My, my, my...

Don DUMBsfeld

Have two takers for the spaghetti squash. That now means I only have 12 of them instead of 15. But what am I going to do with the 5 crookneck (butternut, LMAO) squash??

Bless Batman, O World, for what she hath done my locker. And let me say for the record how impressed people have been with the centered-ness of the pictures. Well taken, m'dear. Well taken indeed. You have inspired me to keep my locker clean.

I'm going to go back to my CD making/ dance spree now.

::EDIT 5:41 PM::

more fun with Fam and the computer
fam: go make copies of these.
me: You do know we can do that here, right?
fam: with the scanner?
me: yep. It has a copy function.
fam: but doesn't that take up a lot of memory?
me: ::waiting::
fam: I don't know.
(me: you're right, you don't.)

later

me: You realize that even when my story was 300 pages it only took up 200-odd k, right? Documents take up almost no space.
fam: ::pissy::I know nothing about computers.
(me: Documents good. Small things. No hurty computer.)

I love the way she always takes it personally when something with the computer comes up. XD It makes life more fun.

And a small example of how the brain of a child works:
fam: "Let's go to Target"
MFam: "I want to see the toy section."
Fam: "We're not going to get anything."
MFam: "But I can just look!"
Fam: "Only if you just look."
MFam: "Maybe I'll find something I like."
Fam: "You weren't nice today, so you don't deserve a toy.

::pause::
MFam: "I'm nice now."
Fam: "Uh-huh. No toy. Let's go."
MFam: "I want a toy!"
Fam: "Would you like to tell me why you haven't felt like being nice recently.... ::out door::
Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...."


::FINAL EDIT::

Proud of self. Did peg H/W and plant H/W, so for Student Assistant tomorrow I'll only have two easy math problems to do. Then I can devote the rest of my hour to reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and taking notes. Serious notes. I'm gonna have to pay attention so I can get the most out of that book. So good. SOOO GOOOD.

plantsplantsplantsplants.

Very plant-ful day today. Batman offered me a bat plant...and if she can get more than one to grow I shall take it, though they sound like they are hard to care for. Very odd/pretty/menacing though, don't you think? Yes, that IS a flower.

I planted a few new things today in the greenhouse at school: Catnip (must try the catnip tea. must.), Moon and Star Watermelon, my Virgin's Bower (bwahahaha), and one little row of Empress of India Nasturtiums. So my garden so far this year will consist of:

Chamomile
Fennel
Gloriosa Daisies
Dianthus
Lavender (and then some!)
Dill (one.)
Crookneck Squash
Spaghetti Squash
A plant that is either a cucumber or a melon plant
pepper (for pots. I will have many pots this year.)

Those that are sprouting:
Virgin's Bower
Climbing nightshade
All the ones I listed above

Those that are the old vetrans:
Chocolate Mint
Alyssum
English Thyme
Oregano (not sage!)
Lavender and Chamomile (my lord)

Crap! Where am I going to PUT it all?

Anyone want anything from lists one or two? Please? Take-y take-y??

My seeds came!!!

...now they just need to GROW. I am very impatient.

::EDIT 4:40 PM::
1)clean my room. well, mostly.
2)unpack.
3)do the Japanese test.
4)do the Japanese worksheet.
5)find my Philosophy binder and read it for a few hours. I need highlighters!!!!
6)find this math worksheet.
7)watch Labyrinth. Again. Just the good parts!!

That is yesterday's list. I have managed to check of a pathetically small amount of it in the hours I have been awake today. Ah well. Progress on the side lists, though! They are getting longer!!!

...ya know, I love the way my family breaks the Entity and then expects moi to solve all of its problems. A few quotes from Fam:

on the major issue
me: "The computer is still messed up."
fam: "no, it's not."
me: "Oh, really. Then why is it running so slow?"
fam: "The computer guy said it's trying to run too many processes."
::I check the processess. 38. RIIIGHT. About half of them are evil::
me: "No, the problem is all the spyware and the four viruses we have. Which, might I add, are all still on there, despite the happy computer guy."
fam: "Maybe the computer guy didn't know he was supposed to remove the spyware." ((::smacks forehead:: what?!! He's a COMPUTER GUY!!!))

on the sound (or lack therof) that messed up while I was on break
me: "Alright. These are the settings you need. Stereo, and digital din. That's what you need to get sound."
fam: ::pushes button and changes my settings:: "So it will work if I turn on Dolby, right? Do we need it on Dolby?"
me: ::sighs:: "No. "

every time something goes wrong
fam: "Let's just re-start the computer and see if it will work then."

e-mail
fam: "I can't get into AOL."
me: "Is it freezing?"
fam: "No...I just don't get all my options. Look."
me: ::after watching:: "here's an idea. Next time try clicking the AOL icon instead of internet explorer."
fam: "What does that do?"
me: "Loads AOL."
fam: "But I can get it from here."
me: "Suit yourself."

Unc
unc: "hey, the computer's running slow. Can I install all my games on your laptop??"
me: "You are NOT TOUCHING IT. EVER. You sick bastard. Go back to the ruined glory machine."

Why I Am Happy Today

I got to talk to Batman, have lunch with Yellow Card, watch a movie with Fro, and make fun of Fam. Saving the plant and restoring my tree was nice, too. And now, Labyrinth!!

Back in the Grind

Found a brave little plant today in the street trying to eke out a living in some rotten leaves. Took it inside and put it in a nice big pot. We shall see if it lives. Poor little thing. It was so cute out there in the rain, dangerously close to a pool of Fros' engine coolant/oil/we're not sure, maybe both.

