The Oblivion Mods Post, Part 1

Several of you have expressed an interest in the mods I use. Since I'm bored out of my mind, I figure I'll oblige. Pardon the slow posting, but I still can't type for any amount of time at all.

Computer Specific Items I Can't Help With:
Most of the mods I use are just to prettify the environment. If you're looking for more gameplay-oriented mods, I'd check out the Oblivion wiki and head from there. Even if not, I'd head there anyway to look at their section of .ini tweaks. I set my game up to take full advantage of Dual Core Powah using this wiki, which would not have been possible through the game menus themselves. Pay special attention to the grass height mod-- it's an easy way to fix framerate issues in the world without sacrificing too much pretty. Alternately, if you're looking for more pretty, you can tweak the trees. Finally, there's an option to enable screenshots (only if anti-aliasing is off, otherwise use fraps), and an option to disable all the splash screens at the beginning of the game.

What I use:
Please keep in mind one thing. The mods I am currently using are taxing to my computer, which is brand new. I am also using HDR lighting plus anti-aliasing, which I set up in my graphics card's options for Oblivion-- it won't let you do that in-game. Where possible, I am going to link to similar mods that will work for a graphics card with less memory, but please read all the text on the pretty download sites before replacing textures!

Before you begin:
Download the Oblivion Mod Manager. You'll need this to play around with getting your mods in the right order to create a stable game. It also auto-fixes your archiveinvalidation file. It's a little intimidating to use, at first, but the Oblivion Wiki is very helpful with telling you about the right settings and such. Two hints with mod arrangement: larger, more comprehensive mods (such as a game leveling tweak) should load near the top of the list. If you have several mods that alter the same effect, the one that loads last will be used by the game.

Environmental Mods:

This is where the bulk of my mods and texture changes lie. First, we have the ones that change all the pretty details.
1) Qarl's Texture Pack III- replaces textures for walls, grass, rocks, and just about everything else with huge new ones that take advantage of parallaxing. This file is about 3gigs in size, and is not recommended for graphics cards with under 500 megabytes of memory. Luckily, there is also a reduced version if you want most of the pretty but can't run the full-size.
2) Improved Doors, Plants, and Food- Pay attention to the install order! Doors and Flora first, then Trees and Flora, then Trees and Flora 2. He also made a food mod that I use, and I've been thinking about nabbing his better sign mod, as well.
3) Better Grass Without Tiling- Gets rid of the nasty tiling seen in distant grass.

Next we have the mods that alter the distances and make them look a lot clearer.
1) Noise Reducer- Gets rid of the weird pixely thing Bethesda decided to use for distances in patch 1.2. It makes it a lot sharper.
2) Landscape LOD 1- Increases the texture file sizes for the distant landscapes of inner Tamriel.
3) Landscape LOD 2- Does the same for the border regions. I use both, but if you've installed Qarl's and are having framerate issues, you may not want to install these at all. I'd choose two among Qarl's, Improved Trees and Flora, and these if you're having problems, otherwise you may experience horrible hanging in forested areas. (I feel the hit, but it's tolerable. A little jerk as the forest loads, and that's about it.)

Then we have the ones that just focus on making everything else as pretty as possible.
1) Natural Environments- Comes with a lot more than you want to use. The weather system is buggy, the habitat system is bulky, and most people find the water fix to be far too clear. Just use the Natural Vegetation part. That's the award winner.
2) Phinix's Waterfix- Not as clear as the one in Natural Environments, but not as muddy as the one in the "vanilla" game. I happen to like it quite a bit. The clarity diminishes the further down you go.
3) Rainbows in Tamriel - There is absolutely no purpose to this mod except to go "SQUEE!" and take screenshots.
4) Darker Nights- Don't leave home without a torch or night-eye spell, or you will quickly get lost and run into a tree. Pay attention to the .ini tweak. I love it for the realism, and for how it combines with the city mods I've listed below. While you're at it, nab Darker Dungeons, grab a torch and get to killing.

Finally, we have what makes the cities better.
1) Cities Alive at Night- Gives cities a glow from the outside, so it looks like there are actually people behind those walls. Pay attention to the .ini tweak.
2) Illumination Within package- For this you need both Illumination Within and Illumination Within Optimized. Install them in that exact order, and use the .esp(s) of your choice from optimized or you'll see a performance hit. It's worth it for the pretty pretty lights in the windows. After you install this, seek out a cathedral and wait until night.

Up next-- Sound, Characters, and a couple extra mods I picked up to ice the cake.

Finally.

So I went to yet another doctor's appointment this morning with my regular doctor. I went in for a referral, but he actually listened to me and told me one wasn't necessary because it was so clear what I have. (Screw you, neurologist.)

He has diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. He's started me on a low-dose antidepressant to combat the nerve pain (seizure meds for my depression, depression meds for my pain...), and I am supposed to see him again in two weeks.

It's a chronic condition, yes, but at least I know what the hell is wrong.

The Second Oblivion Screenshots Post (EXTENDED)

Here's a shot of my actual character, plus a shot of Chorrol post-window-illumination mod. And, rainbows!

Caleigh

No, that is not her armor. I just feel weird running around and talking to people in ninja gear.


For those of you who keep asking why I'm not doing any of the Assassin's Guild quests, here is your answer. LOOK AT THAT FACE. She'll raid your basement and reunite you with your husband, but she's not a killer. (It makes me too damn guilty. Perhaps I'll try it with Ishtar.)

Cities at Night

See how the building on the left is lit up, but the one on the right is not? That's because there is no-one IN the building on the right! How cool is that! Let me tell you, this one tiny change has made the cities much more realistic.

Rainbows

The Oblivion Screenshots Post

Don't hate me because it's beautiful. (Don't hate the player, hate the game oh god it's 4AM why am I typing.)

Last night I made a test character to check all the mods I installed (wouldn't want my actual character's save game to be corrupted by a bad mod!). She left the sewers, stole a fast horse, and took off on a three-day joyride. So sit back and enjoy your tour, courtesy of Ishtar the Nominally Evil Dark Elf Assassin!

Click for large on the pictures. And, probably, step away from this page and make a sandwich, or something. These image files are enormous. And, just so we're clear on this, they are NOT resized, recolored, or altered in any way. Direct screencaps, folks.

Trees and Interface

I've done a lot of interface tweaking so that if I don't need to look at it, I don't see it. The result is very unobtrusive and makes sneaking and fighting a lot easier.

Meet your lovely tour guide

Is it just me, or does that horse seem distinctly unhappy?

Sunlit canopy

My goal was to make the game so pretty all I would want to do is gallop around on a stolen horse and stare. Well, it worked. o.o

Old Bridge

Please to be looking at the stone detail.

Sunset




Nighttime

Nights and dungeons are now dark, dark, dark! Have to have a torch or light spell to see very far, but makes dungeon crawling and sneaking so much fun. Also makes the stars really pop.

Weather

Now with rain that gets you wet! You can't tell from the screenshot, but little rivulets of water are trickling down her robe-- it's not just the damp sheen. After the storm there's also a chance of rainbows, but this rain stopped too early for that effect to happen. I'm sure I'll nab a screenie of it eventually.

NPCs

My NPCs are all so pretty now. None of the weird mottled faces or any of that rot.


And that's it so far. More screenshot posts of cities to come while I test out some more mods I've installed. Just a couple more to go!

Quotes from Work

7:00 AM
Bossman Prime: "Who told the Dish Fairy to take a shit in our sink?!"

