered when another family member calls.

Then one time Fam went out and bought all new phones for the house. These phones have a paging system. So now instead of finding someone, she just pages random phones until the person she wants picks up.

WHEE!!

I'm TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I may be in trouble

I don't know if it is my lack of time management ability that makes this happen, but it seems like I have to work more when I have a big paper due. Really. I feel like I never get called in when I have nothing to do or nothing planned. But oh, man...if I'm SICK and have a lot of make-up work to do, or if I'd actually like to hang out with some FRIENDS and have a LIFE for once..."I'm sorry, we need you here tonight."

I can use the money, though. But I can also use the time.

OH! I get to order my contacts today! My money came early!

I shall attempt to not be angsty

I woke up this morning and decided I was totally dissatisfied with everything. I think I must have been in the wrong stage of sleep when the damn alarm went off. =) It may have also been Fam yelling at me about whether or not we should put the mail for UPS in the mailbox or if she should take it to the post office. Why does it matter? It's not due for another 15 days.

Plus, she dug through my papers to find the stuff to get it ready to mail. MY room. MY papers. MY precioussss... (second time this week, AGH!) I no longer mess with ANY of her stuff or go in her and Unc's room because she says it's an invasion of her private space. I wish she'd respect MY wishes and treat my stuff in the same way. But every time I ask her to, she gets all pissy and starts ranting about how everyone's always picking on her.

Maybe if you'd butt out, bitch, we'd pick on you less. =_=

But-- one loser worry of mine has been gotten rid of. We're gonna have wireless internet in the apartment. So really, now all I'll need is a mini-fridge and a lock and I'll never have to leave my room. My own bathroom, my laptop, my PS2, my soda/tea, and a door that will never open unless I say so. ^ ^ So...I'll stay on the internet and listen to music all day.
Or dance, since I know no one will barge in and embarass me.

Not that I'm a bad dancer. I just don't like people to come in on me while I'm doing it.

Oh! Good news! I can hear today!

Alright. Off to see how much money my job put in my account. I have contacts to buy.

GAH!!

I can't hear. My right ear is completely infected and blocked up, and now my left is starting to go. In my loud classes today I had to read lips.

SUCK.

Something has been bothering me about myself for a long time that I just now put my finger on. Now I just need to go off and think of a semi-understandable explanation.

::EDIT AFTER SLEEP::
Mini-MOD asked me last night if I was scared/nervous/worried about going off to college, and it set off what I wrote above. On the drive home I thought about it, and I realized what has been bothering me. Now I think I can put it into words, but I may not have time to finish right now.

I used to think that losing mom and all that trauma, etc., back when I was in 8th grade didn't mess me up. People always seem to think that teens who lose their parents have to be depressed/messed up in some way. And I didn't seem to be. I just kind of picked up the pieces and moved on.

Now that bothers me. It shouldn't have been that easy. And I think I know how I did it.

When change happens to me, I just accept it. It never seems to sink in. I don't get excited about trips, I don't get overly upset when people die. The only reason I hate moving is because it's an inconvenience and I always break something I like. Where I go and where I'm leaving don't really seem to matter. It's like every time something different comes along I go "Oh, okay..." and roll with it.

To a certain extent I guess it's good, but it still bothers me. Have I been doing this my whole life, or is this a direct result of losing mom/my hometown/my best friend so suddenly?

I have a feeling when it comes time to go to college I'm just gonna board the plane...and not really realize where I'm going.

I can't explain it any better. ::cue Comfortably Numb- Pink Floyd::

And the above makes me sound like some type of sociopath, but...I'm really not. I care a lot about the people around me and the thought of losing ANY of them makes me almost physically ill. It's just that if they do move away or something worse, something inside me shuts down, and I don't get hurt. I sometimes get this mental image of stuff flying at me, and all of the sucky stuff just goes right through and leaves nothing. I don't like that idea.

I guess the simplest way to say it is this: I don't grieve.

EDIT BEFORE H/W::
And....I just pissed of a good friend of mine. fuck. me.

On a less serious note: If I EVER hear any of the following three things ever again, my head is going to explode and then I'll kill whoever was dense enough to do it.
1) "What's Puhgett Sound?" o.O !! "Pughett" ? PUGET. Long U, morons.
2) ::said with a knowing nod:: "Oh, Puget Sound. Music school, right?" No, you lame asses. Learn geography.
3) "You're going to work for UPS"? I can't BEGIN to say how angry that makes me.

Hee. All three of those happened in a row today. So it came to mind.

Off to go beat myself up for my own stupidity.

AGH!

Woke up this morning all prepared to have a nice, relaxing comic/e-mail browse...and discovered that at some point during the wee hours of the morning Fam had piled dirty dishes on top of my laptop AND my art project.

Moral of the story? DON'T FUCKING LEAVE YOUR STUFF WHERE SHE CAN GET TO IT! Both items are fine, but...::shudder::

HMPH. Am now quite pissy. I have an urge to stay in my room all day jealously guarding my beloved things. . . but I am above such materialistic concern. (::thinking: my precioussss::)

*cough* mmmhm. Quite right.

::EDIT BEFORE WORK::

Oh. This is the second thing I woke up to today. For all those who haven't seen it before. It's the MASTER SWORD. AIIIIIE!!



SO hot.

TADAAAA!!!

Here are the options for my project that's due tomorrow. I cant decide whether I'm pleased or embarassed. These are the two final options. I chose #1..with a little help because I can be sadly indecisive.

ONE


TWO

Well...I went back to the doc. I officially have a horrendus infection in my right sinus and ear. I am supposed to take massive, scary antibiotic pills, two types of allergy medicine, cough supressant, and eat lots of yogurt and drink lots of water and take long, hot showers.

In other words, I will soon be better. Assuming the antibiotics don't...uh...mess me up. >_<

BWAHAHA!! Off I go to watch the Simpson's infamous Hank Scorpio in You Only Move Twice. VWEE HEE HEE HEE...


::EDIT BEFORE HOMEWORK::

Oh, here's this, but don't click it. Any of you.

MMMMM. That is SO HOT.

Know what? "I live in a mother fucking pot" is the funniest thing I have ever read. It just sounds so...bitter....

I laugh quasi-hysterically every time I see it.

New development: Now my sinuses ache and I can't hear out of my right ear. My appetite is also completely gone. From a very, very dispassionate standpoint I am amazed at how much this sickness has mutated. It seems almost alive, and literally out to get me.

I really AM going to do homework today.

::EDIT BEFORE FINALLY DOING H/W::
What I should have put in my Senior Wills: "STL- I leave you my health, since you seem to want it so badly."

That makes me smile.


::EDIT DURING BREAK FROM H/W::
"My anger has failed and become Totoro." -me

ARGUMENT FROM BITTERNESS: (Sickness II) (Extended Version)
1) If God existed, he would hate me.
2) Freshman year I caught pneumonia.
3) Sophomore year I broke both my legs by running.
4) I was also put in the hospital later for a still unidentified illness.
5) Junior year I caught poison ivy for the first time. On my face.
6) I also had to keep my hand bandaged becuase of all the oozing.
7) Senior year I caught what feels like TB.
8) People have also been crashing into my car when I'm in it.
9) My plants keep dying for no reason.
10) I need to give my suffering meaning.
3) God must hate me.
4) Therefore, God exists.

Proofs of God

In Philosophy we were handed out a sheet of 300 some-odd Proofs that God exists. While they poke fun at many aspects of Christian belief, I decided I should make a few of my own. I'll post a few of the originals up later.

ARGUMENT FROM PARADOX, aka SICKNESS I (Athiest's Illness)
1)God punishes all non-believers.
2) I am a non-believer.
3) I am always sick.
4) God is making me sick as punishment for not believing in Him.
5) Therefore, God exists.
::head explodes::

ARGUMENT FROM BITTERNESS: (Sickness II)
1) If God existed, he would hate me.
2) I am always sick.
3) God must hate me.
4) God exists.

These will make more sense when I get around to adding some of the "real" ones.

::EDIT 8:37 PM::

MORAL ARGUMENT (II)
1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, theiving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.
2) That all changed once I became religious.
3) Therefore God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION:
1) See this bonfire?
2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
1) Millions and millions of people believe in God.
2) They can't all be wrong, can they?
3) Therefore God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
2) Therefore, God exists.

OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)
1) Check out this video segment.
2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?
3) Therefore God exists.

CALVANISTIC ARGUMENT:
1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured forever.
2) I rather like that idea.
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LONLINESS
1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
2) I'm lonely, and I want a best friend.
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE ECONOMICS
1) Protestent Christian nations are rich.
2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORMATTING
1) Behold, foolish Atheists, I present yout with an incontroverible proof of the existence of God.
2) [Christian posts a 10,000 word document without a single paragraph break.]
3) [Atheists eyes implode.]
4) I see nobody can refute (2).
5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PREFFERED ANCESTRY:
1) I don't want to be related to monkeys.
2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE (II) (MODIFIED SIMPSON'S ARGUMENT)
1) God, if you exist, pelase give me absolutely no sign.
2)
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE (I)
1) The POA clearly states that America is "One nation, under God..."
2) They existence of God is thus a necessary condition for the existence of America.
3) America exists.
4) Therefore God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BRUTE FORCE:
1) [Christian tears Darwin Fish off car, breaks it in thirds, and sticks it to driver's side window.]
2) Therefore, the theory of evolution is wrong.
3) Therefore, creationism is right.
4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COLLEGE FUNDING (usable by parents only)
1) You believe in God.
2) If I ever find out that you don't believe in God, you won't get any money for college!
3) Therefore, God exists.

