Getting the IUD was still worse

Ladies and gentlemen, I have been lied to.

Just two weeks ago, I was told the procedure I underwent today would be "quick and painless." That I would "be out the door in ten minutes, and probably pain free! Most people feel better instantly!"

Well, shock of shocks. I feel instantly worse. Let me tell you why.

There was a needle. Two, really. The first was a tiny little thing they used to inject anesthetic. The second was a two-and-a-half inch long affair that they worked into me gradually with evil little stabbing motions. Here, for reference, let's look at something two inches long, shall we?

I started feeling pain when the damn thing had made it 1/5 of the way into my abdomen, and spent the rest of the time seeing stars and wondering just what the fuck the local anesthetic was for. Meanwhile, the nurse is trying to get me to hold her hand, and the doctor keeps calling me "a real warrior." I look at them both and go "Don't worry, I've had weirder medical procedures done. Let's talk about the time they cut my lip away from my skull..."

Afterward, they take my blood pressure and tell me it is "slightly elevated." You don't say.

Then, the doctor looks at me and says perkily "So! What's your pain at now?"
"Seven!" I reply in equally perky fashion.
He appears taken aback. "Really?"
"Oh yes."

When I came in, pre-needle, it was a six. Now, as I am sitting here writing, we have approached the realm of eight.

The nurse's last words as I left the office? "This is just a diagnostic procedure, really. If it doesn't work, we'll learn something!"

No. If it doesn't work, I'm going to teach you two about Occam's Razor. I have a minimum of four other trigger points, all of which I told you about on the paperwork. So, naturally, the pain in my stomach is caused by a pinched nerve. It all makes sense! :D

Fuckers.

Now if you'll excuse me, my nerves and I are going to go have a lie-down.