Chemistry is so good at making me feel so goddamn dumb.

::EDIT AFTER LOTS OF WHIPPED CREAM::
So I just found out that the chem class I'm in is intended for juniors at my uni, but last year the chem department decided to discontinue Chem 111 and bump all us freshies into chem 230 instead. So now we're struggling with stuff the course assumes we already know. People have been crying in lab. It is freaking TERRIBLE.

So the profs tell us the reason why they did it was because it emphasises how necessary accuracy and stuff are with measurements for all the pre-med students. If we're off by 3% bla bla side effects death bla bla bla...and yes, it is a valid point. I want my doctors to be good at that sort of thing. But I am not pre-med.

I wanted to raise my hand and go "Um, I hate people and want to work at a zoo, can I be excused?"

I mean REALLY. The Asian Crested Porcupine isn't going to care if I accidentally give him an extra food pellet. Big biology and higher-level math do not go hand in hand. They don't tango. They don't even say "hi" when they pass each other on the street.

So why the hell am I trying to make them get along in my head?

It's been a while...

And one of my hallmates just asked me to go drinking with him. It's cheap wine, which used to be my fave back in the day when I drank regularly, and I don't know him very well, so it'd be kind of fun.

Then again, I'm so used to not drinking.

Then again, I'm bored, and I know better than to get drunk in some semi-stranger's room. So it's not like I'd wake up in the morning with my pants tying my wrists to his bedpost. *laughs at her shameless story reference*

One glass of port it is, then. *grins*

Stop looking at me like that.

I got roses today. Made me blush.

argh

I can't tell if I have a lot of stuff to do today or not.

Everything Is Everything

Things are gonna change
But not for better
Don't know what it means to me
But it's hopeless, hopeless
Gotta get you home
To be with anyone
I think of what I've done
You know it all

Everything is everything
The more I talk about it
The less I do control
Everything means everything
Can't understand a word
Half of the stuff we're saying

The things I do possess
Sometimes they own me too
Whatta they gone a do to me
If it's hopeless hopeless?
What I can't explain
I'm sure you get it well
And since I always wanted
I always wanted you

Everything is everything
The more I talk about it
The less I do control
Everything means everything
Can't understand a word
Half of the stuff we're saying

Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
This is what I want
Look at what it did to me
Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
This is what you want
This is what you get instead

Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
This is what you want?
I always wanted you

Everything is everything
The more I talk about it
The less I do control
Everything means everything
Can't understand a word
Half of the stuff we're saying

Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
The more I talk about it
The less I do control
Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
Can't understand a word
Half of the stuff we're saying
Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
The more I talk about it
The less I do control
Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
Can't understand a word
Half of the stuff we're saying

*whimpers*

I don't know if it's stress or not, but after writing that last blog post I came down sicker than I have been at all this year. My head feels like it's being squeezed with an industrial rubber band, my lungs are full of fluid, and my entire body feels sick to its stomach. I want you to try to imagine that sensation.

*crawls back in bed* At least I don't have a fever.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Classically articulate, as usual. Since I currently don't have the patience to put up with a one-sided conversation, I'm going to tell you in text exactly why I am so pissed off at you right now that I can't even breathe normally.

First of all, when you tell me that I am at the wrong college and that I could "get a better education somewhere else," you are insulting me in several ways. You are telling me that I can't make good decisions, that I am wasting my time in a place where I am perfectly happy, and that I am wasting my money. Also, it implies that you think I am doing some sort of harm to my future because of this.

And that is why you got told to fuck off and butt out. Don't ever tell me that I am wasting my life in a place I chose-- that I am satisfied with. Do you know how long it has been since I have felt content to be somewhere? Happy to be somewhere? That I BELONG somewhere? And you want me to pick it up and move because you think I'm wrong?

That's rather arrogant of you, really. You're not me. How the FUCK do you know what I need?

"We both know you'd do better as a zoology major." Well, no, we both obviously DON'T, since I am not one. So now you're saying I haven't thought things through. Has it ever occured to you that I went to this school for a reason? Yes, it doesn't have a zoology major. Yes, I fucking took that into account. And I obviously decided that Bio was the better route. No, I am not going to explain myself or my reasoning to you. I don't answer to you.

I'm also mad because you're being completely hypocritical. How miserable are you right now because you let people tell you what was best for you? So why are you trying to do it to me? People have to make their own choices and LIVE by them. How else are you going to find out what you want?

I'm really disappointed. I thought you thought more of me than this. And I'm left wondering what your motives are.

The Fate of my Walls

Methinks I'll get these:



This one is six feet long.



Yay for bandwidth leeching.

Out of town

I'm available by phone.

If I'm not back by Monday, I'm in jail on the charge of murder.

*dances like whoa*

WE FOUND A PROFESSOR! WE FOUND A PROFESSOR!

Now all we have to do is get the committee to okay the house!
YES! YES!

::EDIT BEFORE CHEM TEST::
A little elaboration on that last post.

Well, first. I think my grades are going to turn out a lot better this semester. I'm doing a lot stronger in japanese and bio, and as long as I resist the urge to blow off my seminar class because I hate it, I should be fine, because it's not actually that difficult. So as long as I do REALLY well in thos classes, chem shouldn't matter. Well, I do have to pass it, of course. But.

So more on the house, because I know I haven't told all of you the full story. Our campus owns a ton of houses in the neighborhood, and you can get into them in the lottery, but upperclassmen get first pick, so it can be hard to get in that way. The other way is to start a "Theme House," which is pretty much what is sounds. A group of students with common interests get together, form a house, get a Professor to back them up that it's educational, and do at least four activities a semester. Hell, they give you money to fund the activities. >.>

So my friends and I last semester were joking around about making one, and we recently decided that we're actually going to. So I got the job of being in charge of Comic House. And we finally got a prof, so now we can turn in our application and go in for the interview. We have the house we want picked out. It has one double and three singles, so Sarah and I will be roomies, and everyone else will get a single. Assuming we get the house. >.>

I'm excited! I'll have a kitchen!

...On a less satisfying note, my aunt just called:
"We're not coming up this weekend."
me: *thinking- then why the FUCK did I work my ass off to get stuff done?* "Oh, okay. Are you still sending me my stuff?"
Fam: "I'm sending you some stuff, yes, but not your flute. I couldn't find it."

That's the only fucking thing I wanted. *sighs* Evidently it's packed up. She was the one who packed it. It's just too much effort to get it for me.

Oh, at least she finally ordered my contacts for me. After three fucking months. I have asked her once a month since Novemeber if she would call the Drs. office and do it for me, because between the time zone differences and my classes, I can NEVER. GET. AHOLD. of them. This month she told me yes instead of "no, you need to do it for yourself." (Yes, I'll go ahead and skip classes so I can get my contacts. No fucking thank you.)

*sighs again* off to chem now. I wish this day would decide what the hell it felt like being.

Getting more done than necessary makes it easier to sleep at night. I have the chem report from hell done, and the lab due next Monday, too. Working on finishing Bio lab now, and plan to have pre-labs for next week all done by Friday night. I can't afford to have stuff to do this weekend and next week because life is demanding I be social. Damily wants me to bus and meet them in Seattle sat/sun, and Rupe is coming on Tues.

Oh, right. Two weeks ago you tell me I'm not worth your time and refuse to even TALK to me, and today you call and try to wish me a happy birthday? No, motherfucker. Just no.

Happy Birthday

I found out last night that someone staying up until 3:01 their time so they can call me at 12:01 my time and wish me a happy birthday makes me blush.

I quit.

I find it utterly fucking unfair that I can't find anyone who really understands it when I snap. I listen to everyone else. I care. Why the fuck can't someone figure out that I might need a break sometimes? Everyone else can have bad days or be in bad moods, but when I do it? OH MY FUCKING GOD THE WORLD IS ENDING!!!!!! "Why the fuck is Wren freaking out? She should just calm down and stop being so unreasonable!!" "Jesus, she must be PMSing or something."

I thought about throwing my computer out the window tonight and calling admissions tomorrow to tell them I can't do this anymore. Trying to explain why, however, is a lost cause for most people. "Shh. You're smarter than you think." "If you're feeling so swamped, why not just take a break?"

Motherfuckers, to take a break, you need to be able to find TIME. Just because I'm done with the day doesn't mean it is done with me. And it isn't about intelligence. It is about me keeping my sanity, asshole.

When I'm upset enough to actually need to talk to someone about something, you MORONS, chances are it's pretty fucking important to me. So of COURSE I'm gonna get pissy and burst a blood vessel if I feel like I'm getting blown off.

And the worst thing about it? I get angry, and blow off some steam? I feel guilty. Even if I think I'm justified in my anger, I always end up feeling bad for feeling it.

So now here I am, pissed off, worn out, exhausted mentally and emotionally,fighting the flu, with still more work I have to do...and I'm crying because I feel bad for getting upset. Even typing this post is making me feel so guilty I want to delete it. The guilt is going to prevent me from sleeping tonight.

Sometimes I really hate the way I work. Why the fuck can't it be about how much things suck for ME, for once? I'm sick of having to put how I feel on the back burner because I don't have time to deal with my own problems. Every single time I have a busy and stressful day, without FAIL, someone I know and care about decides to burden me with something. "I hate my life."