::bows:: That is all, g'night folks!

Drum Machine

KAWAII!!!

Ddautta

Batman- I finally broke down and had the sushi bar green tea you gave me way back when. Allow me to say that you have made my life. With every sip, no less.

AHHHHHHHH....time to go back to sleep.

Bored, cold, and lonely. The world is a harsh place. I'm sick of feeling like crap.

I wish everyone could feel how miserable this is. I was so relieved to finally be back in bed after school today that I almost started crying. And I also had no idea how much I ached until I went without codeine at school today. There are only four pills left. Why am I not feeling much improved? I guess coughing so hard that I pulled a neck muscle, thus fucking up my shoulders and neck so's I couldn't keep my head straight up had something to do with it. It's a little better, now, thanks to all the Icy Hot, but I still can't turn my neck all the way to the left or the right. And it huuuuuurts.

But! I've already made up two quizzes. Now I just wish I could find Wuthering Heights. It bothers me that I lost it so soon after getting it assigned to me.

SLAM hasn't called yet, either. Everyone must be sick of me and my wretchedness.

I am so fucking sick of soup and grilled cheese. [/angsty blog-whore]

Found out why Fam's getting a new laptop. Seems as though she fell asleep with the old one on the bed, knocked it off, and "shattered" it.

My my. This is more reason to keep her away from mine.

I just had a perfectly serious conversation about whether or not masturbating with a cucumber is the plant version of bestiality.

Alright. Time for a pre-drugged post. For the next 12 hours, I will be....gone. ((Damn meds.))

It seems that Fam has ordered a new computer. I don't get it. She's ruined the desktop and the pentium three we got last year, and now she wants another? To do what, exactly? She can't even get on the internet without my help! ( See the family trying to deal with technology post)

This is sexy to people on morphine-related drugs.

Stereoscopic Animated Hypercube


Ooooooh, baby.

::sigh of relief::

My doctor actually came through for once. Instead of the "you're sick, go home" bit I usually get, he understood that I feel like I could just DIE my back and abs are so sore, so he gave me some Tylenol+Codeine for when I'm not at school to make the pain go away. Despite the messy longness of the previous sentence I am not on it yet. He also told me to take that evil freaking cough supressant syrup and gave me a D-hist line of pills, too.

So the moral, boys and girls? I will at least be too drugged to CARE that I'm sick. AH, thank you. Even if you ARE my stalker Pediatrician.

I have also already hidden the Ty+Cod from Fam, since the last time I got it prescribed she took it away b/c "it's addictive". This time the bitch is NOT gonna ruin my sleep. BWAHAHA.

MiniFam has strep. Bet you I get better then get sick with THAT. I would be so pissed.

Oh....h wow. The codeine is kicking in. Goodbye.

There is a new vacuum cleaner sitting in the study. This is only notable b/c she has bought five new vacuums in the course of the four years I've been living with her. And that does not include the small army of the portable car vacs she's tested out and decided were not good enough.

Sasquatch came into work today to show us his new knife. OH MY FUCKING DEITY. Thirteen-inch, forged steel blade with a slight curve and some scrollwork, wooden hilt...well-balanced...agh.

I almost had an orgasm. It was the most fantastically yummy thing I have ever seen. I have no respect for anything cast metal, but if it's got a forged blade? I die. That's it. I'm gone.

...

I am a tempered weapon skank.

::EDIT TWO DAYS LATER::

Biker: and im OBESSED with his accent
Biker: of my god its soooooooooooo orgasmic
Wren: lol....I had almost had an orgasm at work yesterday.
Biker: ?
Wren: Sasquatch brought in his new forged steel 13" knife.
Biker: ah
Wren: forged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wren: ....and it was a replica of aragorn's elf blade.
Biker: he got it at that store i'll bet
Biker: we saw those there when i went with chris
Wren: he ordered it...
Wren: it was BALANCED! it was reeaaaaaaaal!!!! ::dies::
Biker: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.............................;-)
Wren: no, no! it was hand made...somebody hammered it out! old-fashion-style! they took the time to carve a wooden hilt and BALANCE the damn thing!!!
Wren: <3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Biker: you are bizarre
Wren: it's sexy!!!
Wren: sexy I say!!

A note on debate technique:

When trying to make yourself not seem like a total bitch, "Why does the kitchen look like a tornado's gone through it?" is not even remotely similar to a nicely intended "Why didn't you do it?"

The first will only get the door slammed on you, especially if that was the second sentence out of your mouth upon returning home in two days.

The second just might get you the actual explanation.

Oh, and don't EVEN fucking ask me if I want to have warm-fuzzy pseudo-housewife-cooky-with-the-mother-figure-time after all of this. And if you ever compare me to your four-year-old daughter again I'm going to hide her paci and melt all her bottles and THEN what will you do to shut her up?

I have made a most shocking discovery, minasan. Last night SLAM and I were fooling around with my Chinese Astrology book, and we decided it would be fun to see what Unc and Fam were. Well, turns out they are both snakes, and BANG!- I have the third lowest compatibility with a snake. Here's what the write-up on tigers and snakes says:

These two don't have much in common and they approach life from very different angles and perspectives. The dramatic Tiger is more outspoken than the Snake, and likes to follow gut feelings instead of the head. On the contrary, the secretive snake is always suspicious of everyone, including the Tiger, and prefers to organize things in a more systematic way. Conflicts blah misunderstanding blah.

HA! This is so true! It also explains why our door is ALWAYS locked and we have this massive security system. And, of, course, why Fam insists on re-arranging the kitchen constantly.

Also: Snake is SLAM's conflict sign. No wonder he sees nothing in my family and has issues with his snake family members, as well. He's living with two of his three least compatible signs. We had a grand laugh about this.

MMMM, I hope that couscous gets done soon.

I hope I'm a bit less sick tomorrow. I'm taking meds today and forcing myself to rest so that hopefully I won't die over the weekend while I'm working. AGH. I dreamed I quite last night. I dunno. I have reached that point where I don't care and it's lovely. We'll see how much more I can take.

It would go so much better for me if I a) took my handcuffs back down from my rear-view mirror and b) stopped reading the lips of the people in the car next to me.

AGH

I love fixing other people's problems. I think I'll just BUY them a new computer. Then I'd have fewer problems. I know less than the computer guy. It shows a lot about them that they trust ME more.

Another blow to my pride

And who else should I share it with than you, Random Reader??

Well, I was in Japanese class today with all my underclassmen pets...if you will. Everything was chaotic, as usual, so people were milling about. It didn't help that El Politicito was selling candy.

That's what got me. I went for the candy cuz I was a bit hungry, and as I walked behind Orangutan Boy he whirled around and ran into me by accident. I was knocked backwards and almost fell over, I was dizzy, and within three seconds my left eye was watering. I had to go to the nurse to get an icepack for my eyebrow, which is now a bit swollen, and there will be bruising.

None of this would be an issue had his CHIN not caused the damage.

I am SO SHORT!!! And I was in a pair of my tall shoes!!! If I had been barefoot, his damn chin would have missed me completely.

XD ::joy::

Gave Batman a spaghetti squash plant today, so now am down to...14 (counting the other two that have homes right now). She chose the one I would have given her, too. He is a very happy plant who has a nice new home and will grow to produce much kids.

By the way, dahling, you'll need to pollinate the flowers. I'll tell you how when the time comes. Oh, and I'd recommend pinching the first flush of blooms so the plant can get big and strong before it starts reproducing, kay?

I adopted a cherry tomato plant today out of sympathy. I don't much like tomatos, but they "do well in clay pots", so I shall see if it survives and put in in a clay pot. It is possible that I may also pawn it off on the Self-Important Radio GOD. That is, if I can bear to have my poor plant thrown into the maw of an asshole.

Time to go to bed. I need to get used to this sleeping thing. It's nice. I may have issues going to bed tonight, tho, on account of this odd scent that has taken over my bed. It's distracting.

My, my, my...

Don DUMBsfeld

Have two takers for the spaghetti squash. That now means I only have 12 of them instead of 15. But what am I going to do with the 5 crookneck (butternut, LMAO) squash??

Bless Batman, O World, for what she hath done my locker. And let me say for the record how impressed people have been with the centered-ness of the pictures. Well taken, m'dear. Well taken indeed. You have inspired me to keep my locker clean.

I'm going to go back to my CD making/ dance spree now.

::EDIT 5:41 PM::

more fun with Fam and the computer
fam: go make copies of these.
me: You do know we can do that here, right?
fam: with the scanner?
me: yep. It has a copy function.
fam: but doesn't that take up a lot of memory?
me: ::waiting::
fam: I don't know.
(me: you're right, you don't.)

later

me: You realize that even when my story was 300 pages it only took up 200-odd k, right? Documents take up almost no space.
fam: ::pissy::I know nothing about computers.
(me: Documents good. Small things. No hurty computer.)

I love the way she always takes it personally when something with the computer comes up. XD It makes life more fun.

And a small example of how the brain of a child works:
fam: "Let's go to Target"
MFam: "I want to see the toy section."
Fam: "We're not going to get anything."
MFam: "But I can just look!"
Fam: "Only if you just look."
MFam: "Maybe I'll find something I like."
Fam: "You weren't nice today, so you don't deserve a toy.

::pause::
MFam: "I'm nice now."
Fam: "Uh-huh. No toy. Let's go."
MFam: "I want a toy!"
Fam: "Would you like to tell me why you haven't felt like being nice recently.... ::out door::
Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...."


