I shall attempt to not be angsty

I woke up this morning and decided I was totally dissatisfied with everything. I think I must have been in the wrong stage of sleep when the damn alarm went off. =) It may have also been Fam yelling at me about whether or not we should put the mail for UPS in the mailbox or if she should take it to the post office. Why does it matter? It's not due for another 15 days.

Plus, she dug through my papers to find the stuff to get it ready to mail. MY room. MY papers. MY precioussss... (second time this week, AGH!) I no longer mess with ANY of her stuff or go in her and Unc's room because she says it's an invasion of her private space. I wish she'd respect MY wishes and treat my stuff in the same way. But every time I ask her to, she gets all pissy and starts ranting about how everyone's always picking on her.

Maybe if you'd butt out, bitch, we'd pick on you less. =_=

But-- one loser worry of mine has been gotten rid of. We're gonna have wireless internet in the apartment. So really, now all I'll need is a mini-fridge and a lock and I'll never have to leave my room. My own bathroom, my laptop, my PS2, my soda/tea, and a door that will never open unless I say so. ^ ^ So...I'll stay on the internet and listen to music all day.
Or dance, since I know no one will barge in and embarass me.

Not that I'm a bad dancer. I just don't like people to come in on me while I'm doing it.

Oh! Good news! I can hear today!

Alright. Off to see how much money my job put in my account. I have contacts to buy.

GAH!!

I can't hear. My right ear is completely infected and blocked up, and now my left is starting to go. In my loud classes today I had to read lips.

SUCK.

Something has been bothering me about myself for a long time that I just now put my finger on. Now I just need to go off and think of a semi-understandable explanation.

::EDIT AFTER SLEEP::
Mini-MOD asked me last night if I was scared/nervous/worried about going off to college, and it set off what I wrote above. On the drive home I thought about it, and I realized what has been bothering me. Now I think I can put it into words, but I may not have time to finish right now.

I used to think that losing mom and all that trauma, etc., back when I was in 8th grade didn't mess me up. People always seem to think that teens who lose their parents have to be depressed/messed up in some way. And I didn't seem to be. I just kind of picked up the pieces and moved on.

Now that bothers me. It shouldn't have been that easy. And I think I know how I did it.

When change happens to me, I just accept it. It never seems to sink in. I don't get excited about trips, I don't get overly upset when people die. The only reason I hate moving is because it's an inconvenience and I always break something I like. Where I go and where I'm leaving don't really seem to matter. It's like every time something different comes along I go "Oh, okay..." and roll with it.

To a certain extent I guess it's good, but it still bothers me. Have I been doing this my whole life, or is this a direct result of losing mom/my hometown/my best friend so suddenly?

I have a feeling when it comes time to go to college I'm just gonna board the plane...and not really realize where I'm going.

I can't explain it any better. ::cue Comfortably Numb- Pink Floyd::

And the above makes me sound like some type of sociopath, but...I'm really not. I care a lot about the people around me and the thought of losing ANY of them makes me almost physically ill. It's just that if they do move away or something worse, something inside me shuts down, and I don't get hurt. I sometimes get this mental image of stuff flying at me, and all of the sucky stuff just goes right through and leaves nothing. I don't like that idea.

I guess the simplest way to say it is this: I don't grieve.

EDIT BEFORE H/W::
And....I just pissed of a good friend of mine. fuck. me.

On a less serious note: If I EVER hear any of the following three things ever again, my head is going to explode and then I'll kill whoever was dense enough to do it.
1) "What's Puhgett Sound?" o.O !! "Pughett" ? PUGET. Long U, morons.
2) ::said with a knowing nod:: "Oh, Puget Sound. Music school, right?" No, you lame asses. Learn geography.
3) "You're going to work for UPS"? I can't BEGIN to say how angry that makes me.

Hee. All three of those happened in a row today. So it came to mind.

Off to go beat myself up for my own stupidity.

AGH!

Woke up this morning all prepared to have a nice, relaxing comic/e-mail browse...and discovered that at some point during the wee hours of the morning Fam had piled dirty dishes on top of my laptop AND my art project.

Moral of the story? DON'T FUCKING LEAVE YOUR STUFF WHERE SHE CAN GET TO IT! Both items are fine, but...::shudder::

HMPH. Am now quite pissy. I have an urge to stay in my room all day jealously guarding my beloved things. . . but I am above such materialistic concern. (::thinking: my precioussss::)

*cough* mmmhm. Quite right.