Not ready for school tomorrow. To be ready, I shall have to do several things:
1)clean my room.
2)unpack.
3)do the Japanese test.
4)do the Japanese worksheet.
5)find my Philosophy binder and read it for a few hours.
6)find this math worksheet.

As you can see, I'm screwed. But at least there are cookies waiting.

::EDIT 6:23 PM::
7) Watch Labryinth. Again.

EDIT 6:55 PM::
THINGS FAM DOES THAT ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF ME
1) Washes new crystal glasses in the dishwasher and bitches for the next three days about how they broke.
2) Tells me to clean up the "disgusting dirt ring" 'I left' in the tub. ((because I refused to pay for the chair "we" broke over MY thigh.-- I relate to you, Ron.))
3) Forgets all my guy friend's names.
4) We have five laundry baskets- three nice, two crappy ones with holes and rips and stuff. She always puts my laundry in a crappy one and sets it in my room on the rug. That has to be some sort of taboo.
5) Along this line: If I leave my laundry downstairs for any length of time she always throws my clean back in with my dirty....then puts it in my room on the rug in a crappy basket.
6) She opens my mail. Then she gets pissed if I point out she just committed a felony.
7) Two words: Financial Aid.
8) One word: Money. As in how much she spends on me. Any amount is too much, it seems.
9) Forces me to get rid of my dog and then won't let me get a new pet.
10) She makes all my new socks disapppear. I'm going to start labeling them with Sharpie and stealing them back from her drawers in covert missions.
11) I'll stop now and get back to checking off items on the other, important list above.

::FINAL EDIT::
Pardon me while I use this to organize my brain.

what have I gotten done so far off the list?
1)clean my room. well, mostly.
2)unpack.
3)do the Japanese test.
4)do the Japanese worksheet.
5)find my Philosophy binder and read it for a few hours.
6)find this math worksheet.
7)watch Labyrinth. Again.

OK. So that leaves me homework. Crap. I wonder if tomorrow is a day 1...

I also need the following for my sanity's sake:
1) File box to organize all my papers in. Tax stuff, college stuff, credit stuff.
2) Laundry hamper.
3) A new place for the Random Junk Box of Wren's Junk.
4) Re-organize my closets and find a place for my linens.
5) Get all my stuff off the Entity and onto the Uber-machine. That way I can rest easy knowing at least I'M not making that thing's issues worse.

Ok. That last list is going on the sidebar. Otherwise it will never help me.

Home at Last

Twelve hours, four dead dogs by the roadside, two major obstacles: large truck with blinking arrow, and hellish rainstorm.

I have never been so glad to be on the sex rug in my life.

All my exploits in Pensacola are posted below as a lovely sleep aid for you all.

My Face is Dry and Wants to Peel

Somehow sunburned random portions of my body yesterday. The damage isn't too bad, but now I think I'm gonna have funky tan lines when we go clubbing tonight. Oh well, oh well, oh well. It will keep all the strange evil guys away. All three of them.

Speaking of wanting to talk to people, randomly called Yellow Card last night after he accidentally called Tiny One's cell looking for his sister. Yeah. I told him he should be proud because he managed to make an ass out of himself to a person who is states away. Then I felt bad and told him I'd pay for his movie ticket when we went with his friend Shane. (I don't know the guy, so I have no qualms about using his real name.) It was only after I got off the phone that I remembered he owes me $50.

Today we're just gonna relax and do some laundry and try to get that freaky smell out of the hotel room. BWHAHAHA.

::EDIT 6:35 PM::

Well, here we are. Rose and I are getting ready to go out for a night of wild clubbing or whatever. She's yelling something in the bathroom and I'm trying not to hear her. =) I mean, I can't actually make out the words, and I'd rather she open the door and tell me than me go ask what she wants.

So dinner tonight, then the club. Agh, there are probably gonna be a lot of people, and now I'm all like I don't want to go, yo. But I'll have a lot of fun. I'm just not sure I look good, I guess. Even though all of you idiots would probably say I look like a total hottie. I do. I know that. I just like having those moments of self-consciousness that are brought on by spaghetti strap shirts+ no bra + odd sunburn lines that have been blended with base to look normal now but will probably die later.

I'll edit this once more when I get back to the hotel, ya?

::FINAL EDIT::
Phineas Phogg. Not PHLOG.

Yes, I Too Am Amazed By Me

Yesterday went to Peg Leg Pete's. I discovered that I like snow crab. I also left my shades there. GRAA. But, the good news is we tipped our waiter a ton and I think he thought we were funny, so when we go back to get T-shirts and more snow crab there is a slight chance that they'll be there.

Hmmm. I am debating trying to do a twelve hour drive straight back into STL.

::EDIT AM AFTER SHOWER::

Yeah. We'll be in Friday night instead of Saturday afternoon. We're decided the drive is worth getting back a day early. And, that will ::sigh:: get me back in time to work on my Philosophy paper.

I wonder if my seeds came yet.

I can't wait to get started on The Hat.

We're gonna go to the Gulfarium today!! WHEEEEEEEEEE!! And then I think tomorrow we're gonna have lunch at Peg Leg Pete's again. Tonight is dinner on a waterfront restaurant. No clue what the daytime activity for tomorrow will be. Possibly getting Tiny One situated for the night, since she's not going dancing at Balloon Works. I'm gonna see if she wants a movie from Blockbuster.

The BBuster here is IMMACULATE. I asked the dude if it was new, and he was all like "nope, it's old".and I wanted to ask him if it was older than '91. It was just so...PERFECT. The shelves weren't ghetto... agh. And I caught myself straightening coverboxes.