7:55 AM
Me: "Scooby*, get up. I have to send myself an e-mail I was working on."
*Scooby obliges*
Bosslady: "What's that about e-mail?"
Me: "I'm e-mailing myself home so I don't have to walk."
Bosslady: "I thought Bossman Prime was taking you?"
Me: "I, uh... I am e-mailing myself to him first to remind him."
Bosslady: "Oh, so you and he are E-MAILING now, huh? What else are you doing together? Are you two-"
Me: "No! NO! That is beyond creepy!"
*Bossman Prime is in his cubicle, desperately trying not to catch anyone's attention/get sued for harassment/age any more than he already has*
Bosslady: "That's going to be the new office catchphrase by this time next week."
Clock: *shift change now pls*
Bosslady: "Bossman Prime, Wren is ready for you."
Me: ._.
Bossman Prime: *can no longer resist the call of his inner smartass* "So, want to ride home?"
Me: O.O

I died a little.

*I've dubbed my idiotic patrol partner Scooby.

I should not be given phones

"UPS Security, this is Wren."
"Uh, hi...I was trying to reach a member of my family; who are you?"
I'm sorry for the confusion, but I've recently undergone a rather extensive lifestyle change...
"Sir, you've reached us because all the phones are on forward. It's the weekend."
"So what am I calling?"
"A university."
"There must have been some sort of technological error, because I dialed a family member. Have a good day."

Yes, the technological error of you pushing the wrong fucking numbers into your phone.

Here she is!

Sorry this post took so long; I got a little sidetracked by Oblivion.

Here is a shot of Estella's guts, for those of you who don't really grasp how large this case is. o.o
The hair in the picture belongs to Matt J. I have promised him dinner out because of all his help on this.




And there is Estella assembled, sprawled across my enormous desk. Note the height of the case. It really does double as a barstool.

And here is how I skinned it: (Made slightly less enormous than my desktop for sanity's sake)



I'm planning an Oblivion screenshots post so you all can see what this computer does to graphics.

"I'm like Estella-- I like to reel it in and then spit it out. I'm frustrated by your apathy!"

Though I don't think apathy will ever be the problem in her case.

Yes, boys and girls, it's official. My desktop is complete. And, now that it's too late for you people to whine about what I'm not buying, I can tell you what I got, from guts to garnish. (Seriously. Who NEEDS a quad core? XD)

Speakers: Klipsch Promedia 2.1 (only my speakers have a cloth cover. God, those look ugly. I know why they did it, but jeez.)
Keyboard: Eclipse II Illuminated Keyboard. I bought it for the purple, but have been using the blue because it matches my mouse.
Mouse: Razer Copperhead You must click simply so you can giggle at the site. XD
Monitor: Dell 2007WFP (One of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.)

Case: CoolerMaster Stacker It's a full-size tower that moonlights as a barstool. It was also the only thing I could find that didn't have eight billion LEDs or edgy skulls and claw marks or wavy edges or fuck-else. It has about three thousand fans and a filter on the side vent, which is just fine to me.
Motherboard: ASUS M2N32-SLI Gotten for a ridiculously good deal. Also, it has built-in wireless. (>>)
Processor: AMD Athlon 64 X2 I wanted a processor that was high-end middle in performance and cost, and this one pretty much fit the bill. (And if any of you say one word about Intel I am using Estella to SET YOU ON FIRE.)
Graphics Card: nVidia GeForce 8800 Pretty much guaranteed to run every game I want to play at max settings.
Hard Drive: 400gig (Seagate) More than I will ever use. D=
Memory: 2 gigs (Corsair) I will probably use this. XP*

Pictures and screenshots to come tonight after the building party. *squee*

I hate Mondays

Thanks to all of you who called/texted/commented good luck for me today. It was much appreciated.

Not that it did much good. The neurologist concluded after one month of testing that I have carpal tunnel. Carpal tunnel. I'm sorry, but after a month of treatment, carpal tunnel should be getting better. And after a month of testing, I should have been given a diagnosis that actually reflects all my symptoms.

At one point he ran my hand along my inner arm and asked if it hurt.
"Yes, it does, but that's not anything new."
"Hypersensitivity in that area is consistent with carpal tunnel."
"No, see, if you did that anywhere on me it would hurt."
"But in the inner arm it's a sign of carpal tunnel."
"..."

So what about when it's everywhere, asshole?

He is also refusing to work with my physical therapists. They've asked him twice for my test results so they can treat me, and he has ignored their faxes both times. When I asked him about it, he said "they're...a little more involved than they should be."

Or, maybe you're an ABSOLUTE FUCKING IDIOT.

I miss Manstork.

My new patrol partner is...lacking. Worst of all, he is lazy. Our last set of shifts, he spent ten of twelve hours in the office. Any time I was at the office, he tried to put me in as dispatcher so he could spent more time in a desk chair.

This set of shifts I told Dispatcher to send any admits his way, and gave the above as my reason. My boss overheard, and later gave Patrolman a lecture about not patrolling. Patrolman comes in later and asks if I got a stern talking-to, as well. I answer truthfully and tell him no.

Does he realize this is probably an issue and spend the rest of the shift doing his job well? No. Does he go to the back and spend the rest of his shift reading a book? Yes. ._.

Today I walk into the office, go to the back, get all my stuff put away and get geared up. Come back to the front fifteen minutes later, and he has not started any paperwork. I tell him he should have been doing that instead of reading a book, grab the inventory, and start working. Fifteen minutes later, I am done with inventory. And he has not even started the building check sheet!

When I express my exasperation, he asks me if I had wanted him to do it. I reply that yes, I did, unless I missed the memo about it being Read-A-Book-While-Wren-Does-All-The-Paperwork Day. Then I spend the next fifteen minutes correcting his paperwork for errors.

When I sign up for building locks, I notice that he has taken all the times we will have a dispatcher for, and left all the buildings that will need looking after while I am supposed to be dispatching. Which means I'd have to leave and have him dispatch more while I went and did them. I guarantee the sneaky little bastard did it on purpose.

So I'm unlocking all those buildings early. -.-

I have come to a conclusion-- I am going to make his work life a living hell until he either quits or shapes the fuck up. It may be more work for me, but that is more tolerable than having to deal with his idiotic bullshit for forty hours a week this entire summer.

In which Wren describes bruises and boxer-clad Mormons

The odd work events I mention in passing can be found here.

Ugh.

I go in on Monday to speak to the neurologist again and see if they know what is wrong with me yet. This is the first time I can remember that I haven't wanted to go to the doctor's alone. Then again, this is the first time I've been so scared.

When I was hospitalized in high school, I wasn't scared. Yes, half my face had swollen ridiculously and I couldn't open my mouth wide enough to take a bite out of a sandwich, but I wasn't scared because everything still worked. Everything doesn't still work now. I can't keep a grip on things, I twitch uncontrollably (which has made sleeping a real joy, let me tell you), my arms are constantly going numb, and almost every time someone touches me I find a new nerve center that is in pain. I can't lift things or twist lids open. And, despite three months of physical therapy, things aren't improving. In fact, I feel myself getting worse.

By now my physical therapist is almost positive there's something wrong with my spine, which makes the entire deal even more terrifying. Minor things don't happen to spines. You can't get carpal tunnel of the fucking spine (absence of carpal areas notwithstanding).

I've been worried for a while. It was tolerable until a few days ago, when the twitching got so bad it started keeping me up at night. While I was helping Maddo and Trevor move into their new apartment, there were times it was so bad that I couldn't hold things. Now every time I twitch I end up thinking about all the horrible possible causes, and that just compounds with my frustration and I end up bursting into tears.