::FINAL EDIT::

Proud of self. Did peg H/W and plant H/W, so for Student Assistant tomorrow I'll only have two easy math problems to do. Then I can devote the rest of my hour to reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and taking notes. Serious notes. I'm gonna have to pay attention so I can get the most out of that book. So good. SOOO GOOOD.

plantsplantsplantsplants.

Very plant-ful day today. Batman offered me a bat plant...and if she can get more than one to grow I shall take it, though they sound like they are hard to care for. Very odd/pretty/menacing though, don't you think? Yes, that IS a flower.

I planted a few new things today in the greenhouse at school: Catnip (must try the catnip tea. must.), Moon and Star Watermelon, my Virgin's Bower (bwahahaha), and one little row of Empress of India Nasturtiums. So my garden so far this year will consist of:

Chamomile
Fennel
Gloriosa Daisies
Dianthus
Lavender (and then some!)
Dill (one.)
Crookneck Squash
Spaghetti Squash
A plant that is either a cucumber or a melon plant
pepper (for pots. I will have many pots this year.)

Those that are sprouting:
Virgin's Bower
Climbing nightshade
All the ones I listed above

Those that are the old vetrans:
Chocolate Mint
Alyssum
English Thyme
Oregano (not sage!)
Lavender and Chamomile (my lord)

Crap! Where am I going to PUT it all?

Anyone want anything from lists one or two? Please? Take-y take-y??

My seeds came!!!

...now they just need to GROW. I am very impatient.

::EDIT 4:40 PM::
1)clean my room. well, mostly.
2)unpack.
3)do the Japanese test.
4)do the Japanese worksheet.
5)find my Philosophy binder and read it for a few hours. I need highlighters!!!!
6)find this math worksheet.
7)watch Labyrinth. Again. Just the good parts!!

That is yesterday's list. I have managed to check of a pathetically small amount of it in the hours I have been awake today. Ah well. Progress on the side lists, though! They are getting longer!!!

...ya know, I love the way my family breaks the Entity and then expects moi to solve all of its problems. A few quotes from Fam:

on the major issue
me: "The computer is still messed up."
fam: "no, it's not."
me: "Oh, really. Then why is it running so slow?"
fam: "The computer guy said it's trying to run too many processes."
::I check the processess. 38. RIIIGHT. About half of them are evil::
me: "No, the problem is all the spyware and the four viruses we have. Which, might I add, are all still on there, despite the happy computer guy."
fam: "Maybe the computer guy didn't know he was supposed to remove the spyware." ((::smacks forehead:: what?!! He's a COMPUTER GUY!!!))

on the sound (or lack therof) that messed up while I was on break
me: "Alright. These are the settings you need. Stereo, and digital din. That's what you need to get sound."
fam: ::pushes button and changes my settings:: "So it will work if I turn on Dolby, right? Do we need it on Dolby?"
me: ::sighs:: "No. "

every time something goes wrong
fam: "Let's just re-start the computer and see if it will work then."

e-mail
fam: "I can't get into AOL."
me: "Is it freezing?"
fam: "No...I just don't get all my options. Look."
me: ::after watching:: "here's an idea. Next time try clicking the AOL icon instead of internet explorer."
fam: "What does that do?"
me: "Loads AOL."
fam: "But I can get it from here."
me: "Suit yourself."

Unc
unc: "hey, the computer's running slow. Can I install all my games on your laptop??"
me: "You are NOT TOUCHING IT. EVER. You sick bastard. Go back to the ruined glory machine."

Why I Am Happy Today

I got to talk to Batman, have lunch with Yellow Card, watch a movie with Fro, and make fun of Fam. Saving the plant and restoring my tree was nice, too. And now, Labyrinth!!

Back in the Grind

Found a brave little plant today in the street trying to eke out a living in some rotten leaves. Took it inside and put it in a nice big pot. We shall see if it lives. Poor little thing. It was so cute out there in the rain, dangerously close to a pool of Fros' engine coolant/oil/we're not sure, maybe both.

Not ready for school tomorrow. To be ready, I shall have to do several things:
1)clean my room.
2)unpack.
3)do the Japanese test.
4)do the Japanese worksheet.
5)find my Philosophy binder and read it for a few hours.
6)find this math worksheet.

As you can see, I'm screwed. But at least there are cookies waiting.

::EDIT 6:23 PM::
7) Watch Labryinth. Again.

EDIT 6:55 PM::
THINGS FAM DOES THAT ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF ME
1) Washes new crystal glasses in the dishwasher and bitches for the next three days about how they broke.
2) Tells me to clean up the "disgusting dirt ring" 'I left' in the tub. ((because I refused to pay for the chair "we" broke over MY thigh.-- I relate to you, Ron.))
3) Forgets all my guy friend's names.
4) We have five laundry baskets- three nice, two crappy ones with holes and rips and stuff. She always puts my laundry in a crappy one and sets it in my room on the rug. That has to be some sort of taboo.
5) Along this line: If I leave my laundry downstairs for any length of time she always throws my clean back in with my dirty....then puts it in my room on the rug in a crappy basket.
6) She opens my mail. Then she gets pissed if I point out she just committed a felony.
7) Two words: Financial Aid.
8) One word: Money. As in how much she spends on me. Any amount is too much, it seems.
9) Forces me to get rid of my dog and then won't let me get a new pet.
10) She makes all my new socks disapppear. I'm going to start labeling them with Sharpie and stealing them back from her drawers in covert missions.
11) I'll stop now and get back to checking off items on the other, important list above.

::FINAL EDIT::
Pardon me while I use this to organize my brain.

what have I gotten done so far off the list?
1)clean my room. well, mostly.
2)unpack.
3)do the Japanese test.
4)do the Japanese worksheet.
5)find my Philosophy binder and read it for a few hours.
6)find this math worksheet.
7)watch Labyrinth. Again.

OK. So that leaves me homework. Crap. I wonder if tomorrow is a day 1...

I also need the following for my sanity's sake:
1) File box to organize all my papers in. Tax stuff, college stuff, credit stuff.
2) Laundry hamper.
3) A new place for the Random Junk Box of Wren's Junk.
4) Re-organize my closets and find a place for my linens.
5) Get all my stuff off the Entity and onto the Uber-machine. That way I can rest easy knowing at least I'M not making that thing's issues worse.

Ok. That last list is going on the sidebar. Otherwise it will never help me.

Home at Last

Twelve hours, four dead dogs by the roadside, two major obstacles: large truck with blinking arrow, and hellish rainstorm.

I have never been so glad to be on the sex rug in my life.

All my exploits in Pensacola are posted below as a lovely sleep aid for you all.

My Face is Dry and Wants to Peel

Somehow sunburned random portions of my body yesterday. The damage isn't too bad, but now I think I'm gonna have funky tan lines when we go clubbing tonight. Oh well, oh well, oh well. It will keep all the strange evil guys away. All three of them.

Speaking of wanting to talk to people, randomly called Yellow Card last night after he accidentally called Tiny One's cell looking for his sister. Yeah. I told him he should be proud because he managed to make an ass out of himself to a person who is states away. Then I felt bad and told him I'd pay for his movie ticket when we went with his friend Shane. (I don't know the guy, so I have no qualms about using his real name.) It was only after I got off the phone that I remembered he owes me $50.

Today we're just gonna relax and do some laundry and try to get that freaky smell out of the hotel room. BWHAHAHA.

::EDIT 6:35 PM::

Well, here we are. Rose and I are getting ready to go out for a night of wild clubbing or whatever. She's yelling something in the bathroom and I'm trying not to hear her. =) I mean, I can't actually make out the words, and I'd rather she open the door and tell me than me go ask what she wants.

So dinner tonight, then the club. Agh, there are probably gonna be a lot of people, and now I'm all like I don't want to go, yo. But I'll have a lot of fun. I'm just not sure I look good, I guess. Even though all of you idiots would probably say I look like a total hottie. I do. I know that. I just like having those moments of self-consciousness that are brought on by spaghetti strap shirts+ no bra + odd sunburn lines that have been blended with base to look normal now but will probably die later.

I'll edit this once more when I get back to the hotel, ya?

::FINAL EDIT::
Phineas Phogg. Not PHLOG.

Yes, I Too Am Amazed By Me

Yesterday went to Peg Leg Pete's. I discovered that I like snow crab. I also left my shades there. GRAA. But, the good news is we tipped our waiter a ton and I think he thought we were funny, so when we go back to get T-shirts and more snow crab there is a slight chance that they'll be there.

Hmmm. I am debating trying to do a twelve hour drive straight back into STL.

::EDIT AM AFTER SHOWER::

Yeah. We'll be in Friday night instead of Saturday afternoon. We're decided the drive is worth getting back a day early. And, that will ::sigh:: get me back in time to work on my Philosophy paper.

I wonder if my seeds came yet.

I can't wait to get started on The Hat.

We're gonna go to the Gulfarium today!! WHEEEEEEEEEE!! And then I think tomorrow we're gonna have lunch at Peg Leg Pete's again. Tonight is dinner on a waterfront restaurant. No clue what the daytime activity for tomorrow will be. Possibly getting Tiny One situated for the night, since she's not going dancing at Balloon Works. I'm gonna see if she wants a movie from Blockbuster.

The BBuster here is IMMACULATE. I asked the dude if it was new, and he was all like "nope, it's old".and I wanted to ask him if it was older than '91. It was just so...PERFECT. The shelves weren't ghetto... agh. And I caught myself straightening coverboxes.

I miss everybody. Can't wait to see SLAM, and am dying to talk to Batman and Yellow Card. I also would like to see how Biker is doing. I think I'll drop by on Sat and bring her a smoothie or something.

And Last Night I Was Staggering Along the Beach and Fell Off a Ledge!

