There is no pleasing these people.

I smile. I offer to help with the dishes. I didn't bring my Blow Me or Porn shirt. I've been wearing skirts and keeping my elbows off the table. I even toned down my frigging hair and have been wearing a clear tongue stud.

So of course you have to find a problem elsewhere and assume I am making out with/boinking your son from anywhere from the living room couch, to the garage, to his sister's fucking BED. With no provocation. It's not like you walked in on us, or anything. And you know what? You haven't seen anything because there was nothing to see.

Which begs the question...

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM?

I don't care how much sleep I got. 6:30 AM my time to wake up?

UNACCEPTABLE. >.<

I am so many kinds of awesome

I finally found a Sim that will work for me. I still need to tweak her mouth a little, and the hair is a bit long, but I present to you the almost-complete Wrensim anyway!


This is mostly just to show you the eyes and the freckles. Cheeks are too plump at this point, and I abandoned that hairstyle in favor of one where the hair is down.





Full body. I think I did pretty damned good on my profile. I had no idea what my profile even LOOKED like before I started this. I may be, you know, ME, but I discovered that I had spent very little time actually paying attention to what I look like. Maddo and Sarah I did from memory, but me? Had to use just about every damned picture of me I own. (And that's a lot of pictures.)


Action shot one. Pensive Wren?

...I am SO putting grommets on that belt.


Action shot two. Could that possibly be a SMILE? >>

And then for a formal outfit, I decided that nothing but a femtux would do. Again, ignore the old hairstyle. (Though it doesn't look bad with the tophat!)


Ohhhh yeah.

Shakespeare just got to get paid, son.

Sarahsim is complete as scheduled. Next I am going to start work on Daryl, because Matt should be the easiest, and I CANNOT MAKE A SIM THAT LOOKS LIKE ME. Look. LOOK.


..Okay, ignore what she's doing, because that's actually pretty accurate.

Needs more bondage belt. And more glasses. I require librarian glasses.

But Sarahsim turned out quite well once I finally found hair that would work. She comes in two colors: blonde and black.



Some of the humor comes from the clothing names. Her bottom set is "Dark Jeans with All-Weather Black Sandals." If you know Sarah, you get it instantly. >>

I'm still trying to find her a black jacket. If I can figure out how to do some more hardcore editing, I'll be able to make her one.

I'm headed out of town until the 1st or so, so I won't be online much, but I'll be reachable by phone, e-mail, and blog. Sim project is on hiatus until I get back; Squeaker doesn't have Sims on it, and I'm leaving Papoose at work for the boys since we're terribly short next week and most of them will be stuck dispatching for eight hours or more. Putting a patrolperson behind a desk is a cruel crime.

And, before I go, a tale of three hundred cheerleaders and one old pervert. (I am so glad I get paid what I do. This and the cobweb+eye thing happened less than 24 hours apart. I have to GET A NEW CONTACT LENS.)

Ew.

Last night I was doing housing checks at 11PM and got a cobweb in my eye. Yeah, let's just combine my two phobias into one lovely package! I was so distracted when this happened that I ended up walking through a bush. Yes, through. I was on the phone with Mike. He can testify.

My probation ended today, so I am now officially UPS Security. I was told they liked me because I was reliable and am willing to help cover other people's shifts...and that I patrol with Partnerman too much. That's not my fault; I've told him it's an issue, and he will meet up with me anyway. But, summer is almost over, and I'll end up with new people in the fall, most likely, so I'm not too worried about this.

I have to finalize the Maddosim (she still needs an athletic outfit, and I want to tweak her eye color) and the Sarahsim (which I tested briefly before work) before I catch my plane tomorrow. I am still having a hard time getting my sim right. I guess I just need to break down and make a Read shirt and throw on some cargos and call it a day.

I heard you were dead (redux)

Nope, just recreating Comic House again. I cancelled my WoW account and bought The Sims 2, and have since been modding and skinning the game like crazy. My own character is proving very difficult to get right due to a lack of decent glasses templates, so last night I gave up and decided to work on Maddo.

