There is purple dye all over the girl's bathroom. It is on the counter, on the mirror, the sink. There are purple footprints all over the floor, and there is purple all over the toilet paper dispenser in one of the stalls.

I did not do this. If anyone tries to tell me I did, I am going to be angry. Hell, I already am angry. Who makes that damn big of a mess?

Well, I know who.

There was no cold water in the shower today. I'd turn the handle to try to lessen the amount of SCALDING DEATH splashing down upon me, and the pressure would drop, so I'd still be under attack from brimstone-like droplets of water.

Oh, and there's a sign on the elevator that says "Warning: You may get stuck if you use the elevator."

Comic House sounds quite lovely right about now.

Because I'm bored

Our dorm has a news flyer called the "T/P Potty Press" (our hall is Todd/Phibbs) that comes out every Monday. I think I mentioned it in this post a few months back. If you can't tell from that, it can be pretty scary at times.

This week they decided to run a "Tips Sheet" type one, and since I'm bored, I'm going to give my opinion on what they have to say.

First of all, we come to the list of "Ten Tips to Help You Sleep." Here's what my brilliant dorm-mates have to say:
1) Create a restful place to sleep.
2) Sleep on a comfortable, supportive mattress and foundation.
3) Give yourself permission to go to bed.
4) Unwind early in the evening.
5) Develop a sleep ritual.
6) Keep regular hours.
7) Exercise regularly.
8) Cut down on stimulants.
9) Don't smoke.
10) Reduce alcohol intake.

And here's what brilliant me has to say:
1) Why the fuck are you telling people who live in a dorm to create a restful place to sleep? My wall is against the men's showers. There is a REASON I have learned to sleep with my iPod on. White noise isn't always enough.
2) So are you planning on buying all 198 of us new mattresses, then? Please do.
3) This I can do. And it's a good point, actually.
4) Yeah, I do this, in my own special way. I change my music.
5) Got a sleep ritual.
6) Telling college kids to keep regular hours is like trying to make a sloth train for a decathlon. We can't. Do. It.
7) Yeah, I do this. And it does help me crawl into bed and pass out. But I'm not sure that counts as "restful."
8) I'd like to think that caffeine is less of a "stimulant" to me now. Maybe something more important, like...hemoglobin.
9) I'm allergic to cigarette smoke.
10) AAAAnnnnd I'm not thinking killing my R.E.M. cycle is my issue here.

My conculsion: Teach me how to FIX MY BACK, damnit. This list sucks.

Oh, but here's the one that really amuses me.
NINE SEX TIPS
1) Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate- Okay, so I can see where they're going here. It's good to know what you like. But don't become like the guy from Sexy Losers who can't have sex because he's too used to doing it himself. 0.0
2) Lube makes the world go round.- Um, well, part of the idea of sex is to make your partner into it enough to make this unnecessary. Unless you're engaging in something which requires it. Relying on lube means you don't care. XP* Or you could just be having THAT much sex...
3) Never knock a sex toy until you've tried it. - Unless, of course, the idea of inserting a plug into your ass makes you the opposite of aroused. The interest has to be there. =_=;
4) Put a condom on it. - Agreed.
5) File your fingernails- Thank GOD someone said it. I don't know why it never occurs to guys that doing this might be a good idea.
6) Don't censor your fantasies- unless they involve chicken blood, babies,dead people, or your brother's wife.
7)If you're bored, hit the fast forward button.- No. If you're bored, you're doing it wrong.
8) Ask for what you want and you're more likely to get it.- Yes indeedy. We are not mind readers, now are we?
9) Sexual pleasure is a matter of individual preference- make up a tip of your very own.
That's cheating, but okay. Choose music that suits the mood you're in.

Do you guys agree that reading this stuff while you're peeing is a little strange?

*stumble*

The whole floor thinks me and my roomie are drunk and/or stoned.

No clue why.

Next time I see "chocolate chocolate tower" on a menu, I'll believe it.

So today was the Outback-thank-you-for-all-the-time-you-spent-with-me-at-the-ER dinner. I have never eaten so much food in my LIFE. I got the grilled chicken sandwich (two words to add to the List of Things I Will NEVER Say Aloud: "Hooly-dooly" and "chook"), devoured 1/3 of a bloomin' onion, some of that YUMMY FREAKING BREAD (!!!) and then we all decided we wanted dessert.

...But we couldn't compromise, so we all got our own desserts. Sarah got a cheescake, Daryl got a sundae, and I ordered the "chocolate chocolate tower-NEW!" with a scoop of ice cream ("hooly-dooly" *shudders*)).

