Botanical Gardens: now with 100% more peektures

Here are a few choice shots for your viewing pleasure. (bigger pictures appear on click.)


The Players:

This is me in the English Woodland Garden.


Ian in the Temperate Garden at the Climatron (tm).


I need a tan. >.<;;; Oh, and here's something fun in the Classical French garden. Check out this fountain.





So it was, of course, a perfect photo opportunity.




DC road trip begins tomorrow. Wish us luck. I'll be back in teh intarweb worlddddddjfnfeffk (fuck you, Ian) on Saturdayish.

*yawn*

Number of People I Wanted to Receive Calls From Today: 7
Number Who Called: 0

mmmm, codeine

Matt: "I love you in a way that means platonic friend tummy-poking and lots of talking stuff."
Me: "Arrrgh blaghag mmph kkp mmmmmmmg."
Mythos: *laughs*
Me: *to Mythos, since English is his second language* "yes, bow before my mastery of the English language."

At least that's how it was supposed to go. Instead, it went:

Me: "Yes, bow before the mastery of my English... !-SHIT!" *spends next thirty minutes giggling*

Bow before the mastery of my English shit, indeed.

::EDIT::
Oh, and something for the roomie. ^^;

hee!

Sorting through room stuff. Keep finding all sorts of stuff to take back to Uni.

Hee, I have a Kit-Kat Clock!

::EDIT::
Oh, I'm also on antibiotics and a lot of codeine. *passes out*

I'm going to the doctor today. We'll see what they say. Hopefully they drug me off my ass.

Also, Fam just decided to call and check with my car insurance people. Evidently if I go to DC I have to be taken off their plan. Luckily, she finally understands that there is no way I am NOT taking the car.

So now we have to do THAT before I leave, too.

Yeah, they'd better give me a fucking LOT of codeine.

Welcome home

No note from the family. No food in the fridge, or money to fix that problem. My room is dusty, dirty, and full of MiniFam's toys. It is also full of stuff they felt like storing in it. My car is blocked in and their keys are gone. My pillows are missing, save one, which MiniFam has been using: it has food all over it.

There is no sign at all that I actually have a place to live in this house. I feel like an intruder.

I don't even fucking know when they are coming BACK.

The Airport Report!

Hehehe. I'm feeling a bit splurgy, since it's summer and I'm too tired to have any sort of common sense, so I bought two books and some wireless access. After all, I am going to be here for a few hours.

On with the Airport Report! May another long and rambling post ensue! (Maybe it will keep me awake...)

I woke up at 11:15 yesterday and started cleaning and packing and moving stuff out. I finished at....11:15 last night. Then the remaining members of Comic House watched the Fifth Element in a huge pile on my bed.

Sarah went for a walk from one to two, so I played a little WoW. Then she got back, and we talked until 2:45, then tried to go to bed. I couldn't sleep. My shoulder hurt like a bitch from the move, and I was coughing too hard. Kept waking myself up. Plus, I was really sad to go and worried about my roomie. Maddo gets to go be with her boy, Matt gets his camp, and Daryl actually loves his hometown. Sarah seems depressed about her summer prospects, and that really makes me sad. So I was worrying about her and whether or noth my coughing was bothering her and next thing I knew my alarm was going off and I had to go to the airport.

(W00t! Found a power jack. Go me and my laptop and leather chair and electricity, baby.)

Kashi and I had a rather...inane breakfast. We were both incredibly tired and a little loopy. I drank more hot cocoa than I should have, and my bacon -and- pancakes were too crispy, but it was diner food, so who cares? It's not like I was expecting quality. >.<>.>;;

<.<;;

^.^ wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

A Letter to my Dorm Window

Dear Window:

Thanks for being so big and for opening all the way. I'm glad I got the only floor with windows that don't suck. Thank you, also, for having such a great windowsill. Roomie and I used you for phone calls, relaxation, and homework on incredibly-busy-but-nice days. Oh, and as the occasional dishrack and plant pedestal. I won't miss the dorm, only the people that were in it. But...I'll miss you. And I'm pissed that I didn't discover how awesome you and bubbles were until three hours ago. Why did that never cross my mind? >.<

Anyway, window, have a good summer. And miss us please, because we'll miss you. The next house isn't nearly as well endowed.

And, to all my UPS people: Thank you for a great year. It's been a long time since I have been this reluctant to leave a place. The thought of going to DC right now is very scary, but it's also something I have to do. I'll regret it if I don't. So keep in touch, guys, and know I miss you tons. Moving in time can't come soon enough. We will take that house over and make sure things are NEVER THE SAME on our street. ^^;

I'm going to go try to unwind before sleep. If there were a microwave, I'd have tea. But I am tragically lacking.

I'm looking for the pause button.

My Dark Gift

For those of you who have never heard the song containing the absolutely gorgeous lyrics below, you're missing out. The band is Elysian Fields, and the lead singer has one of the richest voices I've ever heard. Here's the link to the site I downloaded the mp3 from. Have I mentioned that that's a great site, by the way?

Gotta love bands that distribute free mp3s to get their name out. Worked rather well, in my case. They have several CDs, and I've been debating for weeks on which one I should buy first.

::EDIT BEFORE FINAL::
The number of grammatical errors that I just fixed do not bode well for my final today. If I can't even wrap my brain around the English, how am I supposed to translate it into Japanese?

Whirlwind take me there
Where I will be his lady fair
Sheets of night hiding us
Gusts of wind riding us
I'm blown away into his hands
I'm weak and high, can barely stand
In the web of dizzy leaves
Virgins all, elude the trees
Touch me now, touch me
The black acres are claiming me
They're claiming me
He holds me up like a babe
Pressing close I can't behave
I need to have this little death
I'm up against his downy chest
In the web of dizzy leaves
Virgins all, elude the trees
The chill is flush with burning flesh
It's so refined this little death
Touch me now, touch me
The black acres are claiming me
They're claiming me
Touch me now, touch me
The black acres are claiming me
They're claiming me
Black acres
I'm running away from home
And the wind, the wind is blowin'
And the weathervane
Its heathen song
Lulls the world
With silver tongue

The Personality Award of the Day goes to....

...the pizza delivery man. Why?

*dorm phone rings, signalling the arrival of cheesy breadstick goodness*
Me: "Hello?"
Him: "Pizza."
*insert moderate length of silence here*
Me: "So...what entrance?"
Him: "Front Todd."
Me: "Okay..."
*click*

I don't think I can describe how disconcerting it was to hear that word. "Pizza." Where were my cues? O.o;

I should have been studying today

But instead I went to the zoo. Here are a smattering of pics for your viewing pleasure.

Here's everyone who went. From the left: Jasper, Kei, Kashi, Daryl, Sarah, Matt.

(a bigger version is here.)

Sarah didn't like me when I had the camera. But I still managed to get a cute shot of her wandering.


...Which, of course, made her ever more vigilant in her evasion of me.


Matt, however, was his usual cam whore self. Here we see Matt vs. Peacock.

Matt won...

...Though the peacock tried his best to steal Matt's soul.


The polar bear was active and playing again, so I got some cute pics. I like this one a lot, though I also have one of his face while he's exhaling.


Finally...I want these girls for bookends.

Telly, give me one good reason to post my pic on World of Warcraft Faces.
>.<

My term lab paper is exactly 11 pages long

*collapses*

The hell that is my life is worse than zebrahead could ever imagine

Yes, there have been more incidents chock-full of Family Fun. Yes, you get to hear about them. Enjoy.

