YATTAAAA!

It is time.

This weekend, my hair color changes again.


MUAHAHAHAHA.

I hate sunlight

The beeping of reversing trucks acts like a battering ram on my right eye when I have a migraine. I didn't know it was possible to be physically abused by sound waves.

I always tell myself not to write when I'm angry

But sometimes there's no other way to calm me down. I'm so angry right now that it's manifesting physically through heat. I'll probably be steadily removing layers as I progress through the post. (In fact, off goes my pullover.)

Today was terrible. I was in so much pain after patrolling in the ice last night that I had to string myself out on sleep meds to get to bed by two. I was still drugged out of my mind by my first class, so I slept through it and one third of my second one before I managed to stay conscious enough to drag myself out of bed. I slipped twice on the way to Micro because my right leg was still fucked up beyond all reason. Then, Maddo fell on her way to our class, and we ducked out and spent half the day running the medical gauntlet at the local hospital. Maddo is now slightly less enamoured of snow, and I am emotionally exhausted because not only do I hate doctors, but hospitals always remind me of my grandmother dying, my mother being constantly sick, and Fam telling everyone my sophomore year that I was never coming back to school because I was going to die when I had yet to be DIAGNOSED for anything.

Which then gets me thinking about how useless they are. I've been trying to get them to send me my fucking insurance information for the past semester, and they have yet to take the two seconds necessary to put the card in the mail. So now I have a bill for blood tests sitting on my desk, and I'm probably just going to have to eat the costs instead of actually getting my insurance to cover it. Which then gets me thinking about all the other shit they've done this semester, and how much I am really dreading going back to Saint Louis. I always spend my first night back crying on the floor because of something one of them did.

And I don't know why, but recently all these things I'd forgotten about my mother have come rushing back to me. I don't know what's been triggering them. Maybe it's some sort of time release thing since I couldn't handle it all at once when I was 12. Either way, I really kind of wish I didn't remember.

So I've basically spent the entire night stewing and desperately trying to ignore it because I have stuff I need to get done, and I don't have time to be upset. Like, for example, my lab partner fucking disappearing the day before a presentation which I now have to create and present on my own tomorrow at one. Thank you, lab partner. I hope you fucking die in a hole, suffocated by your own weed smoke.

As a result, the highlight of my day was baked fucking macaroni. It should have been planning Winter Break hijinks with the boy, but he decided it was an ideal time to go off on a rant about how much he hates A.L.W. when I suggested we go see CATS at one of the oldest and prettiest theaters in town. Which, after the rest of the day, made me snap, and we ended up getting into a fight.

Of course, now I'll be up until 4AM psychoanalyzing myself because I can't tell what the fuck is going on in my head anymore. Any time I am happy, I start worrying that it's mania, and any time I get upset I question the justifiability of my anger and drown in guilt. I have a headache, my legs are still killing me, and the world outside is slowly icing over, which is making me dread treading all the way across campus to the library at 8AM to go to a class that I'll most likely fail and hate myself forever for.

I am so fucking done with this year. How hard is it for me to not be miserable before I have to go back into Saint Louis? I really think I'm trying as hard as I can, but all I seem to be accomplishing is a slow downward spiral into failure. So many people have told me recently that I'm "caustic" and "mean." I'd like to think it's just me trying to cope with everything and failing, but maybe I am just a bitch. I hate my family for being too wrapped up in their own little drama to even remember that I don't eat red meat, but what if I'm just doing the same thing to other people?

If you actually read this far, I'm sorry. I just needed to vent. This is not what my blog is for. I just want to put my moods in context since I don't want to talk about any of this stuff unless it overwhelms me. It's depressing. When you're trying not to be depressed, you don't talk about the sad.

you're all the same

I already felt stupid because I'm failing stats. Spending 30 minutes looking for his office so we could discuss that sad fact before giving up and trudging home through the snow made me feel even less intelligent. I swear this man is lurking under a rock somewhere, snickering at me.

A really big rock.

It is officially time for hibernation.

I must say that listening to Pachelbel's Ciacona in f-moll while biking through snowfall with the sun on my face is one of the more surreal experiences I've had recently.

I can't do this.