Ok. So soon the waitress is bringing over the tray of desserts. I see the sundae, I see the cheescake, and then there's this...THING. It is the biggest fucking piece of chocolate cake I have ever seen, and there is an Outback steak knife in it, buried to the hilt. This was, like, the Titan of cakes. And the most perfect thing I have ever seen.

Daryl sees it and a look of mild panic flows across his face. I am proud to say he knows me well enough now to understand that giving me a slab of cake and my own knife to play with is high up on the list of Bad Things that Shouldn't Happen in Public.
"It has a knife," he says urgently to the waitress, watching me quietly squee and bounce about on my side of the booth.
"Yes, it does," says the (patient) waitress.
"No, you don't understand. It has a knife."
Sarah giggles, and the waitress looks at Daryl like he's a freak and then wanders off.

I try my best to conquer the mountain of cake before me, but it takes three of my bites to eat through all the layers of the damn thing. And I swear I can watch it regenerating.

So once everyone else is done with their dessert, they look at my cake and ask if I even ate it, to which I hiss angrily and sulk. We get a box, and I take it back to the dorm.

I have a coughing fit at the base of the stairs, so Sarah and I decide to use the elevator and go walking through the first floor hall. There are signs hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the hall to about head level that pretty much say "I'M BORED!" and point to this one room. Sarah and I pop in and give him some cake, then talk for a while, then head back up to the room after giving him our room # and extension.

A little over an hour later he comes knocking and asks us to watch a movie with him, so we grab pitch black and head down. (The bastard still has it.) He's very touchy, too, (he found out I was ticklish. =_=;;;;)so by the end of the night I had pinned him twice and bitten him once. I was being nice, since I didn't know him. Otherwise he'd be badly scratched and probably have a bruised kidney. And I will KILL anyone who brings up The Nose Incident.

So after he tries to get us to watch Fern Gully, too, we flee up to our rooms. She and I were both sick of people. Well, then David and Andrew find us and beg to use our microwave. (Munchies.) Turns out Andrew is a rather belligerent stoned drunk, while David is rather laid back. Andrew was yelling at me because I had no interest in pot (*rolls eyes* because we all know I'm uptight and blah blah blah...) I had to tell him to shut the fuck up and remember whose chips he was eating a few times. Finally, he pissed me off:
Me: Give me my chips and get out of my room.
Andrew: "Sorry."
Me: "Chips. Now."
Andrew: *hands them over*
Me: "Okay, that's part one. Now get off the chair and get out."
Andrew: *gestures at David* "I'm waiting for him to get up. Let's go, man."
Me: "I never told him to get out. Just you."
Andrew: "Oh."
Me: "Alright...so go."
So he gets up and asks David to come start the movie with him.
David: "I'll be there in a few, man."

Heh. Heh. hehhehhehhehheh.

Seattle!

So, went to Seattle yesterday. We took the bus up, and that was quite possibly the highlight of the trip. All of it was fun, but the bus? Just WOW. It was one of the really big ones that has the bendable area in the middle so it can actually make it around corners. Well, there are seats in it, so me, Sarah, and Daryl all sat down in them. It was FANTASTIC. When we went around corners, our seats would spin, and one side of the area would expand and the other would fold up and WHEE! It was like being on a Tilt-a-Whirl. It was an hour long bus ride, and despite all the spinning I managed to read and not get motion sick. Sadly, the bus on the way back was not as big, so we just sat in the normal seats.

In Seattle we grabbed some coffee and walked a few blocks down to the waterfront and hung out there for a few hours,grabbed some pizza from a pizzaria run by a flock of hot Italians who refused to let us leave "until we had sampled at least one thing" (depends on what's on the menu....),then toured the aquarium. They had these really neat touch pools. I got to touch one of those coral flowers with the tendrils, but it curled up and wilted when I poked it and it made me feel really bad. Other than that it was really fun, and Sarah and I found this one really trippy fish we wanted to steal and take back to the dorm.

An amusing conversation:
Me: (to Sarah) Oh, I left my cell back at the dorm. I was supposed to call Tim if I felt like I was going to commit murder.
Sarah: *Understanding nod and glance up at Daryl, who is walking in front of us*
Daryl: Why would you want to commit murder?
Me: I don't have a reason yet.
Daryl: Do you think you'll have one?
Me: Depends on who feels like being an asshole today.

He didn't get it.

THANK YOU.

I finally got all my money back from that fucker in Madrid. The account is now closed, and the recovered funds are safely in my saving account for use at Ohayocon. *squee*

Oh, and one note about my dorm's oddities. We have a weekly flier called "The Potty Press" that gets put up in the bathroom stalls at eye level. This week it's full of optical illusions, so Jesus is staring at me whilst I pee. It's a bit disconcerting.

