I am a genius.

Alternately, I have gone insane.

For the past few days I have been having a problem. My nails are getting rather long, and it has been making doing simple things difficult. For example, typing. Typing hurts after a while. Also, earlier today I was unable to open a Ziplock bag. Twice. Usually I don't have this problem with long nails, because my nails are stronger than most people's. They don't break, really. Instead, they shatter, and nail shrapnel goes flying and embeds itself within soft tissues in a five foot radius. When I used to swordfight in high school, the wrong blow ensured everyone involved would be left a bloody pincushion. The last time one broke, during field work on this semester's research trip, I believe it killed a clam.

Needless to say, I am not used to having problems with my nails. Then again, it has been a very long time since my nails were quite this long.

So how did I deal with this issue? Did I, perhaps, trim my nails? Oh no. Did I purchase a minion to follow me around and do all my opening and writing for me? Oh no (but not for lack of trying!)

Did I coat them in fucking Kevlar and rhinestones and go on about my business?

Bingo.