I hope on Monday he gives me some sort of news that makes me look back on this entry and feel foolish. That would make me really happy. Hell, a this point the phrase "pinched nerve" would come as a relief.

more rat stories

I let the boys out for playtime again today, and quickly regretted it. Last time they were out, Tweaker discovered my clean laundry basket and instantly fell in love. While I was rat proofing my room, I assumed that the laundry wouldn't be a problem because the basket was six times the length of the rat

I was wrong.

Today, they turned it into the game. The Brick saw Tweaker climb the basket once and instantly decided that was a good idea. One of them would distract me, and the other would run across the room at breakneck speed and leap into the laundry. There was no climbing up the mesh sides this time, just all out leaping. I would walk over, take them out of my laundry, and deposit them on the floor. Lather, rinse, repeat. Each time I would dig them out, it would take them less time to get back in again again. I don't know what was so appealing about it. Maybe it smelled like mommy, or maybe they just loved how squishy everything was. Or, maybe they were doing it just so I would dig them out. I don't know.

Regardless, they now have a ladder made out of my laundry basket hanging in their cage. When the hammock is done, I am hoping they will use it to get in and out.

I can has grape now pls?

Tweaker and the Brick went on their first full on playtime excursion today. For those of you who don't know much about them, let me in brief impress upon you what a momumentous occurance this was. when I got them, they had never been outside of the cage, and had never been handled outside of experimentation in class. They had several very bad quirks, such as absolutely refusing to leave the cage voluntarily, obsessing over water, and refusing to eat treats. Because of this, it was impossible to ever interact with them.

I've been trying though. Recently, I've gotten them to enter and leave the cage voluntarily, and since they've learned what treats are positive reinforcement has gotten a lot easier.I decided it was probably time for them to have an official rats play time, so spent about 45 minutes rat proofing my room. This involves removing bad things that they would like to chew on, such as electrical wires or some of my more precious books. I also sealed off of the places under my desk that lead to the back of my computer.

Here are the results of playtime. The toilet paper tube contains red grapes, which they had just been introduced to earlier that day.


"Yo, bro, check out over here!"


"I wuv oo!"


Unfortunately, I didn't think about the trash can when I rat-proofed the room.


And then they found the grapes. Note how the tube moves across the bed-- they kept trying to steal it from each other.


Note where the grape is... (This is The Brick.)


I love his little ratty arms. (Still The Brick.)


"Victolly!"


Here is Tweaker with a sympathy grape.

I am so mean.

Me: *walks into office, sniffs*
Me: "You went for a smoke."
91: "Yes, I did."
Me: "You smell like my grandpa."
91: "Does he smoke cigars?"
Me: "No."
Me: "That should worry you."

*pause*

Dispatcher: *Bursts into hysterical laughter*

Ah, priorities

Today I was so thrilled about having freshly aired bike tires to cruise to work on that I forgot to put on a bra.

Sometimes the human race astounds me

It's very warm and sunny outside today. Because of this, as I am leaving from locking up the Science Center, the light has ample opportunity to strike my blue and orange hair and give my head a radioactive aura. I highly doubt, however, that it was bright enough to actually prevent you, sir, from seeing the uniform. Or the belt. Or the radio.

Seriously. So why did you ask "Do you work for Security?"

1) No.

2) No, I'm actually a professional dominatrix, and the professor I work for has just gone home for the day.

3) No, today is National Look Like a Security-Person Day! Want a cool plastic radio?

4) I did until right this moment.

5) Hold on, let me radio base and ask my boss.

6) Well, thank you for causing me an existential crisis. Allow me to go ponder the meaning of my life beneath that shady tree.

7) I may look like I work with the man, but I'm really a member of a secret rebel alliance whose sole purpose is to bring insecurity and havoc to this very parking lot.

8) *bursts into tears*

9) No, I just like wearing heavy black cotton pants in June.

10) Nope. Not enough penis.

*sighs*

And you, Mr. Construction Worker. Sleazing past me with a push-dolly, grinning, and saying "Hurr, I stole this" was not funny. Me grinning back, bouncing, and saying "OMIGOD, CONGRATULATIONS!!" sure was, tho.

Jackass.

This was long overdue.

I have been holding off making a Sims post here because I know so few of you play. However, I believe the recent hijinks are weird enough to keep you all entertained-- and quite possibly wondering why I play the game at all.

I don't know how many of you remember my attempts to make a WrenSim last summer. I did end up making one, and put her into play. I haven't played her much, however, because in all honesty I find it slightly creepy to watch myself live. Go figure. But, I do see her around a lot, as she is friends with many of my Sims, and also has taken an unusual liking to a local park. Par for the course, right? Well, I certainly hope not!

Because I never play her, I have no idea why this happened, but I can say with absolute certainty that the WrenSim has gone insane. As in, collapsed on the floor of a store, giggling madly and rocking back and forth insane. As in, little men in white coats coming to take her away insane. That's right. I watched myself go crazy. (Needless to say, I will be remaking the WrenSim.)

Then again, there may be something in the water of this neighborhood. For example, I give to you the hijinks that ensued between the Hikari and the Thane families. The Hikari family had a couple of children that I wanted to become teenagers, so I left the game running while I was packing the house up. I leave them alone for about 30 minutes, and come back to find that the Hikari wife has started an affair with the Thane husband. Alright, fine. Until I realize that they're having sex in a car outside of a bowling alley. Not so fine.

It gets better. The Hikari wife becomes pregnant with the Thane husband's child. I happen to like the Hikari husband, so I don't want her random adultery to come to light. Unfortunately, the Hikari family is quite Japanese, while the Thane family is quite Anglo-Saxon. It's not going to be that easy to hide a half-Japanese child.

Luckily, the Hikari husband is an idiot. The dark-haired, pale-skinned, green-eyed, freckled child is born, and he loves him. Never catches on. Everyone else knows, but oh no. "Daddy" is oblivious. Meanwhile, mommy keeps having nightmares about getting caught.

Now that I think about it, it may just be the Thane family that's insane. Most of the hijinks I have to pass on deal with them in one way or another. Take their eldest legitimate daughter for example. She refuses to do her homework, does horribly in school, and becomes a quite maladjusted adult. (There was nothing I could do about it, I swear!) I decided she should marry the town founder, who is both old and rich. After all, she seems slated for the role of trophy wife. Unfortunately, she decides to leave him at the altar, which sends him into the fiery depths of fury. He keeps asking me to see her ghost, so I finally oblige and have her starve to death in the second story of their house (we are not discussing that). The day after she dies, he marries his maid.

...

There is nothing I can say to add to that story. It is both funny enough and horrible enough on its own. Buh.

Flash forward to tonight. The Thane wife gets caught cheating on the Thane husband in their own bedroom. He kicks her on the street, and she promptly moves in with another man whom she works with (my doing). The Hikari wife decides to take this chance to take her half-Japanese son and move in with the Thane husband (also my doing).

Oddly enough, I think everyone is happy now. Except the youngest legitimate Thane daughter, who has no nose. I'm not kidding. And I'm definitely not letting her breed with any other Sims. She clearly has some sort of flesh-eating disease that she will pass on to the next generation if I'm not careful.

more Wren Prevention

I finally managed to cut down on my soda intake. When I moved into this apartment, I had an epiphany -- if there is no soda in the house, there is none for me to drink. Shocking, I know, but it has been very effective. I've gone as many as four days without having soda this way. In fact, I've given myself two withdrawal migraines.

I've also figured out how to keep myself from obsessively eating bagels when I buy them. You see, bagels freeze rather well, so I buy eight of them, freeze four of them, and am forced to wait for the others to thaw out before I can use them. So far, it has worked rather well.