It was really more like allowing gravity to give me a tour of the lower edge of a hill of sand. Nothing spectacular, mind you. Though Rose did almost commandeer a lost pair of Birkenstocks.

Not sure what we're going to do yet today. Bought a new outfit last night at some odd department store called McRae's in Pensacola's small and utterly depressing mall. Evidently the monster that is Westfield has not made it to Pensacola yet. Maybe there is still hope?

Things we have left to do: Club (hence new outfit), zoo, gulfarium, Rose's massage.

::EDIT 3:27 PM::

Well, back from the zoo. It's technically the Gulf Breeze Zoo, but it's not in Gulf Breeze, and once you get there they just call it The Zoo. Funny thing is, calling it THE zoo is pretty presumptuous. I know I've been spoiled by the STL Zoo, but we made it through this cute little thing in less than three hours. However, it did have several good points.

1) I GOT CLOSE TO THE BIG CATS!! OH MY GOD, THEY WERE RIGHT THERE!!
2) They had ocelots and caracals. AWW.
3) I got to feed a baby gazelle.

But, they did name their camel Hank and their giraffe Gabby. The hell.

HMMMM. Tonight I may watch Clue.

Hee hee. I got Batman a pres-net now, too. But I can't quite talk myself out of getting a hermit crab. Yet. I really shouldn't do it. But...

Oh My God, They Killed Kenny!

((You bastards.)) Man, my fave South Park episode is STILL Starvin Marvin in Space, just for the Marklars. Sadly, very few people seem to remember it.

I'm writing this in Pensacola, FL, using Word because THIS stupid hotel is the only one on the entire beach that doesn't have data ports in every room. So, this won't get posted until I get back.

What have I done so far? Frisbee in the sand, swam in the pool, laid on the beach, went shopping and got SLAM a pres-net, AK a revenge pres-net, and mini-MOD a hat. He has no idea what's in store for him. Hopefully once this whole hat incident is over he will know better than to say really dumb things to me--just in case I take them seriously again.
BWAHAHA.

People I still have to get things for:
1) Ms. Batgirl
2) Poor Biker. All of us wonder how she is doing. I hope her surgery went well and she can be back to eating solids soon.

Things I still have to get people for:
1) Please, God. What are we going to do with all this alcohol?!!
2) Hermit crab.

Hey. Two things on the first list. Two things on the second. Coincidence?

Yeah, I think so.

Things I still have to do to myself:
1) Get tongue pierced.
2) I am so dumb.

Today we go to Sam's Fun City. It's an amusement park, and it has laser (lazer) tag.
Eventually we want to go parasailing/ jet skiing, and other things.

Argh

Well, I feel pretty sad right now. I invited Fam and Unc out to breakfast tomorrow before we leave, and, well...they're not going. Unc seemed pissed that I even asked, especially since it was "on such short notice". Well, he decided he couldn't make it because he had to go to court, and he didn't really feel like getting up a little bit earlier so he WOULD have time. So much for me trying.

I want to cry.

Why I am considering eating lead instead of going home

Yes, O Super-Sentient Reader, I am experiencing pre-Road Trip Stress. But it's not the "Oh God, I'm driving for twelve hours!" kind. Can you guess what it is? Family? Why yes! You get a cookie!

Well, I think the only way to go about this is to present to you a complete timeline of all the crap, so you cans see how many times the plans have changed. So then, hopefully, after reading this you will be a) as confused as I am, and b) as sick of dealing with it as I am. XD

OCTOBER:
Perhaps you remember this post a long time back when I was up in Seattle. It's a brief gush about how happy I am that Unc OK'd be going on a senior trip. I briefly worry about how Fam will take it, and say that I plan to ask in December.

DECEMBER:
I don't mention it, but this is the night when I go out to that most unsatisfying dinner and bring it up to Unc again. He tells me what he's willing to do for the trip.
1) He doesn't want us driving, so he'll fly me and three other girls.
2) Anywhere in the US. Possibly Cancun, too.
3) He pays for tickets, we pay for everything once we get there. We assume this includes hotel.
So I gleefully tell Rose, Tiny One, and Biker the news. Since Fam was away from the dinner table (off killing herself with nocotine), she didn't know who was paying.

JANUARY:
We decided to go to O'Ahu. Here's my note to tell him. LOL, it's un-necessary to click that, but I found it, so wash-haw.

But, Unc decides to change the rules. It is now anywhere in the continental US. And no Cancun. So it's back to the drawing board. So the negotiations begin anew.

FEBRUARY:
We decide to go to Pensacola, FL for our trip.

After a lot of negotiation, I am allowed to drive instead of fly. Unc agrees to pay for the gas, and in a burst of goodwill, all of the hotel for us. He also says that if I'm good he'll hand over some spending money.

Fam, of course, has no idea. Every time I try to discuss it she'd like "You can't drive, we won't pay, blah-de-blah..." and then Unc will get pissed, etc.

Here's when I made the mistake of asking Fam to help me make hotel reservations.

MARCH:
I have singlehandedly made all of our hotel reservations and planned the most basic itenerary for the trip. I have estimates on gas prices and solid hotel rates. I go to Unc and tell him how much I need.

His response? "I never said I'd pay for gas."

Oh yes he did. OH, YESHEDID. So we argue for a while and he's like "well, I'll give you a hundred dollars. You pay the rest."

TODAY: I tell Fam I need a chack for the trip money. I want it in my account so I can make sure I have access to all the funds when I need them. She tells me to call Unc and talk to HIM about it.

So I do. I tell him how much it will be, and I say, partially as a joke "And the good news is, I saved up a lot of money, so you won't have to give me any spending money."

His pissy retort: "I'm paying for your TRIP."
The humor fades. "I know, it was kind of a joke."
"What are you talking about?"
"Earlier you told me you'd give me spending money. I'm telling you I don't need any, and that I'll be fine."
Here he laughs really hard.
"You're getting spending money. I'm sending you there."
::on the verge of tears:: "I'll talk to you Friday before I go."

In summary:

At first all I wanted was and OK for the trip. Then, in December, he says he'll fly us anywhere in the US. On him. It was his offer; I did not ask. Then, in January, he tells us only the Continental US. Ok, fine. We decide we'd rather drive, he says he'll pay for gas. We figure out where we want to go in February, and he says he'll pay for all of our hotel. We were originally hoping he'd split it with us. Again, we did not ASK for any of this. He also said he might give me some extra money to blow.

So then this month he decides he never said he'd pay for gas, even though that's what he was originally willing to cover. But we work that out, even though he's a bit pissy, and Fam glares at me the entire time.

Then today, with the "stop asking me for more money" incident. They make me feel like a totally worthless financial leech, and when you look at it it was all at first HIS idea.

Next time I am drawing up a fucking contract and getting it notarized. This whole thing has made me feel like an absolutely awful person. And stressed, too.

So the moral, boys and girls? Every time it's time for me to go home, I sink into a funk and resist the urge to kill them all.

I did thank him for the trip, tho. Despite all the hell it's been planning it, I am very glad he didn't forget that he offered to pay at all.

This is fantastic!

"Poor woman, I've only been watching her for about forty-five minutes and I've already charged her as a murderer. It usually takes twice that long."

-Ms. Batgirl

Oh, man!

Well, I got home from work. I didn't even need to kill anyone. I must admit that I enjoy staying over at Tiny One's house. Since it's just a block away from my work, I can go "home" to eat, and it takes two (very freaking cold) seconds to drive back come closing time.

Ah, what to do tonight? Type up the info for my BELLADONNA project, you say? Good idea.

Also need to figure out what kind of hat to get the Mini-MOD. And what sort of odd object to present to AK. Also promised MOD-sama that I would tranq some hot girl in a bikini and keep her under the whole way home. He also suggested I just club her over the head and drag her off my her hair. I told him that if I had to do it that way that I was going to impersonate him.

Tee hee. I miss my Buddha fish. These are not related.

::sigh:: I also have to find Unc a T-shirt.

TODO LIST FOR TOMORROW:
(so's you all know to keep the fuck away from me)
1) Field trip. Ethics convention. I know, how odd. I will be stretching and morphing the moral fabric of young foolish boys everywhere.
2) Write paper. Beg Biker to edit it.
3) Rewrite paper.
4) Get Unc to fork over the trip money. I want it in my bank acct early so I can be SURE the funds will be available.
5) Study for Japanese test.
6) Take Rugbitchy's photo.
7) Cutty-pasty belladonna stuff onto posterboard. Tiny One is asleep, so I don't want to wake her up with any unpleasant odors right now. IE rubber cement. (Sicko.)
8) Find time to hang out with SLAM. fuuuuuuuuuuuck!! ::sob:: why, God?
9) Study for Plants and People test.
10) Drink much vodka.
11) Regret it.

I'm exhausted already.

Why I Want a Belladonna Plant in my Room

Look! There it is, just happily peeking out the window!!
Tee Hee!

And more! Oooooh, it's coming to get you!!
RAAAA!!!

More

I don't know what to do with myself today. I've had a royal attack of angst. I realized today that I have two more months of the pointlessness that is school to get through, and I don't even have enough willpower to make it through two days of it. Funny thing is, I need to make it through at least four. But the thought of four more days of school makes me want to cry.

I'm just so sick of it. I don't want to get up and do the same thing every morning, go to the same classes, come home and do the same pointless homework, and listen to the same stupid babble from Fam. I don't want to do presentations on belladonna or program calculators or write papers on why we should be good/ the satirization of the overimportance appearance is given while judging character in Pride and Prejudice. Mostly I don't want to live in this house anymore. I'm considering sleeping in the treehouse; I have no issues when I'm outside. It's just when I'm indoors. This whole damn place makes me claustrophobic now.