So yesterday, I call my family yet again to get my flight information because I (of course) have to change the flight they booked for me. I've been trying to get them to give me the info for the past month.

1) So I ask Fam to give me the flight info.
"I don't have it anymore."
"You don't have the itenerary."
"No."
"What day is the flight?"
"I don't know."
"What credit card did you book it on?"
"I can't remember."
"So...how exactly am I supposed to change the reservation?"
"Go to AA.com, look up the number, and call them."
"And they'll find me...how?"
"With your name!"
"....no. I need the date and your credit card."
"Why?"
"So I can change the flight."
"Why do you need my credit card #?"
"So I can pay for the changes."
"What, you think a day earlier will be more expensive?"
"Yes, there will at least be a service charge."
"You could use your debit card."
"That would be GREAT, if I had the MONEY to cover it." (Mental addition: and then I'd have to wait for you to bother to pay me back.)
"Why are you being so difficult?"

...

=_=;;;;; I wonder.

2) So today I call AA.com and tell them my name and what day she told me the flight might be on, and of course they can't find me. So I call Fam back.
"You NEED to find the itenerary. I called them, and they can't locate me."
"What? Why not?"
"Because we don't have enough information."
"Oh, okay, I'll look for it, I guess." *click*

3)...and then get this. She calls me back THREE minutes later. THREE. FUCKING MINUTES. If it was THAT hard to find, why didn't she give me the damn info in the first place? *headdesk, headdesk, headdesk*

4) Then she proceeds to tell me she's not sure they're letting me drive my car to DC and then Seattle. Wow, great. If only you had told me that a MONTH ago before I had finalized all my travel plans! So I tell her sorry, I AM taking the car, because regardless of what she or Unc may think, I will be needing it. I am NOT about to bum rides off the people who are letting me stay in their house for free. GAH!

5) Finally, she yells at me for being difficult. "Why are you so angry?" I dunno, maybe because you're an inept BITCH who can't get anything together if it doesn't concern two hands and your own ass?

6) And then the final straw? They are going to be out of town for part of when I am in town. WHAT THE FUCK? I am only going to be available for a WEEK, and you're spending part of it in MIAMI? Could you not have worked around one fucking WEEK of my existence? No? So why the fuck am I staying for ten days? I could have just come in for four and seen all my friends if I had known I wasn't worth your time.

No, I'm not actually dead.

I know what you're all thinking: I've been dead to the world because of WoW. Not true, and I have the photos to prove it. In fact, the last twenty-four hours have been more like this:


Yes, you uncaring bastards. I worked my fingers to the bone to create art that would properly pimp Comic House at the Theme House BBQ we had today. And of course there are pictures. Why else would I spend $350 on a camera?

Here is a pic of the rough idea Maddo and I planned out for our Poster of Doom. Little did we know its completion would take over six hours.

After that we started cutting out the characters from construction paper.

*insert break to go see hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy*

All the characters completed. Now we can work on the background to cover up all the pencil.

Making the background. Two layers of construction paper, one coating of poster paint. Lots of fumes.

It is now one AM.

The finished product. Yes, that is all construction paper.

SO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO IS WHO, EH?
Wren= Jordan, from Exploitation Now. (Webcomics)
Sarah= Woodstock, from Peanuts. (Newspaper comics)
Daryl= Spiderman. (Marvel comics)
Matt= Opus. (political comics)
Maddo= Skywise, from Elfquest. (Wendy and Richard Pini)

Fuck you, Amazon

How DARE you make me wait until next Thursday or Friday to get my WoW? I WANT TO MAKE MY CHARACTER, DAMNIT!!

*foams at the mouth and goes back to lurking over roomie's shoulder*

We filled out course evaluation forms in my seminar today. My professor may cry.

*dies a little inside*

This is what I meant when I said Darth Vader was following me around.



It got worse later.

WHEE!

Wren's New Tea Day!

Who is with me on this?

This has happened a lot this year, so I decided to blog it and get some opinions. Does the following annoy the fuck out of anyone else besides me (and Grey, but everything annoys the fuck out of him.)?

Whenever I mention a quiz, or that I have one, or that I'm studying for one, what possesses people to say "You'll do fine?" This annoys me for several reasons:
1) You don't know that.
2) I didn't ask for your opinion. I don't need moral support.
3) Stop making light of my stress, damnit.

Whenever I take a quiz and don't do well, what possesses people to say "You'll do better on the next one?" This annoys me for two reasons:
1) I'm ALREADY ANNOYED.
2) YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.

Neither of those phrases have meaning whatsoever. They're just empty placation, and they annoy the fuck out of me. It's like all the stupid things people tell you when someone dies. Save me the flowery language and just tell me you understand what I'm feeling. I don't need to know my cat/family member/plants/quiz/brain is in a "better place."

Is anyone else with me? Do the two/three of you that keep doing this to me get it now?

Wow. Art.

My desk.

Sarah was drawing Daryl. Then he made fun of her art. Bad idea.

待ってをください！

I have exactly an hour in which to feel like a normal human being. Life seems to have issues about waiting for me when I'm ill.

Amusing

I love it when ~$40 worth of tea only costs me $6. $25 of it was a gift certificate left over from Christmas.

Another five came from a "new customer discount."

Right, Stash. I'm about as new to you as your wives are.

I feel like I'm going to pass out

Woke up sick with a bad head cold. Am now on heavy medication, and I just ordered $40 more worth of tea because my hot tea stock has been completely exhausted. I'll probably sober up and DIE once it gets here.

Anyway, here's a list of what I got for all you tea-curious people. Yes, I'll tell you what they're like if you want to know.

30ct Moroccan Mint- A hot mint green tea with a little bit of lemon. I'm hoping this will be another "comfort tea" like my lemon spice tea. Good to drink when it's time to unwind before bed while I'm wrapped in my quilt, or when it's a rainy afternoon and I have a good book to curl up with. Traditionally served hot with sugar.

20ct Golden Darjeeling- Supposedly the best grade of my favorite kind of black tea, so this had better be orgasm in a cup. Darjeeling is a strong black tea that doesn't have the bitter kick. Usually very aromatic, and more naturally sweet than other back tea blends. I use the least sugar with this type of black tea than with any other.

20ct Silver Jasmine- Best of all the 19 grades of jasmine tea. Right now I have grade 17 (dragon phoenix pearl jasmine from China), and I love it. So this will probably make me cry with unadulterated joy. Jasmine tea is my late-nite tea. It smells wonderful, so I also drink it with toast when I'm sick. The smell is very relaxing. Honey ruins the flavor of jasmine, so I usually drink it plain or add 1/4 spoon of blonde sugar. White sugar is too strong and makes the tea taste like syrup. Delicate teas like this are easy to over-sweeten and kill the flavor completely.

30ct Irish Breakfast- This tea kicks you in the ass in the morning and says "GET UP!" I haven't had any in a few years, so I am really looking foreward to it. I can never find it in stores. The last kind I got was in England. I've always found that British tea companies are the best places to get black tea.(Indian companies, for Darjeeling, but then again, often times British=Indian when it comes to tea.) Stash gets their Irish and English Breakfast direct from these export companies, though, and makes their own blends, so I'm pretty sure this is going to be good. Needs lots of sugar, and is probably the only tea I'd recommend a bit of milk with. Except Assam, but Assam needs all the help it can get. Assam is a fucking COFFEE.