Or: "I'm in love with you."

Oh, and this was a good one: "You're a waste of my time. I don't want to talk to you anymore."

And this was an entire fucking MONTH of confusion: "I'm bi. Let's make out. No, wait, I'm not. Sorry to keep making you adjust."

And this has happened a few times: "I'm mad at you, but I'm going to lie about it every time you ask me."

And then the family goes and makes it all better: "Since when do you get what you want for your birthday?"

I go through all that, and when it's time for a "Hey, I think I'm going insane because I have more stuff to get done than I have time to get it done in, who wants to help me destress by listening?" I get hit with "I don't want to talk to you online anymore." Or a casual "Oh, you'll get over it."

And then there are the people who don't always manage to figure out that I'm upset who do things like this: "Sorry, I have to go watch the TV/play FFXII/oh, am I online? because I'm really three fucking floors AWAY and I'm not gonna come back until you've lost the will to talk about it."

And from my family? "You are such a melodramatic teenager. Wait until you get immersed in real life." Or, someone else is having just a bad time of it as I am and I don't feel like I should burden them with my problems.

And it's not like I want to stop talking to anyone or stop listening to my friends. I love all of you. That's why I get so frustrated when I feel like I can't give you the attention you deserve, pass all my classes, eat, sleep, and manage to keep a shred of sanity.

I'm sick of this. To do what I want to do with my life, I need to be a Bio major, but to get my major I have to get rid of my life. I can either completely cut myself off from fun and the people I care about for the next four years, or I can major in something else and hate my career. Either way, I'm eventually going to snap.

*collapses* I have a headache. I am so goddamn done with everything.

lyrics. not for me this time.

I will light the match this mornin’, so I won’t be alone
Watch as she lies silent, for soon night will be gone
Oh, I will stand arms outstretched, pretend I’m free to roam
Oh, I will make my way, through, one more day in hell...
How much difference does it make
How much difference does it make, yeah...

I will hold the candle till it burns up my arm
Oh, I’ll keep takin’ punches until their will grows tired
Oh, I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind hey,
I won’t change direction, and I won’t change my mind
How much difference does it make
Mmm, how much difference does it make...how much difference...

I’ll swallow poison, until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room
How much difference (2x)
How much difference does it make (2x)

The Sign on the Dorm Door

Yeah. We're both sick today. So is half the dorm.

::EDIT::
Yay for taking matters into my own hands and finally changing my bank address to where I'm the one getting my statements and mailings, and not my worthless family.

Also yay for credit card. Which will be used for gas and all online transactions and paid off at the end of each month. I need to start building good credit since I want to be on my own ASAP. =_=;

Me: "That's the only thing I want. I don't want anything else."
Fam: "Since when should you get what you want for your birthday?"

...

*wilts* My mistake, I guess. You didn't seem to think it was a problem two months ago when I first told you what I wanted.

Fucker.

I may have time to nap today.

::EDIT AFTER CLASSES:: No.
TO DO:
1) finish editing those papers. The first one took me about twenty minutes. There are three more. So that means it should take about an hour to do all this.3:03PM
2) Look over the dialogue and define stuff for Japanese. Make new kanji flashcards and start memorizing the readings. This will take an hour and a half. 4:29PM
3) Finish recopying chem notes. This will take an hour.6:20PM
4) Make bio flashcards about the Eras and periods and all the fun stuff that happened in them. Will take about 45 min.5:35PM including twenty minute break to go to meeting. Which was cancelled.
5) Work out. Just bikes today, so won't take too long; maybe 45 minutes.WHEE!
6) Attend the meeting about theme houses for next year. Will probably take an hour.FUCKERS.
7) Laundry.

Digging out of my hole

Today is another fantastic day. It's even warm. Well...comparatively. I have my jacket off.

It's a great day for field work. I'm so happy my bio lab is today.

Vitamin D, why must thou forsake me?

It is a GORGEOUS day outside. Sunny, clear, warm and breezy. And I have three classes and a lab. It will be dark by the time I'm free.

At least I got out of class a bit early from my japanese quiz so I can sit on my windowsill and veg for a bit before the chem quiz.

At least Rupe is getting some good weather. He's twenty minutes away doing field training. I told him I'd summon a few nice days for him to enjoy since he's usually stuck in Alaska. (Although I was rather hoping I'd get to enjoy them too. Fucking lab.)

I did well on my quizzes Friday. My arm hurts. That's all there is to report.

::EDIT BEFORE LAB::
Chem quiz was postponed until Wed. I'm not sure if that is good or not. Finally finished pre-lab I've been working on since forever. I don't want to talk about the state of the lab I have to turn in today. >.<

...And I just got a blank e-mail from my estranged grandfather. It just had a title: "this is 'Gramps'". Yeah. That's his way of yelling at me for not talking to him. Maybe if he's stop telling me how much I hate him every time we DID talk I'd be more willing to.

So I'm sitting here debating ignoring it or replying in a smart-ass fashion.
1) Subject: "Re:" Content: "I know your e-mail address already."
2) Subject: "This is 'Wren'". Content: [none]

Sometimes I can be so juvenile. But then again...what the hell is he doing?

*radiates stress*

If I drop off the face of the earth for the next few days it's because I have more homework than hours in the day to do it in. I'm not joking. Like, subtracting the hours I'm in class and lab and like five hours for sleep does not leave me with enough time to do all my work.

Guys suck.

Listen as the wind blows
from across the great divide,
Voices trapped in yearning,
memories trapped in time,
The night is my companion
and solitude my guide,
Would I spend forever here
and not be satisfied,

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear

Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed,
Trying to find an honest word,
to find the truth enslaved,
Oh you speak to me in riddles and
you speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath,
your words keep me alive,

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear

Into this night I wander,
it's morning that I dread,
Another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread,
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride,
Nothing stands between us here
and I won't be denied,

And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear...

I think my chem lab partner is terrified of me. I submit this for an example:

*phone rings*
me: *knows it's him* "Hey!"
him: "Hi, this is Wren- this is John."
me: "Hey John, what's up?"
him: "Just calling to tell you I can go tomorrow."
me: "you mean today?"
him: "yes."
me: "Okay! Just meet us by the Cellar. Stand there and look confused and we'll find you."
him: "Where?"

*laughs hysterically at all her eighties music*

DELETED!!!!

In the words of Matt: "Damn girl, you don't do anything halfway, do you?!"

So, I went to CHWS today and had a nice doctor lady look at my arm.

I pulled a major tendon, so I have to give my arm complete rest. No lifting, no motion, no clubbing of people, etc. It's all wrapped up and immobilized at a weird angle that makes it really awkward to walk around. I should be taking ibuprofen, but of course I can't since it aggravates my other issues and induces nosebleeds, so I have nothing to take the swelling down.

She says it may not heal quickly, so I may need shots, etc. I'm looking at at about (worst case scenario: at least) a month of being out of commission.

*sulks*


::EDIT::
I just caught myself listening to Spanish oldies and muttering to myself in Japanese while writing kanji. No wonder I can't speak English worth a damn.

He won't return my calls. How....mature.

The worst thing about all this is that I don't have time to slow down and understand how I feel. I just have to shelve my emotion and keep working. I can't take a break and figure out what's going on.

Fuck you, SLAM.

::EDIT::
I just really feel hurt. I don't like hearing that being my friend isn't worth it for him. But that's kind of selfish. It probably hurts him to be my friend just as much as it hurts me.

I still need to call him and talk to him about it, tho.

So I open a .pdf file that I have to read for my Bio class tomorrow...

...and the first words out of my mouth are "Oh, look at you! I am so glad I can see you right now..."



...I downsized the image for niceness. That fucker took up my ENTIRE SCREEN.

::EDIT:: "OMFG TEH PIC R B|23AK|NG COLUMN WIDTH!!!!!11one"

There. Now die. You're all missing the point.

Good GOD, do smoothies ever rule.

*sighs*

I wish I could figure out what is wrong.

Why don't I feel like talking to my friends? Rose seems to be pretty upset at me, and I know I've been kinda neglecting her. I spent all last sem practically ignoring Tiny One and Biker, and even though I told SLAM I'd call this weekend, I never did.

It's not that I don't like them. I do. I want to talk to them. I want to hang out with them. I must just be an idiot.

And I feel like I'm being torn apart by all my internet friends. I feel like there's not enough of me.

I'm tired. Not sleepy. Tired.

And the semester's just beginning.

I feel like I've had hours and hours of intensely emotional sex.

*glows*

I want miso so bad it isn't even funny.

My body is rebelling against the campus diet. Craves fruit, tofu, sprouts, fish, and egg. Wants soups, sushi, and sandwiches, not heavy stuff. Is sick of pizza and chocolate. Prefers juice, tea, and water to soda.

I think the world is ending.

Friday!!

I can't do it

I tried very hard to give her a fair chance. But the more the night dragged on...

She's a nice person. She just says all the wrong things. And there are some things I NEVER want hear to say about the people I care about. I don't like hearing about potentially hurtful dishonesty. I don't like hearing her make light of important issues. And I especially don't like her trying to lead me into a conversation where the topic is none of her fucking business and her fault anyway.