I miss everybody. Can't wait to see SLAM, and am dying to talk to Batman and Yellow Card. I also would like to see how Biker is doing. I think I'll drop by on Sat and bring her a smoothie or something.

And Last Night I Was Staggering Along the Beach and Fell Off a Ledge!

It was really more like allowing gravity to give me a tour of the lower edge of a hill of sand. Nothing spectacular, mind you. Though Rose did almost commandeer a lost pair of Birkenstocks.

Not sure what we're going to do yet today. Bought a new outfit last night at some odd department store called McRae's in Pensacola's small and utterly depressing mall. Evidently the monster that is Westfield has not made it to Pensacola yet. Maybe there is still hope?

Things we have left to do: Club (hence new outfit), zoo, gulfarium, Rose's massage.

::EDIT 3:27 PM::

Well, back from the zoo. It's technically the Gulf Breeze Zoo, but it's not in Gulf Breeze, and once you get there they just call it The Zoo. Funny thing is, calling it THE zoo is pretty presumptuous. I know I've been spoiled by the STL Zoo, but we made it through this cute little thing in less than three hours. However, it did have several good points.

1) I GOT CLOSE TO THE BIG CATS!! OH MY GOD, THEY WERE RIGHT THERE!!
2) They had ocelots and caracals. AWW.
3) I got to feed a baby gazelle.

But, they did name their camel Hank and their giraffe Gabby. The hell.

HMMMM. Tonight I may watch Clue.

Hee hee. I got Batman a pres-net now, too. But I can't quite talk myself out of getting a hermit crab. Yet. I really shouldn't do it. But...

Oh My God, They Killed Kenny!

((You bastards.)) Man, my fave South Park episode is STILL Starvin Marvin in Space, just for the Marklars. Sadly, very few people seem to remember it.

I'm writing this in Pensacola, FL, using Word because THIS stupid hotel is the only one on the entire beach that doesn't have data ports in every room. So, this won't get posted until I get back.

What have I done so far? Frisbee in the sand, swam in the pool, laid on the beach, went shopping and got SLAM a pres-net, AK a revenge pres-net, and mini-MOD a hat. He has no idea what's in store for him. Hopefully once this whole hat incident is over he will know better than to say really dumb things to me--just in case I take them seriously again.
BWAHAHA.

People I still have to get things for:
1) Ms. Batgirl
2) Poor Biker. All of us wonder how she is doing. I hope her surgery went well and she can be back to eating solids soon.

Things I still have to get people for:
1) Please, God. What are we going to do with all this alcohol?!!
2) Hermit crab.

Hey. Two things on the first list. Two things on the second. Coincidence?

Yeah, I think so.

Things I still have to do to myself:
1) Get tongue pierced.
2) I am so dumb.

Today we go to Sam's Fun City. It's an amusement park, and it has laser (lazer) tag.
Eventually we want to go parasailing/ jet skiing, and other things.

Argh

Well, I feel pretty sad right now. I invited Fam and Unc out to breakfast tomorrow before we leave, and, well...they're not going. Unc seemed pissed that I even asked, especially since it was "on such short notice". Well, he decided he couldn't make it because he had to go to court, and he didn't really feel like getting up a little bit earlier so he WOULD have time. So much for me trying.

I want to cry.

Why I am considering eating lead instead of going home

Yes, O Super-Sentient Reader, I am experiencing pre-Road Trip Stress. But it's not the "Oh God, I'm driving for twelve hours!" kind. Can you guess what it is? Family? Why yes! You get a cookie!

Well, I think the only way to go about this is to present to you a complete timeline of all the crap, so you cans see how many times the plans have changed. So then, hopefully, after reading this you will be a) as confused as I am, and b) as sick of dealing with it as I am. XD

OCTOBER:
Perhaps you remember this post a long time back when I was up in Seattle. It's a brief gush about how happy I am that Unc OK'd be going on a senior trip. I briefly worry about how Fam will take it, and say that I plan to ask in December.

DECEMBER:
I don't mention it, but this is the night when I go out to that most unsatisfying dinner and bring it up to Unc again. He tells me what he's willing to do for the trip.
1) He doesn't want us driving, so he'll fly me and three other girls.
2) Anywhere in the US. Possibly Cancun, too.
3) He pays for tickets, we pay for everything once we get there. We assume this includes hotel.
So I gleefully tell Rose, Tiny One, and Biker the news. Since Fam was away from the dinner table (off killing herself with nocotine), she didn't know who was paying.

JANUARY:
We decided to go to O'Ahu. Here's my note to tell him. LOL, it's un-necessary to click that, but I found it, so wash-haw.

But, Unc decides to change the rules. It is now anywhere in the continental US. And no Cancun. So it's back to the drawing board. So the negotiations begin anew.

FEBRUARY:
We decide to go to Pensacola, FL for our trip.

After a lot of negotiation, I am allowed to drive instead of fly. Unc agrees to pay for the gas, and in a burst of goodwill, all of the hotel for us. He also says that if I'm good he'll hand over some spending money.

Fam, of course, has no idea. Every time I try to discuss it she'd like "You can't drive, we won't pay, blah-de-blah..." and then Unc will get pissed, etc.

Here's when I made the mistake of asking Fam to help me make hotel reservations.

MARCH:
I have singlehandedly made all of our hotel reservations and planned the most basic itenerary for the trip. I have estimates on gas prices and solid hotel rates. I go to Unc and tell him how much I need.