Here is the real deal:


And here is the Maddosim:


There are a couple of differences, of course. The glasses are the wrong shape (but I did change the color to make them work better,) and real Maddo isn't wearing lipstick or smiling in her picture. XP*

I also made Maddosim an outfit that reminds me of two pieces of clothing I really associate with her. The shirt is her "The Protean Self" band shirt- hence the drama masks, and the pants are...red plaid pants. The original pants I used were gothic, had huge flares, and there were skulls and grommets everywhere. They were also guy's pants. So look on my works, ye mighty, and despair.



I'm going to try to tweak the belt to work better with the cut of the pants, and give her close-toed slippers instead of those sandals. The hair is a style I found online that I recolored to match her bleached red hair that she loved (and misses muchly.)

I made a Superman pj/underwear set for her, too, but the sim looks so much like her that I don't feel comfortable posting the screencap online. >.<; (The same goes for her swimsuit.) I'll probably make a Spiderman set, too, but the S logo was a lot easier to edit on than the webbing would be. (Daryl is totally getting Spidey boxers, tho.)

But, I will show you the formal dress I edited for her. It reminds me of a lot of her more formal clothes, among them the silk pants set she wore to Typhoon during that weekend in Seattle.



And that's it. That is why I am sitting here at work and am incredibly tired and headachy. Luckily this is my only 12-hour shift this go-round.

I'm going to start work on Sarah as soon as I can find a hairstyle that works. Why does no one make long hair tucked behind the ears? COME ON PEOPLE. That and standalone cartilage piercings seem to be impossible to locate.

Ohwait. I've just had an apostrophe. Now I just need to get back home to my editing program and try it out.

Merciful Heavens were not in today's forecast.

Dear Stockroom Idiot:
I do not get paid enough to talk to you when you are in your underwear. No, really. Trot back around the fucking corner and get out of my sight. I reject this entire situation.

You are a TERRORIST!

Telemarketing is permanent life destruction. We cannot LIVE!

Dear Partnerman:

I could have given you a long, angry response after you told me you were "trying to speed me up because I walk really slow," but I didn't. Instead, I kept walking at my normal pace and let you run off ahead; this may have annoyed you, but it also kept you alive. Thank me later.

I'm sorry that it's such an inconvenience to you, Manstork. I've had to go through physical therapy twice in the past six years so I could walk. I've broken both my legs, and my knees have gone out twice. Because of this, on damp, chilly days my joints stiffen and my old fractures ache. But, none of that is information you need to know, because what you think of me does not matter. You're not my boss, you're just some kid with a big mouth and no tact who's two inches taller and a year ahead of me.

Tonight happends to be one of those damp and chilly days. I cannot walk any faster right now because of my lovely arthritic flare-up. You're lucky I'm walking at all. But you know what? It shouldn't be a fucking problem, anyway, because no one ever said you and I have to patrol together. In fact, last shift we got in trouble because they think we hang out too much. Head off on your own so you can "cover more ground" and leave me be.

Kthxdie.

Is spending time with family supposed to be that emotionally exhausting?

Erm.

I woke up this morning, and my hair was wavy.

I have no styling stuff with me, so I just kinda stared and went "Ah, fuck it."

Also, my cell phone is dead, so any calls today will be missed. If I'm needed, e-mail me.

Whee!

We just biked ten miles.

God, that was so much fun.

Hardtail I was on sucked so much ass, tho. Oh my God. The seat was made of freaking MARBLE, for one. Definitely not getting that bike. XD

With age comes BORING.

I've been thinking about this more and more intently since it idly crossed my mind at Point Defiance the other day. I was sitting on the sand cliffs at the end of the point, looking out at the bridge, enjoying the stiff breeze that always comes off the water there. The tide was out, so a ways below me was a pebble beach with really nice-looking waves that was absolutely vacant. I wanted to go down there, and there was a path down the side of the cliff, but I didn't.