The same thing goes for cookie dough. If I have it in the house, I will live off of it. But, if it is frozen into 4 1-serving portions, I will eat it slowly.

I'm getting rather good at this.

Dear Lawnmowers:

DO NOT WANT.

No love,
some of us work nights!

post flood!

Today I made the mistake of doing laundry while on the phone with Matt J. It would not have been a mistake had Comic House Matt not also been there. I was having a perfectly normal conversation about how Matt J. needed a haircut because he looked like he had a dead ferret on his scalp when I reached into the washer to grab some wet clothing. Without paying much attention, I took a pile of laundry the six steps to the dryer and started loading it. All of a sudden, I hear Matt L. began to giggle hysterically from his bedroom. I look to my right.

There is a long string of elastic stretching from the washing machine to my hands, and hanging from it in the middle like a confused bungee jumper is a bright pink set of briefs. I also start giggling hysterically.

Wren: "Oh, wow, I think the washing machine just ate a pair of my panties! There is elastic all over the place, and my panties are hanging in the air."
Phone: "..."
Matt L: *laughs hysterically*
Wren: *starts pulling on the elastic coming from the washer*
Elastic: *keeps coming from washer*
phone: "..."
Wren: *starts walking toward Matt L.'s door, bringing long string of elastic with*
Elastic: *stretches from washer to door, all the way down the hall.*
Wren: "And people wonder why I found underwear in my computer fans."
Matt L: *still laughs hysterically*

Cue two minutes of me pulling at elastic in a vain attempt to get all of this under control. Throughout this entire debacle, Matt J has been utterly silent on the phone. The two of us in the apartment, however, cannot stop laughing.

I finally get all of the elastic out of the washer, give the panties up as a lost cause, toss them in the trash, and attempt to salvage my conversation with Matt J.

Wren: "I'm okay, I'm okay."
Phone: "I really don't think you're okay."
Wren:*bursts into hysterical laughter and collapses on the washing machine*
Phone: "See?"

One hour later.

Matt L: "oh, there's a pair of panties in the trash."
Matt L: *pause*
Matt L: *throws garlic on top of them and walks away*

I thought about the oddest things while getting my MRI

For some reason, being stuck in a narrow plastic tube while the aural equivalent of a bunch of troglodytes with clubs and rocks bashed about my ears and spine made me think of Hawaii. Because of this, today I accidentally pinpointed the exact day I discovered I was a nicer person that my mother. (Before the snide remarks start, remember that the operative words here are than my mother.)

We were driving to our house, and my mother spotted one of our neighbors mowing the lawn. In gym shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, a medical facemask, and enormous dirt biker goggles. My mother starts laughing hysterically, grins at me and says "someone needs to tell that man about fashion sense." I pause, look at him, and say "mom, I think he just has allergies." She goes quiet, looks at him, and then stares at me. "... that never would've crossed my mind."

She was definitely right about that one.

This is shaping up to be the best summer I've had in a long time.

Periodically over the years we have lived together, the members of Comic House have come up with shirts we felt we simply must create. My all-time favorite was the "Mr. Peen and the Vay-Jay-Jays" band shirt (which I still have every intention of designing), but at Matt's birthday dinner we came up with one that ... well, it may be the best thing ever.

THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA: Keeping children Play-doh free since 1983!

Yes, I will explain. We discovered at a table of two gay men, a bisexual male and female, and two straight females that there was a direct correlation between the amount of Play-doh eaten as a child and the consumer's resultant sexuality. People with no exposure to Play-doh, or those who never ate it, were gay. Those who ate it once or twice were bi. And those who thought it was a bedtime snack were straight.

Intrigued, we all asked our circles of friends how much Play-doh they had eaten as children, and the vast majority of the answers have followed this trend.

I, for one, find this to be amazingly awesome.

Ironically, you were exactly right.

"Want to come over?"
"Yes, but I'm grumpy. I'll just say something to piss you off and then we'll both be unhappy."

You're grumpy? I've had electricity shot through half my muscles, needles stabbed into me while I flexed, metal rasps run over the bottoms of my feet. I have been poked, prodded, stretched, and intentionally caused pain for the sake of diagnosis. I have spent most of the day scared and stressed out. And you don't want to come over and keep me company while I pass out because you are grumpy?


How nice.

Well, at least I'll know.

I have an appointment with a neurologist tomorrow at 1 to discuss my arm issues and possibly get an EMG. For those of you who don't know what that test implies, look it up. And then send me spirit vibes.

At least we're getting closer to figuring out what the hell is wrong with me.

I am going to feel squicky for the rest of the night

Q. What's worse than finding a spider the size of a quarter on the wall by your bed when you get home from work?
A: Finding the remains of the moth it had just consumed all over your sheets.

The apartment is lovely

And I am almost completely done unpacking.

Come visit us!

People keep calling me "diplomatic"

Really, I've just come to terms with the futility of getting angry at my family. If anything, it makes them even less willing to fix their fuck-ups than does my current stance of annoyed apathy.

Unc is the one who told me I couldn't stay at our summer houses while I was waiting to move in to the apartment. Ironically, Unc is also the one who never deposited any money for the hotel into my bank account. This means that last Tuesday my account overdrafted for almost 300 dollars. Granted, this is what I get for trusting him and not checking my bank account more carefully the day they were supposed to have given me my money. Then again, I didn't realize that he could be so incompetent as to be unable to perform the three mouse clicks necessary to transfer funds from his account to mine. I mean, I knew he was lazy, but that lazy?

Last Tuesday was a lovely blur of stress and rage. It took me four hours to get ahold of him. In fact, I wasn't the one who got ahold of him at all, which suggests he was avoiding me. Fam called him and told him about the overdraft, which caused him to realize that he'd never deposited the money. Her response to this was "you call her yourself and tell her what happened." So he did. I told him that I had with the overdraft on my credit card, but I still had a -$40 bank account summary. He apologized and told me he was going to put the money in. I breathed a sigh of relief, took a nice long bath, and went to bed happy.

Wednesday: no money in my account! Overdraft fees are starting to accrue, and I'm beginning to wonder whether or not I will be able to feed myself. I call him twice, and get no answer.

Thursday: no money in my account! I call Fam and ask her what's going on, and she says that he told her he had deposited the money. I tell her that the opposite appears to be true, and that I now have over $100 in overdraft fees.

Friday: Unc finally answers. He's on his fucking yacht at the lake, and admits to me that he has not deposited the money. Why? "I was having computer problems."

...

Several responses ran through my head at this point. First, "Odd, I was having problems buying food!" I also wanted to ask whether or not his two days had been so astoundingly busy that he hadn't been able to trot his ass into a bank or a fucking library to deposit the money. I understand that yachting is incredibly necessary in his line of work (after all, nothing quite screams "Professional Assclown" like a yachting hat), but would the world have ended had he stepped off the deck for two seconds? And, a courtesy call telling me " Hey, I am too lazy to deposit your money, I hope you have food!" would have been nice. But, I say none of these things. A bit wearily, I ask him when he thinks he will be able to deposit the money.

"Tonight." All right. I go to bed again, albeit a bit mistrustfully.

Saturday: no money. Unc is not answering his cell phone. Again.

Sunday: see above. I now have $155 in overdraft charges, and have been buying groceries with my credit card. The fact that I actually can still provide food for myself is comforting, but one should never have to put groceries on a credit card.

Monday: Unc answers his phone. "I deposited almost $1000 into your account." "Well, it's not there. Maybe because it was a weekend, but I have a feeling that's not it. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know."