48ct Oriental Rose- Never tried this sort of tea before, and am really excited. It is a black tea infused with rose petals. I love rose in other things, like hard candy and on cheesecake (with marigolds and pansies and just YUM), so I'm hoping this tea is going to be flavorful and fragrant and really fun. I'll have a lot of it, so if I like it, I'll definitely give it out to people.

30ct Fusion Green and White- I love this blend, so I'm getting more. It's what I always give out to my sick friends because it has enough flavor to taste good with a little honey, but the white tea makes it more delicate, so if they're not big tea fans they can still enjoy it. I prefer this tea with a little honey, and always drink it when my throat is sore. The heat and the honey feel really good on my throat.

So that will supplement what's left of my collection of hot tea: regular green indian import tea, regular darjeeling indian import tea, some herbal teas of varying tastiness, and some oolong. I'm picky about my oolong, so I rarely buy it. A lot of them are a bit too nutty for my taste.

If Daryl were Spider-man...

He'd be something like this.

Yes, that image is my fault.

My awkward moment of the day

So Alexa (Bio Prof) is grading my draft of my report in lab today. We leave to go collect stuff, I come back, and she says "Hey Wren? I have a question."

I assume she wants to know why I did X dumb thing in my draft, so I whine "Whaaat?"

"Why do people get their tongues pierced?"
"... .... ...It depends on the person. I got mine done because I thought it would look cute, and I wanted to get a body piercing that wouldn't leave a visible scar when I decided I didn't want it anymore."
"So why do other people get it done?"
Oh, shit. Well, why not? "Supposedly it makes oral sex feel better."
Alexa, without even blinking, turns to the TA (Claire) and says "You let me ask her that. You KNEW, didn't you!"

hmph

I hate it. Usually I'm fine with routine, but occasionally I flip out and just can't do it anymore. This week is one of those weeks. I don't want to be in the dorm room. I don't want to play games or watch movies. So here I am, doing homework in the SUB, having yet again not told anyone where I was going. Oh well, they'll probably find me eventually. They usually do.

I don't tell them because I want to be alone. Having them not know where I am makes that a lot easier. I'm not a good person to be around when I'm stressed out, so I would rather not subject them to it.

Every time I leave randomly and come back, tho, Sarah scolds me. I feel like she's my mom. *laughs*

I wish I knew why I'm so restless. This isn't supposed to happen in places that make me happy. At least I thought so.

Maybe I'm just bored out of my fucking mind.

More Camera Fun

Today? REFLECTIONS! If I ever get bored, I'm going to see what I can do to these in Photoshop.









Oh, and also, I started rough drafts of my people's comic characters for comic house next year. We've chosen a character we liked and amalgamated them with ourselves. Sarah is Woodstock (so fitting! <3) and Matt is Opus. (Perfect, actually.) Daryl is going to be Spidey, Maddo a character from Elfquest that I can't remember. And we of course know who I'll be. Anyway. here's the links to the roughs for Matt and Sarah.

After seeing this, Sarah decided she actually did want to have Woodstock as her base.
A comparison pic for Sarah, though she's not wearing her trademark black jacket.

A bad scan of Matt's character. The beak isn't supposed to be so orange. I had no other color.
Your basis for comparison, since not all of you know Matt personally.

I wish I could learn to trust people without being so worried about getting hurt. When did I lose that ability?

hehehe

A rough draft of something I was working on today. The art itself is by Dirk at Dynamanga.net. Cool guy. Owes me another sketch.



::EDIT::
A more finished version.

I don't have enough discipline to be in uni. I keep waiting for somone to point at me and yell "Go home!"

*sighs happily*

I have to admit it's really nice not having to go live in Saint Louis this summer. I'll have to put up with so much less stress.

Next Year's Schedule

Last semester I'm sure a lot of you remember the hell I went through to register, and how I only got one class, and got wait-listed for the other three. It took two months to get everything all straightened out.

This semester? Took me all of two minutes to register. Here's what I ended up with, complete with links to course descriptions for all you nosey people.

Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays
MATH121- Calculus and Analytical Geometry I 9:00-9:45
BIOL211- General Ecology MWF (Class with Sarah)
FREE BLOCK- Lunch with Sarah and Daryl 11:00-11:50 (Wednesdays also with Maddo)
ART278- Asian Art 12:00-12:45 (Class with Sarah and Maddo)
REL233- Japanese Religion 1:00-1:45 (Class with Maddo)

Tuesdays

Lunch with Sarah 11:00-11:50
BIOL211B- Ecology Lab 1:00-4:45 (with Sarah)

Thursdays
MATH121- Calculus and Analytical Geometry I 8:30-9:15
Lunch with Sarah 11:00-11:50

My summer plans are now official

I've talked to the family, and they OKed it, so I can now unveil Wren's Summer Plan! Disregard any previous posts, folks. This is IT.

So I got myself that internship. And I've been very vague as to where it was or what it was, but now I shall describe. I'm going to be in DC working full-time campaigning and raising awareness about all the roll-backs on the Clean Air Acts. Mostly fundraising stuff and working events. They also are going to let me work on a side-project involving gay rights. I get to help plan Pride Week in DC!

If I get word that it's okay from my boss, I'm planning on starting a new blog to talk about what I'm working on, implications, etc. So this summer there will be that to read (and my story, since with no school I'll have time to crank out a chapter a week again!).

So how's it gonna work? I'm going to get out of school here on May 14th, fly down to STL, spend a week there getting everything together, getting my car checked up on, etc. After all that is done, I'm road-tripping up to DC and getting moved in. Then I'll have a few days to get used to the area before work starts June 1st. I'll be doing that stuff full-time until late August, when I go back to STL, get everything together, and road trip up to Uni to get moved into Comic House.

Oh, in July I'll be up in Sea/Tac for a week to stay with my roomie and see the Seattle Symphony Orchestra play the music from Final Fantasy. Whee! So that will be a window for any West-Coasters who miss me to say hi.

My goals for this Friday

1) Play Lufia II.
2) Sleep.

*casual whistle*

So, guess who got hired on the spot out of sixteen applicants for an internship with better hours and higher pay than what they were offering the rest of the applicants?

I have a job interview tomorrow at two. Wish me luck!

(>.< my hair is still purple...)

Happy Easter

*chuckles* I am a horrible person.


Sarah and I didn't feel very motivated today. Sadly, we had to do homework anyway. But this pic kind of symbolizes our day.

I've only been up for three hours...

But I have seen several odd things today. Well, amusing. Slighty terrifying.

1) Today is raining. Which is very unfortunate, since there was supposed to be an outdoor concert on our field. It was a canned food drive benefit concert featuring campus bands, and there was going to be food and stuff.
So, did they cancel the concert? No, they just moved it inside. So when you're walking into the cafeteria to get food, you're greeted with some pretty serious death metal. The band was good, I just don't like death metal. So all the cafeteria employees were stressed and headachey, and there were plenty of people going WHAT THE FUCK. It's sad because people aren't going to spend all day in the cafeteria, but they would have brought blankets and homework and chilled on the Field all day. I feel really bad for the bands.

2) I was walking past one of my guy friend's dorms and I hear some guy inside say very loudly and passionately ''Winston, come on! Oh, FUCK yeah!" It was rather disconcerting until I walked by the door and noticed that they were playing MarioKart. >.<

3) As I was walking down to the computer lab to work on my chem report, I saw some people outside playing croquet in the rain. I wanted to join them.