::EDIT::
I'm really depressed. People are my only source of stress.

Evidently today is not one of those days where I'm supposed to be feeling quiet. Sorry, Rose. I'll get over it.

I'm just tired from the trip and I hate conversations without closure. I'm also really freaking happy to be back at uni. I'm quiet when I'm content.

Content, yet worried.

Heh.

*sips more loose-leaf darjeeling tea*

Chronicles of Caffy: Ohayocon and Hell

Wow. So I’m sitting in the Chicago O’Hare waiting to get on a flight. It’s not my flight. I was delayed in Columbus due to winds and stuff, so my connection left without me. I had to have a lot of fun with a rebooking agent, and now I’m on the flight with Spikey, Jazzy, Squeegee, Vass, and Red. ((But only after this: “I missed my connection to Seattle, so I’m a rebook. They told me to check in at this gate.” *type type type* “Ms. Williams, We’re not showing you on this flight to Baltimore.” “No, I’m on the next flight, to Seattle.” “Ms. Williams, Ms. Williams, Ms. Williams. It helps if you tell me that.” *mutters*“I did.” “How old are you?” Dry up and die. >.>))

Only they may not be on the flight with me. They’re back in Columbus, quite delayed, and they may not make it. So what could have been a lot of fun may just be yet another boring four-hour trip. I find it funny that everything is just barely missing being, you know, uncanny.

…

While I wait for them to come running, I’m going to highlight some of what I think were the more memorable parts of the con.

Getting Everyone There

I didn’t get searched when I went through security, so I just KNEW everything else had to go wrong. Buses breaking down, forumites ending up in different cities because of planes randomly being redirected…but we all did get there. My landing was so turbulent that several people threw up, and I felt like I was going to faint. The plane was trying to land in a crosswind, and it kept swaying sickeningly from side to side, and there was a moment there when I was sure the plane was going to land on one wheel and tip over and EXPLODE. But after that it was fine. BDM had a similar experience, I hear.

The Beds

I have never slept on a worse mattress. Like WHOA. And have you ever tried putting two restless sleepers in a full bed that doesn’t have a fitted sheet? I woke up after the first night and Baron had all the sheets, including the ones that belonged under us, and I had the comforter. Lather, rinse, and repeat for the next few nights. I was really tempted to just sleep on the floor, but it smelled like mildew and/or feet, soooo…

The beds also got a lot of abuse in our room because we usually had half the people attending in our room at one time. Serves me right, hooking up the PS2. Everyone congregates where Soul Caliber and the trippy rolly ball game are. So we were re-making them at least three times a day.

Pocky

There was no Pocky. There was no ramen. There was no food. I was ANGRY.

Fan-dubs

Last time I missed them because of a migraine, and I’ve spent these six months regretting not seeing Death and ReDeath. This time I was fine and was there, and the fucking DVD was screwed up. So I just made everyone watch Berserk and cursed bitterly at the Cosmos.

Karma

A few Laws of the Universe:

1) If one pokes, one gets hugged.

2) If one hugs, the other person sulks.

3) Kicking someone in the nose means one gets hit in the teeth with a baseball bat half a year later.

4) It is a bad idea to wake everyone in one’s room up at 10AM by leaping onto their beds and tickling and poking them, then telling them they get to be the first to shower because you don’t feel like moving. They may all go shower first, but if you decide you’d rather nap than get cleaned up when it’s finally your turn, they will get angry and you’ll be overpowered and dragged across the room and dropped unceremoniously on the cold bathroom tile.

5) Give a guy a giant mallet and he’ll smack you in the ass with it repeatedly.

6) The speed of the elevator is inversely proportional to how badly one needs to get somewhere.

7) A bucket of ice is never a good thing to put in a room near bedtime.

8) The more adamant one is about hating to be touched, the more people will be tempted to use one as furniture.

9) The larger the hotel, the less competent the staff that handles money.

10) Snow fucks shit up.

Disclaimer

I think most of the pics show me attacking, being attacked, or being buried under a pile of people. I’d like to point out that they only took pics WHEN this was happening. Evidently I’m not picture-worthy when I’m being a rational human being. I did not attack people the -entire- convention, and I am not a human katamari. >.> And I also am not a good pillow. Everyone who disputes this is a lying bastard.

Thanks

-Thanks to Thinman for being our only mode of transportation, giving me music, and liking mine.

-Thanks to Impy for the great tea set, the mallet, the opportunity to work in a sweatshop, and for getting us all there.

-Thanks to Jazzy for arranging everyone’s details and being a good travel coordinator.

-Thanks to Eri for turning out to be a really cool guy that got along with everyone in my room really well. He gets no love for not having a computer where he is going, tho.

-Thanks to everyone who took pics and plans on sending me copies. Hint.

-Thanks to everyone who donated money to get Thin, Impy, and Jazzy thank-you presents. And for the ones who actually got everyone together to do it. Brilliant.

- <3@backrubs!!!!!11one

::EDIT::
They made it on the plane, barely. Everyone from this region ended up waiting for their luggage together. It was a lot of fun. Con relocation to airport!!

*goes to bed*

The Beginnings.

Just a couple of instances to illustrate how my day began so you all can be prepared to deal with me come afternoon.

me: "I'm gonna go take a bath."
Fam: "Okay."
*an hour later*
Fam: "You didn't take a shower, did you?"
me: "NO."

This wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't been asking me this every time I appear with a wet head for the last week and a half DESPITE the fact that there is a HUGE sign on the shower door: "No showers until further notice!"

me: *sitting in breakfast room, listening to music and finishing packing."
Fam: *walks in, sits down, turns on tv*
me: *inspects iPod*
Fam: "WREN."
me: "What?"
Fam: *vicious finger stab at the TV* "I am TRYING to listen to the news."
me: "Okay." *turns back to iPod*
Fam: "No, music. Turn it off." *glare*
me: *pissily mutes music* "How about you ask me nicely since I was in here minding my own business BEFORE you sat your ass down on the couch and turned on CNN?"

Before the offending song was even over she had already wandered off. There are five TVs in the house and one me. And yet I get in the way. *rolls eyes*

I'm ready to leave this damn house, and I'm sure all you poor bastards are sick of hearing me whine about them.

I'm also suffering from pre-airport stress. Flying doesn't stress me out. Getting to my gate, however, stresses me out to no end. If it weren't for my bad luck with security I'd be golden the whole day. But right now my stomach is really sick and I only want water.

Oh, and evidently when I ask Fam to take me to the airport two hours in advance I OBVIOUSLY mean an hour and a half in advance. I hate you. I should give you my blog addy so you know what I think of you. Traveling to the airport in Tacoma is so much better because I don't have to deal with YOU.
....

Well, I don't know if the hotel has wireless internet. If yes, I'll be blogging every night, but I probably won't be on to talk much. If not, I'll be blogging anyway and posting backdated entries once I have a way to get back on the web.

See you all around, yo.

The Last Will and Testament of Wrenus Cristus. (smite on the line -----.)

Well, since I can't shake the feeling that something terrible is going to happen at the convention, I have decided to write my will.

I don't want to be buried. Burn me and scatter me someplace that can use the nutrition. And then go out for ice cream. And then plant a tree and name it after me.

Alright, all you materialistic bastards, here you go:
Rose: You still get nothing but the last two Eva DVDs. Not the movies. The shows. And you will LIKE it.

Kashi: You get to pay for my funeral. After all, it's your duty.

Baron: You get all my cooking utensils and cookbooks. Yes, I know this means you'll be joining me shortly in the afterlife. That's the whole point.

Sarah: I leave you Pride and Prejudice, Pirates, cookie dough, and Goat Man. Sleep well.

Tiny One: You can have my family. No, really. I leave you all my pictures and my sketches of your comic character.

Batman: I'm entrusting you with my plants and all 21GB of my music.

Rupe: You can have all my anime and any lesbians I may have lying around.

Biker: Take my scarf. XD And all the movies I have that you don't already own.

Attabug: Take all my AMVs, including the one I have done and have never shown anyone, and the one you liked but I never finished.

Jazzy: You get my extensive tea collection. And a boot to the head.

Wolfie: I'll give you the ideas for the company and all the chapters I never wrote. Heh. Don't you hate it when authors die just when it's getting good? Oh, and take my knives, too. They'll need a good home.

Gio: Take my TV. I know you don't read this, but someone will tell you. You use it more than I do, anyway.

Daryl: Take my hair dye and do it RIGHT. Be a MAN, damnit. Red != strawberry blonde.

Eri: You get all my Prince albums because I am a spiteful bitch.

Matt: I leave you my roomie and a fanged vagina. Don't ask where I got it. Please. It's in the
box under the bed in the guest bedroom.

Grey: No phone call for you.

All my furniture I leave to Bob the Cat, who uses it more than I do, anyway.


It was nice knowing all of you. <3 Thanks for being people.

::EDIT AFTER READING COMMENT::
BDM: You get the Biggest Materialistic Bastard I Know award. There, now you're on the list. Whore. <3

So much to get done today. like whoa.