Ten years ago I would have headed down that path without a second thought. That day I sat there and immediately thought "where would I leave my book? I'm wearing the wrong shoes for that. I could fall or roll my ankle. Getting back up would be a pain. What if the tide comes in?"

What the fuck! Ten years ago I would have stashed my book in a tree and gone down the damn slope BAREFOOT if I thought it would give me a better grip. What the hell happened to me? Is this adulthood creeping up?

I say fuck that. I'm going back there when I get back to town and climbing down that damned path and sitting on that beach. The last thing I want to do is forget how to have fun or lose my sense of adventure.

"Quick, to the Uglymobile!"

Uglymobile.

I ended up sleeping under the sink last night because Fam's snoring was so bad. When she woke up at 4:45 AM and headed for the bathroom, she freaked out when she found me on the floor. I was perfectly comfortable!

But, I now have my own room in the bed-and-breakfast we're staying at. Which is a very lovely house, and the owner seems nice. A little brusque. There is a wine-and-cheese tasting at 6PM, and a hot tub. Fam and I are going to see The Lake House tonight, and then go on a 6-mile bike trail around the lake tomorrow. (That will get me even more psyched to buy my bike when I get back into town.)

Apparently Coeur d'Alene is the white supremecist capital of the nation. I have seen one non-white person since we arrived, and people have been FREAKING OUT about my hair. It's a little unsettling, but at least the lake is pretty. It's like I told Fam: come here for the scenery, not the culture.

We may do some shopping tomorrow, too. I'm in a jewelry mood. I need earrings.

My aunt snores.

I am so fucking tired.

In which I almost die a lot.

Fam decided to rent a full-size luxury sedan and drive us from the airport to the hotel. While on Valium.

DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE THE FORESIGHT TO SEE THE PROBLEM HERE?

"Oh, I feel fine!"
"I know you do. Trust me, I can TELL that you feel perfectly fine."

But I let her. That is a mistake I will never make again.

1) Directions are impossible for someone on Valium to understand, apparently, because "take the next left" becomes "let's merge onto the highway!"

2) It is permissable to make left turns from the rightmost lane out of four of a one-way street. On a red light. Three times in a row.

3) Left turns no longer need to yield to oncoming traffic, either. That convertible CLEARLY has brakes, and should be using them right about...NOW.

It was like being stuck on a rollercoaster in an amusement park run by Pennywise the Clown. Downtown Spokane will never be the same. Though, looking out the window, that may be a good thing.

Plane Post

Blogging from a propeller plane. I think my feet are going to go numb from the vibrations before we get there. I am so glad the flight only lasts for 45 minutes.

So apparently we're not going to a spa at all. We're just going to a town neither of us have ever really been to...for two days. I think I remember there being a bike trail around the lake, tho, so hopefully this won't end too badly. Fam is quite cracked out so she can fly, and it has been a little stressful, but if things settle down I'll be peachy.

Not much to say except I want a new iPod, a bike, a motorcycle, and a corgi. I'm obsessed. And the answer to this is obviously the episode of Cowboy Bebop where Ein appears.

I fucking love this computer.

Dear Prostitot Cheerleaders:

1) Put some goddamn pants on. I don't need to see your ass, Ms. Hot Pants. You are 12. Girl in thong who got locked out of her room, you are 16, and only SLIGHTY more forgiven.

2) It is not funny to go "hee hee! Wren's back! Haven't you been here, like, three times already?"
"...yes." STOP LEAVING WITHOUT YOUR KEYS.

3) After I open your door, don't stare at it and go "How do I unlock this big boy?" Do keys not EXIST in your orbit?

4) To the six girls who got locked out of their rooms at once after showering. The proper response to seeing me is:
a) To shout "yay, the keys are here!" and run screaming at me to give me a soggy loliphile group hug.
b) To not do the above.

