Proofs of God

In Philosophy we were handed out a sheet of 300 some-odd Proofs that God exists. While they poke fun at many aspects of Christian belief, I decided I should make a few of my own. I'll post a few of the originals up later.

ARGUMENT FROM PARADOX, aka SICKNESS I (Athiest's Illness)
1)God punishes all non-believers.
2) I am a non-believer.
3) I am always sick.
4) God is making me sick as punishment for not believing in Him.
5) Therefore, God exists.
::head explodes::

ARGUMENT FROM BITTERNESS: (Sickness II)
1) If God existed, he would hate me.
2) I am always sick.
3) God must hate me.
4) God exists.

These will make more sense when I get around to adding some of the "real" ones.

::EDIT 8:37 PM::

MORAL ARGUMENT (II)
1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, theiving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.
2) That all changed once I became religious.
3) Therefore God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION:
1) See this bonfire?
2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
1) Millions and millions of people believe in God.
2) They can't all be wrong, can they?
3) Therefore God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
2) Therefore, God exists.

OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)
1) Check out this video segment.
2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?
3) Therefore God exists.

CALVANISTIC ARGUMENT:
1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured forever.
2) I rather like that idea.
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LONLINESS
1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
2) I'm lonely, and I want a best friend.
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE ECONOMICS
1) Protestent Christian nations are rich.
2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORMATTING
1) Behold, foolish Atheists, I present yout with an incontroverible proof of the existence of God.
2) [Christian posts a 10,000 word document without a single paragraph break.]
3) [Atheists eyes implode.]
4) I see nobody can refute (2).
5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PREFFERED ANCESTRY:
1) I don't want to be related to monkeys.
2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE (II) (MODIFIED SIMPSON'S ARGUMENT)
1) God, if you exist, pelase give me absolutely no sign.
2)
3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE (I)
1) The POA clearly states that America is "One nation, under God..."
2) They existence of God is thus a necessary condition for the existence of America.
3) America exists.
4) Therefore God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BRUTE FORCE:
1) [Christian tears Darwin Fish off car, breaks it in thirds, and sticks it to driver's side window.]
2) Therefore, the theory of evolution is wrong.
3) Therefore, creationism is right.
4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COLLEGE FUNDING (usable by parents only)
1) You believe in God.
2) If I ever find out that you don't believe in God, you won't get any money for college!
3) Therefore, God exists.

::bows:: That is all, g'night folks!