Thank God

I'm too sleepy to remember if I mentioned it here, but the girl who is leasing the room after me decided to move in ten days early. So, after my boss talked to a few people, I get to move into my campus house on the 14th. (Hopefully this means our furniture will be back by the 14th...)

Maddo, will you and/or Trevor be available on the 14th or 15th to move the bookcase, desk, and papasan back into the house since they won't fit in my car? We can have a move-in party and pretend we're all back in Comic House. >>

Oh God. Me in the house, two weeks early? I am going to clean, like...baseboards. It's going to be terrible.

I hate networking so fucking much.

That is what supposedly provides internet to every room in this house.



At least one of those random wires is currently plugged into the wrong spot. If I were living in this house for any length of time, I would fix it and make everything work properly. Instead, I disconnected the damn thing from the modem, set up my wireless router, got help tripling its range, and then made it to where I am the only computer that can use it. So I am effectively the only person in the house with internet, which is fine, since no one else has paid me what they owe me.

That poor router reminds me of Key.

::EDIT::
Now with 100% more nipples.

::EDIT::
Now with 100% less incorrectly drawn right breast.
A male drew that art, I just know it.

Conundrum

Q. Eating the food of housemates that no longer live here makes me:

a) A terribly presumptuous person.
b) An opportunist who doesn't want stuff to go to waste.
c) Some dire combination of the two.

It's scary, tho. The downstairs freezer has a ton of Hot Pockets...and a whole turkey. Explain that to me if you can.

This is me blaming you again, Mike.

This house will make me a better Buddhist. Yes, let's treat it as a learning experience. I must develop compassion and understanding for those of humankind not born with enough brain cells to walk them across the street.

*deep breath*

I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why I found my modem completely unhooked today. That's right. I walk into the living room and find it unplugged from the cable, the power, and the ethernet, just sitting there on the floor. The cable hasn't been put back into the TV, and nothing else has been changed.

Unfortunately, I possess the power of thought, and thus cannot FATHOM why this was done, no matter how hard I try. So I'll just have to feel compassion for them. Which I do. I mean really: HOW DO YOU SLUTS EVEN MANAGE TO FIND YOUR ASSES WITH YOUR HANDS, YOUR BOYFRIEND'S HANDS, A FLASHLIGHT, AND LUBE?

I am a bad person. And there is rage.

So I walk into my bathroom to rinse out my cup, and all the drawers are open, and my stuff has been rearranged. NO ONE ELSE IS CURRENTLY USING THAT BATHROOM.

Everyone in this house deserves to die.

I never thought cats would be the enemy...

Until my housemates let a stray in last night. This morning I left the room to brush my teeth, came back, and caught it fucking with my rat. Just cleaned rat's cage, so he had no place to run and hide, which left him catatonic in fear for the next five minutes. Unmoving. Even whiskers entirely still. I gave the poor guy a hug and nudged him into a cereal box, so he hid in there until I left.

I booted the cat back out the door and told him quite sternly that if he ever came near S.T. again I was going to kick him.

Then I kinda petted him and fled. >> He had a bum foot, so it was impossible to keep my hatred pure.

Now I am sitting in the SUB listening to some old guy make fun of classical Italian music while doing a sound check. Yes, that requires singing in a drunken falsetto. It is going to be an odd day.

Close your eyes. It will all be over soon, I promise.

Every day that goes by brings me another reason to destroy my housemates. Luckily, all the ones on my list are moving out within the week, so hopefully the ones that replace them will be sane (like me >>). None of them know the girls who are moving in, so that's a hopeful sign.

But:
1) If you wash your clothes at 9AM, and dry them at 10, and then dry them again at 7PM, and then LEAVE THEM THERE, I will remove all your nasty-ass thongs and dry my own clothes because I actually have work in the morning. When you're sharing a house with people, GET A MOVE ON THE DAMNED LAUNDRY. And how DARE you own Superman briefs? You are not cool enough by far. - -;

2) If you tell me the internet is good until the 26th, and someone magically shows up on the 19th to disconnect it, thus leaving me without internet until the following Wednesday, I will craft a voodoo doll of you and boil it with lobsters.

3) Comcast: Fuck you and your $99 service fee. Fuck you hard. And while we're at it, fuck you for making it to where if anyone in the house wants cable it has to be in my name, too. I don't trust anyone else in this house with the brain cells it would require to hand me the money.

In other news, I start my first set of day shifts today. Whee! At least I'll be out of the house for most of the next four days.

I just almost fell asleep in the SUB.

Stupid fucking twat. I'm doing you a motherfucking favor by helping you get out of your lease early. The least you can do is let my exhausted ass into my own room and stop whining that I put my bookshelf in your more than adequately sized kitchen. Had I known you were going to extend my consciousnesstime by this long, I would have left the damn thing on your goddamn bed as a pre-emptive and silent fuck you.

Last week you told me 12:15 was when we'd meet. I get an e-mail today saying "oh, between 1 and 1:30."

I WILL END YOU.

::EDIT:: She called at 2.

The breasts, they do nothing...

I've been e-mailing people who need subletters for the summer. So far it has been...interesting. For example:

"Natalie:
Hi, I saw your flyer around campus and would be interested in subletting for the summer. I'd like some more information about the house, and maybe to see it and meet the other people who would be living there over the summer.

Thanks!"

And the reply:
"Hi Wren,

sorry, but the landlord actually wants it to be strictly a girl-house.
I just found this out wednesday night, so I havent been able to reprint flyers. thanks for your intrest though!
natalie"

After blinking a few times, I sent back a reply:
"That shouldn't be a problem, since I am in fact female."

I mean really. How? How can "Wren" possibly be a guy's name?

Also, my left knee has exploded. It keeps giving out, and is now swollen and angry. I am back on codeine. You have been warned. Monday I'm headed in to the doctor's.