Funny thing about me being sick of routine, though? It's never going to change. Whatever I do with my life, it will always turn into the same-ol, same-ol. So what am I doing getting all upset NOW? Why am I setting myself up for even more anxiety later on?

That's the problem: It's not hard to KNOW things will never change, and that my life is destined to be routine. It's another thing entirely to realize it's actually true.

Denial of fate. Heh. Go me.

::sigh::

This day hath sucked. There has been no high point.

But I did find out that Unc will be shelling out a total of $800 for us to go down to Pensacola. That's 100 for gas (I cover the rest, evidently, but we should be fine) and 700 for hotel. We cover all food and other expenses.

Now I'm wondering if it's even worth all the crap I've had to put up with to get us there.

One more thing before I "beat the burlap"

A quote from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance:

"All the time we are aware of millions of things around us...but not really conscious of them unless there is something unusual or unless they reflect something we are predisposed to see. We take a handful of sand from the endless landscape of awareness around us and call that handful of sand the world."

-p. 69

Do you know how sad this makes me feel?

HMPH

Game night is now over. Despite what Tiny One seems to think, I had a lot of fun. I love Moods best of all the games, which is a bit sad, because I think it was the least favorite of the night (except possibly Cranium). I think I like it the best because it is relatively uncompetitive. There's no major strategy involved, there are no teams; no one is really counting on you for anything. It's a lot like gambling, too, with the chips. And the better you know the person you're playing with, the easier it is to tell the mood they are trying to convey. I think it would be great to get a room of total strangers together and force them to play this game. It might help establish the necessary vibes needed to form an empathetic relationship. (hee. I used vibe and empathetic in the same sentence ((sentance))!).

Something else I decided tonight, besides the fact that our tap water tastes funny again: I'm not a big game person. When I was growing up I didn't have any kids to compete with. I didn't have many friends, and I preferred reading or going for a walk to playing games or sports. I wasn't a loser; I was just picky about who I hung out with. I think now that has hurt me, because I get easily frustrated and upset when I am playing group games or other things like that. I always feel bad if I get something wrong because I feel that I have personally let everyone down and made them unhappy, and we all know it is my personal duty to keep everyone happy ::cue bitterness::.

So even though I can do well in social situations, there is always this little part of me that wants to hide off in a corner, leave...not show up at all. I don't think people realize that it stresses me out to be in public or in large groups of people. I like hanging out with a small group, or just being alone.

But when I'm alone, I'm usually lonely. So I can't win.

This may explain my constant headaches.

(Those last two lines were jokes, guys.)

What a Day!!

I spent a good part of it outside doing preliminary work in the garden. I say THE garden because I have the feeling it is the only one our poor house is going to have this year. I know Fam has no plans to visit and work on it. This makes me want to cultivate mine even more. The idea of having the back yard ALL TO MYSELF is very appealing. Yes, I know there will be the workmen, etc, and that the garden will be screwed when I go off to college, but maybe I can get one of my underclassmen green-thumb friends to care for it for me. I'll be sure to tell them which ones are poisonous. Specially the Virgin's Bower, since it excretes that skin irritant sap.

I was happy that so many of my plants survived the winter. I have several little vetrans now, and am quite pleased. I was a bad mommy, but they made it through anway. So this year I am going to make them a lot of happy friends. My lavender plant made it, two of my English Thyme did, one of my sage, an alyssum, two chamomile, and the root systems of my orange and spearmint. Sadly, no chocolate mint made it through. So I am treating the roots like cuttings, and hopefully I will soon have new mint plants to take care of properly this time so they don't run amuk.

Found a baby-sitter for Edessa, my orchid, and Felipe, my mini-palm. They will be in good hands when I am in Pensacola.

Less than a week until Pensacola!!! AAAAAAAAAAH!! There's still so much to plan!!!

I love this!

::EDIT 6:24 PM::
Fixed my commenting system. I might change the main font now, too, since I've gotten complaints from two complete strangers. I never knew people actually READ this. Now I feel ashamed for polluting Blogger users with my stupidity.

Climbing Nightshade

I also bought these

Spiny Thingies Climb on Stuff and Burn Your Skin with Their Sap

This would look great in my room

It Would Hide My Hypothetical Goldfish From Bob

A New Goal

I must buy new plants. I wants them. I needs them. What is them?

1) A venus flytrap. Of course. Who can resist??!
2) A maple bonsai. It goes with my Room-ma.
3) An Atropa belladonna plant. I just need to make sure Fam never learns that it is poisonous. And probably tell my room-mate that it IS, because they bear fruit.

EDIT 9:43 PM

Well, the damage is done. I found a Wiccan supply site and ordered some Belladonna seeds. Soon I will be attempting to grow a very dangerous, very pretty plant.

A BIT ABOUT BELLADONNA:
Named "Atropos" for the Fate that cuts the thread of life. "Bella Donna", Italian for fair/pretty lady. Supposedly used to be used to dialate the eyes and make you look more sexy.

Very poisonous, which is sad because the shiny black berries are evidently very sweet. Leaves, roots, everything can kill you. If your hands are abraded or cut it is not recommended that you touch this plant. It has lovely purple flowers and large, sometimes hairy leaves. Supposedly grows fine potted indoors, which makes it perfect for my purposes. Which is not, despite SK's worries, to poison all of you. Or Bob.

I hate myself. I sneezed blood. I'm just glad I had a tissue.

Thought of the Morning

Cosmo Girl's cover story? "the fun way to get a rock hard body: these intense moves really work!" If it was just regular Cosmo I'd assume the "intense, great workout" was to fuck at least three times a day in various recommended positions, especially their (probably patented) Electric Butterfly.

Man. See what happens when I allow myself to have a relaxing morning? Well, the truth is that I have no clean clothes, so I'm waiting for them to dry. If I leave home by 7:30, I can get Tiny One to school on time, grab the Environmental Club binder, and head off to Hixson to try to sucker young idiots into loving trees.

I may have overbooked my day again. I don't have enough willpower to get my full license, find a bathing suit I don't hate, go out to lunch, study for a Japanese test, and play pool later on. I just kinda wanna sleep, actually, but that could just be because it's only seven AM or so.

I tried to eat breakfast, but discovered I'm not very hungry, so I had hot darjeeling tea, an orange, and three thin mints. I'll hate myself in an hour.

I've been eating lots of thin mints recently. I should work out today, too.

Damn it. Where is all my motivation? How can I be a model for Ms. Batgirl to learn by if I kep on saying things like this where she can read? ; ) We're all human, dahling. That's my disclaimer.

I hate this layout, too. But soon I shall tweak it and be temporarily satisfied. I just want a piccy, damn it.

I wonder if my jeans are dry yet. Heh. Reminds me of that post a long time back about the Happy Shower Dude.

Yet Another Installment of Existentialist Bullshit

Today I have decided that everyone ends up alone. No matter how many friends they have, no matter how articulate they are, they feel utterly alone. I don't know what it is about the human brain that keeps us from feeling understood. It's like the cerebral cortex is a massive maze, and we have so much trouble sorting out who WE are within it that we assume no one else can do it, either. It makes sense. If I don't know me, how can anyone else? Where can they even begin if I can't give them a clue?

It's amazing and quite a bit sad. I wonder why humans are built to be such separate entities. Why we have so many invisible barriers between ourselves and everyone else. We're trapped inside our own body, and everyone else around us is in the same situation. All stuck inside the bars of language and thought...(what a trite way to say it. Good grief.) And we're just trying to figure out why we want to cry even when we're in a room full of our friends.

Is there a single person out there who doesn't feel like this? I don't feel it all the time. But sometimes, when I'm looking at the people I know, these people who I wish I could make understand what I'm really trying to say, no matter how happy I am I just feel so lonely, so lost. But it makes those rare moments when I look at someone and think "wow, they actually understand," they understand what I mean, underneath whatever I'm saying, when they connect on that most basic of all levels....The loneliness is worth it just to make those times feel even better. Heh. So all my bitter tears at night are validated when I find that I am on the same page as somebody else.

Soon, Soon...

Currently sick of this layout. Plan to overhaul the entire damn thing tonight. I'm sick of my archive bar crapping out on me. Bastardized crappy thing.

::EDIT 8:25 PM::
Well, this is an improvement. I'll keep tweaking with it later, but for now, it's time to go showaaaaaaaaaah!

This could have been the night of Hell

...but it wasn't. All the pieces were there, they just didn't click. Over the course of the night our computers froze and restarted seven times, forcing us to do half of our tansactions manually and invent a tax rate. Despite this, our drawer was only 9 cents off. Then, I found out that I still have a manager's password from Hell Day on Friday, and I found out AFTER I checked movies out to AK that I can get us points off on the audit. But then again, Rugbitchy does it all the time, so maybe it's not all that bad after all.

Anyway, the point is that the computers were trying to bring me down. And they failed. Damn, I'm tired!

Tee Hee

I amuse far too easily. For example, I was in hysterics over a recent away message of mine:


(__|__)


Simply that. No text. Just bum. See, my thing was I knew if I IMed someone/ checked their profile and THAT came up that I would feel very violated and offended. And, other people's reactions were pretty interesting, too.

BWAHAHA. Leave it to me to have a bad iconic butt make me giggle in the shower.

. . .

My brain is dead. UUUUGH!