His response? "I never said I'd pay for gas."

Oh yes he did. OH, YESHEDID. So we argue for a while and he's like "well, I'll give you a hundred dollars. You pay the rest."

TODAY: I tell Fam I need a chack for the trip money. I want it in my account so I can make sure I have access to all the funds when I need them. She tells me to call Unc and talk to HIM about it.

So I do. I tell him how much it will be, and I say, partially as a joke "And the good news is, I saved up a lot of money, so you won't have to give me any spending money."

His pissy retort: "I'm paying for your TRIP."
The humor fades. "I know, it was kind of a joke."
"What are you talking about?"
"Earlier you told me you'd give me spending money. I'm telling you I don't need any, and that I'll be fine."
Here he laughs really hard.
"You're getting spending money. I'm sending you there."
::on the verge of tears:: "I'll talk to you Friday before I go."

In summary:

At first all I wanted was and OK for the trip. Then, in December, he says he'll fly us anywhere in the US. On him. It was his offer; I did not ask. Then, in January, he tells us only the Continental US. Ok, fine. We decide we'd rather drive, he says he'll pay for gas. We figure out where we want to go in February, and he says he'll pay for all of our hotel. We were originally hoping he'd split it with us. Again, we did not ASK for any of this. He also said he might give me some extra money to blow.

So then this month he decides he never said he'd pay for gas, even though that's what he was originally willing to cover. But we work that out, even though he's a bit pissy, and Fam glares at me the entire time.

Then today, with the "stop asking me for more money" incident. They make me feel like a totally worthless financial leech, and when you look at it it was all at first HIS idea.

Next time I am drawing up a fucking contract and getting it notarized. This whole thing has made me feel like an absolutely awful person. And stressed, too.

So the moral, boys and girls? Every time it's time for me to go home, I sink into a funk and resist the urge to kill them all.

I did thank him for the trip, tho. Despite all the hell it's been planning it, I am very glad he didn't forget that he offered to pay at all.

This is fantastic!

"Poor woman, I've only been watching her for about forty-five minutes and I've already charged her as a murderer. It usually takes twice that long."

-Ms. Batgirl

Oh, man!

Well, I got home from work. I didn't even need to kill anyone. I must admit that I enjoy staying over at Tiny One's house. Since it's just a block away from my work, I can go "home" to eat, and it takes two (very freaking cold) seconds to drive back come closing time.

Ah, what to do tonight? Type up the info for my BELLADONNA project, you say? Good idea.

Also need to figure out what kind of hat to get the Mini-MOD. And what sort of odd object to present to AK. Also promised MOD-sama that I would tranq some hot girl in a bikini and keep her under the whole way home. He also suggested I just club her over the head and drag her off my her hair. I told him that if I had to do it that way that I was going to impersonate him.

Tee hee. I miss my Buddha fish. These are not related.

::sigh:: I also have to find Unc a T-shirt.

TODO LIST FOR TOMORROW:
(so's you all know to keep the fuck away from me)
1) Field trip. Ethics convention. I know, how odd. I will be stretching and morphing the moral fabric of young foolish boys everywhere.
2) Write paper. Beg Biker to edit it.
3) Rewrite paper.
4) Get Unc to fork over the trip money. I want it in my bank acct early so I can be SURE the funds will be available.
5) Study for Japanese test.
6) Take Rugbitchy's photo.
7) Cutty-pasty belladonna stuff onto posterboard. Tiny One is asleep, so I don't want to wake her up with any unpleasant odors right now. IE rubber cement. (Sicko.)
8) Find time to hang out with SLAM. fuuuuuuuuuuuck!! ::sob:: why, God?
9) Study for Plants and People test.
10) Drink much vodka.
11) Regret it.

I'm exhausted already.

Why I Want a Belladonna Plant in my Room

Look! There it is, just happily peeking out the window!!
Tee Hee!

And more! Oooooh, it's coming to get you!!
RAAAA!!!

More

I don't know what to do with myself today. I've had a royal attack of angst. I realized today that I have two more months of the pointlessness that is school to get through, and I don't even have enough willpower to make it through two days of it. Funny thing is, I need to make it through at least four. But the thought of four more days of school makes me want to cry.

I'm just so sick of it. I don't want to get up and do the same thing every morning, go to the same classes, come home and do the same pointless homework, and listen to the same stupid babble from Fam. I don't want to do presentations on belladonna or program calculators or write papers on why we should be good/ the satirization of the overimportance appearance is given while judging character in Pride and Prejudice. Mostly I don't want to live in this house anymore. I'm considering sleeping in the treehouse; I have no issues when I'm outside. It's just when I'm indoors. This whole damn place makes me claustrophobic now.

Funny thing about me being sick of routine, though? It's never going to change. Whatever I do with my life, it will always turn into the same-ol, same-ol. So what am I doing getting all upset NOW? Why am I setting myself up for even more anxiety later on?

That's the problem: It's not hard to KNOW things will never change, and that my life is destined to be routine. It's another thing entirely to realize it's actually true.

Denial of fate. Heh. Go me.

::sigh::

This day hath sucked. There has been no high point.

But I did find out that Unc will be shelling out a total of $800 for us to go down to Pensacola. That's 100 for gas (I cover the rest, evidently, but we should be fine) and 700 for hotel. We cover all food and other expenses.

Now I'm wondering if it's even worth all the crap I've had to put up with to get us there.

One more thing before I "beat the burlap"

A quote from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance:

"All the time we are aware of millions of things around us...but not really conscious of them unless there is something unusual or unless they reflect something we are predisposed to see. We take a handful of sand from the endless landscape of awareness around us and call that handful of sand the world."