And here we are, one week later! I call him this morning to inform him that I now have $200 in overdraft charges, and he takes it upon himself to get onto the bank website as we are speaking."what does your bank account end in?" I tell him. There is a pause. "That's the problem! I put the money in my savings account!"

What.

At least I have money again. He gave me twice what I asked for out of guilt, so I can't really complain. I just wish he didn't think every problem can be fixed by throwing money at it. The fact that he couldn't fucking remember to make sure that I had a roof over my head is a little upsetting.

Christ on a Cracker

I really don't fucking understand people sometimes. When I am angry, I tell people not to talk to me until I calm down. It's kind of for their own good. Because when I get angry, I am very adept at tearing people apart. And when I am angry, I have very few scruples about doing just that.

And yet you keep on prodding at me. Now we have decided on the Facebook approach. Yes, I am aware you sent me an e-mail last week. I don't need your three-paragraph justification on why you did it. I don't care what mindset you were in, or what effect the sending had on your fucking chi. What I need from you right now is a prolonged absence from my life. I've told you this. I keep telling you this. But, shockingly enough, you keep doing the selective understanding thing:

"Why did you unfriend me on Facebook? I said I was sorry."
"...What part of 'I'll call you' did you not understand?"
"I just want to know why you unfriended me on Facebook."
"Because being bombarded by your emo bullshit annoys me. Leave me
the fuck alone."
"Well, it sent a rather confusing message."
"Was it 'leave me the fuck alone', by chance?"
"Why, yes, it was. Sorry for pestering you so much, by the way. I don't
want to bother you while you need your space."
"...Leave me the fuck alone!"

I'm not sure why you think being remorseful should automatically make everything better. You royally fucked up. You said something epically stupid, pissed me off, and now you need to be a man and deal with the consequences. Life doesn't get better just because you have decent hindsight. That's the great thing about words--they tend to stick around. And you get to live with the consequences of what you say. Don't try to play it off like it wasn't that big of a deal in the hopes that I will suck it up and move on. I won't. So stop talking to me, stop downplaying this, and stop trying to guilt me. I have no patience for high-school drama. If you want to whine, there are more appropriate forums.

In the future? Brain, then mouth.

A quote that took me over a week to remember.

Maddo: "Ah, Shrek II; the best Cameron Diaz has ever looked."

(Yes, that is the one where Fiona spends most of the movie as an Ogre.)

I hate being transported to the sets of B-movies.

Today I had to enter a house to turn off a lot of lights Facilities left on. One of the lights turned out to be in the basement, and I ended up having a horrible time finding the switch.Of course, the sheer creepiness factor of the basement didn't help my search. What passes for the ceiling is actually a network of thin aluminum sheets that have been nailed haphazardly to create a pocked, saggy, and highly reflective surface that only partially covers the pipes and wiring. The floor is cracked, exposed concrete, covered with years of dust and paint splatters. The walls are completely missing in parts, but what still stands is a brilliant avocado green with generous helpings of spackle. Even better? The damn thing is enormous!

I'm stumbling around, still attempting to find a light switch, when all of a sudden I come across a mirror. A mirror, suspended from the ceiling by wires, in the dead middle of a room, at chest level. Nothing else is in the room except trash piled in a corner. Instantly, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I found the damn light switch and left the house as quickly as I could.

That mirror is one of the most terrifying things I have ever seen.

Something tells me I need to start thinking these things through

A few weeks ago I changed my voicemail on a whim. I had been getting messages for months telling me "wow, that was really depressing, blah blah blah blah...", and I got rather sick of it.

Shocking, I know.

So, while waiting for Daryl to leave a drug store with his Life Medicine, I called my voicemail and changed it to something a little more peppy. Alright, it's a lot more peppy:

"People keep on telling me that my last voicemail was too sad, so...HII, this is
WREN! LEAVE A MESSAGE, OKAAAY?"

Which is probably why it terrified everyone else in the car. (What, am I not peppy, you bastards? D=)

Since then I've been getting the oddest voicemails. Like the secretary who was laughing so hard it took her two minutes to tell me I had an appointment tomorrow. Or, like the dude today:

"Hey, I just dialed a wrong number, but I wanted to let you know that is the most awesome thing I have heard in a long time. So, have a good day and take care!"

I need to add a label called "relief."

I didn't fail Genetics.

I knew it was a mistake before I called.

Me: *ring! ring*
Fam: *answers angrily* Look, I know I haven't deposited the money for the hotel yet! I'll do it first thing tomorrow!
Me: ...What?
Fam: Aren't you calling about the money?
Me: ...No, I was calling to wish you a Happy Mother's Day...
Fam: ...Oh.

Facebook made this come to mind.

She turned away, what was she looking at?
She was a sour girl the day that she met me
Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a happy girl the day that she left me

What would you do?
What would you do if I follow you?
What would you do? I follow

Dont turn away, what are you looking at?
He was so happy on the day that he met her
Say, what are you looking at?
I was a superman, the looks are deceiving

The rollercoaster rides a lonely one
I pay the ransom note to stop it from steaming
Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a teenage girl when she met me

What would you do?
What would you do if I follow you?
What would you do? I follow

What would you do? ....

The girl got reasons
They all got reasons

What would you do? ....

Hey, what are you looking at?
She was a happy girl the day that she left me
The day that she left me / the day that she left me
She was a happy girl the day that she left me
The day that she left me / the day that she left me
She was a happy girl the day that she left me

Dear Uppity Piano Tuning Bastard:

I realise that piano tuning is a dying art. In fact, this is probably why we are stuck with you and your stellar personality, which is likely to soon manifest into its own entity if you do not surgically remove the stick from your ass in the near future. Clearly you being two people at once makes you on some level superior to me (at least in terms of density). However, keep something in mind. Yes, I may not be able to stand there with a tuning fork and a set of pliers and make a Steinway sound like a choir of angels (mostly because I don't have that sort of anal retentive patience), but that does not mean I am an idiot.

I put you on hold. I know, how rude of me, but I was trying to find information on you. You hung up. We did not "lose our connection." You hung up on me. And I am fully aware of that fact (just as anyone who has a concept of what a flashing light on a phone suddenly disappearing means would be. Dispatching is not rocket science.)

I told you we'd send someone over. You asked when. I answered as soon as possible. Apparently you need to know an exact time frame, despite the fact that you are not even at the fucking door yet. I must have forgotten that time bends for you. God Himself will descend from upon high with a key made from the hopes and dreams of children everywhere simply so you may enter our Student Center and tune a beat-up baby grand that will likely get more use as a massive rolling hour'dourve tray than a musical instrument.

That's right. All your hours of twanging and tuning are supporting cheese and crackers. Now take your stellar personality and get the fuck off my campus.

No love,
The girl who just had a five-minute "let's make fun of you" fest with her boss on our radio system. (He doesn't like you either.)

And here is what happens in a world NOT dominated by sanity...

I recently discovered that I will have no home from May 14 to June 1. Everyone I know will be out of town, so there will be no crashability. Not a problem, though, right? After all, my family owns houses on Hood Canal.

Well, apparently it is a problem, because they're not letting me stay there.

That's right-- instead of letting me stay at a house they OWN, they are paying $1K to put me up at an ExtendedStay.

Buh.

I don't even know where to begin on this one.

I'm going to have to begin this one my saying one of my bosses absolutely HATES Partnerman. This of course means that by extension he has to hate me. That's just some sort of law of the universe or something. It has been an annoying issue, but it has been tolerable.

Until Tuesday. On Tuesday, Partnerman and I walked into work and each found a write-up sitting in our inboxes. A write-up stating that we both apparently refused to take cafeteria trays back to their homes.

Refused.