::1st EDIT::
I am dreading tomorrow like NOTHING ELSE.

::2nd EDIT::
My family needs to figure it out. The towels are either going to be soft OR they are going to be able to dry you off. Fam uses four sheets of fabric softener per load of towels. You're supposed to use one every other load. So drying off with the towels in this house is like drying off with a moist towelette. It just smears the water around.

*grumbles and goes off to get dressed*

::3rd EDIT::
"What are you doing tonight?"
"Finishing some stuff up and packing."
"Packing, why?"
"I leave tomorrow."
"You leave tomorrow?"

As always, my family is on top of things.

::4th EDIT::
I have everything! I used a few gift cards and bought a couple shirts to ruinify by putting pretty pictures on. WHEE!

::5th EDIT::
BDM is such a sweetie. He changed his flight so I wouldn't have to be alone in the airport for four hours.

So my grandmother-in-law called today and told me to "just stop by before I go to work" and get my presents. I don't want the fucking presents. I just wanted to get lunch.

::EDIT::
Tiny One is busy now, too. There's no food in the house. So it looks like I'll be eating lunch alone.

It's a good thing I decided not to wake up early after all. There would have been no point. My day is now completely clear of any plans except for work.

::EDIT AFTER WORK::
I hit a rabbit on the way home. I have never killed an animal before.

Feeling the sickening bump as its little life was snuffed out by my tire was a fitting end to a second crappy day.

I've always been able to break in time. I'll stop the car, hold up traffic, and take turtles off the road when I see them. I saw this bunny out of the corner of my eye and hit the breaks, but it was too close. He ran out in front when he was five feet away from me.

I don't want to be in this body right now. And I don't want that bunny to be dead.

::EDIT WAY TOO LATE::
*crawls off to bed* So much for waking up early tomorrow. I'll be lucky if I'm up by noon.

I give up on this day.

I don't know which is worst:

1) Being told my grandmother-in-law was going to call me to set a time to get lunch and catch up, then waiting all night for it before realizing at 10:30 that it wasn't going to happen because she'd forgotten.

2) Being told I'm making someone's life worse by talking to them.

3) Everyone else being short to me because they're busy.

4) The structure of sentence one.

*rests head in arms* I don't feel like moving.

well!

As odd as it sounds, I did most of my packing to go to the con/home tonight. My family wants my room clean, so to get it clean, I had to pack. Plus, it'll be the only time I get the chance between now and then. I still have a evil plot to finish, and that will take more time than I had expected. For those of you who know, keep mum, or I'll have yer tongues out.

I think I'm finally ready mentally to be around so many people. I'm hoping that this time I'll be able to avoid my stress migraine thingy. I think I'll come prepared with meds this time so I can try to cut it off before/if it flares up.

Today I got new pants, bought two books to keep me busy on the flights, synced my iPod, and then temporarily broke it for the second time this week. Don't ask. I play rough with my toys. I also made sure Hil's check cleared, that I had my dorm keys, and that I have people's presents mostly ready. The sucky thing about traveling is that I can't really wrap everything all pretty. I hope they understand. If they don't, they'll like their presents anyway.

Note to self: Buy hair ties and a lemon tomorrow. The two are not related.

I'm still alive...

...and I blame wolfie.

Damn you. Why won't you let me die?

*giggles*

A lot of my classmates lost their families and their homes during the tsunamis. We got a mailing about it today. I'm really upset and worried about them.

I'm asking my family if they will donate to the relief fund. It's not like they have anything better to do with their money. My uncle goes out and buys a 3K laptop so he can play EQ2. I think he can find something constructive to do with his paycheck.

I don't feel comfortable accepting presents from these people who are supposed to be my family. Last night I was in my lurking room in the basement and I smelled food, so I went up. My aunt and uncle had invited thirteen family members over for dinner. No one came down and got me when they arrived or told me when the food got here, and I couldn't hear them because the basement is really isolated. So I walk upstairs to see what's going on and they all just STARE at me like they don't know why I'm there. I look at the food, but they ordered BBQ, and every single bit of it was red meat. So I guess they didn't really expect me to eat with them.

Have you ever felt so lonely it actually causes you physical pain? I did, when I went back downstairs.

Then today I wake up at three. I'd slept in my lurking room because I knew I didn't have to get up and so I might as well enjoy some uninterrupted sleep. I go upstairs to grab breakfast, and three family-types are over. I wave and say good morning jokingly. No one in the room, not even my aunt or uncle, respond. They just look at me for a second, then go back to what they were doing.

So I think I have good reason for not wanting to go open the presents they got me. I've had plenty of time to wonder why the fuck they bothered.

The worst thing about this was that I kind of hoped things would be better over break because they haven't seen me in months. So now I feel like an idiot.

myaaaa.

I have decided I am no longer dealing with people that frustrate me.

It was nice knowing all of you. I'll be spending the rest of my life in a hut by a river in the mountains. There are no visiting hours. But I may have a few cats.

I am moving out tomorrow.

So, I open the slidey thing we keep the toaster in because I like toast, right? A fucking OVULATION TEST falls out on my hand.

Why on the TOASTER?

I hate toast. >.<

::EDIT:: There is now a message for them:
"Note to self-finding an ovulation test on the toaster does not improve the appetite."
I was a hard decision between that and "So Fam, are you fertile?"

But I was afraid she'd tell me if I wrote down the second one.

Can you tell I'm working Christmas Eve AND Day?

"Ungiftwrap Day."

That's all it is, dudes. Welcome to corporate 1984.

Picture a house invaded by lots of annoying bratlings.

me: *waves at one*
bratling: "Hello!" *smile*
me: *smile*
bratling: "MiniFam says you're bad."
....

I wonder who she heard that from. Thanks a fucking LOT, Fam. What do I do? Seriously! I haven't even been here in four months. Oh gods, I keep my towel in my bedroom and watch TV in the family room. Crucify me, bitch.

I'm not coming back this summer. This farce is pointless.

I wanted to show the girl my tongue piercing and have her ask her daddy if she can have one to help her make money in kindergarten. But I didn't. Because I'm not the kind of person that actively torments other people's spawn.

Wait, what? You live with us?

Evidently not.

My aunt asked me last night if I got my tongue stud for "Sexual Reasons." After I was done laughing, I told her no.

I'm proud of her. I wonder how long it took her to get up the nerve to ask me that.

Thinking Back to Simplicity Week

My junior year of high school we were reading Walden, and I decided to undergo a week without technology for a project and talk about what I learned. I got so much more stuff done that week, read more books I liked, and went outside more often. I was also less stressed.

I've been thinking about that more and more as I got busier and busier and more stressed at Uni, and I decided I needed to do something. I'm taking a month off from the forum and IRC to see how much stress that cuts out of my life. The moment I did it, I felt free. I don't know if I'll go back. I loved the community, and enjoyed the chat room, but so much of my worry and stress and frustration stems from that place.

So at the end of the month I should know whether or not the forum is worth it.

Karmic Retribution

Well, the plane flight back to Saint Louis was quite possibly the worst day of travel I have ever undergone. I'm pretty sure the fact that I made it through security four times without issue came back to haunt me. Because you all know the Wren. Security likes to use the Wren to feel like they're doing their jobs.

I almost missed my ride to the airport, then had to go to two different places to check in and they couldn't find me record. The security line formed -as- I was walking towards it, and when I got to the person who checks your ticket and ID she tells me I've been selected to do a full security search and won't I please step this way? I get put into the "corral" and they drug test my bags and inspect my stuff, then tell me to identify everything I brought with me. Then they wanded me and checked my bra, hips, and crotch for weaponry and drugs. (No, I have -never- stashed a knife in my bra. So this is NOT "clever thinking" on their part.)

Then I get to the gate and they won't let me on the plane because the seat is wrong so I have to get THAT straightened out. Then, on the plane ride, the lady to my right takes up half of MY seat, too.

AAAND then I touch down in LA at the LAX and I have to get to the American terminal instead of the Alaska one but I can't find a fucking map of the airport or information about my flight since all the infoscreens deal with Alaskan flights -only-. So I ask a security guard, go down this escalator, go down one more, and catch a shuttle bus to a different terminal.

Then for some reason people on my flight have to go through a -different- entryway, and as the lady checks my boarding pass she freaks out and won't let me go through and then this other lady comes and she checks my flight and says she'll let me through even though my boarding pass is wrong. (...)

So then I get to the next security line, and I get selected to get a full search done -again-, so this time I get to get felt up by a rather attractive black lady who is suspicious of my pockets.

Then I get to my gate and they're boarding by group numbrs and my ticket doesn't have a group number on it, so I ask about that and they tell me to just get on the plane. So I do, and I settle down, and we get ready to go.

As we're about to leave, the captain gets on and says we need a new nose wheel, so it will be 30 minutes or so before we can depart.

An hour and a half later, we're taxi-ing to the runway. Fifteen minutes later, we take off. Our arrival time has been pushed back from 5:18 to 7:00. We haven't had any food since 11, (and I haven't had any since 8PM the night before and am working off two hours of sleep) and the ladies behind me are obnoxious and loud and keep hitting my seat.