-p. 69

Do you know how sad this makes me feel?

HMPH

Game night is now over. Despite what Tiny One seems to think, I had a lot of fun. I love Moods best of all the games, which is a bit sad, because I think it was the least favorite of the night (except possibly Cranium). I think I like it the best because it is relatively uncompetitive. There's no major strategy involved, there are no teams; no one is really counting on you for anything. It's a lot like gambling, too, with the chips. And the better you know the person you're playing with, the easier it is to tell the mood they are trying to convey. I think it would be great to get a room of total strangers together and force them to play this game. It might help establish the necessary vibes needed to form an empathetic relationship. (hee. I used vibe and empathetic in the same sentence ((sentance))!).

Something else I decided tonight, besides the fact that our tap water tastes funny again: I'm not a big game person. When I was growing up I didn't have any kids to compete with. I didn't have many friends, and I preferred reading or going for a walk to playing games or sports. I wasn't a loser; I was just picky about who I hung out with. I think now that has hurt me, because I get easily frustrated and upset when I am playing group games or other things like that. I always feel bad if I get something wrong because I feel that I have personally let everyone down and made them unhappy, and we all know it is my personal duty to keep everyone happy ::cue bitterness::.

So even though I can do well in social situations, there is always this little part of me that wants to hide off in a corner, leave...not show up at all. I don't think people realize that it stresses me out to be in public or in large groups of people. I like hanging out with a small group, or just being alone.

But when I'm alone, I'm usually lonely. So I can't win.

This may explain my constant headaches.

(Those last two lines were jokes, guys.)

What a Day!!

I spent a good part of it outside doing preliminary work in the garden. I say THE garden because I have the feeling it is the only one our poor house is going to have this year. I know Fam has no plans to visit and work on it. This makes me want to cultivate mine even more. The idea of having the back yard ALL TO MYSELF is very appealing. Yes, I know there will be the workmen, etc, and that the garden will be screwed when I go off to college, but maybe I can get one of my underclassmen green-thumb friends to care for it for me. I'll be sure to tell them which ones are poisonous. Specially the Virgin's Bower, since it excretes that skin irritant sap.

I was happy that so many of my plants survived the winter. I have several little vetrans now, and am quite pleased. I was a bad mommy, but they made it through anway. So this year I am going to make them a lot of happy friends. My lavender plant made it, two of my English Thyme did, one of my sage, an alyssum, two chamomile, and the root systems of my orange and spearmint. Sadly, no chocolate mint made it through. So I am treating the roots like cuttings, and hopefully I will soon have new mint plants to take care of properly this time so they don't run amuk.

Found a baby-sitter for Edessa, my orchid, and Felipe, my mini-palm. They will be in good hands when I am in Pensacola.

Less than a week until Pensacola!!! AAAAAAAAAAH!! There's still so much to plan!!!

I love this!

::EDIT 6:24 PM::
Fixed my commenting system. I might change the main font now, too, since I've gotten complaints from two complete strangers. I never knew people actually READ this. Now I feel ashamed for polluting Blogger users with my stupidity.

Climbing Nightshade

I also bought these

Spiny Thingies Climb on Stuff and Burn Your Skin with Their Sap

This would look great in my room

It Would Hide My Hypothetical Goldfish From Bob

A New Goal

I must buy new plants. I wants them. I needs them. What is them?

1) A venus flytrap. Of course. Who can resist??!
2) A maple bonsai. It goes with my Room-ma.
3) An Atropa belladonna plant. I just need to make sure Fam never learns that it is poisonous. And probably tell my room-mate that it IS, because they bear fruit.

EDIT 9:43 PM

Well, the damage is done. I found a Wiccan supply site and ordered some Belladonna seeds. Soon I will be attempting to grow a very dangerous, very pretty plant.

A BIT ABOUT BELLADONNA:
Named "Atropos" for the Fate that cuts the thread of life. "Bella Donna", Italian for fair/pretty lady. Supposedly used to be used to dialate the eyes and make you look more sexy.

Very poisonous, which is sad because the shiny black berries are evidently very sweet. Leaves, roots, everything can kill you. If your hands are abraded or cut it is not recommended that you touch this plant. It has lovely purple flowers and large, sometimes hairy leaves. Supposedly grows fine potted indoors, which makes it perfect for my purposes. Which is not, despite SK's worries, to poison all of you. Or Bob.

I hate myself. I sneezed blood. I'm just glad I had a tissue.

Thought of the Morning

Cosmo Girl's cover story? "the fun way to get a rock hard body: these intense moves really work!" If it was just regular Cosmo I'd assume the "intense, great workout" was to fuck at least three times a day in various recommended positions, especially their (probably patented) Electric Butterfly.

Man. See what happens when I allow myself to have a relaxing morning? Well, the truth is that I have no clean clothes, so I'm waiting for them to dry. If I leave home by 7:30, I can get Tiny One to school on time, grab the Environmental Club binder, and head off to Hixson to try to sucker young idiots into loving trees.

I may have overbooked my day again. I don't have enough willpower to get my full license, find a bathing suit I don't hate, go out to lunch, study for a Japanese test, and play pool later on. I just kinda wanna sleep, actually, but that could just be because it's only seven AM or so.

I tried to eat breakfast, but discovered I'm not very hungry, so I had hot darjeeling tea, an orange, and three thin mints. I'll hate myself in an hour.

I've been eating lots of thin mints recently. I should work out today, too.

