Because I'm bored

Our dorm has a news flyer called the "T/P Potty Press" (our hall is Todd/Phibbs) that comes out every Monday. I think I mentioned it in this post a few months back. If you can't tell from that, it can be pretty scary at times.

This week they decided to run a "Tips Sheet" type one, and since I'm bored, I'm going to give my opinion on what they have to say.

First of all, we come to the list of "Ten Tips to Help You Sleep." Here's what my brilliant dorm-mates have to say:
1) Create a restful place to sleep.
2) Sleep on a comfortable, supportive mattress and foundation.
3) Give yourself permission to go to bed.
4) Unwind early in the evening.
5) Develop a sleep ritual.
6) Keep regular hours.
7) Exercise regularly.
8) Cut down on stimulants.
9) Don't smoke.
10) Reduce alcohol intake.

And here's what brilliant me has to say:
1) Why the fuck are you telling people who live in a dorm to create a restful place to sleep? My wall is against the men's showers. There is a REASON I have learned to sleep with my iPod on. White noise isn't always enough.
2) So are you planning on buying all 198 of us new mattresses, then? Please do.
3) This I can do. And it's a good point, actually.
4) Yeah, I do this, in my own special way. I change my music.
5) Got a sleep ritual.
6) Telling college kids to keep regular hours is like trying to make a sloth train for a decathlon. We can't. Do. It.
7) Yeah, I do this. And it does help me crawl into bed and pass out. But I'm not sure that counts as "restful."
8) I'd like to think that caffeine is less of a "stimulant" to me now. Maybe something more important, like...hemoglobin.
9) I'm allergic to cigarette smoke.
10) AAAAnnnnd I'm not thinking killing my R.E.M. cycle is my issue here.

My conculsion: Teach me how to FIX MY BACK, damnit. This list sucks.

Oh, but here's the one that really amuses me.
NINE SEX TIPS
1) Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate- Okay, so I can see where they're going here. It's good to know what you like. But don't become like the guy from Sexy Losers who can't have sex because he's too used to doing it himself. 0.0
2) Lube makes the world go round.- Um, well, part of the idea of sex is to make your partner into it enough to make this unnecessary. Unless you're engaging in something which requires it. Relying on lube means you don't care. XP* Or you could just be having THAT much sex...
3) Never knock a sex toy until you've tried it. - Unless, of course, the idea of inserting a plug into your ass makes you the opposite of aroused. The interest has to be there. =_=;
4) Put a condom on it. - Agreed.
5) File your fingernails- Thank GOD someone said it. I don't know why it never occurs to guys that doing this might be a good idea.
6) Don't censor your fantasies- unless they involve chicken blood, babies,dead people, or your brother's wife.
7)If you're bored, hit the fast forward button.- No. If you're bored, you're doing it wrong.
8) Ask for what you want and you're more likely to get it.- Yes indeedy. We are not mind readers, now are we?
9) Sexual pleasure is a matter of individual preference- make up a tip of your very own.
That's cheating, but okay. Choose music that suits the mood you're in.

Do you guys agree that reading this stuff while you're peeing is a little strange?