Oh, and just a few other bits of info:
I'm really bored, and I get cell service in the lab, so call me or text me.
I can get on IRC in the lab. WHEE!

::EDIT::
Here's one more, a convo between me and Mat. (not Matt.) We were walking to the bathroom.
Mat: "Arrrr."
Me: "Arr, Matey, how be ye?"
Mat: "I need to pee."
Me: "Me too!"
Mat: "*laughs* Good, we'll high five on the way back."
*so we both head off to the bathroom, then go back out into the hall and see each other.*
Mat: *high fives*
Me: "GO TEAM!"

Bad News

My computer exploded this afternoon, so I won't be online much for the next three weeks. The lab computers don't allow messaging programs, but I plan on checking my blog and my e-mail twice a day, and am of course available by phone.

So yes, if you'd like to keep in touch, send e-mail to caffeinewhore@gmail.com or gimme a ring.

Until later, guys. Hope I don't go insane from lack of internet and trying to get all my papers done without a computer.

There is purple dye all over the girl's bathroom. It is on the counter, on the mirror, the sink. There are purple footprints all over the floor, and there is purple all over the toilet paper dispenser in one of the stalls.

I did not do this. If anyone tries to tell me I did, I am going to be angry. Hell, I already am angry. Who makes that damn big of a mess?

Well, I know who.

Jeez.

So these credit card scammers have gotten into this habit of calling our dorm about once a day for a week every two months. They usually ask for Sarah.

Last night:
Sarah: "Hello?"
...
"What is this concerning?"
...
"No thank you, bye."

It's always like that. And they always call back. So today?
Me: "Yes?"
...
"She doesn't live here anymore." *click*

I don't know why they still call. The dorm people have their numbers MEMORIZED. We know who they are.

CLICK THE LINK, BITCHES.

I updated my story blog with a filler short story. And no, before you ask, it's not autobiographical. I was just playing around with Atwood's writing style.

Venting

I work my ass off studying for a chem test. I go to both the reviews, I look over my notes, I ask questions. I solve problems, I review concepts. And I do a whopping six points better than I did on the last test, which I took cold? WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT! Either way, I got a D.

I work my ass off studying for my Japanese midterm. I recopy my notes, run over 54 kanji, memorize sentence patterns and common expressions. And I get a D.

WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT! WHY AM I EVEN WORKING? It's not showing. I might as well sit on my ass and stare at the wall.

I put forth the effort and get nothing from it. I'm not used to feeling stupid.

Excerpts from "The Blind Assassin"

"She has a single photograph of him. She tucked it into a brown envelope on which she'd written clippings, and hid the envelope between the pages of Perennials for the Rock Garden, where no one else would ever look.
She's preserved the photo carefully, because it's almost all she has of him. The photo is of the two of them together, her and this man, on a picnic. Picnic is written on the back, in pencil- not his name or hers, just picnic. She knows the names, she doesn't need to write them down.
She retreives the brown envelope when she's alone, and slides the photo out from among the newspaper clippings. She lays it flat on the table and stares down into it, as if she's peering into a well or a pool- searching beyond her own reflection for something else, something she must have dropped or lost, out of reach but still visible, shimmering like a jewel on the sand. She examines every detail.
The trace of blown cloud in the brilliant sky, like ice cream smudged on chrome. The distant glint of water. All drowned now.
Drowned, but shining."


"There's lots of time. Lie down. He takes hold of her wrist.
No. Let go. Look where the sun is. They'll be coming back. I could be in trouble, though I guess for you it's no trouble at all, that kind: it doesn't count. You don't care- all you want is a quick, a quick-
Come on, spit it out.
You know what I mean, she says in a tired voice.
It's not true. I'm sorry. I'm a brute, I got carried away. Anyway it's only a story.
She rests her forehead against her knees. After a minute she says, What am I going to do? After- when you're not here any more?
You'll get over it, he says. You'll live. Here, I'll brush you off.
It doesn't come off, not just with brushing.
Let's do up your buttons, he says. Don't be sad."


"Why are you looking at me like that?
I'm memorizing you.
Why? she says, putting her hand over his eyes. She doesn't like being examined like that. Fingered.
To have you later, he said. Once I've gone.
Don't. Don't spoil today."

"She thinks, Perhaps I've been forsaken. It's an outworn word, forsaken, but it describes her plight exactly. Forsaking her is something she might be imagined as doing. On impulse he might die for her, but living for her would be quite different. He has no talent for monotony."

-------=========-------

It's amazing how well Atwood writes couples. It must be her writing style, but you can feel the constant tension, the give-and-take, and the perpetual fear of the future.

"The Blind Assassin" is really a combination of three different stories, all told together. By the end, you see the whole story, and it's AMAZING to watch it build up. The 'love story' excerpted above is really a very small part of the book. But it's the most important part, too.

I really love Atwood. She's a genius when it comes to storytelling. Linear plots bore her. I'd confuse myself if I wrote like that.

*hysterical laughter*

Guys, I want you to look at the last page of this paper I graded. I was going along, thinking "hey, she's making some good points, yeah, like that, yep, that's good," and then BAM.

The great thing is that I know her well enough to know that this was not an oversight. She didn't run out of time. This was willful. This was intentional. She just does not give a FUCK about the assignment.

*chuckles and goes to write her endnotes*

There was no cold water in the shower today. I'd turn the handle to try to lessen the amount of SCALDING DEATH splashing down upon me, and the pressure would drop, so I'd still be under attack from brimstone-like droplets of water.

Oh, and there's a sign on the elevator that says "Warning: You may get stuck if you use the elevator."

Comic House sounds quite lovely right about now.

I was browsing through my pic folder...

and I noticed something...rather interesting. And now boys and girls, the quick and easy way to determine what medication your friends are on!


CODEINE
1) subject tends to stare off into space with a look of intense fascination.
2) subject is constantly tired.
3) subject is easily amused.
4) subject looks like this.


VICODEN
1) subject seems dazed and detched from reality.
2) subject is easily irritable.
3) subject is sluggish.
4) subject looks like this.


COMTREX
1) subject complains that his or her senses are betraying her.
2) subject becomes, dizzy, hyper, and loopy.
3) subject develops intense fascination with shoelaces.
4) subject manages to pull off this picture.


MIXED MEDICINES
1) subject finds it impossible to stand upright due to lack of balance.
2) subject is easily amused and possibly incoherent.
3) subject feels safe on floor.
4) subject looks somewhat like a zombie from 28 Days Later.

Yes, those are all pictures of my people and I on medicine. Okay, so not Sarah's, but that's exactly what it feels like to be on Comtrex, folks.

Did you know?

We have THIS many weeks left!

The Week: Linkalicious

Well, now that I’m done being insanely busy and can’t play my game (…>>;;) I’ll go ahead and write about my break. Yes, I am in the airport typing on Word yet again. I’m probably singing along to my iPod, too. Does it matter, and do I care? No.

Last Thursday I cleared up the misunderstanding with my family. At first they thought Matt was my boyfriend. x.x Then, they decided BDM was. I had to set them straight on both accounts. (“Well, back in my day girls weren’t “just friends” with guys.” “No, back in your day, you weren’t friends with guys.”) I wish they would have asked instead of assuming. =_=; That’s the problem with having mostly male friends.