Damn it. Where is all my motivation? How can I be a model for Ms. Batgirl to learn by if I kep on saying things like this where she can read? ; ) We're all human, dahling. That's my disclaimer.

I hate this layout, too. But soon I shall tweak it and be temporarily satisfied. I just want a piccy, damn it.

I wonder if my jeans are dry yet. Heh. Reminds me of that post a long time back about the Happy Shower Dude.

Yet Another Installment of Existentialist Bullshit

Today I have decided that everyone ends up alone. No matter how many friends they have, no matter how articulate they are, they feel utterly alone. I don't know what it is about the human brain that keeps us from feeling understood. It's like the cerebral cortex is a massive maze, and we have so much trouble sorting out who WE are within it that we assume no one else can do it, either. It makes sense. If I don't know me, how can anyone else? Where can they even begin if I can't give them a clue?

It's amazing and quite a bit sad. I wonder why humans are built to be such separate entities. Why we have so many invisible barriers between ourselves and everyone else. We're trapped inside our own body, and everyone else around us is in the same situation. All stuck inside the bars of language and thought...(what a trite way to say it. Good grief.) And we're just trying to figure out why we want to cry even when we're in a room full of our friends.

Is there a single person out there who doesn't feel like this? I don't feel it all the time. But sometimes, when I'm looking at the people I know, these people who I wish I could make understand what I'm really trying to say, no matter how happy I am I just feel so lonely, so lost. But it makes those rare moments when I look at someone and think "wow, they actually understand," they understand what I mean, underneath whatever I'm saying, when they connect on that most basic of all levels....The loneliness is worth it just to make those times feel even better. Heh. So all my bitter tears at night are validated when I find that I am on the same page as somebody else.

Soon, Soon...

Currently sick of this layout. Plan to overhaul the entire damn thing tonight. I'm sick of my archive bar crapping out on me. Bastardized crappy thing.

::EDIT 8:25 PM::
Well, this is an improvement. I'll keep tweaking with it later, but for now, it's time to go showaaaaaaaaaah!

This could have been the night of Hell

...but it wasn't. All the pieces were there, they just didn't click. Over the course of the night our computers froze and restarted seven times, forcing us to do half of our tansactions manually and invent a tax rate. Despite this, our drawer was only 9 cents off. Then, I found out that I still have a manager's password from Hell Day on Friday, and I found out AFTER I checked movies out to AK that I can get us points off on the audit. But then again, Rugbitchy does it all the time, so maybe it's not all that bad after all.

Anyway, the point is that the computers were trying to bring me down. And they failed. Damn, I'm tired!

Tee Hee

I amuse far too easily. For example, I was in hysterics over a recent away message of mine:


(__|__)


Simply that. No text. Just bum. See, my thing was I knew if I IMed someone/ checked their profile and THAT came up that I would feel very violated and offended. And, other people's reactions were pretty interesting, too.

BWAHAHA. Leave it to me to have a bad iconic butt make me giggle in the shower.

. . .

My brain is dead. UUUUGH!

EDIT 3:45 PM
It stayed dead for the entire day, too. That Cat's Eye novel is really getting to me. Aside from typing almost two pages of that Pride and Prejudice extra chapter assignment in 5th hour and forcing myself to watch my math teacher talk to herself out loud for the whole hour in 7th, I just read that book all day. And I have a surprisingly small amount of homework, regardless. Just more project to type. And uh...vocab and hotel.

I'm, uh....gonna go read. It calls to me.

I am so bitter at the world right now. Today I figured out that my computers are actually networked and that I can move files from one to the other sans CD-Rs, etc....But the Ubermachine and the Entity do not get along. It's because the Entity is very sick and neglected. And has a very short attention span.

SO anyway. This whole employee pick thing is turning into a bigger mess than I thought originally. At least Ms. Batgirl's here to commiserate with me.

EDIT 9:38 PM
Things To Do
1) homework? whatever.
2) Call Yellow Card and see if he wants to play pool with me and Rose.
3) See what city is 3/4 of the way between Pensacola and here and book a hotel.
4) Order a replacement Buddha fish. ::sigh:: Why didn't the Darwin fall off? It was the less cool of the two...

I feel better now.

I Need to Find My Equilibrium

I once told Ms. Batgirl that my goal in life is to foster a sense of disequilibrium in everyone around me. I did not, however, want to include MYSELF in that goal. I need to find my happy medium, sit down, and stay there indefinitely.

If you can't tell, this is shaping up to be a pretty bad day. The three people I desperately want to talk to about it, tho, are not online, so I'm shut up in my room, letting my disappointment fester. See, I got home from inventory at 4:45 AM and promptly collapsed into bed, and the day has been all downhill from there. I was just drifting off to sleep when I heard Fam wake up and go into the kitchen. Once there, she began to UNLOAD THE DISHWASHER. IT WAS 5 AM. W H A T T H E H E L L ! She wasn't even attempting to do it quietly. Cabinets were slamming, dishes were crashing to the floor, etc. So I drag my tired ass out of bed, resenting every cell in her body because she had gotten a full night's rest while I was off messing up my wrists some more, open my door, and say as politely as my brain would allow: "Could you wait until a less ungodly hour of the morning to clean the kitchen?"

A moment of silence. Then, slightly miffed: "I was done, anyway."

Riiiiight. I slump back into bed and am woken up by my alarm at 10AM. I get up, get ready to go over to hang with Fro, God, SLAM, and Mr. 7-7-7. SLAM comes to pick me up, and we drop by my work to get some soda. MOD-sama is working, and he is pissed. So he tells me yes, I do have to come in, but he doesn't necessarily want me to ruin my day, so not to come in at two. He's mad because he's opening alone on a Saturday morning the day after inventory. And I do not blame him. So I told him I'd be in around three.