::EDIT::
One thing that bothers me: people who like to constantly state their religion. And I mean state as in bring it up more than is necessary. Whatever you believe is fine with me, as long as you don't purposefully use it as a method to cause tension or put me down.

"Oh, I don't believe in that. [I'm a ______.]"
"[Because I'm a ______,] I believe everyone is _______." It's information that is easily left implied. A simple statement of belief will gain more respect from me than just spewing denominational names. It shows me that you understand your doctrine, not that you simply hide behind it and use it to call attention to yourself.

It's kind of offensive to have this stuff constantly thrown in my face. It makes me wonder too much about whether or not what I say will upset the person, etc. For example, today one of my friends was in a bad mood, so I grabbed his hand and wrote "=) Karma!" (Good Karma) on it. You know, to give him a jump-start on not being a suckass. Well, he looks at it, chuckles condescendingly, and says to me in this snotty little voice. "I don't believe in Karma, Wren. Not everyone has the same beliefs, remember?"

What, You can say "bless you" when I sneeze, but I can't wish you good Karma?

....

Here's my belief.

FUCK.

YOU.

I wanted to wipe it off his hand mommy-spit style. Just BLLEAAAAAAGH- there's your Karma, you ASS.

*chuckles* I don't even think he knows it annoyed me. I'm good at hiding it. Maybe I should work on that. Or just stop being annoyed in general.

Drunk People

Wren: have you been hearing the randomly screaming girl? who is either dying or having sudden orgasms in the parking lot while walking down the steps?
Michelle: no o_o
Wren: GOOD!

Photos from my dorm

Sarah finds it impossible to hang up posters. Before we put on Donnie Darko, she decided to hang the POTC poster we bought today. This is what happened:


The poster was insanely crooked on the wall, and also not fully unrolled. She was laughing too hard to fix it, tho.

After Donnie Darko was over I noticed it was no longer there. Her response to my query? "I decided it would be best if I uh...did it tomorrow morning."

And this is why Wren should not get lazy and empy a cup of tea out her window...Yes, that is someone's basement window.


::EDIT NEXT MORNING::

Never send a woman to do a man's job.

-_-;;

There's a sign over the third floor (my floor) girls' bathroom door that says "closed for repairs". One of the toilets yesterday decided to perpetually flush.

On the second floor there's a sign that says "Bathroom closed from 8AM-6PM. Please use bathroom upstairs."

The first floor bathroom is closed for cleaning for the next hour.

...Basement it is.

::EDIT DURING PAPER-WRITING::
I was telling Baron that one of the chemistry teachers here looks like Merlin, so I did a site search to get a pic. Oddly enough, this is what came up.

Hmmmmm.

I am quickly getting used to college. When I came up here on the campus visit I felt out of place and on display in the cafeteria. Now all the masses of people don't faze me. And I kind of don't mind all the homework. It's different because it's voluntary. I get to come to class prepared. Yeah, so I'm not too happy about the rough draft due Friday, but...

And Japanese is easy. I know all the ひらがな, of course, so the しゅくだい　is really easy. I can get it done in five minutes. My writing skills are a bit rusty, tho. And by a bit I mean very. As is my reading. But that's what I work on in class while they're learning pronunciation. Ludden-せんせい is a very good teacher. She's Japanese, and speaks English perfectly, just with a mild accent. And she's funny. That might be the painkillers from her kidney surgery, tho.

The schedule is nice, too. But homework kills a lot of my time. Maybe it will get easier as I learn to time manage, tho. It has, after all, only been two days.

Ugh. My grandpa called. I suppose I should get in touch with him. Someday. Even if he is a self-righteous bastard.

Off to breakfast with ブローヂくん。　(Gio.)

Oh, before I go: Last night I was helping Daryl set up his bed thingy. He lofted it, put the desk under it, and closed it off with a red suede blanket thingy. While we were putting up the blanket thingy the bed started to collapse, and my roommate and I started screaming. Parker walks by and goes "Hey dude, are there GIRLS in your room?" just in time to see us dive out from under the bed. We fixed it, but we broke it again, just in time for Tom to run by and actually help us hold up the matress.

I think Daryl enjoyed it all immensely.

Dorm Antics

May I present to you, boys and girls....THE DETERGENT SLIDE!

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A Convo Worth Remembering

Some context: I was sitting at my desk typing something up when Laura walks by to write on my door. She notices my comic books and says the following just as Robert walks by. Keep in mind that Roger can't see into my room.

Laura: *yells* You have ZITS!
Me: *laughs* Yeah, I have a LOT of Zits."