At 6:45 the captain comes back on and tells us the winds we're flying against are too strong and we're not as far as we should be, so we have to land in Kansas City to refuel or we won't make it to Saint Louis.

At 7:10 we're back up in the air, and we arrive at STL more than three hours behind schedule. Everyone on board missed their connecting flights. My nose is so dry from the airplane air that it is bloody.

At least they didn't lose my luggage.

Two finals down, final paper done. One more to go.

So tired. Rose called at 3AM...I didn't even notice. The phone ALWAYS wakes me up.

I'm gonna go sleep until noon.

::EDIT AFTER NAP::
Nap was good, but now legs no worky.
Food makes head better.

"Klept". It's my new verb.

Jane klept the necklace.
Can I klept a piece of your cake?

heh. So many meanings.

::EDIT BEFORE FINAL::
Wow, stretching. Maybe that would fix my back.

For Rose

Here's a breakdown of the faces I've been making more and more for those of you who either don't spend enough time online to get them immediately, or don't really care enough to try.
^^; -happy embarassment. I'm probably blushing.
^_^ -glee. (also ^.^)
>.> -sneaky eyes.
--; -annoyance. (the more ;;;; there are, the sooner you'll be dead.)
-_- -glaring.
=_= -tired glaring. I can feel my hair going grey, you bastard.
9.9 -eye roll. Learn it, already.
-.o -wink.
+.o -twitch.
+.O -more pronounced twitch. Possibly some frothing at the mouth.
T.T -Stare of the Martyr. I put up with sooooo much.
u.u -sad eyes.
o.o -yeep?
O.o -whaaaaa? (if O.o; -I am scared and slightly worried.)
O.O -WHOA.
XP* -I'm sticking my tongue out at you. See the stud?
XD -I am so proud of my smart-ass self.

You're so great at making me feel terrible.

Ever wondered what I'm like at 6AM?

Kakashi: You! Back to bed now!!
No Understandy: whee, mornig1
Kakashi: Morning to you too.....why are you up?
No Understandy: chem exam. masochism. pick! *falls over*
Kakashi: Let me guess....you wanted to get a jumpstart talking to me.
No Understandy: yesh, masochism.
Kakashi: ::catches:: I see.
Kakashi: Eh, you'll do fine on the exam.
No Understandy: you suck. like hwoa.
Kakashi: Oh?
No Understandy: *grins widely* YA!
Kakashi: >_>
Kakashi: <_<
Kakashi: You're grinning. I'm worried. ^_^
No Understandy: *falls ovwr afgain*
Kakashi: ::catches, again::
No Understandy: your gammar saced me!
Kakashi: ....uh huh...
No Understandy: heh. have to think about that one, dontcha.
Kakashi: No. "My grammar scared you."
No Understandy: saved.
No Understandy: you LOSE!!!!!!!!!!
No Understandy: qe
Kakashi: Like no.
No Understandy: like hwoa, yo.
No Understandy: *blinks sleepily7
No Understandy: goo luk
No Understandy: ...
Kakashi: Right.
No Understandy: scheisse
Kakashi: Why is there feed back missing from your story??
No Understandy: read sidebar,thing.
No Understandy: I click DELEETED
No Understandy: *mumbles* whores@
Kakashi: ::grins::
No Understandy: I am losting.
Kakashi: You need some rest sweetie. You're becoming like me.
No Understandy: I am FINE.
No Understandy: perfectly coherey. Not even slurring.
Kakashi: Indeed.
No Understandy: my braibd keeps trying to furn off wothought my permissopm/ I hate it.
Kakashi: ?.o You play a really good drunk online.
No Understandy: not drunk. sleepy as hell
No Understandy: whee!
Kakashi: whee!
No Understandy: not funny. *glares* an you should see me be fake drung in persig.
No Understandy: um.
Kakashi: ::cuddles and lulls:: Go to sleep for another hour....and don't you dare kidney punch me.
No Understandy: I can't. too tired to be all RAAAwren.
Kakashi: When's your test?
No Understandy: nine.
Kakashi: Are you ready for it?
No Understandy: would I be up if I were?
Kakashi: Probably.
No Understandy: no. don't like you that much. *yawns*
Kakashi: How long have you been up?
No Understandy: since five.
No Understandy: my hair is annoyg.
Kakashi: Hehe...why's that?
No Understandy: on my head. hate that.
Kakashi: ?.o
Kakashi: But it makes the Wren look all....humna.
Kakashi: human*
No Understandy: hwA? so? I don;y need to blend in.
No Understandy: oooh, cafeteria open soon. I can feed the beast.
Kakashi: That what you calling yourself?
No Understandy: nk. tummy beast. be wren, silly. I mean me. htt confused ,yself.
Kakashi: For all the coddling and concern I'm showing you now, I have an inkling I'll be paying a price when you are back to normal.
No Understandy: I won re,mebee
Kakashi: And you're trying to study like that?

There are no words

laughs hysterically

no, it doesn't go anywhere.

My life is fucking insane, yo.

Stopwatch Hearts- Delerium

Not that I'm that hard to Please
but lately when I hit the street
it's hum-de-dum
(hum-de-dum-de dum)
When the hard times hit
they Hit the biz
The hardest hit make the best of it

Strong dollar stockbroker right to the bottom
Sink down with your boomtown
High water realtors arrive
With numbers over their eyes
Stopwatch hearts

Good God I love the party-starved
businessmen with stopwatch hearts
They don't beat
(They tick)
They don't beat
(they tick)

Good God I love the party-starved
businessmen with stopwatch hearts
They don't beat
They don't beat

'Round that corner
Down the street
There's a dive where working girls retreat
from their hum-de-dum
(hum-de-dum-de-dum)
So tilt that felt hat to the side
Thrift store 3 for .99
Gonna get me one
Gonna get me one
(and Get it every night)

Strong dollar stockbroker right to the bottom
Sink down with your boomtown
High water realtors arrive
With numbers over their eyes
Stopwatch hearts

Good God I love the party-starved
businessmen with stopwatch hearts
They don't beat
(They tick)
They don't beat
(they tick)

Good God I love the party-starved
businessmen with stopwatch hearts
They don't beat
They don't beat

Good God I love the party-starved
businessmen with stopwatch hearts
They don't beat
(They tick)
They don't beat
(they tick)

Good God I love the party-starved
businessmen with stopwatch hearts
They don't beat
They don't beat

(they tick)

So tilt that felt hat to the side
Thrift store 3 for .99

Gonna get me one
(and Get it every night)

Myarr.

Feeling the urge to start writing again. I know I'll never get published, so I might as well make a novel-blog. Chapter a week or something. We'll see.

Would anyone take the time to read it?
::hint:: ANSWER THE FRIGGING QUESTION.

::EDIT NEXT DAY::
Why the hell not?
Here's the link to the novel-blog. Also note the new area in the sidebar. That will always be there.
click me, bitches.

YES!

Three weeks! My tongue is officially healed!

::EDIT::
Found an old blog and added the archives over. Now this blog goes all the way back to 2002.

I think I know why I'm so fascinated with Zen Buddhism. Often times when I'm studying, I read something that upsets me on a very fundamental level. I'll pause, put down the book, and think for a while. And the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I like it because it's not easy to swallow. You can't just accept it without thought. And a lot of times it doesn't make you feel better or reassure you about anything. And that's good. You have to truly understand what it is saying before you begin to believe. That appeals to me so much more than blind faith. I've always wanted to know the "why." Being told what's going on isn't enough.

::EDIT:: To put all that into perspective? This is a Zen Master. Mommy, can I be enlightenment for Halloween?

Heh. The robes mean nothing, dudes.

Why I should get better at squelching my "Anna Moments"

Kay, so yesterday I went and got celebration ice cream because I didn't FAIL MISERABLY in lab. While I was there, there was a Peer Advising meeting going on, and there was lots of pizza, and it looked really good. And I really wanted some. But the ENTIRE CLASS was filled with blondes in pink, and I was in all black and my hair was eating Karma, so I KNEW someone would see me. But it was RIGHT THERE, and I thought about doing it anyway and seeing if anyone called me on it.

While I was debating, this whitey honkey cracker boy walks up and ganks one. (hella.) I hear someone yell "Dude, Brendan. It's free. Whatever."

So I go "Brendan!" And the bitch turns around and actually notices it was me. So I grin and go "I want some pizza." And he goes "Okay..." and then STARES at me for 45 seconds. I am not kidding. No blinking, no asking "who the fuck are you?"...nothing. And my roomie and Matt are just SITTING THERE laughing. So I say "Don't worry, I have no clue who you are, so don't think you're missing out." And he goes "It's not my pizza."

I know, you ass. I wanted you to get me a slice. You were closer.

Then he stares at me for another 45 seconds, and this blonde girl behind him is glaring at me like....just WHOA. I think she wanted me to die. So he turns around and leaves and I stick my tongue out at the girl and flick it.

Hell Week: After Seven Days, and End in Sight?

Things may finally be settling down after today. Now I have a quiz tomorrow and a presentation Friday (Japanese), a test on Monday (Bio), and an eight-page paper due on Wed (Utopia). I register for classes at 2 on Friday, and Leslie cancelled class, so I'll be out early.