Alright. So last Friday was the day of hell, with two midterms, yadda yadda. I hadn’t slept. I’m sure all of you remember the terror that is Wren with insomnia. (I think I don’t.) Well, that night I vegged, played a lot of Final Fantasy VIII (Shut UP, BD.) I had to leave for the airport at three AM, so I figured I’d just stay awake. At two I decided to take a catnap, but really just flopped on the bed and listened to Radiohead since I couldn’t sleep. I got to the airport, went through hell to get checked in, and then finally got to security.

A security lady stopped me. And I was thinking “What. WHAT?! I didn’t set off anything! GAAAH!” Turns out she loved my hair. Then, in those subsequent painful moments, I found out that everyone at the security place did. So I excused myself politely and ran before they decided to keep me on some pretense like strip searching.

Next I crashed at the gate and read my newest Atwood novel. (Go go crazy Canadian feminist women authors!) I was really sleepy, so once I got on the plane I was out like a light for the whole flight. Then I got into STL, got my bags, got hit on by a chauffer (“Did you know purple is my favorite color? HEH HEH HEH…”) *shudder*

BD came in an hour after me, and then Unc came to pick us up. We were both starving, so we grabbed some Taco Bell (ugh.) Then we went grocery shopping and I got so much good food….just….wow, yum. We also picked me up a copy of Katamari Damacy. Which is a lot of why I’ve been MIA. So BD and I spent most of the day vegging out and playing PS2 games. And I was so fucking thrilled that I didn’t have to do any homework and could just relax and be a total laze.


When I wasn't rolling people up into little stars, BD was playing through MGS3 again on extreme. The title of this pic is "Snake gets another special hat." Just typing that makes me giggle hysterically. It's a long story that has turned into an inside joke, so let’s just say BDM was having issues with The Fear.

Monday was a lot of the same. Tuesday we went to The Loop and I cooked dinner. That's where I got my awesome wall scroll and BD got his FF6 orchestrated CD and some really dumb stuff. There are no pics of this trip since it was just shopping.

Wednesday we went to the Zoo and picnicked in Forest Park on Art Hill under some trees with a fantastic view of the Grand Basin. Most of the pics I took this week are of animals at the zoo, but I'll spare you all the boredom and just show you this one.


Two spotted hyenas chillin’ at the zoo. We thought this was rather cute.




As you can see, BD is terrible at taking pictures of me. That is why there are very few.

That night we searched around for some theater venues that would be showing stuff we were interested in. We saw a play on Thursday after going boating in Grand Basin.


This is the Grand Basin where we went boating. Looks a lot different than it did three years ago before the renovations. Very pretty, a bit grandiose. Lots of fun.


This is BD defending himself as we come dangerously close to a fountain in Grand Basin. Paddleboats don’t have the best…erm…steering. Crazy purple-haired girls don’t help much, either. *evil grin*


Me captaining the paddleboat. >.> WHAT? I was SAFE, okay? We’re SAFE. =_=;
Behind us is the Art Museum at the top of Art Hill.

We also ate lunch at Fitz's. Fitz's is a Saint Louis microbrewery and restaurant that makes some of the best root bear, cream soda, and orange soda I have ever tasted. This is BD tackling their dreamboat float. Keep in mind that at this point it is over half eaten.




Friday was the Botanical Gardens. I forgot to put my memory card back in my digital camera, so there are no fun pictures. But, here's the link to my favorite garden. Yes, it's the Japanese Garden. We also had dinner at the Melting Pot. Warning, tho. Their site will make you HUNGRY.

Today we hit the Global Foods Market and got lots of yummy foods. I'm editing this back in the dorm now and I can hear my roomie rustling around and enjoying her new candy behind me.

That's all, folks!

Anyone from STL ever heard of the Art Loft Theatre? Or the Hot House Theater? It's the same thing. It's near 14th and Washington. Small little venue, slighty scary, LOTS OF FUN. We saw a play there tonight because BDM was all like "NEED THEATER! RAAAAA."

So yeah. Oh, and we went boating today. Gah, I really need to put up pics, don't I? Sorry I haven't been on. We've been crazy busy between playing tourist, eating out, and feeding our relative game addictions. >.>

Yum, dinner.


Oh, and look! I found Fam!

That's originally from the blog "Things I Hate About My Flatmate." It's over now, but a fun read. Blogger people should be able to see it on their dashboards. Otherwise, Google it, you lazy whores.

We went shopping today.

YEAH Cowboy Bebop wall scroll.

Whee!!

I finally bought Katamari Damacy. So I've been playing it all day.

Melting Pot on Friday. I love fondue.

God it feels good to be on break.

IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER
IT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVERIT'SOVER

Whee! *goes to pack*

Hello! My name is Indigo Montoya. You are my midterms. Prepare to die.

Optimism like sleepy

This week hasn't been all bad, really. Here are the good points:

1) I saved some sort of seedling at lab yesterday. I am hoping it is a baby Red Alder. It was half-trampled, so I put it in a cup with some well-draining silt and took it home and gave it water and a window. Today he is looking rather chipper. I shall name him...GERARD. It means "brave spear," and I think it suits because he was eking out a living in a rather scary environment and one day he will be TALL AND STRAIGHT LIKE SPEAR OF DOOM.

2) I may have figured out something to do with my summer other than go home and go back to work at Blockbuster. There's a possibility that I might land an internship at the Point Defiance Zoo for the summer. If that happens, my family will let me stay up here this summer. If that falls through, I can go back to Daryl's hometown with him, summer with his family, and work on the docks. That sounds like more fun to me than a lot of you can imagine. I love small towns, boats, water, and moderate physical labor, and fileting fish wouldn't gross me out. (I have scraped rat guts off logs at 7AM once a week for two years, for God's sake. Nothing gets more gross than that. They are sticky and STRETCHY. *shudders*) Plus I've never been to Alaska in the summer and I would LOVE to see the Aurora Borealis. I'm gonna think about it for a bit and then tell my family.

3) I got a 94% on my Lab Exam. If you guys can't remember, that's the one where I had fifty flashcards of plants and animals and had to memorize their kingdom, phylum, class, common name, and species name and be able to identify them on sight and diferentiate between similar organisms. Can you say I kick ass? Oh, I do.

4) That japanese quiz I thought I failed? I got an 83%. Which is not as good as the 90% I was aiming for, but it is far better than what I was expecting.

5) I figured out how to do that goddamn chem quiz. Finally. So Imma go finish it now so I can turn it in at two.

I am Jack's shattered will to live,

Just so everyone knows what sort of week I am having, I'm going to outline the whole thing here from last Saturday to next Saturday. That way if I seem a little fried, you know why.

Saturday: Re-dyed hair, ate dinner with family. Something about the dinner didn't work and I got horribly ill that night. Couldn't sleep, but thought it was because of being so sick.

Sunday: Woke up exhausted, worked on as much homework as I could. Tried to go to bed, but couldn't sleep well at all.

Monday: Found out a take-home quiz was due in Chem that I had never gotten. It being given out is not mentioned on any assignment sheet I have. I mention it to my prof and she lets me have it to turn in the next day before classes. I work on two papers that night after being in lab all day and don't have time to start the quiz. I don't well sleep that night.

Tuesday: Spend six hours working on the first problem of the quiz. After that, I can't remember conversion factors, so can't do the other two problems. Talk to prof, she gives me until 2PM on Wed to finish it up. Head off to lab and get soaking wet, cold, and cut up while sampling insects at a stream because coordination is fucked due to lack of sleep. Study for the first Japanese quiz of the week. Wake up six times over the course of the night and dream I'm doing acid-base titration problems.

