I don't feel comfortable accepting presents from these people who are supposed to be my family. Last night I was in my lurking room in the basement and I smelled food, so I went up. My aunt and uncle had invited thirteen family members over for dinner. No one came down and got me when they arrived or told me when the food got here, and I couldn't hear them because the basement is really isolated. So I walk upstairs to see what's going on and they all just STARE at me like they don't know why I'm there. I look at the food, but they ordered BBQ, and every single bit of it was red meat. So I guess they didn't really expect me to eat with them.

Have you ever felt so lonely it actually causes you physical pain? I did, when I went back downstairs.

Then today I wake up at three. I'd slept in my lurking room because I knew I didn't have to get up and so I might as well enjoy some uninterrupted sleep. I go upstairs to grab breakfast, and three family-types are over. I wave and say good morning jokingly. No one in the room, not even my aunt or uncle, respond. They just look at me for a second, then go back to what they were doing.

So I think I have good reason for not wanting to go open the presents they got me. I've had plenty of time to wonder why the fuck they bothered.

The worst thing about this was that I kind of hoped things would be better over break because they haven't seen me in months. So now I feel like an idiot.

myaaaa.

I have decided I am no longer dealing with people that frustrate me.

It was nice knowing all of you. I'll be spending the rest of my life in a hut by a river in the mountains. There are no visiting hours. But I may have a few cats.

I am moving out tomorrow.

So, I open the slidey thing we keep the toaster in because I like toast, right? A fucking OVULATION TEST falls out on my hand.

Why on the TOASTER?

I hate toast. >.<

::EDIT:: There is now a message for them:
"Note to self-finding an ovulation test on the toaster does not improve the appetite."
I was a hard decision between that and "So Fam, are you fertile?"

But I was afraid she'd tell me if I wrote down the second one.

Can you tell I'm working Christmas Eve AND Day?

"Ungiftwrap Day."

That's all it is, dudes. Welcome to corporate 1984.

Picture a house invaded by lots of annoying bratlings.

me: *waves at one*
bratling: "Hello!" *smile*
me: *smile*
bratling: "MiniFam says you're bad."
....

I wonder who she heard that from. Thanks a fucking LOT, Fam. What do I do? Seriously! I haven't even been here in four months. Oh gods, I keep my towel in my bedroom and watch TV in the family room. Crucify me, bitch.

I'm not coming back this summer. This farce is pointless.

I wanted to show the girl my tongue piercing and have her ask her daddy if she can have one to help her make money in kindergarten. But I didn't. Because I'm not the kind of person that actively torments other people's spawn.

Wait, what? You live with us?

Evidently not.

My aunt asked me last night if I got my tongue stud for "Sexual Reasons." After I was done laughing, I told her no.

I'm proud of her. I wonder how long it took her to get up the nerve to ask me that.

Thinking Back to Simplicity Week

My junior year of high school we were reading Walden, and I decided to undergo a week without technology for a project and talk about what I learned. I got so much more stuff done that week, read more books I liked, and went outside more often. I was also less stressed.

I've been thinking about that more and more as I got busier and busier and more stressed at Uni, and I decided I needed to do something. I'm taking a month off from the forum and IRC to see how much stress that cuts out of my life. The moment I did it, I felt free. I don't know if I'll go back. I loved the community, and enjoyed the chat room, but so much of my worry and stress and frustration stems from that place.

So at the end of the month I should know whether or not the forum is worth it.

Karmic Retribution

Well, the plane flight back to Saint Louis was quite possibly the worst day of travel I have ever undergone. I'm pretty sure the fact that I made it through security four times without issue came back to haunt me. Because you all know the Wren. Security likes to use the Wren to feel like they're doing their jobs.

I almost missed my ride to the airport, then had to go to two different places to check in and they couldn't find me record. The security line formed -as- I was walking towards it, and when I got to the person who checks your ticket and ID she tells me I've been selected to do a full security search and won't I please step this way? I get put into the "corral" and they drug test my bags and inspect my stuff, then tell me to identify everything I brought with me. Then they wanded me and checked my bra, hips, and crotch for weaponry and drugs. (No, I have -never- stashed a knife in my bra. So this is NOT "clever thinking" on their part.)

Then I get to the gate and they won't let me on the plane because the seat is wrong so I have to get THAT straightened out. Then, on the plane ride, the lady to my right takes up half of MY seat, too.

AAAND then I touch down in LA at the LAX and I have to get to the American terminal instead of the Alaska one but I can't find a fucking map of the airport or information about my flight since all the infoscreens deal with Alaskan flights -only-. So I ask a security guard, go down this escalator, go down one more, and catch a shuttle bus to a different terminal.

Then for some reason people on my flight have to go through a -different- entryway, and as the lady checks my boarding pass she freaks out and won't let me go through and then this other lady comes and she checks my flight and says she'll let me through even though my boarding pass is wrong. (...)