There may be light at the end of the tunnel.

Have decided upon plan to make famly not notice tongue ring. Suck on Jolly Ranchers NONSTOP when they're around. Cover mouth when laughing. It's not like it matters, tho. I just would rather wait to be yelled at.

mmm, bed before midnight. I love having an extra hour to study in the AM on Wednesdays.

Well...

::hopes desperately that her master plan for lab today WORKS:: if not?



::EDIT:: Saved, you lucky bitch.

Things they never warn you about in High School, Part 1.

1) Become a Bio major-- forfeit your life! (psssst- It's even worse if you're PreMed.)

2) The presence or absence of your fave kind of chips at lunch can make or break your day after living on campus food for 3/4 of a semester.

3) Sickness is no longer an excuse. Death is, but only if your parents can supply a doctor's note.

That is my day, in three little numbers. *goes off to work on Chem Lab Report and study for her test and do japanese H/W. *

This is why I should not get bored.

Yum, lotos. Anyone get the ref? I know a lot of you have read the book...

いいえ、 ちょっと。。。

Today? Not so hot. Way too much work.

Fam called and woke me up at noon, so I called her back this evening. She quite pissily asked me why I hadn't been answering her e-mails. I ask her what address she's been sending them to, and when she tells me, inform her that I would have been getting them had she not been sending them to ldwilliams@ups.org. I have given her my e-mail address three times this semester. She has written it down each time. She should also have the letters I've e-mailed her. I don't GET it.

So then I ask her if it's true that they put a set of DOUBLE FRENCH DOORS where my bed goes. (they did.) Then, when I'm trying to explain to her why I wish they would have warned me, or at least asked me what I thought about it, since they told me flat out they weren't going to do anything to my room, she starts screaming at me and says "No offense, but I think I have a right to change my own home without asking you."

...

I hung up, and for once, she didn't call back. She hurt my feelings a lot. I wasn't trying to argue or make a big deal about it, I was just trying to tell her why I was upset. (Besides the fact that there is now NO PLACE TO PUT MY BED.) It's not like I thought I should have the final say. I just wished they had taken the time to get my input on it. My room is all doors on one side and all windows on the other two, so that fourth wall was needed for my bed. Now I have no wall space. And by yelling at me like that she pretty much made it clear that they're just waiting until I move out so they can do what they want with my room, and thus my opinion is less than needed.

Thanks guys. Made me feel really wanted. I know I'm not your kid, but do you have to make me painfully aware of that every chance you get?

Then Chemistry is pissing me off. We have half of a formal lab due Tues, and a lot of it is from these questions we have to do outside of lab. Only we don't have all the info we need to do them. So my day tomorrow will consist of doing the write-up, studying for the test, and figuring out how the fuck I'm supposed to do my next lab, which I have to write myself. I've been working on this shit for hours, and I can't do it anymore.

Finally, I'm very sick. The same damn coughing thing that I always get around this time of year. So I don't have energy, and it's really hard for me to be in a decent mood. I get so frustrated when Im sick. And tonight one of my friends pretty much called me a hypochondriac and then blew me off when I got upset. Maybe he didn't know that he struck a nerve. But it definitely seemed like he didn't give a fuck.

I've had a lot of people tell they think I'm a hypochondriac, and it really bothers me. I'm NOT, you assholes! Okay? Leave me the fuck alone. I have enough mental illnesses for you fucking asshats to be making me paranoid that I'm developing one more. How can the fact that my immune system sucks be such a fucking difficult concept to grasp? Hypochondriacs like to contract rare illnesses, and their symptoms rarely manifest as something that can be treated by medication. For a hypochondriac, it's all in the head. Every time I go to the doctor I end up on medication to treat me-- usually allergy meds, antibiotics or heavy cough supressants. It's genuine illness, and I am SICK of all you fuckers prying and giving me your two cents on the matter.

Yoga and beer=enlightenment.

Here's a sketch I drew on the back of my latest quiz. The green is my professor's comment.



Biologists have the oddest sense of humor. ^^

arf arf

My schedule next semester is going to suck because my science labs will each be an hour longer, so it is IMPOSSIBLE to fit them into any sort of decent schedule. I refuse to take Chem AND Math, which is fine, because I would have to drop Bio and Japanese, which I can't do, because I'm a Bio major and Japanese minor (whim.)

So next semester I may be taking Bio, Calc, Japanese, and my required writing course. Only one lab. That would be so sexy. They only offer my next level of chem at spring semester, tho, so I dunno if that would set me back any.

::EDIT TEN MINUTES LATER::
NO MINOR IN EDUCATION?!!! YOU ALL CAN SUCK ME!

*stumble*

The whole floor thinks me and my roomie are drunk and/or stoned.

No clue why.

I am getting an internship at the zoo here, so help me.

Went to the zoo today. Got to watch a polar bear destroy a barrel, was reminded of the two boys who decided to go swimming with the ones from my hometown. The last few moments of their lives must have not been very cuddly.

The swelling in my tongue is down. I'm not afraid of calls from home anymore, and I'm excited that I can eat solid food now. Recovery was a bit quicker than I expected. And cereal is absolutely terrifying. Like whoa.

So when I go to make Jake change me over to an acrylic barbell (and a size smaller, whee!) Sarah has decided she's going to get her industrial done. Yes, I am a bad influence. Yes, there will be pics.

I need more ear piercings now. Damnit, wasn't the tongue supposed to kill the itch?

Say hello to my little friend

So, yesterday I went and actually got my tongue pierced like I said I would. I was going to do it tomorrow, but I realized yesterday that if I didn't do it then, I would chicken out. I was reading all this stuff online about how much it hurt, bla bla aspiration, tooth chipping, other things that could go wrong...yeeeah.

So we went up to the House of Tattoo! (cue southern culture on the skids) and waited for "Jake" to come back from the store with his sandwich. Which he didn't eat when he got back. He pierced us instead.

I let Matt go first. He decided to get his lip done instead of his dick. (And he took his lip ring out today. Go figure.) He didn't seem to be in too much pain after the fact, either, so I tried not to freak out about mine.

Then it was my turn. Jake calls me ever, I get in the seat, and he pins one of those little bib thingies dentists use around my neck. See, sometimes your mouth spontaneously drools during piercing. A lot. He also put a tray in my lap.

Then he dries off my tongue with gauze and looks at it, then marks it with a small dot of purple that tastes a bit funny. I ask him what it was, and he tells me it's Egyptian Violet dye. It's used to mark where he's going to ram the needle, and it also an anifungal agent. Double threat!

While I'm trying to not drool on anything, he sets up his instruments. Pulls a hollow needle out of the sterile wrapper, etc. I freaked at the size of the needle. Then he grabs the tongs, dries my tongue off one more time, and clamps it, all the while being very calm and hot.

He has me stick my tongue out and breathe deeply a few times, then he tells me "we'll do it at the end of this exhale" and JAB. Needle goes through the top of the tongue and down. I felt a slight pinch and that was it. It stung a little when he put the post through, (he pushes the post in and shoves the needle out onto the tray. It was sickeningly awesome) and a bit more while he was moving it around to put the balls on. Then he has me swish and get down.

I check my surprised tongue out in the mirror. "Interesting."

Then Matt gives me a big hug and we hop around excidedly for a bit, then go off to get stuff to take care of our new piercings.

So how does it feel? Here's how it looked an hour after I got it done:

You can see the dye he used to mark the spot. And, a bit of swelling on the top of the tongue around the piercing. Today that swelling is a bit more pronounced, and you can't see the post of the barbell at all. Evidently after today everything is supposed to be all normal, tho. Swelling will go down, etc.

It doesn't hurt like I thought it would. It's a bit tender, and sometimes talking can make it achey, but ice and salt water help a lot. I can't take ibuprofen for the swelling because it gives me nosebleeds, so it may take a little longer for it to go down. We'll see.

But I can talk pretty normally. I'll have moments when it's impossible to understand me, but for the most part you can't even tell. I've had the most problem with T, D, C, and S. You just have to concentrate carefully on forming the words, since the tongue has to be positioned a bit differently.

Eating feels weird. It's difficult to tell where the piercing is when I chew, and I bit down on it once. I NEVER WANT TO DO THAT AGAIN. Also, silverware is an adventure. And ice melts around the piercing, so I sometimes have to carefully get the cube away. Pudding is impossible to eat right now. It is too thick and puts too much pressure on the post for me to be able to move it to the back of my mouth without a lot of effort and discomfort. Jello is fine, and so is ice cream.

It's really funny. I can tell how swollen my tongue is because it actually feels TIGHTER on top when it's not. So odd.

Surprisingly enough, I haven't been victimized by too many lewd comments. Everyone is really surprised tho. The most I've gotten from anyone in the dorm is "it's hot. And dude, you can talk. Pot would help the pain, you know. Do you smoke pot?" (Yes, said by the stoner I threw out of the room a few days ago for yelling at me about not smoking.)