Wednesday: Get up at three because I can't sleep and be bored for a while, go back to bed, get up at seven to study Japanese more and maybe try to figure out why I can't to the other two problems on the quiz. There may or may not be an in-class Bio quiz today or Friday. I have a paper due tomorrow and two midterms on Friday, and I am so tired I want to cry.

Thursday: I have to turn in paper and study like whoa.

Friday: Take the tests, collapse from exhaustion with roomie.

Saturday: Catch a terribly early plane home.

If I can't get a decent night's sleep before Saturday night, I am going to DIE.

Hey, third time's the charm on sleep, right? Let's see if I can fall asleep in less than five hours of lying in bed this time...

Dear Printer:

Unlike my laptop, which I understand I am stuck with until the end of time and can't do anything to make worse, I don't have to keep you. So keep in mind the next time you print out 12 pages of exclamation points that I will gladly throw your ass out the fucking WINDOW.

Oh insomnia, how I hate you.

If you see this face in real life, it is not genuine emotion.

Napping Messages

I think this is one of the cutest things I have ever seen.

Oh, and I almost forgot

Nick: So what are you guys up to tonight?
Me: We don't know yet.
Nick: Neither do I. I'm not really one of those guys with a PLAN, I just do things as they come along, you know? So I hate it when people ask me what I'm gonna do.
Me: Don't worry, I wasn't going to.

I don't know if he was more upset that I said that, or if it took him a full ten seconds to get it. The conversation went downhill from there. Sometimes my witty banter makes men cry. *grins*

Because I'm bored

Our dorm has a news flyer called the "T/P Potty Press" (our hall is Todd/Phibbs) that comes out every Monday. I think I mentioned it in this post a few months back. If you can't tell from that, it can be pretty scary at times.

This week they decided to run a "Tips Sheet" type one, and since I'm bored, I'm going to give my opinion on what they have to say.

First of all, we come to the list of "Ten Tips to Help You Sleep." Here's what my brilliant dorm-mates have to say:
1) Create a restful place to sleep.
2) Sleep on a comfortable, supportive mattress and foundation.
3) Give yourself permission to go to bed.
4) Unwind early in the evening.
5) Develop a sleep ritual.
6) Keep regular hours.
7) Exercise regularly.
8) Cut down on stimulants.
9) Don't smoke.
10) Reduce alcohol intake.

And here's what brilliant me has to say:
1) Why the fuck are you telling people who live in a dorm to create a restful place to sleep? My wall is against the men's showers. There is a REASON I have learned to sleep with my iPod on. White noise isn't always enough.
2) So are you planning on buying all 198 of us new mattresses, then? Please do.
3) This I can do. And it's a good point, actually.
4) Yeah, I do this, in my own special way. I change my music.
5) Got a sleep ritual.
6) Telling college kids to keep regular hours is like trying to make a sloth train for a decathlon. We can't. Do. It.
7) Yeah, I do this. And it does help me crawl into bed and pass out. But I'm not sure that counts as "restful."
8) I'd like to think that caffeine is less of a "stimulant" to me now. Maybe something more important, like...hemoglobin.
9) I'm allergic to cigarette smoke.
10) AAAAnnnnd I'm not thinking killing my R.E.M. cycle is my issue here.

My conculsion: Teach me how to FIX MY BACK, damnit. This list sucks.

Oh, but here's the one that really amuses me.
NINE SEX TIPS
1) Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate- Okay, so I can see where they're going here. It's good to know what you like. But don't become like the guy from Sexy Losers who can't have sex because he's too used to doing it himself. 0.0
2) Lube makes the world go round.- Um, well, part of the idea of sex is to make your partner into it enough to make this unnecessary. Unless you're engaging in something which requires it. Relying on lube means you don't care. XP* Or you could just be having THAT much sex...
3) Never knock a sex toy until you've tried it. - Unless, of course, the idea of inserting a plug into your ass makes you the opposite of aroused. The interest has to be there. =_=;
4) Put a condom on it. - Agreed.
5) File your fingernails- Thank GOD someone said it. I don't know why it never occurs to guys that doing this might be a good idea.
6) Don't censor your fantasies- unless they involve chicken blood, babies,dead people, or your brother's wife.
7)If you're bored, hit the fast forward button.- No. If you're bored, you're doing it wrong.
8) Ask for what you want and you're more likely to get it.- Yes indeedy. We are not mind readers, now are we?
9) Sexual pleasure is a matter of individual preference- make up a tip of your very own.
That's cheating, but okay. Choose music that suits the mood you're in.

Do you guys agree that reading this stuff while you're peeing is a little strange?

*grins*

Great idea for a new AMV: Berserk to (Hed) p.e.'s "Dangerous." It would be great for showcasing the tension between Griffith and Guts, ne?

None of you have any idea what that song is, do you. Bastards.

My family thinks I broke the laptop.

*facepalm*

Today I learned yet again not to stick my tongue out at guys.

I was walking down the hall and I see Mat (not to be confused with Matt from Comic House. Pay attention to the number of Ts), who stole a movie from me last week and then loaned it to his roomie. *growls* His roomie sees me and asks if I want it back, so I (politely) say yes, then stick my tongue out at Mat. The following conversation ensues.

Mat: *to the (brilliant) friend* "I just got a tongue stud stuck out at me."
Mat's (brilliant) friend: "Yeah, it had a piercing, too." *snicker*
Mat: "That's the equivalent of a mumble blagh iplk"
Me: "The equivalent of a wha?"
Mat: "A fuck you."
Me: "No, sweetie, a fuck you is this." *shows her middle finger and smiles*
Mat's friend: "She's a mean girl."
Mat: *huge grin at me* "No, no she's not."
Mat's friend: "So that was a nice fuck you?"
Mat: "Yes."
Me: "Yes, yes it was. A very nice fuck you."
Mat's friend: *snickers as he links tongue stud to 'a nice fuck you' and Mat*
Me: *mental facepalm at my own stupidity*

Please allow me to introduce myself.

Today was a FANTAsTIC day. Wanna know why?


HAMMOCK!


Matt took this pic. Blame him!

And where there's hammocks, there's trees. I had a lot of pics, so I just chose one of each of us to introduce you all to the future members of Comic House.


WREN- She's the Theme House Student Coordinater by unanimous vote. She goes to meetings, plans events, keeps everyone else in line, and cooks a mean dinner.


SARAH- Wren's current and future roommate. Looks smashing in Wren's shades, and is good at being quiet for a while then saying something murderously funny.


MATT- The third party to the devious roommate duo. Loves to salsa, climb trees, smoke lots of pot, and hiss at stangers. This pic also has the best lighting EVAR.


MADDO- Matt brought her into our little group mid-semester. She's a comic, anime, and Elfquest buff who has amazing taste in clothes. When she found out about Comic House, she was immediately interested. Had it not been for her, Wren might never have actually gotten it all together.


DARYL- Last but not least, the resident Spiderman Wannabe. He used to have hair. Daryl knows more about Marvel comics than anyone I have ever met. The people at the local comic store know him by name.

And there you have us, folks!

"I heard you were dead."

No, just strung out on Comtrex. Wanna see? Of course you do.


This is me discovering that my hand is still on the door handle. I walked in and slid to the floor because the meds were messing with my sense of balance. Ever felt like you were still and the hall was walking? Yeah, this is what you look like after experiencing that kind of sensation.


Here I am, seeking solace on the floor, because I figured that the more of my body was touching it, the less likely it was that the room would do funky things. I might also have been trying to save my eyes from my roomie's flash, but I can't really remember. This was the fourth pic she took, tho.