EDIT 3:45 PM
It stayed dead for the entire day, too. That Cat's Eye novel is really getting to me. Aside from typing almost two pages of that Pride and Prejudice extra chapter assignment in 5th hour and forcing myself to watch my math teacher talk to herself out loud for the whole hour in 7th, I just read that book all day. And I have a surprisingly small amount of homework, regardless. Just more project to type. And uh...vocab and hotel.

I'm, uh....gonna go read. It calls to me.

I am so bitter at the world right now. Today I figured out that my computers are actually networked and that I can move files from one to the other sans CD-Rs, etc....But the Ubermachine and the Entity do not get along. It's because the Entity is very sick and neglected. And has a very short attention span.

SO anyway. This whole employee pick thing is turning into a bigger mess than I thought originally. At least Ms. Batgirl's here to commiserate with me.

EDIT 9:38 PM
Things To Do
1) homework? whatever.
2) Call Yellow Card and see if he wants to play pool with me and Rose.
3) See what city is 3/4 of the way between Pensacola and here and book a hotel.
4) Order a replacement Buddha fish. ::sigh:: Why didn't the Darwin fall off? It was the less cool of the two...

I feel better now.

I Need to Find My Equilibrium

I once told Ms. Batgirl that my goal in life is to foster a sense of disequilibrium in everyone around me. I did not, however, want to include MYSELF in that goal. I need to find my happy medium, sit down, and stay there indefinitely.

If you can't tell, this is shaping up to be a pretty bad day. The three people I desperately want to talk to about it, tho, are not online, so I'm shut up in my room, letting my disappointment fester. See, I got home from inventory at 4:45 AM and promptly collapsed into bed, and the day has been all downhill from there. I was just drifting off to sleep when I heard Fam wake up and go into the kitchen. Once there, she began to UNLOAD THE DISHWASHER. IT WAS 5 AM. W H A T T H E H E L L ! She wasn't even attempting to do it quietly. Cabinets were slamming, dishes were crashing to the floor, etc. So I drag my tired ass out of bed, resenting every cell in her body because she had gotten a full night's rest while I was off messing up my wrists some more, open my door, and say as politely as my brain would allow: "Could you wait until a less ungodly hour of the morning to clean the kitchen?"

A moment of silence. Then, slightly miffed: "I was done, anyway."

Riiiiight. I slump back into bed and am woken up by my alarm at 10AM. I get up, get ready to go over to hang with Fro, God, SLAM, and Mr. 7-7-7. SLAM comes to pick me up, and we drop by my work to get some soda. MOD-sama is working, and he is pissed. So he tells me yes, I do have to come in, but he doesn't necessarily want me to ruin my day, so not to come in at two. He's mad because he's opening alone on a Saturday morning the day after inventory. And I do not blame him. So I told him I'd be in around three.

Well, then off to God and Fro's. We hang out for a bit, then God gets a migraine, so everyone packs up to head home. SLAM had told me earlier he wanted to hang out with me after D&D, so I suggested that we play some frisbee. But he changed his mind and decided he'd rather swordfight with Fro and his buddies instead. So he dropped my ass off.

What pisses me off about this is that he had just gotten done throwing a small fit b/c I was going to be busy with a group project all next week. And here was a chance for us to hang out. I was in a good mood, and I wanted to see him before work, but no. So here I am, in my room, highly upset, while he's off outside beating people up.

Why am I so upset, tho? I guess it's because I feel snubbed. And because I feel like he reneged on our plans. And, ok, FINE...I really wanted to see him.

I need a hug.

So, as you can see, Random Reader, I am not quite in the best state of mind to Active Sell tonight. And I have this overwhelming urge to go get something pierced.

The moral of the story? I'll be headed into work at two or so, since there's nothing better for me to do anymore today. I might as well get PAID to be miserable and pissy, ya know? Well, just a warning, there is no way possible for me to get enough eyeliner on to compensate for how I feel. So all the customers tonight are probably screwed.

I have a Buddha fish on my car. ::bitter laughter:: If only I took my own advice and saw everything in perspective once in a while.

More Existentialist Bullshit

I think I'd be a whole lot happier right now if I felt like I was in control. But the funny thing is that the older I get, the less in control I feel. I've let so many things I'm good at kind of slide away as I go, so I am left with fewer and fewer talents. Drawing, painting, playing my flute, my ambition. I am happy to have earned grades now that two years ago I would have cried over.

I can't decide whether this is a reality check, or if I am becoming less of a person. I know I'm getting older, but sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder why my sophomore self isn't looking back. Back then (I thought) I knew what I wanted. I was livelier and more active, I still had a drive to succeed, I knew what I wanted out of my life. But now that it's time for me to really take control...I have no clue where to go. I'm no longer sure where I want to work. I have yet to find anything that can replace cross country for me. My flute hasn't been played for over a year now. And if I felt like it, I'd probably still be drawing, but at this point it's too late for me to develop any sort of real talent.

I'm not upset, really. I hope it doesn't sound like I am. It's just that when I was younger I never knew that the only difference between a kid and an adult is how confused you are. I'm not nearly confused enough to be an adult yet, thank everything, so don't grab me the happy pills just yet.

I just wish parents would prepare you for never knowing what the fuck is going on until it's too late.

If I had been made prepared, I might know then who's looking back in the mirror.

Good Morning!!

I'm feeling a lot more optimistic after ten hours of sleep. Well, slightly less than that, because at 10:30 MiniFam threw a marvelous fit when Fam tried to make her go to bed. She stood at the top of the stairs and screamed for quite a while, and eventually Fam stood at the bottom of the steps and screamed right back up. So that kept me up (obviously). This morning I was tempted to ask to stay home, but that would just cause even more problems, becuase THEN they'd try to keep me from doing inventory tonight. And while in theory that is a good thing, in reality it is a very, very BAD thing. I really doubt the SM would appreciate me missing the most unholy of all shifts.

This morning I think I am going to put my new car decorations on! I got a Buddha fish and Darwin fish, and soon I'll also have a bumper sticker that says "the best things in life aren't THINGS." I hope I won't be pissing off too many Christians because I think the Buddha fish is cute and find it possible to believe in evolution AND God. I've never undersdtood why it is such an ISSUE. (You should see this fish. He's so fat!!!)

Oh, crap. It's time to go to school.

EDIT 3:59 PM
Well, I got my internet working properly. No more of this pretend 28.8 dial-up crap. No way, not for me. Now my only issue will be trying to keep Fam away from the Linksys card until I can get around to buying another one. Hello, another $100 worth of hardware!!

Man. I'm having issues with this one kid in my math class. I was really impressed with him on Monday, but today I am a bit sick of him. Monday he made me very happy because he asked me to sign the petition for the GSA (to change the discrimination policy to include sexual orientation). I was happy because, not only is he male, he is a devout Christian. Yes, he thinks homosexuality is wrong, which does not surprise me, but he also feels that it is not his place to judge. I was just thrilled to have met another truly tolerant Christian. He knows how to accept other people's beliefs, and he is respectful enough to not foist his ideas off on other people if they aren't interested.

But: Today I overheard him saying he likes to sit a certain way in these pants he was wearing because it "makes his cock look huge". I was not impressed.

NGAAAH!!

"Ngaaah" is Wren-speaky for a condition of extreme stress-- so extreme, in fact, that it is impossible to find suitable words to express it.

I use ngaaah a lot. This week I'm using it because I am incredibly tired. SO VERY tired. I worked Tues till cls, and last night till cls, and I have to get up insanely early to get to school. Yees, my co-workers, (who thankfully do not read this) I know I deserve no symnpathy. Yes, MiniMOD, I know you're working more than I am, and in college. But that's what you get for getting promoted. HA! ::cue guilt::

Tonight is really my only night to sleep, because tomorrow night I have to work from nine PM till inventory is over (five AM-ish), then I have to get up early to hang out with SLAM, Fro, God, and Mr. 7-7-7. Then it's WORK! 5-10....but I think that 10 thing is a LIE. Then Sunday Ms. Batgirl and I have secret evil plans to attend to. They envolve the Employee Pick wall. Soon, our store will have taste.

Alright. Minasan oyasumi nasai! Watashi no BEDDO o ikimasu!

HMMMMM

I was sitting in "Intro to Calc" (translation: Study Hall) today, done with all my homework, brainstorming a list of ideas to blog, when I realized that I have been called or compared to a lot of animals in my life. This is, I am sure you have figured out, not going to be a dignified post in the least. But, it WILL be amusing, and we all know I understand the value of a little self-depreciation. After all, it's good for the ego, what?

1) The earliest one I can remember is "Skink". That was my mom's other nickname for me in grade school besides Skin Bone. I have no idea why she chose this animal...but I remember always being slighty worried. But, I was obsessed with lizards, my fave color was blue (blue-tongued skink), and I loved to scramble about on things. So maybe it isn't as bad as it sounds. It's not as if I didn't lotion, so I know I didn't get the nickname from peely skin or anything. And I absolutely LOATHED bugs.

2) My art teacher in seventh grade compared me to an Afgan Hound. I was freaked out because I thought they were ugly as all hell. And my earlier experiences with being called a dog at the bus stop were not pleasant (damn skater boys. ((WILL NOT TYPE BOI!!))) But she tried to explain, and for a while I took it as quite a compliment. Now, though, I kinda look back on it with this sense of bitterness. Anyway. She said she called me that because they were sophisticated, calm animals with fabulous hair. Either I have backslid immensly since I was that age, or she was treating me in the manner of a Mrs. Bennet-- as in I'm not capable of understanding when I'm being made fun of. Hence the bitterness now. Fab hair. RIIIIIGHT. (::ahem:: fiiiine, and the other stuff, too, let's just cut me all the way down guys, why not?!)