So here's what happened in a world dominated by sanity. On Sunday, Partnerman and I ate food. (Shocking, I know.) To get said food back to the office, we used a tray. An hour before the end of our shift, Idiotboss asks if we'll take the tray back. Partnerman says that he will do it. We rush to get everything done, and he offers me and Dispatcher a ride home. As he's cutting out to drop us off, Idiotboss again asks about the trays. Partnerman says quite clearly "I'll do it, I'm giving these two a ride home."

So he drops us off, goes to get changed, comes back, and teh trays are gone. Well, that's that, right?

Nope. Because we both refused to take the tray back.

Needless to say, we go in to talk to Big Boss. I was worried he'd be an ass about it, but he agreed that a) this was dumb and not worthy of a write-up, and b) a complete overreaction on the part of Idiotboss.

So now Idiotboss has to talk to Big Boss. Hopefully next time he feels like being a spiteful idiot he remembers this event. If not, it is going to be a very long summer.

><

Packing fails.

I am so sick of going through this. D=

buh.

You know it's going to be one of those days when you can't find a single pair of pants when you wake up.

pretty pictures!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Totally Undignified

So, I found the downside to writing papers by speaking.

Hiccups.

photo courtesy of Amatoris

Oddly enough, that's always the first thing people liken my eyes to...

I don't understand Mondays

it has been a weird day.

Last week, I was talking to Sarah about how mundane a story I have for my injury. People see my brace, which is silver, steel reinforced, and bad ass. Then I tell them what's wrong, and lets face it-- talking about damaged carpal tendons and injured ulnar nerves also sounds pretty bad ass. Then, they ask what I did to cause this, and I say... typing?

Talk about a letdown.

So Sarah comes up with the bright idea that every time someone asks I should look them in the eyes and say "too much masturbation."

It has been a weird day.

I woke up early this morning so I could go in to class and take a quiz. I have to say, it's a little unnerving to have the professor pretending not to listen as you pretend not to notice that she's in the room as you are dictating your quiz to your computer. I was practically whispering into my headset, so my accuracy was for crap, but I didn't care. When the rest of the class came in to take the quiz, I just corrected all the mistakes with my left hand.

After class, I was walking out of the café with Sarah, and decided to express my worry that my left hand was about to go the way of my right. I turned to her and asked "what am I going to do if my left hand dies?"

"Stop masturbating," she says. I glibly reply, "Nah, I'll just get someone else to do it for me."

Cue my old chemistry professor coming around the corner with a look of O.O on his face.

It has been a weird day.

why I wish work were over.

It is a gorgeous day outside. It is also warm, and I would love to go outside and play, but unfortunately I'm stuck in this cumbersome security uniform. Also, if I were to do anything fun people would stare at me weird. Call it the Curse of the Belt or something equally interesting.

I also have had nothing to do since noon. My incompetent boss left me with more than half of the unlocks, which is great because I only have one hand. Despite this I've been done for almost 4 hours now. I don't really like sitting around and doing nothing. When on the clock, anyway. From what I hear, that's when most people like to do it, but it always makes me feel kind of guilty and lazy. (Thus ends another installment of why Wren doesn't make sense.).

Oh well. In another hour I'll be done and I'll be able to go flop on the lawn with no sense of guilt, which is good because I think it's high time that my freckles made their reappearance. Note to self: teach voice program to understand the word freakle.

Well, that was easy.

Peenrita

Plan B

Well, today has been productive. I called AAA, only to find out that battery trucks in Tacoma don't work on weekends. Of course, I was silly and forgot that it is absolutely impossible for cars in Tacoma to run out of power on Friday and Saturday. So now I get to call and go through all of that again on Monday. Most excellent!

But, I was able to get something productive done today. Daryl and I had an attack of clean and ended up cleaning the entire downstairs. When I dusted the TV screen, he look me in shock and shrieked "ew"! Apparently he doesn't like dust either, which is surprising, since he uses the TV more than any of us, and has been staring through that coating of film for weeks...

We also got all our posters hung up again today, in preparation for Heroes. as usual they have all started falling off the walls, and we have been too busy with labs and papers and dying to keep putting them back up. But, now that 30 people are going to invade our living room every Monday for the rest of our semester, we kind of feel obligated to not make them sit in the pig sty. Go figure.

And finally, I conned Fam and Unc into buying me a voice recognition program. In fact, that is what I am using to write this post right now. I feel bad for Sarah, who is sitting to my left playing World of Warcraft, because she can never tell if I'm talking to her not, and shall never have to read my blog again. (At least that's what she just told me.). Then again hearing and in bits and pieces over the course of my writing probably doesn't make it flow as well as it would if she were reading it when it was done. Maybe I should just start writing when she's in class...

Apparently this is the same software that Maddo's dad uses. It's called Dragon NaturallySpeaking 9, and he says when he is teaching it to recognize his voice that he is "training the dragon". I really like that phrase, and so have decided to adopt it for my own use.

So, now have two different ways to blog. I don't quite yet know which one I like better, and so I'll probably end up using both until my hand heals. The good news is Fam has decided me to send her insurance cards, so hopefully on Monday or Tuesday I'll finally have a way to go to the doctors I need to see.

In the mean time, margaritas!

I can't audioblog this one.

Dear family:

Die in a fire. I can't start physical therapy for my tendons OR get the test I need to determine the extent of the damage to my nerves until you send me my fucking insurance cards. This would not be a problem if you had just fucking SENT THEM TO ME IN NOVEMBER LIKE I ASKED YOU, YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS SONS OF BITCHES.

The longer I wait, the worse my hand gets. You are ruining my chances at ever being healthy and normal simply by being lazy.

Also, fuck you for making me get sent to collections over the blood test bill. Another doctor will likely do the same because you can't put two fucking pieces of plastic in an evelople.

Unc: why the fuck do you have a secretary?

Fam: what exactly is it that you DO? Really?

WHY CAN NEITHER OF YOU BOTHER TO CARE?

In which Wren discusses chocolate ice cream, margaritas, and Comic House

With a cameo of the roomie!

In which Wren discusses CSOC majors, and imitates Manstork imitating her

If you're confused about who "Manstork" is, do a Ctrl+F in the Security archive for Manstork and "Partnerman." He goes by both depending upon how I currently feel about his existence.

In which Wren reveals her secret conversion to Wicca.

I am sorry about the background noise in this one-- there's also a skip, but you're not missing any words. Is just the way the file saved.

In which Wren has an epiphany and decides to tell the world.

If I were a car, they would have canned my model years ago.

Back from the doctor. I apparently have a dire combination of both ulnar tunnel and tendonitis. Yeah, you read that right. I have both a nerve and a tendon problem. This means that I am going back into physical therapy. (Though I suppose I should be happy it's not for knee problems this time around...) It also means I cannot write or type unless I absolutely -have- to until further notice. So, don't expect any blog posts.

But that's not all. As soon as they heard I was on Tegretol, they decided I should see a neurologist, too, in case this was a neural issue and not really an arm problem at all.

So there you go. I am either a broken excuse for a human being or a total headcase.

._.

One last thing. I think it was lack of sleep that caused me to liken the pain in my arm to "having nails hammered into it by a bunch of Romans."

Luckily, no one got it.

Perfect.

There will be no blog posts until further notice. I have injured the tendons of my right hand, and typing feels like burning.

No, I did not hit/slap/punch/murder anyone or anything. In fact, I have no idea WHAT I did.

Days like this fill me with a hatred of life.

*SQUEE*

Tonight we got a call letting us know there was a lost puppy in the Arboretum. So I head over with a lead to collect him.