Well, then off to God and Fro's. We hang out for a bit, then God gets a migraine, so everyone packs up to head home. SLAM had told me earlier he wanted to hang out with me after D&D, so I suggested that we play some frisbee. But he changed his mind and decided he'd rather swordfight with Fro and his buddies instead. So he dropped my ass off.

What pisses me off about this is that he had just gotten done throwing a small fit b/c I was going to be busy with a group project all next week. And here was a chance for us to hang out. I was in a good mood, and I wanted to see him before work, but no. So here I am, in my room, highly upset, while he's off outside beating people up.

Why am I so upset, tho? I guess it's because I feel snubbed. And because I feel like he reneged on our plans. And, ok, FINE...I really wanted to see him.

I need a hug.

So, as you can see, Random Reader, I am not quite in the best state of mind to Active Sell tonight. And I have this overwhelming urge to go get something pierced.

The moral of the story? I'll be headed into work at two or so, since there's nothing better for me to do anymore today. I might as well get PAID to be miserable and pissy, ya know? Well, just a warning, there is no way possible for me to get enough eyeliner on to compensate for how I feel. So all the customers tonight are probably screwed.

I have a Buddha fish on my car. ::bitter laughter:: If only I took my own advice and saw everything in perspective once in a while.

More Existentialist Bullshit

I think I'd be a whole lot happier right now if I felt like I was in control. But the funny thing is that the older I get, the less in control I feel. I've let so many things I'm good at kind of slide away as I go, so I am left with fewer and fewer talents. Drawing, painting, playing my flute, my ambition. I am happy to have earned grades now that two years ago I would have cried over.

I can't decide whether this is a reality check, or if I am becoming less of a person. I know I'm getting older, but sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder why my sophomore self isn't looking back. Back then (I thought) I knew what I wanted. I was livelier and more active, I still had a drive to succeed, I knew what I wanted out of my life. But now that it's time for me to really take control...I have no clue where to go. I'm no longer sure where I want to work. I have yet to find anything that can replace cross country for me. My flute hasn't been played for over a year now. And if I felt like it, I'd probably still be drawing, but at this point it's too late for me to develop any sort of real talent.

I'm not upset, really. I hope it doesn't sound like I am. It's just that when I was younger I never knew that the only difference between a kid and an adult is how confused you are. I'm not nearly confused enough to be an adult yet, thank everything, so don't grab me the happy pills just yet.

I just wish parents would prepare you for never knowing what the fuck is going on until it's too late.

If I had been made prepared, I might know then who's looking back in the mirror.

Good Morning!!

I'm feeling a lot more optimistic after ten hours of sleep. Well, slightly less than that, because at 10:30 MiniFam threw a marvelous fit when Fam tried to make her go to bed. She stood at the top of the stairs and screamed for quite a while, and eventually Fam stood at the bottom of the steps and screamed right back up. So that kept me up (obviously). This morning I was tempted to ask to stay home, but that would just cause even more problems, becuase THEN they'd try to keep me from doing inventory tonight. And while in theory that is a good thing, in reality it is a very, very BAD thing. I really doubt the SM would appreciate me missing the most unholy of all shifts.

This morning I think I am going to put my new car decorations on! I got a Buddha fish and Darwin fish, and soon I'll also have a bumper sticker that says "the best things in life aren't THINGS." I hope I won't be pissing off too many Christians because I think the Buddha fish is cute and find it possible to believe in evolution AND God. I've never undersdtood why it is such an ISSUE. (You should see this fish. He's so fat!!!)

Oh, crap. It's time to go to school.

EDIT 3:59 PM
Well, I got my internet working properly. No more of this pretend 28.8 dial-up crap. No way, not for me. Now my only issue will be trying to keep Fam away from the Linksys card until I can get around to buying another one. Hello, another $100 worth of hardware!!

Man. I'm having issues with this one kid in my math class. I was really impressed with him on Monday, but today I am a bit sick of him. Monday he made me very happy because he asked me to sign the petition for the GSA (to change the discrimination policy to include sexual orientation). I was happy because, not only is he male, he is a devout Christian. Yes, he thinks homosexuality is wrong, which does not surprise me, but he also feels that it is not his place to judge. I was just thrilled to have met another truly tolerant Christian. He knows how to accept other people's beliefs, and he is respectful enough to not foist his ideas off on other people if they aren't interested.

But: Today I overheard him saying he likes to sit a certain way in these pants he was wearing because it "makes his cock look huge". I was not impressed.

NGAAAH!!

"Ngaaah" is Wren-speaky for a condition of extreme stress-- so extreme, in fact, that it is impossible to find suitable words to express it.

I use ngaaah a lot. This week I'm using it because I am incredibly tired. SO VERY tired. I worked Tues till cls, and last night till cls, and I have to get up insanely early to get to school. Yees, my co-workers, (who thankfully do not read this) I know I deserve no symnpathy. Yes, MiniMOD, I know you're working more than I am, and in college. But that's what you get for getting promoted. HA! ::cue guilt::

Tonight is really my only night to sleep, because tomorrow night I have to work from nine PM till inventory is over (five AM-ish), then I have to get up early to hang out with SLAM, Fro, God, and Mr. 7-7-7. Then it's WORK! 5-10....but I think that 10 thing is a LIE. Then Sunday Ms. Batgirl and I have secret evil plans to attend to. They envolve the Employee Pick wall. Soon, our store will have taste.