3) When I told my mom about what my art teacher had said, she told me I was more like a hummingbird (didn't the art teacher call YOU that, Abigale?). Why? Because I was hyper and liked sugar, I guess. But I don't think hummingbirds have a sophisticated air. So that took me down a notch.

4) Someone once told me I reminded them of a macaw because of my nose and the noises I make. This is back when I was sensitive about my nose, so I was very insulted. Now I just laugh, cuz I CAN sound a bit birdike when I'm surprised.

5) I've been told if I was food I'd be chicken (look, it's an animal, ok?!) because everthing tastes like chicken...and so it follows that I "go with everything". This is coming from the same guy who said I was shaped like a banana. Needless to say, I was pissed. I think I tied his shoelaces together. AHH, sophisticated revenge.

6) Some silly people tell me I'm like a cat. But that's a stereotypical animal to call a girl, so I never take them seriously. But in grade school I DID earn the nickname by biting and clawing and sneaking up/jumping on people. So back then it wasn't completely unfounded.

7) I always just wanted to be a unicorn.

More sighing. heh.

Sometimes at work I am the most moronic person in the world. I seriously think I act dumber when I'm working, and I don't know why. Possibly boredom, because none of my co-workers are lacking in intelligence. And maybe it would all be ok if they didn't have to see me past the infamous 10:30 mark where my brain shuts off every night and leaves SOMETHING EVIL behind.

Regardless of why, here's a lovely example of my stupidity. I know you all looooove these stories, (you three people who read this). XD Well, I was working with the Mini-MOD. I was at a register, watching TV/ helping the few customers that came in, and he goes out to his car to get something, then comes back in and goes behind the counter with me for a sec. As he pops back out onto the floor, I take a sip of water, and he flips out and goes "What are you doing?!"

It was his water bottle. He'd set it down after getting it from his car. Mine was underneath the counter.

Well, I remember MOD-sama spazzing out cuz I did that to his Coke once (I'm a drink whore), so I offered to buy him a new one. And he said no, that's fine. And I assured him I wasn't sick. He did have to describe all the things he'd eaten so I knew what was in his backwash, but heck. He's male. Of course he did that. (He might be insulted if he ever read that.) I need to stop with the crappy sterotyping.

Other than that there's all the homework I didn't do. But that's normal.

Eyeliner, then school. <3!!

le sigh

life will never be easy, will it?

My alter-ego

Well, there's a CSR meeting I have to leave for in about 15 minutes. I'm all dressed and ready to go. I've noticed that every time I oversleep I overcompensate when I get home by getting all made up and overly dressy. Sadly for my co-workers, I tend to oversleep on days when we have meetings. So every time they see me out of uniform I'm all tricked out and scary with all the heavy jewelry and the eyeliner clashing with the sweet make-up. Today I look like the Scary Tramp-Vamp Schoolgirl From Hell.

Last meeting I got all into it. I had extra buttons undone on my shirt and like three feet of eyeliner on. We were brainstorming how we could boost sales, and my brilliant ideas were 1) buy me more soda, and 2) allow me to proposition the customers. The SM didn't get it and asked me to explain. I grinned, re-crossed my legs, and leaned forward suggestively, then said "You know, I could dress up as Blockbuster Whore. I bet I could get some stuff to sell THEN." War Boy was astonished into silence. The SM just looked at me like I'd gone insane.

But today I have a feeling will be worse, because I'm wearing my "Hey! Stare At My Chest As I Walk By In the Halls, Really, I Don't Care, Asshole!" shirt. I am also listening to White Zombie. And I'm wearing the "Sex Eyes" makeup. That's when you put the darker color on the outise of your eyes. It makes them look more closed and dreamy. And It makes winks MUCH more impressive.

I pity my co-workers. But then again, they deserve it.

Awww, crap. I'm guilty.

A Promising Start

It's sunny out, and my family wants to go to the zoo. Of course I declined. It has yet to regain is magic. Did it ever even have magic? Yeah, I guess when I worked in the CZ it was really cool. But now...it just makes me bitter.

So anyway. They will be out of the house, and I'll be free to do my own thing until I go tripping off to work. WHEE!


EDIT 1:10 PM:
Went out for a stroll and ended up somewhere in Ladue. Spent thirty or forty minutes working my way back to a street I knew so I could head home. My legs are twitching now, but it was SO MUCH FUN. I'm going to try and get lost on EVERY nice day.

A lady just walked by my window holding a wreath.

Oh! And I found the one spot in my room where the internet works really well! It is so odd. The Ubermachine definitely has personality.

This looks like it wants to eat me!

Why I want to live in the Botanical Gardens

So Freaking Pretty

...aaaand

Add fix the computer to the list. I wish Fam would realize that the Internet is NOT a safe place and would quit clicking "yes" to every thing websites say we need. AGH.

And then there's Unc and his porn. I should yell at HIM, too. Porn sites give computers VD.

MMMM, Zen

I am in a much better mood today because I managed to enter a Zen-like trance. Well, I also spent the whole day out of my house.

I was woken up this morning, as usual, by Unc and Fam standing outside my bedroom door arguing. About whether or not to invite me to breakfast. Unc always says "C'mon, I'm gonna ask" and Fam is always "She NEVER goes! It's a waste of time!" As always, Unc asks anyway, and as always, I say no. Why? They always wait until they are walking out the door, *then* ask me. And I am by no means going to just get my ass up and throw on some pants and go to breakfast with my eyeliner around my lips and my hair doing its best forest shrub impression. I usually ask them to wait for me to shower, and they always decide to just go ahead without me. So by this point it's just the big Saturday ritual. We know how it'll end up....but we do it anyway.

But! It's good! Because I can spend Le Hour of Crankyness all alone in the house. So I got to wake up with some tea and some Dungeon Siege. Then around noon I ate, showered, and finished Pride and Prejudice. ::swoon:: I adore that book! Absolutely ADORE it!!! Jane Austen is the best female author ever. I have her sense of humor. I'm on her level, yo. And, deep down inside, I'm a really girly person. I kinda like that kind of romance. The non-sappy kind. The kind with the gowns and the coats-and-tails and the carriage rides and the British moors. Yeah. ((Now I have this urge to go climb a tree and get all dirty and beat up someone b/c I just called myself girly. I need to move on.))

So I got ready, used my new eyeshadow brush, and went out into that FABULOUS day to spend the rest of my giftcards. This is what I came back with three and a half hours later:

1) My own copy of Pride and Prejudice. It's paperback, but it's annotated. I can't resist official editions.
2) Sense and Sensibility, also by Ms. Austen. I was gushing to sensei one day about how much I loved Pride, and she told me this was better. I am skeptical, but I can't wait to find out.
3) Mints that taste like roses smell.
4) Mints that are like the rose ones but have something to do with violets. I have yet to get up the nerve to try them.
5) Three new pillows to add to my Room-ma.
6) A CD of White Zombie remixes that makes me feel stoned and under permanent blacklight, and Orgy. The one with Blue Monday and Stitches on it. You know, "Candyass"!!
7) Three book on gardening. One is the size of a large dictionary, the other two the size of coloring books. All three were really colorful and pretty, which is probably why I bought them. But they look useful, too!! Yes! I had a real reason!
8) A coke.
9) A place where I can get orchid fertilizer. They also told me who would be able to order the bonsai tree I want.
10) Bubble gum!!!

Then I find out that the evening will be to myself, as well, because Fam and Unc are going out. So I plan on watching The First Wives' Club becuase I read the book but haven't seen the movie, clean my room, and possibly do my Pegasus homework. Then tomorrow I can fry my brain with my philosophy homework before I go work with Mini-MOD. He wants me to make him a CD. (If I do, I'll probably call it the "Deathbitch Mix.")

One last note before I hand the computer over to Fam: I love the Gas House Car Wash. Why? Their new marquee says "Please note: Our washes contain ZERO carbs"!!!! The Atkins diet is everywhere, but at least this is funny and not sickening. Like we have low-carb bread in the fridge. BREAD. I am afriad to read the package and see what the heck they did to it.

First off let me start by saying that Fam is incredibly fucking dense. She came in half-asleep and just started being all pissy and annoying....and if she can't tell that I'm upset right now, she's blind. And she's not blind, so that leaves her being STUPID.

We had inventory tonight, and I am so close to quitting now that it isn't even funny. I went in on time and was promptly accosted by AK, who has a sinus infection and was all sniffly and drugged up on Flonase. First words out of her mouth? "What did you do to the wall?"

Alright. A little side note here. AK is a total SPAZZ about the wall. Normally it's cool, but every time I have to do it intead of her she rags on me for my alphabetization. First of all, it is ABSOLUTLEY IMPOSSIBLE to get the wall into perfect alpha. I do not get paid enough to do it. There are not enough hours in my day or possibly cells in my brain. It's just not gonna happen. It's also against BBV policy. They want the wall to look good. All the big blocks of titles go in order...all the small titles fill in the gaps. She yells at me for putting one row of A Mighty Wind before one full bay of Matchstick Men, which is right. I spend thirty minutes trying NOT to yell at her for putting major titles in the bottom three rows their first week out. Major titles ALWAYS debut in the top three rows.

Plus, I spent Monday fixing all HER problems, according to MOD-sama. The wall is a matter of taste, and she is NOT the queen of it.

I hate that. I've been here longer than her. I am the same level as her. But every since she has worked there she has tried to tell me what to do. It pisses me off, but I like her, so I try to suck it up or tell her as politely as possible to lay off of me and do her own job.