People out here freak out over piercings. I guess I got used to it in STL. A lot of these kids seem REALLY sheltered and, uh...not used to hair dye and piercing. Daryl walked up to me one day and was like "Hey, should I get my EAR pierced?" all serious like I was going to gasp in shock and shriek "your EAR?!" I just giggled and went "Aww, how cute. He wants his ear pierced." He sulked for a while.

But today in Bio lab I had an incident with my TA. He asked me why I had ice with me, since we're not supposed to have food in lab. I told him I got my tongue pierced. That was that. Then he walked by later and said something ( I think it was "are we working?" cuz Sarah and I were laughing really hard) that prompted me stick my tongue out at him, piercing and all. He looks at me and goes "Keep your tongue in your mouth unless you're going to be using it. And you're definitely not going to be using it on me."

I blink in surprise a few times and say "well, that was a bit crude."
Kevin looks at him reproachfully and says "yeah, that really was."
The TA stares at us both for a minute, then goes "what? what?"
I started to get kind of pissed and insulted/offended. What the hell. You're my fucking TA, and not only do you say something dumb about my piercing, but you don't understand why you shouldn't. So I give him one of my looks.
Then he mutters to Kevin "get your mind out of the gutter. I was talking about kissing."
I glance back up at him and go "so was I." Then it sinks in what he meant instead of kissing and I got even angrier. He stares at me for a few more moments, and I feel this desperate urge to leave the room, so I tell Sarah I'm gonna go get a drink of water.

The fucker FOLLOWED ME. INTO the hall. He has obviously just figured out that he could be in a LOT of trouble. "Communication problems are not solved by walking away, Wren."

I wanted to tell him that we weren't having a communication problem, but that he needed to learn some tact, but my tongue hurt, so I just looked at him. Plus, he was being really loud. There were classes in session, and they were interested in what was going on.

"I didn't mean to offend you. I didn't mean it like that."
"It's fine," I say, and walk into the girls' bathroom. Right. No I'm sorry, just 'heh, I wasn't harassing you, ok? You obviously misinterpreted my meaning, so I'm not to blame.'

It wouldn't have been quite as bad taken out of context with his character. He knows a lot of people think he's a cutie, and he seems to think that at the ripe old age of "almost 22" he has attained some kind of wisdom lacking in eighteen-year-old girls. (He likes to tell me that a lot.) He frequently tells me I'm too young to hang out with him, just at random. I've never shown any interest in it at all. He mentions my age as much as he can. It's almost creepy. So then add THIS to it, and it's like...dude. Learn when to shut up. Not everyone likes you. So stop acting like I want you. You don't do it for me, little boy. I don't care HOW old you think you are.

Ugh. ugh ugh ugh.

I wonder now what he meant when he asked "So how's that piercing working out for you?"

Divine Words of Wisdom:

"I- OUCH." -Sarah

b f;sidgfba'rgtbaer;fb jr,teruotger't!!!!!!!!

*shivers*

It's too cold to go get breakfast. I'll wait until lunch.

College is for people who didn't know any better.

A quote from my chemistry lab: Some famous chemists used all their senses in making their observations, but this adversely affected their life expectancy. Don't try to tatse chemicals, and don't dip your finger in them.


A quote from my bio lab:Unfertilized eggs are notably suceptible to sperm. (Please don't ask about the lab itself; I'd rather not talk about it...)

My conclusions:
CHEMISTRY- Killing them off, one moron at a time. Drink me!
BIOLOGY- Making you painfully aware of the facts of life that can fuck you up.

Soup, why hast thou forsaken me?

::edit after Bio test::

A smattering of the answers my poor Prof has to grade:

Q: Beer producers exploit yeast because it uses alcoholic fermentation. If the yeastwere to revolt, why couldn't it form lactic acid instead? (okay, she set herself up.)
A: Yeast isn't special enough to produce lactic acid. (I found out later that my roommate said the exact same thing. O.o;)

Q: Besides location, identify one difference between the mitochondrial matrix and the thylokoid membrane in the chloroplast.
A: The thylokoid membrane is totally green.

Q: Name something besides nitrogen that could have been used to mark DNA in the bla bla experiment.
A: I reccommend a radioactive highlighter.

They all had pictures, too, of my comic characters being insane, so she knows I wasn't serious. I'd like her to know I'm not dumb, I was just DYING. IN HER CLASSROOM.

*groans*

Why did I get out of bed? Oh, right. I have two quizzes and a lab today.

My back is starting to hurt from coughing in my sleep, and my lungs are doing that lovely "We're gonna ache all the time now, remember us!" thing. The only food that doesn't randomly make my stomach churn is soup and tea. I want crackers, but I can't walk up to get them. I have a movie that's due.

At least I'll hopefully be able to finish my Japanese test early enough to come back to the room and sleep before lab. And then sleep after lab. And tonight.

I don't want to get back on my sick schedule of constant napping and staying up all night, tho, becuause of the roomie. I don't want to mess her up, too.

::Edit after lab::
Wll, that SUCKED.

The sickness begins

Well, maybe my dreams of health once I moved up here won't be realized. I'm very sick again, and I missed all my classes today. But, I have my insane amount of chem lab work done, so all is good. I am so sick of writing my own labs.

Ugh. I need to go have a lie down.

Well, it made Kei laugh hysterically. Another joke meant for the informed.

My "t"s are starting to look like "na"s.

na= ナ

Kei: "Yeah, that happens."

ANNA! HELP!

MY BED SMELLS LIKE THE GUY WHO SAT ON IT TO WATCH A MOVIE. That is NOT COOL. He is not entitled to leave his scent on my things! Oh my God! This is going to be the weirdest night ever!

ANNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS WHY I AM TYPING IN MENTAL CAPITALS!

::Edit after first sleep attempt::
He's sleeping with me. In spirit. I want to die. The pillows AND the blankets smell like him.

カタカナが きらい です。 ＝＿＝

しゅくだい　を　しました。　わたしは　じょうず　じゃ　ありません。いま　クラスへ　いきます。

Oh, by the way

I evidently go to school with the corpse of Ted Bundy's first murder victim.

Next time I see "chocolate chocolate tower" on a menu, I'll believe it.

So today was the Outback-thank-you-for-all-the-time-you-spent-with-me-at-the-ER dinner. I have never eaten so much food in my LIFE. I got the grilled chicken sandwich (two words to add to the List of Things I Will NEVER Say Aloud: "Hooly-dooly" and "chook"), devoured 1/3 of a bloomin' onion, some of that YUMMY FREAKING BREAD (!!!) and then we all decided we wanted dessert.

...But we couldn't compromise, so we all got our own desserts. Sarah got a cheescake, Daryl got a sundae, and I ordered the "chocolate chocolate tower-NEW!" with a scoop of ice cream ("hooly-dooly" *shudders*)).

Ok. So soon the waitress is bringing over the tray of desserts. I see the sundae, I see the cheescake, and then there's this...THING. It is the biggest fucking piece of chocolate cake I have ever seen, and there is an Outback steak knife in it, buried to the hilt. This was, like, the Titan of cakes. And the most perfect thing I have ever seen.

Daryl sees it and a look of mild panic flows across his face. I am proud to say he knows me well enough now to understand that giving me a slab of cake and my own knife to play with is high up on the list of Bad Things that Shouldn't Happen in Public.
"It has a knife," he says urgently to the waitress, watching me quietly squee and bounce about on my side of the booth.
"Yes, it does," says the (patient) waitress.
"No, you don't understand. It has a knife."
Sarah giggles, and the waitress looks at Daryl like he's a freak and then wanders off.

I try my best to conquer the mountain of cake before me, but it takes three of my bites to eat through all the layers of the damn thing. And I swear I can watch it regenerating.

So once everyone else is done with their dessert, they look at my cake and ask if I even ate it, to which I hiss angrily and sulk. We get a box, and I take it back to the dorm.

I have a coughing fit at the base of the stairs, so Sarah and I decide to use the elevator and go walking through the first floor hall. There are signs hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the hall to about head level that pretty much say "I'M BORED!" and point to this one room. Sarah and I pop in and give him some cake, then talk for a while, then head back up to the room after giving him our room # and extension.

A little over an hour later he comes knocking and asks us to watch a movie with him, so we grab pitch black and head down. (The bastard still has it.) He's very touchy, too, (he found out I was ticklish. =_=;;;;)so by the end of the night I had pinned him twice and bitten him once. I was being nice, since I didn't know him. Otherwise he'd be badly scratched and probably have a bruised kidney. And I will KILL anyone who brings up The Nose Incident.

So after he tries to get us to watch Fern Gully, too, we flee up to our rooms. She and I were both sick of people. Well, then David and Andrew find us and beg to use our microwave. (Munchies.) Turns out Andrew is a rather belligerent stoned drunk, while David is rather laid back. Andrew was yelling at me because I had no interest in pot (*rolls eyes* because we all know I'm uptight and blah blah blah...) I had to tell him to shut the fuck up and remember whose chips he was eating a few times. Finally, he pissed me off:
Me: Give me my chips and get out of my room.
Andrew: "Sorry."
Me: "Chips. Now."
Andrew: *hands them over*
Me: "Okay, that's part one. Now get off the chair and get out."
Andrew: *gestures at David* "I'm waiting for him to get up. Let's go, man."
Me: "I never told him to get out. Just you."
Andrew: "Oh."
Me: "Alright...so go."
So he gets up and asks David to come start the movie with him.
David: "I'll be there in a few, man."