So then I get to the next security line, and I get selected to get a full search done -again-, so this time I get to get felt up by a rather attractive black lady who is suspicious of my pockets.

Then I get to my gate and they're boarding by group numbrs and my ticket doesn't have a group number on it, so I ask about that and they tell me to just get on the plane. So I do, and I settle down, and we get ready to go.

As we're about to leave, the captain gets on and says we need a new nose wheel, so it will be 30 minutes or so before we can depart.

An hour and a half later, we're taxi-ing to the runway. Fifteen minutes later, we take off. Our arrival time has been pushed back from 5:18 to 7:00. We haven't had any food since 11, (and I haven't had any since 8PM the night before and am working off two hours of sleep) and the ladies behind me are obnoxious and loud and keep hitting my seat.

At 6:45 the captain comes back on and tells us the winds we're flying against are too strong and we're not as far as we should be, so we have to land in Kansas City to refuel or we won't make it to Saint Louis.

At 7:10 we're back up in the air, and we arrive at STL more than three hours behind schedule. Everyone on board missed their connecting flights. My nose is so dry from the airplane air that it is bloody.

At least they didn't lose my luggage.

Two finals down, final paper done. One more to go.

So tired. Rose called at 3AM...I didn't even notice. The phone ALWAYS wakes me up.

I'm gonna go sleep until noon.

::EDIT AFTER NAP::
Nap was good, but now legs no worky.
Food makes head better.

"Klept". It's my new verb.

Jane klept the necklace.
Can I klept a piece of your cake?

heh. So many meanings.

::EDIT BEFORE FINAL::
Wow, stretching. Maybe that would fix my back.

For Rose

Here's a breakdown of the faces I've been making more and more for those of you who either don't spend enough time online to get them immediately, or don't really care enough to try.
^^; -happy embarassment. I'm probably blushing.
^_^ -glee. (also ^.^)
>.> -sneaky eyes.
--; -annoyance. (the more ;;;; there are, the sooner you'll be dead.)
-_- -glaring.
=_= -tired glaring. I can feel my hair going grey, you bastard.
9.9 -eye roll. Learn it, already.
-.o -wink.
+.o -twitch.
+.O -more pronounced twitch. Possibly some frothing at the mouth.
T.T -Stare of the Martyr. I put up with sooooo much.
u.u -sad eyes.
o.o -yeep?
O.o -whaaaaa? (if O.o; -I am scared and slightly worried.)
O.O -WHOA.
XP* -I'm sticking my tongue out at you. See the stud?
XD -I am so proud of my smart-ass self.

You're so great at making me feel terrible.

Ever wondered what I'm like at 6AM?

Kakashi: You! Back to bed now!!
No Understandy: whee, mornig1
Kakashi: Morning to you too.....why are you up?
No Understandy: chem exam. masochism. pick! *falls over*
Kakashi: Let me guess....you wanted to get a jumpstart talking to me.
No Understandy: yesh, masochism.
Kakashi: ::catches:: I see.
Kakashi: Eh, you'll do fine on the exam.
No Understandy: you suck. like hwoa.
Kakashi: Oh?
No Understandy: *grins widely* YA!
Kakashi: >_>
Kakashi: <_<
Kakashi: You're grinning. I'm worried. ^_^
No Understandy: *falls ovwr afgain*
Kakashi: ::catches, again::
No Understandy: your gammar saced me!
Kakashi: ....uh huh...
No Understandy: heh. have to think about that one, dontcha.
Kakashi: No. "My grammar scared you."
No Understandy: saved.
No Understandy: you LOSE!!!!!!!!!!
No Understandy: qe
Kakashi: Like no.
No Understandy: like hwoa, yo.
No Understandy: *blinks sleepily7
No Understandy: goo luk
No Understandy: ...
Kakashi: Right.
No Understandy: scheisse
Kakashi: Why is there feed back missing from your story??
No Understandy: read sidebar,thing.
No Understandy: I click DELEETED
No Understandy: *mumbles* whores@
Kakashi: ::grins::
No Understandy: I am losting.
Kakashi: You need some rest sweetie. You're becoming like me.
No Understandy: I am FINE.
No Understandy: perfectly coherey. Not even slurring.
Kakashi: Indeed.
No Understandy: my braibd keeps trying to furn off wothought my permissopm/ I hate it.
Kakashi: ?.o You play a really good drunk online.
No Understandy: not drunk. sleepy as hell
No Understandy: whee!
Kakashi: whee!
No Understandy: not funny. *glares* an you should see me be fake drung in persig.
No Understandy: um.
Kakashi: ::cuddles and lulls:: Go to sleep for another hour....and don't you dare kidney punch me.
No Understandy: I can't. too tired to be all RAAAwren.
Kakashi: When's your test?
No Understandy: nine.
Kakashi: Are you ready for it?
No Understandy: would I be up if I were?
Kakashi: Probably.
No Understandy: no. don't like you that much. *yawns*
Kakashi: How long have you been up?
No Understandy: since five.
No Understandy: my hair is annoyg.
Kakashi: Hehe...why's that?
No Understandy: on my head. hate that.
Kakashi: ?.o
Kakashi: But it makes the Wren look all....humna.
Kakashi: human*
No Understandy: hwA? so? I don;y need to blend in.
No Understandy: oooh, cafeteria open soon. I can feed the beast.
Kakashi: That what you calling yourself?
No Understandy: nk. tummy beast. be wren, silly. I mean me. htt confused ,yself.
Kakashi: For all the coddling and concern I'm showing you now, I have an inkling I'll be paying a price when you are back to normal.
No Understandy: I won re,mebee
Kakashi: And you're trying to study like that?