My independent project for Microbiology is destroying my soul. I didn't take into account when I wrote the experiment that I can smell bacteria and mold rather quickly. My mom used to call me a hypochondriac because I would change the dishrag three days before she thought it smelled funny. I can tell when things have been washed with a sponge that wasn't dried properly.

It is a curse.

And now, I am forcing myself to drink out of an intentionally unwashed Nalgene? Where was the smart? Seriously? Where did my brain go when I decided this was a possible thing? Now I'm supposed to be taking five swallows three times a day from two Nalgenes? That's 30 seperate cases of me WANTING TO DIE. My results are not nearly interesting enough to allow for this.

So! I am setting a new rule. I am drinking once a day from each nalgene. That cuts my trauma ratio by 1/3 which is far more bearable. Now I just need to decide if I should restart the experiment or just pretend the week I spent shuddering in fear was to "allow for the formation of biofilms within both bottles."

I think I can conclusively say that I am not made to be a research scientist. I'm unwilling to harm live creatures, and bacteria freak me out, even if I do know they came from my mouth. Knowing is only half the battle. I apparently am not all that good at accepting some truths.

Dear very inarticulate girl:

Your friend, whom you are standing right next to, was just told she couldn't get into the ballet studio to practice because the professor did not put her on an admit list. She then asked to be let into Warner gym. I asked my boss, and he said no, since the building is closed.

So what makes you think you calling to ask me why I said no is going to magically change the current reality? This isn't some sort of test of your character and strength in the face of adversity. If you'd like to prove your worth, go yell "Open sesame" at the gym doors and see if they unlock from the sheer force of your personality.

"Um, um, like...wait. Okay, um, open, um....um....um, open sesame!"

Very persuasive.

(Apparently working off three hours of sleep makes me cranky. Who knew!)

Break Time!

If I can just get my Microbiology paper done tonight, I will be done and able to relax all day tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to relaxing all day tomorrow, too. I'm not sure if the sense of relief and freedom is caused by knowing I don't have much to do until next Monday, or by the knowledge that I won't be dealing with my family on Thursday. Is it sad that I enjoy holidays for the sole reason that they aren't involved?

Well, Thanksgiving is more fun now, because I actually get to cook food and play hostess. I enjoy throwing dinner parties. Back when it was just the family and someone else's crappy food, Thanksgiving was hell. Maybe that's another bit of the relief. I'm actually in charge of the holiday here, so if it sucks, there's only me to blame.

In all honesty, I'll probably be a little lonely on Thursday, but that is why I'm working. I'll have something else to focus on. That's exactly what I did over the Fourth of July, and I ended up having a lot of fun. Plus the money is a source of happy.

I just hope I can make it through Winter Break...

Dear scrabbly thing in my attic:

You sound very cute. I highly doubt this is true, since you're probably the one that won the fight that woke me up a couple of weeks ago. You also sound very happy, which is understandable considering my attic is nice and dry. But why did you have to wake me up by chewing? Now I am grumpy and confused, and my roommate is convinced you are going to break through the ceiling and chew on her face.

Please. Less chew, more being a silent creature of the night.

Thanks,
The girl who is desperately convincing herself angel food cake for breakfast equals bad.

Who says we can't have pets at Uni?

I have a new hat.



It is an awesome hat.



It is also good at distracting from the crutch I am now hobbling around on. That's right. I sprained my ankle at work. In fact, I get to go talk to Big Boss about it today. That's a real treat, let me tell you. Luckily, I don't have to work until Thursday...

Oh noez.

Tonight, I rid myself of the last vestige of my Southern upbringing.

I'm going to have to start drinking iced tea without sugar.

@.@

Ringtones

It's a bad sign when you spend ten minutes debating between Night on Bald Mountain and William Tell Overture for the family ringtone on your cell.

Guess which one won.

Well, I certainly won't be studying for my Stats quiz now. Because being stressed out already that I'm failing the class clearly isn't enough. Now I get to feel like a terrible, selfish person on top of being an utter academic failure. Now all I need is a depressive swing and we'll have a party.

World? Fuck you.

Fin.

Well, as of 5:17 this morning the magazine's layout and copy editing are done. Which means that we should have a flawless 32-page masterpiece headed off to the printer's today.

It also means I slept through all my classes. And I don't really remember deciding to do that.