::EDIT BEFORE WORK::

Oh. This is the second thing I woke up to today. For all those who haven't seen it before. It's the MASTER SWORD. AIIIIIE!!



SO hot.

TADAAAA!!!

Here are the options for my project that's due tomorrow. I cant decide whether I'm pleased or embarassed. These are the two final options. I chose #1..with a little help because I can be sadly indecisive.

ONE


TWO

Well...I went back to the doc. I officially have a horrendus infection in my right sinus and ear. I am supposed to take massive, scary antibiotic pills, two types of allergy medicine, cough supressant, and eat lots of yogurt and drink lots of water and take long, hot showers.

In other words, I will soon be better. Assuming the antibiotics don't...uh...mess me up. >_<

BWAHAHA!! Off I go to watch the Simpson's infamous Hank Scorpio in You Only Move Twice. VWEE HEE HEE HEE...


::EDIT BEFORE HOMEWORK::

Oh, here's this, but don't click it. Any of you.

MMMMM. That is SO HOT.

Know what? "I live in a mother fucking pot" is the funniest thing I have ever read. It just sounds so...bitter....

I laugh quasi-hysterically every time I see it.

New development: Now my sinuses ache and I can't hear out of my right ear. My appetite is also completely gone. From a very, very dispassionate standpoint I am amazed at how much this sickness has mutated. It seems almost alive, and literally out to get me.

I really AM going to do homework today.

::EDIT BEFORE FINALLY DOING H/W::
What I should have put in my Senior Wills: "STL- I leave you my health, since you seem to want it so badly."

That makes me smile.


::EDIT DURING BREAK FROM H/W::
"My anger has failed and become Totoro." -me

ARGUMENT FROM BITTERNESS: (Sickness II) (Extended Version)
1) If God existed, he would hate me.
2) Freshman year I caught pneumonia.
3) Sophomore year I broke both my legs by running.
4) I was also put in the hospital later for a still unidentified illness.
5) Junior year I caught poison ivy for the first time. On my face.
6) I also had to keep my hand bandaged becuase of all the oozing.
7) Senior year I caught what feels like TB.
8) People have also been crashing into my car when I'm in it.
9) My plants keep dying for no reason.
10) I need to give my suffering meaning.
3) God must hate me.
4) Therefore, God exists.

Proofs of God

In Philosophy we were handed out a sheet of 300 some-odd Proofs that God exists. While they poke fun at many aspects of Christian belief, I decided I should make a few of my own. I'll post a few of the originals up later.

ARGUMENT FROM PARADOX, aka SICKNESS I (Athiest's Illness)
1)God punishes all non-believers.
2) I am a non-believer.
3) I am always sick.
4) God is making me sick as punishment for not believing in Him.
5) Therefore, God exists.
::head explodes::

ARGUMENT FROM BITTERNESS: (Sickness II)
1) If God existed, he would hate me.
2) I am always sick.
3) God must hate me.
4) God exists.

These will make more sense when I get around to adding some of the "real" ones.

::EDIT 8:37 PM::

MORAL ARGUMENT (II)
1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, theiving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.
2) That all changed once I became religious.
3) Therefore God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION:
1) See this bonfire?
2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
1) Millions and millions of people believe in God.
2) They can't all be wrong, can they?
3) Therefore God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
2) Therefore, God exists.

OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)
1) Check out this video segment.
2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?
3) Therefore God exists.

CALVANISTIC ARGUMENT:
1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured forever.
2) I rather like that idea.
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LONLINESS
1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
2) I'm lonely, and I want a best friend.
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE ECONOMICS
1) Protestent Christian nations are rich.
2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORMATTING
1) Behold, foolish Atheists, I present yout with an incontroverible proof of the existence of God.
2) [Christian posts a 10,000 word document without a single paragraph break.]
3) [Atheists eyes implode.]
4) I see nobody can refute (2).
5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PREFFERED ANCESTRY:
1) I don't want to be related to monkeys.
2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE (II) (MODIFIED SIMPSON'S ARGUMENT)
1) God, if you exist, pelase give me absolutely no sign.
2)
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE (I)
1) The POA clearly states that America is "One nation, under God..."
2) They existence of God is thus a necessary condition for the existence of America.
3) America exists.
4) Therefore God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BRUTE FORCE:
1) [Christian tears Darwin Fish off car, breaks it in thirds, and sticks it to driver's side window.]
2) Therefore, the theory of evolution is wrong.
3) Therefore, creationism is right.
4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COLLEGE FUNDING (usable by parents only)
1) You believe in God.
2) If I ever find out that you don't believe in God, you won't get any money for college!
3) Therefore, God exists.