Did you know silver rottweilers existed? Neither did I. But they are ADORABLE. This little guy was really well-trained. We took him back to the office, let him settle in, and gave him a bed made of lost-and-found clothes while Dispatcher went to work putting out ads.

So puppy passes out behind the counter where no one can see him, farting contentedly in his sleep. A girl comes in to report her car stolen, and is clearly trying hard not to cry. She's on the phone with her parents, waiting for the police, and giving us her info, all the while clearly stressed out. She gets off the phone, there's a pause, and I have an epiphany.

"I don't know if it would help, but there is a lost puppy back here that would probably love for you to pet him."

She was a lot calmer and more relaxed by the time the police arrived. Clearly, puppies fix everything.

Ever wonder why you're really in lab?

I know I sure do. (Yes, this is for the science magazine.)

I am at a loss.

I have no idea what to do. My iDog refuses to be happy. If I pet its head, it whines, if I scratch its nose, it whines, if I play it music, it pretends it's happy, and then whines the minute I ask what its personality is. If I take the batteries out, he whines, too.

So I get online and look up the manual. The troubleshooting section contains one item: "What to do if your iDog freezes up." It tells me to press the reset button. I figure hey, he's stuck in one mood, lemme try that. So I press the reset button.

And he whines at me.

Apparently there is no reset button for insanity.

Dear Campus Community:

I apologize that most of you are now aware I was having printer issues, but can you blame me for screaming? It should not take fifteen minutes to convince a $100 printer to spit out ten pages of notes for an exam I have tonight.

*clicks print*
Printer: I am out of paper!
Me: NO YOU ARE NOT!
*clicks ok*
Printer: Look at all this paper I am feeding through my body! Whee!
Me: WHY IS THERE NO TEXT?!
Printer: Your document has finished printing!
Me: *twitch*
*clicks print*
Printer: I am out of paper! =D
Me: D'AH!
Squirrel in tree outside: *FLEE*
Printer: >>
*Five pages print*
Printer: Your document has finished printing! ^.^
Me: I WILL THROW YOU OUT AFTER THAT SQUIRREL.
Printer: . . .
Me: . . .
Printer: . . .I AM OUT OF PAPER BITCH.
Me: *froth*
Roommate: ...I think the squirrel just committed suicide.
Printer: =D

My printer is the electronic equivalent of a passive-aggressive, retarded puppy, and for that I truly am sorry.

Much love,
The angry girl who now has no voice

I have never stopped relating to Faye.

Here's a good example of why.

1 AM

Me: "I'm going to wake up early and study my ass off."
Sarah: "Yeah..."
Me: "You know, I wish that really worked."
Sarah: "What, getting up?"
Me: "No, studying my ass off."
Sarah: "...BLOG THAT."

Awww.

S.T. Strange went outside today, and was more interested with burrowing in my hair than anything walking or driving by. Which means a lot, since a couple across the street were staring raptly, trying to figure out what was on my shoulder. A fratboy also drove by, whistled, catcalled...and cheered when I flipped him off. -.-

But the rat was cute.




And, of course, the excursion ended with him attempting to crawl into my shirt.






And, yes, that is a new hair color.

Q: Why have you not been updating?

A: Carpal tunnel. >.<

Dear brain:

Stop it with the weird dreams already, okay?

Really. Stop.

Yet another letter to the Stockroom Idiot:

Apparently there is no way to escape the long arm of your destructive essence, Stockroom Idiot. Despite the fact that I no longer have to rely on you to obtain supplies for my study, or bear witness to your tantrums when Microbiology *gasp* uses a lot of sterile media, I must deal with absolutely random interventions that render my term project useless (that's a motif for you, isn't it?).

I spent three hours in lab last night. From 9PM until 12:30 AM I sat in lab, crushed up flies, and spun down their little bodies to extract their DNA. I have spent the past month breeding these flies and carefully selecting the mutation I wanted to study. When I left, I put my carefully labeled DNA in the water bath like I was supposed to, and Matt said he'd pick them up when he came in to TA the morning lab.

Unfortunately, you got to the water bath first. You took my vials of DNA, the culmination of thirty days of my time, and threw them away.

YOU THREW THEM AWAY.

Needy people freak me out.

Work last night.

Dispatcher: "Security, how can I help you?"
Dude: "Hi, I need an admit into my house."
Dispatcher: "Admit hours don't start until 1o."
Dude: "But that's like 30 minutes! No, an hour!"
Dispatcher: "That's correct."
Dude: "....Well, what am I supposed to DO?"

...

*Breath*

REMEMBER YOUR FUCKING KEYS NEXT TIME!

That's it.

So I found a job I wanted at the zoo today. I met all the requirements save one: I don't have a Washington state driver's license.

Cue scream of rage.

So now I have a new goal. I am going to start establishing my residency.
1) Open a bank account here. It will probably have to be a checking account.
2) Register to vote here.
3) Get a state ID. I can't get a WA driver's license until I am a resident. -.-
4) Register my car in Washington State.

This way, by next year, I will be a resident.

(I am so full of rage.)

I need to fix my vibes

This has been an odd semester for me at work.

A few weeks ago I was locking up a lounge and had a short brunette hop out from behind a corner and attempt to karate chop me. As soon as she realized I was 1) not her friend and 2) a member of Security, she screamed and ran back around the corner.

Today, I was talking to Manstork in the plaza, felt a breeze, and turned around just in time to see a six foot tall Psych student in the process of giving me a bear-hug. Luckily, he realized he had no clue who I was, either, and backpedaled.

This weekend has been full of me taking deep breaths and repeating "I am not pissed off, I am not pissed off, I am not pissed off" over and over again.

Friday I get an e-mail from Tom asking me to cover his shift. I say I'd take half of it and to tell me what hours our boss said would be better. Fourteen hours later I have not heard from him, so I assume his shift has been covered, and send him another e-mail essentially telling him to fuck off.

Saturday night I get a call from work going "Where are you? Tom said you would cover his shift." "Well, Tom lied." I talked to the bosspeople about it, and since I didn't sign the shift change form, I can't be held accountable for what happened.

So I head out for a while. When I get back home at 1ish, the house smells like someone rolled in yeast and then rinsed in wine. I quiz Daryl and Matt, which causes me to discover that they have accidentally poured wine on our cable/DVR box.

Later, I find chocolate embedded in the rug of the Study Zone. The rug is mine.

While at work, the annoying stalker freshman keeps texting me. I have never responded to a single one of his messages, which makes me wonder why he still does it. Also, he never asked if I had a text plan before he sent the first one, which in my opinion is incredibly rude.

Two minutes ago, Matt and Daryl admitted that the wine glass actually BROKE when they ruined the DVR. The glass in question is also mine, and has sentimental value.

I am not pissed off. >.<

Worst squelching noise ever

I was in the kitchen last night (but Sarah wasn't, ha she sees what I did thar) unpacking and cleaning chicken breasts, listening to Areta tell me a story. She gets to a point where I am supposed to contribute something to the conversation. There is a heavy, damp noise.

Cue awkward pause, followed by me saying faintly "...there is a chicken breast on my foot..." and collapsing into the sink.

Dear Brandon:

"Questing with Wren on WoW" is actually code for "having large amounts of sex."

Love,
the girl who thinks you shouldn't knock what you've never tried.

I really need to work on this guilt complex thing

I dropped my History class today. Between being sick this week making me fall really far behind and the stress caused by getting used to my meds, a job, an internship, two labs, and two clubs, something had to go.

Job can't go because of bills, internship can't go because I need it for my major. The clubs can't go because I live in one and would be lynched if I quit the other, and my meds certainly can't go, because it's not like I could handle myself BEFOREHAND.