There are no words

laughs hysterically

no, it doesn't go anywhere.

My life is fucking insane, yo.

Stopwatch Hearts- Delerium

Not that I'm that hard to Please
but lately when I hit the street
it's hum-de-dum
(hum-de-dum-de dum)
When the hard times hit
they Hit the biz
The hardest hit make the best of it

Strong dollar stockbroker right to the bottom
Sink down with your boomtown
High water realtors arrive
With numbers over their eyes
Stopwatch hearts

Good God I love the party-starved
businessmen with stopwatch hearts
They don't beat
(They tick)
They don't beat
(they tick)

Good God I love the party-starved
businessmen with stopwatch hearts
They don't beat
They don't beat

'Round that corner
Down the street
There's a dive where working girls retreat
from their hum-de-dum
(hum-de-dum-de-dum)
So tilt that felt hat to the side
Thrift store 3 for .99
Gonna get me one
Gonna get me one
(and Get it every night)

Strong dollar stockbroker right to the bottom
Sink down with your boomtown
High water realtors arrive
With numbers over their eyes
Stopwatch hearts

Good God I love the party-starved
businessmen with stopwatch hearts
They don't beat
(They tick)
They don't beat
(they tick)

Good God I love the party-starved
businessmen with stopwatch hearts
They don't beat
They don't beat

Good God I love the party-starved
businessmen with stopwatch hearts
They don't beat
(They tick)
They don't beat
(they tick)

Good God I love the party-starved
businessmen with stopwatch hearts
They don't beat
They don't beat

(they tick)

So tilt that felt hat to the side
Thrift store 3 for .99

Gonna get me one
(and Get it every night)

Myarr.

Feeling the urge to start writing again. I know I'll never get published, so I might as well make a novel-blog. Chapter a week or something. We'll see.

Would anyone take the time to read it?
::hint:: ANSWER THE FRIGGING QUESTION.

::EDIT NEXT DAY::
Why the hell not?
Here's the link to the novel-blog. Also note the new area in the sidebar. That will always be there.
click me, bitches.

YES!

Three weeks! My tongue is officially healed!

::EDIT::
Found an old blog and added the archives over. Now this blog goes all the way back to 2002.

I think I know why I'm so fascinated with Zen Buddhism. Often times when I'm studying, I read something that upsets me on a very fundamental level. I'll pause, put down the book, and think for a while. And the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I like it because it's not easy to swallow. You can't just accept it without thought. And a lot of times it doesn't make you feel better or reassure you about anything. And that's good. You have to truly understand what it is saying before you begin to believe. That appeals to me so much more than blind faith. I've always wanted to know the "why." Being told what's going on isn't enough.

::EDIT:: To put all that into perspective? This is a Zen Master. Mommy, can I be enlightenment for Halloween?

Heh. The robes mean nothing, dudes.

Why I should get better at squelching my "Anna Moments"

Kay, so yesterday I went and got celebration ice cream because I didn't FAIL MISERABLY in lab. While I was there, there was a Peer Advising meeting going on, and there was lots of pizza, and it looked really good. And I really wanted some. But the ENTIRE CLASS was filled with blondes in pink, and I was in all black and my hair was eating Karma, so I KNEW someone would see me. But it was RIGHT THERE, and I thought about doing it anyway and seeing if anyone called me on it.

While I was debating, this whitey honkey cracker boy walks up and ganks one. (hella.) I hear someone yell "Dude, Brendan. It's free. Whatever."

So I go "Brendan!" And the bitch turns around and actually notices it was me. So I grin and go "I want some pizza." And he goes "Okay..." and then STARES at me for 45 seconds. I am not kidding. No blinking, no asking "who the fuck are you?"...nothing. And my roomie and Matt are just SITTING THERE laughing. So I say "Don't worry, I have no clue who you are, so don't think you're missing out." And he goes "It's not my pizza."

I know, you ass. I wanted you to get me a slice. You were closer.

Then he stares at me for another 45 seconds, and this blonde girl behind him is glaring at me like....just WHOA. I think she wanted me to die. So he turns around and leaves and I stick my tongue out at the girl and flick it.