Well, then Sasquatch (affectionately named that b/c he's big and slightly smelly) offers me some sausage pizza, and I accept it and start picking off the sausage. Well, them AK and War Boy are all on me for being a vegitarian. I try for the sixtieth time to explain that I am NOT, I just decided one day not to eat beef or pork. (This has been a major issue for a while now. I used to tell people I was a red meat vegitarian and they'd yell at me cuz I don't eat veggies. So once I realized it would be easier not to call myself that, I stopped, and now everyone just thinks I'm freaking insane, and the vegitarians hate me for not having a "real reason." I have a reason: FUCK YOU. There.)

Then War Boy looks at my wrist braces and goes "What's up with those? What are you, Professional Inventory Girl?" And he has the nerve to laugh when I get upset. My wrists fucking HURT, you guys. No, hairstylist, they are NOT for fashion. No, War Boy, they are NOT to get me "in the groove." To the boy in math class, I am not going boxing. And to the customers/random lady at the hair salon, I do NOT want to discuss the location of my pain/ the relative merits of different kinds of braces with you. No, I don't care that you have it too.

Well, then the SM is late cuz she overslept, so we lose time waiting for her. AK wastes no time in drawing a fucking happy face on the back of my neck. I am now cursing my new haircut. She then proceeds to sing every Sifl and Olly song known to man and attempt to order me to sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

Well, finally the SM shows and gets us all going. I'm drinking the apology soda she bought us and trying to improve my mood when she tells everyone to unwind the scanner cords. She then turn to me and goes "And we unroll them all the way, don't we?" This was a direct jab to the LAST inventory we did where she told me to unwind all the cords and I did it wrong and she yelled and made me sad. So this upset me even more, cuz I was all miffed and sensitive at this point, anyway.

Again I try to suck it up. I hop on a counter and wait for the computers to get set up. The SM asks what section of the store I want to scan, and Mini-MOD pipes up and says "Anything as long as you can do it from the counter, right Lauren? Want me to get you a Riverfront Times to read? A new batch just came in on Wed." And THIS was a flashback to MOD-sama making fun of me for reading the RFT on Tuesday nights when we haven't had a customer in store for hours. Oh, he can watch TV...but I can't fucking read a newspaper.

I had already told Mini-MOD that I didn't find that whole situation funny AT ALL, and at this point I was so angry at AK for being annoying as all hell and at him for smirking like Satan's little bitch that I fled to the girl's bathroom and tried very hard not to cry. I did anyway.

Well, I make it to where my eyes look bloodshot but not moist and camp out in the back of the store away from the rest of the employees. It was the section I was supposed to scan, anyway, so I figured I might as well start out there,

Anyway, thirty minutes later we finally get the computers working, and inventory starts....then the computers freeze again, and inventory stops. So then it was all heavy lifting and wrist aching as we cleaned up and went home from an utterly horrible, failed night.

I hate them. And I have to work with the Mini-MOD on Sunday. I hope he either realizes he made me cry by then, cuz I think he suspects, or I get over it. Maybe both. But then again, if he knew for sure, he'd just make fun of me.

AAH! Scottish men (or man) work at Saturn!!

<3!> "I have to ask. What are you doing?"< / a c c e n t > And I was all "Playin a game, yo." (Only not.)

Well, anyway, he was all impressed because <> "I didn't think girls played those kind of games." < / a c c e n t > I just smiled sweetly and thought back to the Fantasy Shop encounter.

Then this other dude walks by and goes "That's an awesome laptop. Numberpad. Yes. I envy you." And I was all like, "why thank you" and <>. Only no.

< / s t u p i d i t y >

This was the most amazingly bad night of my life. And by life I meant week. ((I said week in my head. I did.)) Here is a simple list of everything that went wrong:

1) Fam and I had yet another "miscommunication" about the hotel thing. In other words, when I said "Look, here's the hotel and the dates I want, all you have to do is call this number and give them some money for me while I'm working tonight", I obviously meant "These hotels are too expensive. Let's find three new ones for $50 a night in a different fucking city. So guess what I had to do tonight, boys and girls? Yeah. My biggest beef with this was while I was underlining the SPECIFIC ROOM we wanted, I was asking her "So, you know you will be BOOKING this, right?" And she rolled her eyes at me. I figured I was being a bitch and did not try to pound it into her head any further. ((Serves me right.))

2) Unc made me cry in public again tonight. Fam took it as a personal affront when I mentioned that I was stressed out my the whole trip planning thing and stormed away from the dinner table. Unc then proceeded to upbraid me about it, saying that I needed to stop fighting with her, "It is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen"....etc. Fam then returns and begins yelling at me about it despite my request to continue the conversation in a non-public place when I did not feel like skeweringherintheeyewithmyundercookedgreenbeans.

3) My mahi-mahi was undercooked and there was bacon in my potato soup.

4) MiniFam was out in public again, which meant disapproving stares as she ran about the room wildly poking people and grinning through her paci. Fam was, of course, too busy reprimading me for crying quietly at the table to notice this.

5) I made hotel reservations only in order to discover that you must be 19 to be in the hotel. Waited on hold for twenty minutes to find out that if Unc calls, they'll probably let us stay anyway. So now I have to get HIM to do something. JEEEZ.

6) Fam said, and I quote "Hey, this will really top your night. I spoke the the architect about adding on to our house, and he says we'll need to move out from May to July."

And what is THAT shit?! Fam and Unc have this GREAT idea to travel as a family for three months! NO!! NONONONONONONO!! This is my summer before college! I was basically planning on staying home and chilling, but no! I have to fucking go up to where I'll be spending the next eight months in two months early with the Damily and away from my friends, who are the only real reason I'm sad to be leaving in the fall? AWW, Hell no. They can go where they want. I'll just uh, tent in the front yard. Alone.

I mean really. Why the hell do we need the add-ons? And why the hell does it have to affect me?! I certainly don't care if we have two more guest bedrooms! And neither do the guests we will n e v e r b e h o s t i n g !!

Fam was right. That really WAS the culmination of my night.

7) Philosophy paper. I just want to fucking kill something right now. And I'm so sleepy. Less than four hours sleep, nearly no food, and a three-mile walk are not conducive to lucidity. But they evidenly increase my vocabulary.

HAHAHA!!!!!!!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Who is that, running amidst the plains! It is Wren, hands clutching a studded crowbar! And with a gutteral scream, her voice cometh: "I'm going to beat you until you are hot and bothered!!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

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The Raichle Bathroom As It Is

It seemed like a gorgeous idea in my head. When she said "slipper" bathtub, I pictured that beautiful wooden, high-backed, clawfooted, utterly gigantic tub from Secretary (go watch that movie now.) When she said stone floors, I pictured irregularly shaped and spaced cobbling, and somehow in my head it was tasteful. I think it was because I added in lots of plants, steam, a birdcage, and about 20 extra feet of space. And it matched whatever bold color the walls would be.

What did I end up with? Grey floors, salmon-colored walls, brown and beige towels. Gold tub fixtures mixed with brass towel rods. Did she think it wasn't going to be noticable? And, for some reason, a green floor mat. Green.

The tub is not wooden. It is porcelain and really FREAKING COLD ON YOUR BACK. It is not high-backed, so you have to slouch, and it's too short for you to stretch out and really relax in. It is not claw-footed. There is air in the pipes, so when you drain it, it makes a deafening gurgling noise that reverberates throughout the whole stony interior. Finally, it is terrifying to get out of. I don't know why. it just is. You simply feel like you're g o n n a d i e.

I don't know what went wrong. This is the bathroom people are going to SEE! Why make it the odd one??

I think it's cuz Fam picked the tile and Unc chose the wall color and they collaborated later and decided they didn't care.

I wish they'd have asked me.

Satire, baby

So, I just wrote my satire. Well, last night I did. I'm doing the finishing touches now. But I just wanted to say that my wireless internet works in the kitchen and my room, but NOT in the study. I think The Uber Machine has a bad sense of humor.

Guess WHAT boys and girls?!!!

Alright. So I had the LDB all ready to come over and help me out with the frigging internet for my laptop, right? Well, it turns out he couldn't come over "because the roads are too bad" ((::sigh:: moms))... but it's all good. It worked out in the end and saved me from looking like a TOTAL DUMBASS.

Cuz guess what? I had Tiny One over, and I was showing her how it wasn't working....and the Stupid Little Fucker (which is what I named my wireless connection last night) decided to work. As I was saying "See?!! It's not working!!" WHABAM! Yahoo! I was so pissed.

So this is the first entry typed from my laptop. I'm currently getting used to the kayboard and downloading AIM.

Something off of a Bath and Body Works room spray bottle

Native American legend states that Grandmother Earth so loved the cedar tree that she gave it a soul-soothing aroma.

Quite a few things bother me about this:

1) Its Bath and Body Works and in my house. They use animal testing. Bastards.

2) They don't state what Native American tribe. That is so frigging generic.

3) GRANDmother Earth?!! Who's her kid?

4) How the fuck do the asshats in advertising know this?

5) "aroma" is a food word. Dinner has an aroma. A ceder tree has a "scent". I hear aroma, I think about how edible the tree smells.

6) The scent isn't strong enough to overpower the stench of the peeflowers Fam insists must be grown in the bathroom and the kitchen each winter.

Also. I think I am a resident in the only house that has a paper shredder and does NOT do business work at home. Am I wrong? It just seems like such a ridiculous and WRETCHED thing to have in the study with me. I mean, it's perched on it's own trash can. We don't even STORE it.

And the trash can is empty.

My life just flashed before my eyes

Sometimes I wonder what I'll be like when I'm an adult. Then I see Unc get angry, throw a TV remote, stomp up the steps, and slam three doors. And I figure I'll be pretty much the same as I am now. Depressing.