I'll give you a hint. It's not a). I am not "the keys", and the idea of having you all pawing at me in joy makes me wish I were a turtle so I could just drop and HIDE IN AN IMPENETRABLE SHELL. Other people, however, seem to find it amusing:

Prince Abubu: I had six soaking wet cheerleaders try to give me a group hug when I unlocked their rooms last night.
John: ohh man
Prince Abubu: I almost killed them
John: I am just trying to see that
John: wow that is really funny
Prince Abubu: It was me screaming 'no, no! Ladies, we do NOT touch the security guard!"
John: ha ha ha, ohh man
John: that is good
John: that improved my mood greatly
Prince Abubu: well, I'm glad someone benefitted from my pain. XP*

Well, that was unexpected.

While I'm messing around on the time entry menu today I discover that I am now making 12.45 an hour.

I have always hated spinach

And I'm pretty sure I always will. But whatever.

There are easier ways for me to be healthier, anyway. I've stopped buying pop and junk food for the house. I also have foods that take time to make, so I'm less likely to eat out of boredom. And I don't carry enough money to buy fast food (I have this thing about credit cards at fast food places. I dunno.)

I've been craving chocolate ice cream for three days now, tho. Or is it four or five? But now I have an attack of stubborness, and I refuse to give in because it would depress me, anyway.

>>

Yes, Wren Self-Prevention at work again. I know me too well. Too bad I won't be able to do this once I'm back eating full-time at the SUB.

Zach's Back

Gotta love those random texts at 11PM...

Zach: Nice hair.
Me: How the hell... (I thought he was in Germany, and had not seen him since last month.)
Zach: Saw you earlier.
Me: Why didn't you come say hi? =(
Zach: Wasn't an option. (...)
Me: Okay then.
Zach: How is work and summer?
Me: Work is great, but summer is boring, since most people are out of town still.

And then he stopped texting, which leads me to believe he was too drunk to continue pushing buttons.

*relief*

Well, I got a low B in Oceanography after all was said and done, which boosted my entire (though not my major) GPA closer to a respectable number. Hopefully I do better next semester, too. Regular exercise should help boost my immune system and energy levels, for one.

"Tattoo removal services are making a killing off people’s stupidity. "- Seth Macfarlane

So very, sadly true.

Reminds me of the time Flamer Matt wanted me to lotion his freshly done tattoos, one kanji on each shoulder. He told me what they meant, and I knew enough Japanese to realize he was wrong...just not enough to know what he'd actually gotten himself branded with.

Dear Body:

Please tell me why you have stopped liking chicken. Do you know how hard it is going to be to eat out anywhere now?

Love,
Brain

Safeway

Little Girl: "WHOA! What color is her hair!"
Biker Dad: *looks down aisle, proceeds to throw up the horns at me*
Me: *taking this in stride* "I don't know, what color IS my hair?"
Biker Mom: "It looks green, doesn't it honey!"
Little Girl: "Did you make it that way?"
Me: "Yes I did!"
Biker Dad: "No she didn't! All faeries have green hair!"
Me: "...not a fairy."
Biker Dad: "She's a faerie!"
Me: *FLEE*
Little Girl: "YOU'RE NOT A FAIRY! YOU'RE NOT A FAIRY!"
Biker Mom: "Hush!"

Biker Dad, you fail.

Ah, Fourth of July...

Fin.

I NEED TO NOT DO THINGS LIKE THIS

*room is full of security people, eating tons of food and chilling. The door is locked, and a sign on the door says KNOCK, WE'RE OPEN.*
Friend: "I cannot BELIEVE how much money you guys are making right now. LOOK AT YOU!"
Me: "I know! I'm making 18 dollars an hour to *yak* ...cough on lemons!"
Room: "..."
Me: *hysterical laughter*
Friend: "The sad thing is that is NOT the first time I've heard someone say that."

It took me a full five minutes to stop laughing.

Actually, I lied.

I'm still laughing. *snerk*

Oh, do continue...

"That's George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three—three or four books about him last year. Isn't that interesting?"—President Bush, showing German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann the Oval Office, Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

Bitches!