Okay, yeah, I was probably getting sick of the flash.


This is me whining at my roomie. As you can see, it didn't work. By this point I am seeing so many spots it isn't even funny...


This is me trying to attack her. As you can tell, she was terrified. Which is why she didn't stop taking the damn photos.


However, once I finally made it to the bed, she decided it was time to stop. Her feet were in range, and she is quite ticklish.

That is all.

So I licked some bald guy's scalp today.

This day wasn't supposed to suck. Which is part of why it is so sucky.

*gives up and goes to bed* In bed by midnight on a Friday. I had a better night life back in STL. As if I already didn't feel like a boring loser.

Well, I had a great day. We got accepted into the house, so next year I get a kitchen. And it's big and looks relatively nice, too.

Also got to hang out with a lot of cool people who I don't usually do things with, and we had a lot of fun.

Then we get back to the dorm and Matt leaves me and Sarah without even fucking saying a word, then comes back stoned and wondered why we were mad. We had plans. I don't care if he wants to cancel. That's fine. Just don't fucking walk off and not tell me.

A hearty fuck you to Basement Matt.

Guess what I got today?

ヂギカメ！

My digital camera!

::EDIT::
Oh, and I dyed my hair again.

I never have any clue when my family is talking to me anymore.

"Lauren!"

...

"LAUREN!!"

...

..."Wren?"

*looks up* "yeah?"

::EDIT BEFORE DINNER::

People like this make me angry: TeeHee! I make more money than all of you! OMG, why so SULKY!

Ugh

Wow, chem lab today could have been so much worse than it was. Had I not managed to catch two math errors, I would have had to do the whole damn thing over. As it is, I got out an hour early.

I am the Queen of Titrations... and the Bitch of Calculations. =/

Chemistry is so good at making me feel so goddamn dumb.

::EDIT AFTER LOTS OF WHIPPED CREAM::
So I just found out that the chem class I'm in is intended for juniors at my uni, but last year the chem department decided to discontinue Chem 111 and bump all us freshies into chem 230 instead. So now we're struggling with stuff the course assumes we already know. People have been crying in lab. It is freaking TERRIBLE.

So the profs tell us the reason why they did it was because it emphasises how necessary accuracy and stuff are with measurements for all the pre-med students. If we're off by 3% bla bla side effects death bla bla bla...and yes, it is a valid point. I want my doctors to be good at that sort of thing. But I am not pre-med.

I wanted to raise my hand and go "Um, I hate people and want to work at a zoo, can I be excused?"

I mean REALLY. The Asian Crested Porcupine isn't going to care if I accidentally give him an extra food pellet. Big biology and higher-level math do not go hand in hand. They don't tango. They don't even say "hi" when they pass each other on the street.

So why the hell am I trying to make them get along in my head?

It's been a while...

And one of my hallmates just asked me to go drinking with him. It's cheap wine, which used to be my fave back in the day when I drank regularly, and I don't know him very well, so it'd be kind of fun.

Then again, I'm so used to not drinking.

Then again, I'm bored, and I know better than to get drunk in some semi-stranger's room. So it's not like I'd wake up in the morning with my pants tying my wrists to his bedpost. *laughs at her shameless story reference*

One glass of port it is, then. *grins*

Stop looking at me like that.

I got roses today. Made me blush.

argh

I can't tell if I have a lot of stuff to do today or not.

Everything Is Everything

Things are gonna change
But not for better
Don't know what it means to me
But it's hopeless, hopeless
Gotta get you home
To be with anyone
I think of what I've done
You know it all

Everything is everything
The more I talk about it
The less I do control
Everything means everything
Can't understand a word
Half of the stuff we're saying

The things I do possess
Sometimes they own me too
Whatta they gone a do to me
If it's hopeless hopeless?
What I can't explain
I'm sure you get it well
And since I always wanted
I always wanted you

Everything is everything
The more I talk about it
The less I do control
Everything means everything
Can't understand a word
Half of the stuff we're saying

Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
This is what I want
Look at what it did to me
Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
This is what you want
This is what you get instead

Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
This is what you want?
I always wanted you

Everything is everything
The more I talk about it
The less I do control
Everything means everything
Can't understand a word
Half of the stuff we're saying

Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
The more I talk about it
The less I do control
Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
Can't understand a word
Half of the stuff we're saying
Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
The more I talk about it
The less I do control
Ridin' low, ridin' low
Ridin' faster
Can't understand a word
Half of the stuff we're saying

*whimpers*

I don't know if it's stress or not, but after writing that last blog post I came down sicker than I have been at all this year. My head feels like it's being squeezed with an industrial rubber band, my lungs are full of fluid, and my entire body feels sick to its stomach. I want you to try to imagine that sensation.

*crawls back in bed* At least I don't have a fever.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Classically articulate, as usual. Since I currently don't have the patience to put up with a one-sided conversation, I'm going to tell you in text exactly why I am so pissed off at you right now that I can't even breathe normally.

First of all, when you tell me that I am at the wrong college and that I could "get a better education somewhere else," you are insulting me in several ways. You are telling me that I can't make good decisions, that I am wasting my time in a place where I am perfectly happy, and that I am wasting my money. Also, it implies that you think I am doing some sort of harm to my future because of this.

And that is why you got told to fuck off and butt out. Don't ever tell me that I am wasting my life in a place I chose-- that I am satisfied with. Do you know how long it has been since I have felt content to be somewhere? Happy to be somewhere? That I BELONG somewhere? And you want me to pick it up and move because you think I'm wrong?

That's rather arrogant of you, really. You're not me. How the FUCK do you know what I need?

"We both know you'd do better as a zoology major." Well, no, we both obviously DON'T, since I am not one. So now you're saying I haven't thought things through. Has it ever occured to you that I went to this school for a reason? Yes, it doesn't have a zoology major. Yes, I fucking took that into account. And I obviously decided that Bio was the better route. No, I am not going to explain myself or my reasoning to you. I don't answer to you.

I'm also mad because you're being completely hypocritical. How miserable are you right now because you let people tell you what was best for you? So why are you trying to do it to me? People have to make their own choices and LIVE by them. How else are you going to find out what you want?

I'm really disappointed. I thought you thought more of me than this. And I'm left wondering what your motives are.

The Fate of my Walls

Methinks I'll get these:



This one is six feet long.



Yay for bandwidth leeching.

Out of town

I'm available by phone.

If I'm not back by Monday, I'm in jail on the charge of murder.

*dances like whoa*

WE FOUND A PROFESSOR! WE FOUND A PROFESSOR!

Now all we have to do is get the committee to okay the house!
YES! YES!

::EDIT BEFORE CHEM TEST::
A little elaboration on that last post.

Well, first. I think my grades are going to turn out a lot better this semester. I'm doing a lot stronger in japanese and bio, and as long as I resist the urge to blow off my seminar class because I hate it, I should be fine, because it's not actually that difficult. So as long as I do REALLY well in thos classes, chem shouldn't matter. Well, I do have to pass it, of course. But.

So more on the house, because I know I haven't told all of you the full story. Our campus owns a ton of houses in the neighborhood, and you can get into them in the lottery, but upperclassmen get first pick, so it can be hard to get in that way. The other way is to start a "Theme House," which is pretty much what is sounds. A group of students with common interests get together, form a house, get a Professor to back them up that it's educational, and do at least four activities a semester. Hell, they give you money to fund the activities. >.>

So my friends and I last semester were joking around about making one, and we recently decided that we're actually going to. So I got the job of being in charge of Comic House. And we finally got a prof, so now we can turn in our application and go in for the interview. We have the house we want picked out. It has one double and three singles, so Sarah and I will be roomies, and everyone else will get a single. Assuming we get the house. >.>

I'm excited! I'll have a kitchen!