But! I'd call this entire weekend a success. We got it done, and ended up bonding over the course of the...30 hours we spent together on Saturday and Sunday. I didn't get to see The Prestige last night (though I hope that didn't stop my housemates), but I think Nick, Megan, me, and maybe a few other people have plans to go on Thursday as a sort of celebration for not having to scrutinize text when around one another.

Now I just have to get rid of the sour milk smell that seems to have taken over the house in my absence.

InDesign is a powerful tool

And I am just a tool.

I have spent the entire weekend over at Nick and Megan's working on copy and layout editing of the science magazine. I have read most of the articles at least three times and can recite most of the intro paragraphs verbatim. But, since I like all the people here, it has been fun, even if we are all getting a little stir crazy.

But seriously. I went to bed at 7AM Saturday, woke up at 11, and spent from 12 to 1AM sitting in their lounge working on stuff. Today I came over at 11, and am still here now.

But!

It is going to be amazing. I'm grabbing a copy for myself, one for Tim, two for my family (to see if they even notice I did anything), and one for Anna. That's all I can think of now unless Mike wants one.

I'll also have it in .pdf format at the end if you non-Washington people want a looksee. I'll post it here after we release it on campus so I don't get accused of leaking.

Things I have learned this week:

1) Wavy hair doesn't look half bad on me.

2) Blood sugars of 84 or below make it harder for me to think or concentrate.

3) Blood sugars of 70 or below leave me shaky and sweaty. I also don't seem to ever drop below 67.

4) Blood sugars of 130 or higher make me feel headachy and very thirsty. Luckily (?), my blood sugars rarely make it above 90.

5) I can drink one can of Coke between the hours of 1-3 and be fine, but only if I've had three small meals beforehand.

6) 16 ounce cocoas are the equivalent of a bull in a china store to my body. From now on, I do 8oz only. (>.<)

7) The bitch who ruined my ELEMENTS article last weekend removed all but three of her edits from my paper. I just got done removing the other three and adding two of my own. Take that, twatbeast. You still owe me an apology.

8) It is possible for four to six inches of standing water to accumulate in our parking lots between lunch and dinner, but be gone by the time I have to go to work. Apparently our drain only works nights.

9) List posts are kind of boring to write.

It's going to take over my brain!

Alright. I dyed my hair pink on September 1st. Please click to see how bright it was.

Here are two pics I took of it tonight, two months and one week later.



For reference, here is a shot of my roots: (EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW)


My hair is wavy, which is why all the lip biting.

Term paper.

Dear Tacoma Fire Department:

Do you guys sit around the fire pole when you're not out saving the city and come up with ways to insult me and the mentally ill? I can think of no other possible source of your almost symbiotic stupidity.

There is a young man sitting in front of you who is a paranoid schizophrenic who may or may not have overdosed on his meds. He stumbled into the office and asked us to call an ambulance, but since then has almost been unresponsive. And what do you do? You turn around and start making cracks about my hair, which makes him more confused and distressed. But do you care? Nope.

"Is that your natural hair color?"
"Yes."
"So that's what you've looked like from the womb."
"mmmhm. The dye formed a symbiotic relationship with my hair follicles, and now I'm stuck with pink."
"Yes, she really talks like that." (THANKS BOSS :v)
"Have you been taking this guy's meds?"

I left the room.

Then, they're finally leaving, and one of them turns to me, stares, and says "You know, I used to have hair that color. Then I went bald."
"Yeah, I'm headed that way."

Har de fucking har. How dare you people. Care a little about the people you're helping and leave me alone when I'm in my uniform.

The ark jokes we make are starting to sound a little hysterical

It has been raining steadily and without stopping since Saturday morning. This means, of course, that I can't find the rain hood to go with my hiking jacket, so I've been bundling myself up in the Suicide Scarf a la a fashionable woman from the Sixties and heading off from place to place.

I believe at this point most of the basements on campus have flooding. Water started pouring through the walls of the music building during the initial deluge on Saturday, and the poor Facilities (and my coworkers) had to scramble to attempt to save the pianos and harps. Since the pianos were actually built into the practice rooms and can't be removed, this posed a bit of a problem.

The basment of our house is probably flooded, too, but since it's sealed off, we won't know for sure until water comes seeping through our floor. Luckily, any damp spots have yet to be noted.