::bows:: That is all, g'night folks!

Drum Machine

KAWAII!!!

Ddautta

Batman- I finally broke down and had the sushi bar green tea you gave me way back when. Allow me to say that you have made my life. With every sip, no less.

AHHHHHHHH....time to go back to sleep.

Bored, cold, and lonely. The world is a harsh place. I'm sick of feeling like crap.

I wish everyone could feel how miserable this is. I was so relieved to finally be back in bed after school today that I almost started crying. And I also had no idea how much I ached until I went without codeine at school today. There are only four pills left. Why am I not feeling much improved? I guess coughing so hard that I pulled a neck muscle, thus fucking up my shoulders and neck so's I couldn't keep my head straight up had something to do with it. It's a little better, now, thanks to all the Icy Hot, but I still can't turn my neck all the way to the left or the right. And it huuuuuurts.

But! I've already made up two quizzes. Now I just wish I could find Wuthering Heights. It bothers me that I lost it so soon after getting it assigned to me.

SLAM hasn't called yet, either. Everyone must be sick of me and my wretchedness.

I am so fucking sick of soup and grilled cheese. [/angsty blog-whore]

Found out why Fam's getting a new laptop. Seems as though she fell asleep with the old one on the bed, knocked it off, and "shattered" it.

My my. This is more reason to keep her away from mine.

I just had a perfectly serious conversation about whether or not masturbating with a cucumber is the plant version of bestiality.

Alright. Time for a pre-drugged post. For the next 12 hours, I will be....gone. ((Damn meds.))

It seems that Fam has ordered a new computer. I don't get it. She's ruined the desktop and the pentium three we got last year, and now she wants another? To do what, exactly? She can't even get on the internet without my help! ( See the family trying to deal with technology post)

This is sexy to people on morphine-related drugs.

Stereoscopic Animated Hypercube


Ooooooh, baby.

::sigh of relief::

My doctor actually came through for once. Instead of the "you're sick, go home" bit I usually get, he understood that I feel like I could just DIE my back and abs are so sore, so he gave me some Tylenol+Codeine for when I'm not at school to make the pain go away. Despite the messy longness of the previous sentence I am not on it yet. He also told me to take that evil freaking cough supressant syrup and gave me a D-hist line of pills, too.

So the moral, boys and girls? I will at least be too drugged to CARE that I'm sick. AH, thank you. Even if you ARE my stalker Pediatrician.

I have also already hidden the Ty+Cod from Fam, since the last time I got it prescribed she took it away b/c "it's addictive". This time the bitch is NOT gonna ruin my sleep. BWAHAHA.

MiniFam has strep. Bet you I get better then get sick with THAT. I would be so pissed.

Oh....h wow. The codeine is kicking in. Goodbye.

There is a new vacuum cleaner sitting in the study. This is only notable b/c she has bought five new vacuums in the course of the four years I've been living with her. And that does not include the small army of the portable car vacs she's tested out and decided were not good enough.

Sasquatch came into work today to show us his new knife. OH MY FUCKING DEITY. Thirteen-inch, forged steel blade with a slight curve and some scrollwork, wooden hilt...well-balanced...agh.

I almost had an orgasm. It was the most fantastically yummy thing I have ever seen. I have no respect for anything cast metal, but if it's got a forged blade? I die. That's it. I'm gone.

...

I am a tempered weapon skank.