"I am having lunch!"
"I had breakfast made for me. Hah."
"Yes, and you have a wonderful girlfriend, which is a luxury I don't possess."
"Aww, I'm sure you'll find the right girl for you one day."
"Hardly. They're pretty to look at, but I'd go insane if I dated one."
"Funny, now that you mention that..."
"XD"

I really love my coworkers. I'm filling in for a kid who swears up and down he's sick (I call Fourth of July Jungle Fever), but I'm not about to complain because I'm making 12 hours worth of time-and-a-half for being here. Also, the grave shift is coming back around 6, and we're going to have a 4th-of-July barbeque. All in all, far more than I would have been doing had I not been called in, and while making $215.

God, that's as much as I used to get as my entire PAYCHECK at Blockbuster. I cannot believe I spent two years there.

On another note: I'll be spending my free time today making a Blue Seed AMV.

Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

Two stories

Both posted over at customers suck:

Summer lovin, having a blast! Summer lovin, happened so fast. I met a girl, crazy for me, I met a guy, cute as can be. Summer days, drifting away, but ah! for those summer nights!

In your itsy bitsy teeny weeny riding up the butt bikini, keeping on the heels cuz you're sagging just a teeny bit more than the girls he pretends he doesn't thrill, rubbing on the lotion, and rockin on the horse sized pills.

Typing to keep myself awake

After work yesterday, I actually fell asleep sitting up while arranging my bedclothes around me. I woke up a few hours later lying on my legs, completely disoriented, and in an incredible amount of pain due to my hip being pissed off. Feels fine now, tho. Still, I didn't think I was -quite- that tired.

The dispatcher and I had a mind-reading moment today when Partnerman walked in wearing a pumpkin, red, purple, and grey plaid shirt over a red undershirt with white shorts and orange flip-flops. Everything was going fine until we made eye contact. She grinned, I snickered, and it was downhill from there.

Partnerman's roomie: "What are you guys laughing at?"
Me: "We're having a girl moment. It would be best not to notice."
Partnerman: "What?"
Dispatcher: "It looks like you just got in from Hawaii."
Me: "Don't be silly! There's no plaid in Hawaii!"
Partnerman: - -;;

It was the white shorts that did me in, in all honesty. Though he usually has better dress sense than that. When we first started working together I had him pegged for a nerd because he always buttoned his polo up completely (including the forbidden "dork button"). Well, one day he forgot, and I learned the actual reason why. Thus, I assume today was laundry day.

Days off!

So, who wants to go see The Devil Wears Prada with me? I ADORE Meryl Streep.

Icons and hate

Straight from the PotC: Dead Man's Chest trailer. Johnny's next line is "I happen to have no dress in my cabin!"

Unfortunately, due to the amount of time I spent getting the perfect screenshot for this icon, I'm pretty convinced Elizabeth and Jack don't actually kiss. Her eyes are open, his are shut, and she pulls away from him slightly.

Maybe she's just a tease and there's still hope for hot sex. Happy thoughts, Wren.


This one is for Maddo. And those of you who see the movie MUST AGREE THAT IT IS TRUE. Tumnus crowns her and thinks "ah, now to wait ten years." *thumb-twiddle*

Though I can't decide if I should make one that is less overly cheesy and more, I dunno, less subtly joking. Maybe if I can master the art of the animated gif I'll give it another go.

Here's the banner I made, also for Maddo. (Tell me if you want different dimensions...)

Yes, that is star eraser brush+lens flare. SHAMELESS. ^^


And finally, what happens when you have twelve hours of shift and one actual hour of work to do. Yah, that's a sketch from Poe's LJ, badly colored and butchered by me at 4AM.

It's not easy being green... ^____^

I was just completely shunned by a lone Mormon.

Good thing he's headed off-campus today; it's rather hard to ignore a Maglite.

One of the camp counselors called last night and complained that we weren't sending female officers to do admits for the Mormon girls. Well, we kinda can't, when there are only two female patrol members out of 14 or so people able to let you in. So shut up.

I then got into a debate with Tom about whether this counselor would be more upset if he was sent to let them in, or I was. We figured it was pretty even until I suggested I hit on the girls as I was admitting them. I'm not a mean person, however, so will refrain from doing so without justifiable provocation.