Local streams are starting to flood and take out roads, too. What I'm trying to get at is that this isn't normal Washington rain. Case in point, a photo, courtesy of my lovely roomie, of our garbage cans after they were swept away when the road outside our living room flooded. Thank you, car, for being parked there.



Finally, the parking lot outside the SUB has been unofficially renamed "Lawrence Lake", since the water within it is approaching car-door level. Not shocking, since we've gotten about ten inches of rain since this started...

My night at work.

I wanted to nap beforehand, but was too fascinated by Hugh Laurie to give in and let my eyes close. So, once at work, I was ridiculously tired.

But!

Manstork (who I am back on good terms with) and Dispatcher and I sat in the office and had a Obnoxious-Son-Of-a-Bitch and Caspar bitchfest from 0000-0200. After that, I ran by the house for some caffeine and a round of "public woohoo," which I did not even know could BE a Sim desire.

Then!
Back to the office because I was ridiculously tired. Fall over on floor and sleep from 0430-0530, then get up and make waffles for later. Open buildings next, then go stare raptly at the rat in the stockroom for an indeterminate amount of time.

And now?

I blog until home. So tired. May have to walk the bike to avoid running into a pole.

This is the most amazing thing I've seen all day.

Here's a shot of some bacteria I cultured from a Nalgene found in my car. It had been there since June, and apparently these little microbes withstood the time. Please do click for the large version.



They're a curved rod bacteria. We're re-culturing a plate so I can run some tests, and Mark Martin is going to sequence their DNA for me and tell me what they are exactly.

Alleluia

The microbiology t-shirt images are done. Here is one of them. Keep in mind the original image file was 20 inches across.

Last night I learned never to go to bed low, no matter how dizzy I am. I do not feel well this morning at all, and I also can't remember why I went to bed before finishing my juice. Bad, bad judgement call, Wren.

Quotes from the day

Me: "I've figured out how to stay awake!"
Sarah: "How?"
Me: "By leaping at things!"
Sarah: "...Oh my."

Me: "This bacteria is by far my favorite." (It's red and purple.)
Lab Partner: "Yeah, it kind of reminds me of your hair."
Me: "Excuse me! My hair is not bacterial!"
Lab Partner: "But! I like your hair, and the bacteria is pretty! This is a good thing!"
Me: "I hate you."

Dear Obnoxious Son of a Bitch:

Stop being so cocky. You've been here for two months now, and you certainly have done nothing to justify that attitude. Last time I worked with you an entire building went unlocked because you fucked up the paperwork. You also tried to pull rank on me, which ended badly. Everyone has been laughing at you since then, and you've earned the prefix "Know-It-All" in office conversation. That is not a term of endearment.

You didn't give me much cause to like you last time we worked together, but this time was even worse. I am your shift lead. I may still be relatively new, but unlike you, I am not afraid to ask questions, or be wrong, which makes me much less likely to fuck up. Because of this very fact, I know more than you do. So stop getting pissy when I tell you to do something simple like initial your paperwork. That's supposed to be done at the beginning of the shift, and it was almost at the end. The boss was out, and the paperwork needed to be finished, and your ass was flopped at the computer looking at your precious bank account.

Also. Get out of my bubble. I should not be able to smell and taste the disgusting nachos you ate for dinner. My bubble extends to my personal life, as well. You don't need to know the combined credit limit of all my accounts. You also don't need to know what the ellipses in my HTML are for. Or why I am wearing a glowy bracelet, though I think that should be rather obvious. So back the fuck out.

Oh, and asking the dispatcher if she's dating "that dorky boy with the glasses?" Mistake. Why do you think you got sent on six admits tonight, and I only got sent on one?

Finally. Don't give me a dirty look when I didn't head over to break up the party at Sigma Nu. I had three buildings to close up thanks to our lovely fire drills, and with three Bossmans, an RD, and ALMIGHTY YOU, I figured the situation was under control. Someone needs to stay available for the other things that inevitably crop up on campus, and I decided it would be me. Besides, I've broken up parties, and as far as I know, you have not. Thus, I consider it excellent training for you to dive on in.

In short, find someplace more subtle to stuff that fat fucking head of yours.

Happy Halloween, you bastard.