*We both turn to Robert, who is staring at Laura and my face, trying to understand*

Robert: "You're SO MEAN, Laura!" *more looking confusedly at my face*
Me and Laura: *laughing hysterically*
*Robert walks off*


We explained it to him later.

mmmm, steak

So, the George Foreman grill is a big hit. I've been told I need to start charging people to use it.

*sniffs* Gods, the dorm smells FANTASTIC.

This is very amusing.

More Chronicles of Wrennie

7:10 am- I wake up to the sound of Rob Zombie's 'Dragula' seeping in through my window from a dorm across the green. Someone goes running down the hall.

7:35 am- My roommate and I figure out neither of our alarm clocks were set properly.

7:55 am- I am out of the shower and done getting the black dye from my sheets and towels off of me. Thanks, family, for washing them before shipping them. There is ONE dryer on my floor. XP

8:15 am- Where the FUCK is the milk for my cereal?

8:20- No, really.

8:23- oh.

9- TESTING!! AGH!!

10:30-Flee back to dorm room and ask RA what the hell is wrong with our door. Steal my roommate's Expo marker and write "EVIL DOOR!! XP!!" on the whiteboard. Get online, check e-mail, then steal Expo marker again and write "Wren is bored! Come save her!" on white board.

::SECOND EDIT::
11:30- Growl about the fact that no one did and head off to first advising class.
11:40- "Oh, I needed a pencil?"

12:30- Round up a bunch of near-strangers from 3rd floor and head for lunch. Talk about knives, guns, Uma Thurman, small Alaskan towns, and people who hate Alias.

2pm- Head off to second advising class.
2:10pm- "Uh, can I borrow a writing utensil, Kei?"
2:30pm- The purple crayon you've been writing with is now DEAD.

3 pm- Show the guy in room 318 the layout of your room. A flash from the forum is up. Watch that, the end of the world, and ddautta. Go check out his room, get shown pics of Japanese schoolgirls. Comment on his kilt and spiked, studded boots. Tell him if you did that to the toes of your boots, people's knees and crotches would never be the same.

4pm- loan the guy to your left your microwave, laugh when he asks to buy the george foreman grill that was inside it. Find out he has the same laptop as you do. Rejoice and attempt to remember what his name is.

::THIRD EDIT::
5pm- head to farewell dinner with the family. Fam chooses an Italian place. On way down realize you forgot room key and have to go all the way back up.

5:30pm- the following conversation ensues:
Me: "Fam, do you know anything about my 'student account'? Like what sorts of things get credited to it?"
Fam: "No, I have no idea."
Me: "That's nice, cuz I think you get to pay for it when it happens."
Fam: "What is it?"
Me: "I don't know, I was asking you."
Fam: "Well, I don't know. What gets credited?"
Me: "Fam. I don't know! I was asking you for information."
Fam: "Well, I've never even heard of it."
Me: "You're only doing slightly worse than me, then."
Fam: "So what do you know about it? What gets credited, when?"
Me: "I don't know."
Fam: "'Student Account'... ...What do you mean by that? Your bank account?"
Me: "No."
Fam: "So what is your student account?

...lather, rinse, repeat for two minutes...

Me: *starts getting exasperated* "I asked you to see if you know. I know nothing! I have no information!"
Fam: "So why did you bring it up? I don't know anything either."
Me: "We've established that."
Unc: "Wren, there is no reason to be getting angry. You were the one who brought it up and now you're getting mad when we ask you questions. That's ridiculous."
Me: *tears at pizza and stares out window*

6pm- Proof that I frequently get listened to:
unc: "So what are you doing tonight?"
me: "Floor meeting, dance."
...three minutes later...
unc: "So what are you doing tonight?"
me: *stare*
fam: "Unc, you already asked her that. Listen!"

...ironically, the next thing that happens:

fam: "So is there an all-guys dorm?"
me: "No, just an all-girls."
fam: "That seems a bit odd. You'd think that some people would prefer non-coed."
me: "Well, there's not enough room. And also, most dorms are co-ed by floor, not by room like mine."
fam: "Hmmm, but a lot of the dorms are co-ed by floor, aren't they. So I guess it's okay."
me: *bland stare*

7pm- Sit in the corner during a floor meeting and chuck starburst and reese's at the kid in room 230-something because he is aiming at a kid from my Japanese class and missing. A lot.

8:30- Put on jean skirt with slit to show off red knee-high boots. Wash face, cuz air is nasty and sticky cuz windows are all shut cuz *gasp* it's raining!

9:15- Go to dance thing. Get accosted by guy I talked to at family BBQ yesterday and asked to a concert thingy. Meet his, er, typically male roommates. Make fun of the music and talk about moshing and reggae. Attempt to find the free Papa John's Pizza.

9:40- RUN!!

10PM- update blog.

*Frustration*

My roommate does not exist.