...On a less satisfying note, my aunt just called:
"We're not coming up this weekend."
me: *thinking- then why the FUCK did I work my ass off to get stuff done?* "Oh, okay. Are you still sending me my stuff?"
Fam: "I'm sending you some stuff, yes, but not your flute. I couldn't find it."

That's the only fucking thing I wanted. *sighs* Evidently it's packed up. She was the one who packed it. It's just too much effort to get it for me.

Oh, at least she finally ordered my contacts for me. After three fucking months. I have asked her once a month since Novemeber if she would call the Drs. office and do it for me, because between the time zone differences and my classes, I can NEVER. GET. AHOLD. of them. This month she told me yes instead of "no, you need to do it for yourself." (Yes, I'll go ahead and skip classes so I can get my contacts. No fucking thank you.)

*sighs again* off to chem now. I wish this day would decide what the hell it felt like being.

Getting more done than necessary makes it easier to sleep at night. I have the chem report from hell done, and the lab due next Monday, too. Working on finishing Bio lab now, and plan to have pre-labs for next week all done by Friday night. I can't afford to have stuff to do this weekend and next week because life is demanding I be social. Damily wants me to bus and meet them in Seattle sat/sun, and Rupe is coming on Tues.

Oh, right. Two weeks ago you tell me I'm not worth your time and refuse to even TALK to me, and today you call and try to wish me a happy birthday? No, motherfucker. Just no.

Happy Birthday

I found out last night that someone staying up until 3:01 their time so they can call me at 12:01 my time and wish me a happy birthday makes me blush.

I quit.

I find it utterly fucking unfair that I can't find anyone who really understands it when I snap. I listen to everyone else. I care. Why the fuck can't someone figure out that I might need a break sometimes? Everyone else can have bad days or be in bad moods, but when I do it? OH MY FUCKING GOD THE WORLD IS ENDING!!!!!! "Why the fuck is Wren freaking out? She should just calm down and stop being so unreasonable!!" "Jesus, she must be PMSing or something."

I thought about throwing my computer out the window tonight and calling admissions tomorrow to tell them I can't do this anymore. Trying to explain why, however, is a lost cause for most people. "Shh. You're smarter than you think." "If you're feeling so swamped, why not just take a break?"

Motherfuckers, to take a break, you need to be able to find TIME. Just because I'm done with the day doesn't mean it is done with me. And it isn't about intelligence. It is about me keeping my sanity, asshole.

When I'm upset enough to actually need to talk to someone about something, you MORONS, chances are it's pretty fucking important to me. So of COURSE I'm gonna get pissy and burst a blood vessel if I feel like I'm getting blown off.

And the worst thing about it? I get angry, and blow off some steam? I feel guilty. Even if I think I'm justified in my anger, I always end up feeling bad for feeling it.

So now here I am, pissed off, worn out, exhausted mentally and emotionally,fighting the flu, with still more work I have to do...and I'm crying because I feel bad for getting upset. Even typing this post is making me feel so guilty I want to delete it. The guilt is going to prevent me from sleeping tonight.

Sometimes I really hate the way I work. Why the fuck can't it be about how much things suck for ME, for once? I'm sick of having to put how I feel on the back burner because I don't have time to deal with my own problems. Every single time I have a busy and stressful day, without FAIL, someone I know and care about decides to burden me with something. "I hate my life."

Or: "I'm in love with you."

Oh, and this was a good one: "You're a waste of my time. I don't want to talk to you anymore."

And this was an entire fucking MONTH of confusion: "I'm bi. Let's make out. No, wait, I'm not. Sorry to keep making you adjust."

And this has happened a few times: "I'm mad at you, but I'm going to lie about it every time you ask me."

And then the family goes and makes it all better: "Since when do you get what you want for your birthday?"

I go through all that, and when it's time for a "Hey, I think I'm going insane because I have more stuff to get done than I have time to get it done in, who wants to help me destress by listening?" I get hit with "I don't want to talk to you online anymore." Or a casual "Oh, you'll get over it."

And then there are the people who don't always manage to figure out that I'm upset who do things like this: "Sorry, I have to go watch the TV/play FFXII/oh, am I online? because I'm really three fucking floors AWAY and I'm not gonna come back until you've lost the will to talk about it."

And from my family? "You are such a melodramatic teenager. Wait until you get immersed in real life." Or, someone else is having just a bad time of it as I am and I don't feel like I should burden them with my problems.

And it's not like I want to stop talking to anyone or stop listening to my friends. I love all of you. That's why I get so frustrated when I feel like I can't give you the attention you deserve, pass all my classes, eat, sleep, and manage to keep a shred of sanity.

I'm sick of this. To do what I want to do with my life, I need to be a Bio major, but to get my major I have to get rid of my life. I can either completely cut myself off from fun and the people I care about for the next four years, or I can major in something else and hate my career. Either way, I'm eventually going to snap.

*collapses* I have a headache. I am so goddamn done with everything.

lyrics. not for me this time.

I will light the match this mornin’, so I won’t be alone
Watch as she lies silent, for soon night will be gone
Oh, I will stand arms outstretched, pretend I’m free to roam
Oh, I will make my way, through, one more day in hell...
How much difference does it make
How much difference does it make, yeah...

I will hold the candle till it burns up my arm
Oh, I’ll keep takin’ punches until their will grows tired
Oh, I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind hey,
I won’t change direction, and I won’t change my mind
How much difference does it make
Mmm, how much difference does it make...how much difference...

I’ll swallow poison, until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room
How much difference (2x)
How much difference does it make (2x)

The Sign on the Dorm Door

Yeah. We're both sick today. So is half the dorm.

::EDIT::
Yay for taking matters into my own hands and finally changing my bank address to where I'm the one getting my statements and mailings, and not my worthless family.

Also yay for credit card. Which will be used for gas and all online transactions and paid off at the end of each month. I need to start building good credit since I want to be on my own ASAP. =_=;

Me: "That's the only thing I want. I don't want anything else."
Fam: "Since when should you get what you want for your birthday?"

...

*wilts* My mistake, I guess. You didn't seem to think it was a problem two months ago when I first told you what I wanted.

Fucker.

I may have time to nap today.

::EDIT AFTER CLASSES:: No.
TO DO:
1) finish editing those papers. The first one took me about twenty minutes. There are three more. So that means it should take about an hour to do all this.3:03PM
2) Look over the dialogue and define stuff for Japanese. Make new kanji flashcards and start memorizing the readings. This will take an hour and a half. 4:29PM
3) Finish recopying chem notes. This will take an hour.6:20PM
4) Make bio flashcards about the Eras and periods and all the fun stuff that happened in them. Will take about 45 min.5:35PM including twenty minute break to go to meeting. Which was cancelled.
5) Work out. Just bikes today, so won't take too long; maybe 45 minutes.WHEE!
6) Attend the meeting about theme houses for next year. Will probably take an hour.FUCKERS.
7) Laundry.

Digging out of my hole

Today is another fantastic day. It's even warm. Well...comparatively. I have my jacket off.

It's a great day for field work. I'm so happy my bio lab is today.