So the elective went.

But the professor? She's so nice, and so understanding, and so friendly. I don't feel like I dropped her class, per se. I feel like we've broken up. "It's not you, it's me."

So now here I am, running around, and feeling like a terrible person.

Will someone please explain myself to me? XD

Stop pecking away at my childhood, you damned vultures of knowledge!

It used to be that when I saw "XO" I thought "aww, hugs and kisses!"

Now I automatically think of Turner Syndrome.

Dear Animal Behavior Professor:

Thank you SO much for being an understanding person and allowing me to forego the zoo trip today. I am still ridiculously sick, and probably would not have been able to do all that walking around and still be alive for my exam.

<3!

This post has been long overdue

I think I mentioned a while back that I got two new ratties, but was currently missing a camera charger, so couldn't post pics. Well, I can post pics now, so here are a couple. Yes, I am well aware that you won't be able to tell the difference between either of these two or S.T. Strange, but I don't care.


Everyone, meet Melvin and Scooter. They came pre-named, and I thought about giving them new ones, but it didn't seem right since they were given to me by a friend. "Melvin" is the one closest to my foot. He has a straight stripe down his back and no spots. His brother, "Scooter, is the one closest to the wall. He has a saddle and a stripe on his back.


They may look a lot alike, but they're really not. Scooter is the more active and adventurous of the two. He was also the one who had a tendency to leap blindly at walls when I first got him. For this reason I have nicknamed him "The Tweakmonster." I'm also going to be bluntly honest here and say that Melvin is one of the dumbest creatures I have ever met, which has made me start calling him "The Brick." (The fact that Sarah is in the background singing gleefully along to "Lump" is not making this any less funny.)

Melvin was actually the first of the pair to leave his cage voluntarily today, something which has never happened, causing me to exclaim to Sarah "Look! The Brick has mobilized!"

As far as psych rats go, they're turning into pretty normal guys. The good news is they're used to being trained, so learn new things very easily. The bad news is that they hate, hate, HATE leaving their cage, and don't understand that snuggling with humans can be a good thing like S.T. does.

Clearly they needed to be cleavage raised.

You have been warned.

Monday: Am sick.
Tuesday: Class 9:30-12:20. Take-Home Exam Due.
Wednesday: Class 9-10, 11-12. Lab 1-5. Exam 6-8.
Thursday: Class 9:30-12:20, Lab 1-4, Exam 6-8.
Friday:Class 9-10, Appointment, Class 11-12. Essay Due.

But at least my iPod is working again.

My car is dead for the third time in six months.

Whoa, it is so windy

Today was a panda hat and trenchcoat day. I was walking out of lab with Matt when I get stopped by a professor. The following conversation ensued:

"What are you dressed for?"
"Warmth."
*blink blink*

Apparently girls dressed as Matrixbears cannot be for real. XD

Med Update the Third

I just increased my dosage again last night, so I figure it's a good time to give another update.

Last week was hard. I flaked out so much that I bought things at the store, and the next day when I was searching through the kitchen, found things I had no idea I'd bought. (As I said last night: "It's like presents from past me!") I had a terrible time staying awake in classes for two days, my attention span was shot, and so forth. But, I started taking more careful notes in my planner, and it slowly got better.

I also had really bad swings. I went from peak mania to bottom depression in less than 24 hours. That has never happened to me, and let me tell you, it was utterly exhausting. Then the depression stuck around for three days.

But now I feel mostly okay. I upped my meds last night, and other than feeling like I got hit by a train, I seem to be doing okay.

Let's hope it sticks.

I think watching a British man beatbox rap is one of the more amazing events I have ever seen. Even more so because he is my professor.

Hibernation

Today I was going to wake up early to shower. I really was. But then I woke up and realized that panda hats are acceptable alternatives to shampoo. So I threw on a pullover, put on the panda hat, and started brushing my teeth.

Sarah: "Good morning!"
Me: *quickly learns that sleepy panda growls while brushing teeth are bad*
Sarah: "...oh!"

Animal Behavior

Last night we read a paper about mating behaviors in toads for a paper discussion. Apparently males who are "calling" to females become so engrossed in the behavior that you can inject them or bleed them and they will not stop calling. They won't even move.

*Croak, croak* obviously means "NEEEEED SEEEEEX NOOOOOOOOW."

Anticlimax

This day was the worst gauntlet I've run all week. Which, to me, is a claustrophobia-inducing portent of impending adulthood. After all, just a couple of years ago, life would STOP so I could have a birthday.

And now I have to work my birthday around life? When did that become fair? =/

Hunh.

Even though I never really wanted to be, it made me a little sad today when I realized that I would not be allowed to be an astronaut.

Then I just felt weird.

So today I learned that crossing-over also occurs in MITOSIS.

Sometimes I really hate life.

Dear Brain:

Come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. D=

-Wren

Another Med Update

I saw the psychiatrist today, and got a doctor's note for the professor's class that I keep missing. It was all very high school.

Anyway. I'm upping my meds again. Right now I'm at 200 mg a day, and she wants me to get up to 400 mg/day. So, I'm taking 300 mg for the next three days, and then switching to 400. Pretty soon I'm going to start having to get blood draws, as well.

But, I'm not really complaining. I can tell it's working, and the side effects so far have been manageable. I'm a little worried about the way the Tegretol interacts with my birth control, since I take the stuff primarily for hormonal reasons and not for contraception. There's been talk that I may have to augment the pills with a patch. Both the pills and the Tegretol compete for similar protein binding sites, and "the Tegretol always wins," which means I absorb less of the hormones. So, back to the doctor I go for a professional opinion to see what I can do to keep my old issues under control.

I can't imagine going through this if I were in a career situation or in the middle of a serious relationship. I'm so glad I decided to go through this now, because it would only have been harder later on.

Not to say it's not hard enough now.

Specimen Wren

One of my old Bio professors ran up to me today and said "Oh! I used you as an example in my 112 class yesterday!"

"Oh?"

"Yes! I said 'now Wren's hair is purple, but not because of her genetics. Can you see the difference here?' And a couple of my students were nodding vigorously and going 'Yeah!'"

"Well, thank you!"

"No, thank you!"

This had better not be a normal thing

Yesterday I had my first real flake-out day from the meds. I think the fact that I hadn't gotten a full night's sleep in a few days compounded it, but I seriously felt I was on Vicoden with the added bonus of being incapable of remembering a damn thing.

It was really frustrating. I don't think I can adequately explain it.

But, today I feel fine. I've been writing every little detail down in my planner, but I do feel fine.

I want to shoot someone rather specific

Ad nauseum. I need my fucking insurance card by Friday the second. Please mail me my package. Give me my fucking insurance card. Please mail my package.

I called Unc on Monday. "Can you send me my package? Also, I HAVE to have my insurance card by Friday the 2nd. Absolutely have to."

"Okay. I'll ship the package overnight. You'll have it by Wednesday. And I'll send you my insurance cards and just request new ones."

Today is Thursday. I get this e-mail from his secretary:

Hey Lauren. Unc has a box full of "stuff" (not sure what all is in there yet).
I'll be packing it up today and hopefully get it out in the mail tomorrow.
Are you needing it fast? Want it shipped UPS or anything?
Also, we have requested a new health insurance card. It will be mailed to Unc' house so hopefully he gets it to me when it arrives and I'll get that to you soon as well.

Take care and let me know if you need the box quickly otherwise it will go out in regular mail.
Thanks.

*twitch* Know what this reminds me of? This fiasco with Fam. And any other number of them.