Heh. Heh. hehhehhehhehheh.

Seattle!

So, went to Seattle yesterday. We took the bus up, and that was quite possibly the highlight of the trip. All of it was fun, but the bus? Just WOW. It was one of the really big ones that has the bendable area in the middle so it can actually make it around corners. Well, there are seats in it, so me, Sarah, and Daryl all sat down in them. It was FANTASTIC. When we went around corners, our seats would spin, and one side of the area would expand and the other would fold up and WHEE! It was like being on a Tilt-a-Whirl. It was an hour long bus ride, and despite all the spinning I managed to read and not get motion sick. Sadly, the bus on the way back was not as big, so we just sat in the normal seats.

In Seattle we grabbed some coffee and walked a few blocks down to the waterfront and hung out there for a few hours,grabbed some pizza from a pizzaria run by a flock of hot Italians who refused to let us leave "until we had sampled at least one thing" (depends on what's on the menu....),then toured the aquarium. They had these really neat touch pools. I got to touch one of those coral flowers with the tendrils, but it curled up and wilted when I poked it and it made me feel really bad. Other than that it was really fun, and Sarah and I found this one really trippy fish we wanted to steal and take back to the dorm.

An amusing conversation:
Me: (to Sarah) Oh, I left my cell back at the dorm. I was supposed to call Tim if I felt like I was going to commit murder.
Sarah: *Understanding nod and glance up at Daryl, who is walking in front of us*
Daryl: Why would you want to commit murder?
Me: I don't have a reason yet.
Daryl: Do you think you'll have one?
Me: Depends on who feels like being an asshole today.

He didn't get it.

Venting

I couldn't say it to you at lunch, so I'll say it now. Fuck you. Do you even understand how easy it is to make me feel responsible for your pain? I don't deserve it.

::EDIT 9:13 PM::
One of my friends just called to tell me he's about to throw a shopping cart off the roof of his dorm.

*chuckles*

Totally Worthless

So I sent my aunt the dates I would need to go to Ohayo, the airport code, and a rough estimates of the times I would like to show up and leave. Two weeks pass. Today I get a call.

"Yeah, I'm about to make the reservations for you to go to Cincinatti-"
"Columbus."
"Right, whatever. But Unc and I decided you can only stay for two days."
"Why?"
"We're paying for your hotel, and we don't want to pay for all four nights."
"No, you're paying for my plane ticket. I'm paying for my hotel. And it only costs $100 for all four nights."
"Oh. Well, you may have to come back to STL on the 16th."
"Why?"
I never found out why. Instead: "When do classes start back up? Will you be missing school?"
"No. Look, I gave you the times and the dates. Now PLEASE make the reservations?"
"How will you get back to UPS? What if you get in late? When do classes restart?"
"The 18th. And I'll take the shuttle back."
"Okay, I'll make the reservations."

...

And I just got a call back.
"When do classes end?"
"I have to be out of the dorm by noon of May 14th."
"Will finals be over by then? They'd have to be."
I pause, since she answered her own question.
"So will you have a place to sleep on the 13th?"
"The dorm closes at noon on the 14th. I would assume so, unless my dorm explodes."
"Oh, noon on the 14th? I didn't know that."

Proof that I go to school with 2,700 white boys.

I am sick of this bullshit. Either you want me to be honest, or you don't. There is no fucking middle ground.

quirkified!

Well, the bed is made, the trash is out, the boxes are broken down, the floor is swept, the desk is clean, so is my laptop, the laundry is folded, folders on my comp are organized, so are the ones under my bed in the crate, the recycling is taken out, and the bookshelf and entertainment center are dusted.

I'm saving my zen garden and fountain for tomorrow. Maybe I'll mop.

My roommmate told me today she benifits from my stress. It's true; when I'm upset, I clean maniacally.

<3 @ Daryl.

I just spent six hours in the ER with a friend of mine.

*collapses into bed*

::EDIT WHILE IN BED::
Well, Sarah is eating before we form Nap Room, so I'll go into more detail.

Daryl is a diabetic, and he also has some sort of protein defect, so his blood clots and he has to go on thinners. Well, for the past few days his chest has been bothering him, and that's usually a sign that something is wrong. His doctors are closed on the weekends, and last night he was in really bad shape. Sarah and I were really worried about him. He was acting kind of funky and it was obvious he was in pain. So we told him that if he still felt bad in the morning we'd take him to the hospital. (His mother agreed.)

So he woke us up at 9:30 and we got ready, grabbed some homework, and went. We were kind of worried, because once the nurse interviewed him they took him straight back and started running tests and taking blood. They also put him on a pretty massive pain killer.

Well, five hours later they let him go. His blood was thickening, but he caught it early enough so that there was no clotting. He's on Vicoden now, and they're going to tweak his thinner dose.

*sighs* He makes me feel bad for whining about being always sick. At least I don't have a chronic, lifelong disease. He's diabetic and has this blood disorder, but he looks insanely healthy, and he's a mid-distance swimmer. Bah. I fail.

Highlight of the trip? Well, I got most of my homework done, and Vampire Baby was interesting. It's a long story, but nappytime calls.

Tired=EVIL

So this morning I am tired as all hell (still am) and feeling slightly sadistic. I look at the clock and notice that it's 9:30 AM.

Suddenly I get this great idea to harrass Rupe. See, he was all happy last night while I was bitterly staying awake and doing homework about his four-day weekend. =_= baaaad time to tell me.

So I gave him an 8:30 AM wake-up call.
Rupe: uhh....hello?
Me: Good morning! Did I wake you up?
Rupe: Uhm, just a little.
Me: Damnit! I wanted to wake you up a lot.
Rupe: ...
Me: class time! Bye!
Rupe: ...


It was so satisfying. But I wish I had thought of it earlier.

::EDIT BEFORE NAP:: This is what happens when the Wren is deprived of sleep:
<

THANK YOU.

I finally got all my money back from that fucker in Madrid. The account is now closed, and the recovered funds are safely in my saving account for use at Ohayocon. *squee*

Oh, and one note about my dorm's oddities. We have a weekly flier called "The Potty Press" that gets put up in the bathroom stalls at eye level. This week it's full of optical illusions, so Jesus is staring at me whilst I pee. It's a bit disconcerting.

::EDIT::
One thing that bothers me: people who like to constantly state their religion. And I mean state as in bring it up more than is necessary. Whatever you believe is fine with me, as long as you don't purposefully use it as a method to cause tension or put me down.

"Oh, I don't believe in that. [I'm a ______.]"
"[Because I'm a ______,] I believe everyone is _______." It's information that is easily left implied. A simple statement of belief will gain more respect from me than just spewing denominational names. It shows me that you understand your doctrine, not that you simply hide behind it and use it to call attention to yourself.

It's kind of offensive to have this stuff constantly thrown in my face. It makes me wonder too much about whether or not what I say will upset the person, etc. For example, today one of my friends was in a bad mood, so I grabbed his hand and wrote "=) Karma!" (Good Karma) on it. You know, to give him a jump-start on not being a suckass. Well, he looks at it, chuckles condescendingly, and says to me in this snotty little voice. "I don't believe in Karma, Wren. Not everyone has the same beliefs, remember?"

What, You can say "bless you" when I sneeze, but I can't wish you good Karma?

....

Here's my belief.

FUCK.

YOU.

I wanted to wipe it off his hand mommy-spit style. Just BLLEAAAAAAGH- there's your Karma, you ASS.

*chuckles* I don't even think he knows it annoyed me. I'm good at hiding it. Maybe I should work on that. Or just stop being annoyed in general.

Everyone is broken, and a mountain is exploding on me.

*sighs and goes to bed*

So, it has come to the point in Chem where I either spend three hours a day typing up my notes, doing homework problems, and taking notes from the book to supplement, or just focus on lab work and call my class grade a lost cause.

It's just that hearing phrases like "molecular geometry" is so damn DAUNTING.

*sighs and goes off to set up her lab notebeook for today's VSEPR lab

I just memorized thirty katakana

*clutches head* allow me to share my pain with you.

a - i - u- e- o= ア　イ　ウ　エ　オ

ka- ki-ku-ke-ko= カ　キ　ク　ケ　コ

sa-shi-su- se-so= サ　シ　ス　セ　�
ta-chi-tsu-te-to= タ　チ　ツ　テ　ト

na- ni-nu-ne-no= ナ　ニ　ヌ　ネ　ノ

ha- hi- fu-he-ho= ハ　ヒ　フ　ヘ　ホ

these are all different characters:ナ、オ、ホ、フ、ク、ケ、ヌ、タ、ネ、シ、ツ、ソ、ノ、ヒ、セ、イ、チ

Tomorrow I will remember NAAAASHHHIIING!

::EDIT AM::
....miiIiiiigraaiine...

Looking Ahead, or something. Maybe feeling dead...

mmm. So I am definitely moving up here for good as soon as I can.