::EDIT TWO DAYS LATER::

Biker: and im OBESSED with his accent
Biker: of my god its soooooooooooo orgasmic
Wren: lol....I had almost had an orgasm at work yesterday.
Biker: ?
Wren: Sasquatch brought in his new forged steel 13" knife.
Biker: ah
Wren: forged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wren: ....and it was a replica of aragorn's elf blade.
Biker: he got it at that store i'll bet
Biker: we saw those there when i went with chris
Wren: he ordered it...
Wren: it was BALANCED! it was reeaaaaaaaal!!!! ::dies::
Biker: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.............................;-)
Wren: no, no! it was hand made...somebody hammered it out! old-fashion-style! they took the time to carve a wooden hilt and BALANCE the damn thing!!!
Wren: <3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Biker: you are bizarre
Wren: it's sexy!!!
Wren: sexy I say!!

A note on debate technique:

When trying to make yourself not seem like a total bitch, "Why does the kitchen look like a tornado's gone through it?" is not even remotely similar to a nicely intended "Why didn't you do it?"

The first will only get the door slammed on you, especially if that was the second sentence out of your mouth upon returning home in two days.

The second just might get you the actual explanation.

Oh, and don't EVEN fucking ask me if I want to have warm-fuzzy pseudo-housewife-cooky-with-the-mother-figure-time after all of this. And if you ever compare me to your four-year-old daughter again I'm going to hide her paci and melt all her bottles and THEN what will you do to shut her up?

I have made a most shocking discovery, minasan. Last night SLAM and I were fooling around with my Chinese Astrology book, and we decided it would be fun to see what Unc and Fam were. Well, turns out they are both snakes, and BANG!- I have the third lowest compatibility with a snake. Here's what the write-up on tigers and snakes says:

These two don't have much in common and they approach life from very different angles and perspectives. The dramatic Tiger is more outspoken than the Snake, and likes to follow gut feelings instead of the head. On the contrary, the secretive snake is always suspicious of everyone, including the Tiger, and prefers to organize things in a more systematic way. Conflicts blah misunderstanding blah.

HA! This is so true! It also explains why our door is ALWAYS locked and we have this massive security system. And, of, course, why Fam insists on re-arranging the kitchen constantly.

Also: Snake is SLAM's conflict sign. No wonder he sees nothing in my family and has issues with his snake family members, as well. He's living with two of his three least compatible signs. We had a grand laugh about this.

MMMM, I hope that couscous gets done soon.

I hope I'm a bit less sick tomorrow. I'm taking meds today and forcing myself to rest so that hopefully I won't die over the weekend while I'm working. AGH. I dreamed I quite last night. I dunno. I have reached that point where I don't care and it's lovely. We'll see how much more I can take.

It would go so much better for me if I a) took my handcuffs back down from my rear-view mirror and b) stopped reading the lips of the people in the car next to me.

AGH

I love fixing other people's problems. I think I'll just BUY them a new computer. Then I'd have fewer problems. I know less than the computer guy. It shows a lot about them that they trust ME more.

Another blow to my pride

And who else should I share it with than you, Random Reader??

Well, I was in Japanese class today with all my underclassmen pets...if you will. Everything was chaotic, as usual, so people were milling about. It didn't help that El Politicito was selling candy.

That's what got me. I went for the candy cuz I was a bit hungry, and as I walked behind Orangutan Boy he whirled around and ran into me by accident. I was knocked backwards and almost fell over, I was dizzy, and within three seconds my left eye was watering. I had to go to the nurse to get an icepack for my eyebrow, which is now a bit swollen, and there will be bruising.

None of this would be an issue had his CHIN not caused the damage.

I am SO SHORT!!! And I was in a pair of my tall shoes!!! If I had been barefoot, his damn chin would have missed me completely.

XD ::joy::

Gave Batman a spaghetti squash plant today, so now am down to...14 (counting the other two that have homes right now). She chose the one I would have given her, too. He is a very happy plant who has a nice new home and will grow to produce much kids.

By the way, dahling, you'll need to pollinate the flowers. I'll tell you how when the time comes. Oh, and I'd recommend pinching the first flush of blooms so the plant can get big and strong before it starts reproducing, kay?

I adopted a cherry tomato plant today out of sympathy. I don't much like tomatos, but they "do well in clay pots", so I shall see if it survives and put in in a clay pot. It is possible that I may also pawn it off on the Self-Important Radio GOD. That is, if I can bear to have my poor plant thrown into the maw of an asshole.

Time to go to bed. I need to get used to this sleeping thing. It's nice. I may have issues going to bed tonight, tho, on account of this odd scent that has taken over my bed. It's distracting.