Alright. Minasan oyasumi nasai! Watashi no BEDDO o ikimasu!

HMMMMM

I was sitting in "Intro to Calc" (translation: Study Hall) today, done with all my homework, brainstorming a list of ideas to blog, when I realized that I have been called or compared to a lot of animals in my life. This is, I am sure you have figured out, not going to be a dignified post in the least. But, it WILL be amusing, and we all know I understand the value of a little self-depreciation. After all, it's good for the ego, what?

1) The earliest one I can remember is "Skink". That was my mom's other nickname for me in grade school besides Skin Bone. I have no idea why she chose this animal...but I remember always being slighty worried. But, I was obsessed with lizards, my fave color was blue (blue-tongued skink), and I loved to scramble about on things. So maybe it isn't as bad as it sounds. It's not as if I didn't lotion, so I know I didn't get the nickname from peely skin or anything. And I absolutely LOATHED bugs.

2) My art teacher in seventh grade compared me to an Afgan Hound. I was freaked out because I thought they were ugly as all hell. And my earlier experiences with being called a dog at the bus stop were not pleasant (damn skater boys. ((WILL NOT TYPE BOI!!))) But she tried to explain, and for a while I took it as quite a compliment. Now, though, I kinda look back on it with this sense of bitterness. Anyway. She said she called me that because they were sophisticated, calm animals with fabulous hair. Either I have backslid immensly since I was that age, or she was treating me in the manner of a Mrs. Bennet-- as in I'm not capable of understanding when I'm being made fun of. Hence the bitterness now. Fab hair. RIIIIIGHT. (::ahem:: fiiiine, and the other stuff, too, let's just cut me all the way down guys, why not?!)

3) When I told my mom about what my art teacher had said, she told me I was more like a hummingbird (didn't the art teacher call YOU that, Abigale?). Why? Because I was hyper and liked sugar, I guess. But I don't think hummingbirds have a sophisticated air. So that took me down a notch.

4) Someone once told me I reminded them of a macaw because of my nose and the noises I make. This is back when I was sensitive about my nose, so I was very insulted. Now I just laugh, cuz I CAN sound a bit birdike when I'm surprised.

5) I've been told if I was food I'd be chicken (look, it's an animal, ok?!) because everthing tastes like chicken...and so it follows that I "go with everything". This is coming from the same guy who said I was shaped like a banana. Needless to say, I was pissed. I think I tied his shoelaces together. AHH, sophisticated revenge.

6) Some silly people tell me I'm like a cat. But that's a stereotypical animal to call a girl, so I never take them seriously. But in grade school I DID earn the nickname by biting and clawing and sneaking up/jumping on people. So back then it wasn't completely unfounded.

7) I always just wanted to be a unicorn.

More sighing. heh.

Sometimes at work I am the most moronic person in the world. I seriously think I act dumber when I'm working, and I don't know why. Possibly boredom, because none of my co-workers are lacking in intelligence. And maybe it would all be ok if they didn't have to see me past the infamous 10:30 mark where my brain shuts off every night and leaves SOMETHING EVIL behind.

Regardless of why, here's a lovely example of my stupidity. I know you all looooove these stories, (you three people who read this). XD Well, I was working with the Mini-MOD. I was at a register, watching TV/ helping the few customers that came in, and he goes out to his car to get something, then comes back in and goes behind the counter with me for a sec. As he pops back out onto the floor, I take a sip of water, and he flips out and goes "What are you doing?!"

It was his water bottle. He'd set it down after getting it from his car. Mine was underneath the counter.

Well, I remember MOD-sama spazzing out cuz I did that to his Coke once (I'm a drink whore), so I offered to buy him a new one. And he said no, that's fine. And I assured him I wasn't sick. He did have to describe all the things he'd eaten so I knew what was in his backwash, but heck. He's male. Of course he did that. (He might be insulted if he ever read that.) I need to stop with the crappy sterotyping.

Other than that there's all the homework I didn't do. But that's normal.

Eyeliner, then school. <3!!

le sigh

life will never be easy, will it?

My alter-ego

Well, there's a CSR meeting I have to leave for in about 15 minutes. I'm all dressed and ready to go. I've noticed that every time I oversleep I overcompensate when I get home by getting all made up and overly dressy. Sadly for my co-workers, I tend to oversleep on days when we have meetings. So every time they see me out of uniform I'm all tricked out and scary with all the heavy jewelry and the eyeliner clashing with the sweet make-up. Today I look like the Scary Tramp-Vamp Schoolgirl From Hell.

Last meeting I got all into it. I had extra buttons undone on my shirt and like three feet of eyeliner on. We were brainstorming how we could boost sales, and my brilliant ideas were 1) buy me more soda, and 2) allow me to proposition the customers. The SM didn't get it and asked me to explain. I grinned, re-crossed my legs, and leaned forward suggestively, then said "You know, I could dress up as Blockbuster Whore. I bet I could get some stuff to sell THEN." War Boy was astonished into silence. The SM just looked at me like I'd gone insane.

But today I have a feeling will be worse, because I'm wearing my "Hey! Stare At My Chest As I Walk By In the Halls, Really, I Don't Care, Asshole!" shirt. I am also listening to White Zombie. And I'm wearing the "Sex Eyes" makeup. That's when you put the darker color on the outise of your eyes. It makes them look more closed and dreamy. And It makes winks MUCH more impressive.

I pity my co-workers. But then again, they deserve it.

Awww, crap. I'm guilty.