Well, Fam and Unc are gonna be gone the whole weekend again, so when I'm not working, I'll have peace.
To do homework.
But I'll be one final down by the time this day is over, so I'm not really all that worried.
More later, have to go get people and get gas. Oh, shit!

Slept for four hours last night and felt better...

then went running to test new insoles, and feel worse.

Must go study for the two finals I have tomorrow.

Insomnia Con'td

Almost started crying because I want a grilled cheese sandwich but can't make it. I have reached a new low. 3:32 PM

Alright, I thought yesterday sucked... I had NO CLUE what was in store for me today. Actually made it through my classes...well, in body, anyway. My mind died around 4 AM when I woke up and had a panic attack.

I tried to go home, but they wouldn't let me drive...so I lost time when I could have been sleeping because Fam wouldn't come pick me up. Then, she just randomly shows up after school and forbids me to drive home. So she drives me, and Dragon Lady drives my car. ((I am going to have to get it professionally cleaned and blessed by a priest. I HATE that woman.))

Well, I figured that since she (Fam) and her wallet (money) were there, I could take the opportunity to go by Borders and get these four books I need for classes (have needed since last month)...but she's like "No, it's out of my way, I don't have time, blah, etc...." Well, we drove right by it on the way home. Selfish bitch. Heaven forbid she EVER take time out of her "busy" schedule for me. Now I remember why I don't ask her to do things for me anymore (remembers the research paper fiasco, the time I asked her to get me Jell-o when I had the flu and couldn't keep anything else down, etc.)

Maybe I can sleep tonight, even if it is just for a little while.

This is the last night, right? I almost never have this for longer than three days...

I can survive until tomorrow night. ((Can I survive until tomorrow night?)) ﾂｶ 3:21 PM

Scroll to bottom for part 1, babe

Well, I got to sleep at like three and kept on waking up about every half hour. Ah, insomnia. Welcome back. Wonder how long this will last?

So now I have a new plan: Skip classes, sleep until twelve, then do homework all night. If I sleep tonight, more power to me. If not, it's off to school in a half-dazed, drugged state. I'm too close to the end to be missing school.

So fucking tired. Why can't I just sleep? I started having insomnia when I was twelve. Now I get it about once or twice a year, usually for three days- once as long as a week and a half ((shudder)). The family says it's due to stress...I think I agree with them. But with my insomnia usually comes a burst of motivation and artistic genuis, so in a way I enjoy it. Up all night, gettting ahead in school, writing junk, drawing...then after a while I crash and will spend a weekend sleeping. It's called REM rebound, you know.

Motor skills are less than my norm. It requires a ton of concentration to move, and steps are freaking me out.

Despues del viaje

Hmph. Was in bed until 11 trying to sleep...managed to crash for about an hour, I think. Then I woke up and spent an hour trying to get this site to function for me.

Once I'm done here it is off to the library. I also have to see if it is possible to salvage my math project. I don't think so, but I shall try my best. Sleep tonight had better be an impossibility, because I have a lot of things to do.

Fam just walked in, so I did a pre-emptive eye roll. Right after I did, she told me to clean stuff. Huh. Imagine.

I am SOOOOO ready for summer and for Seattle- you have no idea, random reader. I can't wait to be back up on the canal, living my life by the tide, because when it's in, I'm on the water; when it's out, I'm sleeping or wishing it was in. I can't wait to bang and bruise myself up trying to learn to waterski again (I have never quite managed to stay up). Tubing is a must, only hopefully this time I won't bruise my chin and spilt my lip open when Unc cuts through the wake. ((It looked cool, tho. Like I had been in a fight.))

ARGH. Fam is now yelling at me about leaving a door unlocked four days ago. Right. I wonder if she realizes that I am tired and stressed and more than in the mood to make her life hell? So now it's wash my hair, find pants, and off to the library. If I stay home, bad things will happen. Today I am not in the mood for emotional pain, so I plan to avoid it for as long as possible. 12:18 PM

Back from library. Have discovered I am developing an unhealthy obsession with Margaret Atwood novels. Went to get Body and Soul for yet another project, and ended up with two new Atwood books. ("Nuevos libros", not "libros nuevos".) So now, if I can't sleep tonight and I have all my homework done, I will just start turning pages in The Edible Woman.

I swear I will eventually turn my last few entries into cohesive rants like the first one and not just semi-lucid ramblings. But my brain is a bit hazy and the only reason my fingers are typing at all is because of my incredible willpower. My body wants to go lie down, but I know that if I do I won't sleep. My mind is too awake behind its fog.

Hmmmm, will go running again tonight. I think after the first mile I'll break, suck on a piece of ice, do some push-up, sit-ups, and sits, then run another mile before I call it good. Gotta keep the ol heart rate up to increase the metabolism, you know. 1:39 PM

Insomnia and Masochism

Two more things that prove I have masochistic tendencies.

First, I went to go swim/study (note which one I put first). Went over knowing full well we wouldn't get any work done, and that I really had no spare time. While there, didwim some laps for exercize, but I could have done so much more. Which means I still have to go on my 30 minute run tonight. So, though fun, it was a complete waste of time and I now am behind on my research paper. So I better not be able to sleep tonight, because now I can't, anyway.

Second, I am now sitting here gnawing on a carrot and choking down a slighty wilted salad with cheese. Here's where it gets funny: I'm a red meat veggie-tarian, but I don't like veggies! So even though I am actually having a healthy dinner, I am not enjoying it. It HURTS to eat salad. There's something about the texture...I've tried for two years, but I just can't make myself like it. But, I eat it anyway. Who knew it was so painful to be healthy?

Hmmmm, I have no more reason to write for now. Unless I feel like procrastinating further and totally screwing myself over. Nope, better get on with it. Once it get the intro done, it should all be relatively easy.

If I can't sleep tonight and I have all my homework done (or all that I can get done without endangering my sanity), I'll read and probably watch "Gattaca". I figurt's time to see what all the fuss is about up at work. ﾂｶ 8:13 PM