A Promising Start

It's sunny out, and my family wants to go to the zoo. Of course I declined. It has yet to regain is magic. Did it ever even have magic? Yeah, I guess when I worked in the CZ it was really cool. But now...it just makes me bitter.

So anyway. They will be out of the house, and I'll be free to do my own thing until I go tripping off to work. WHEE!


EDIT 1:10 PM:
Went out for a stroll and ended up somewhere in Ladue. Spent thirty or forty minutes working my way back to a street I knew so I could head home. My legs are twitching now, but it was SO MUCH FUN. I'm going to try and get lost on EVERY nice day.

A lady just walked by my window holding a wreath.

Oh! And I found the one spot in my room where the internet works really well! It is so odd. The Ubermachine definitely has personality.

This looks like it wants to eat me!

Why I want to live in the Botanical Gardens

So Freaking Pretty

...aaaand

Add fix the computer to the list. I wish Fam would realize that the Internet is NOT a safe place and would quit clicking "yes" to every thing websites say we need. AGH.

And then there's Unc and his porn. I should yell at HIM, too. Porn sites give computers VD.

MMMM, Zen

I am in a much better mood today because I managed to enter a Zen-like trance. Well, I also spent the whole day out of my house.

I was woken up this morning, as usual, by Unc and Fam standing outside my bedroom door arguing. About whether or not to invite me to breakfast. Unc always says "C'mon, I'm gonna ask" and Fam is always "She NEVER goes! It's a waste of time!" As always, Unc asks anyway, and as always, I say no. Why? They always wait until they are walking out the door, *then* ask me. And I am by no means going to just get my ass up and throw on some pants and go to breakfast with my eyeliner around my lips and my hair doing its best forest shrub impression. I usually ask them to wait for me to shower, and they always decide to just go ahead without me. So by this point it's just the big Saturday ritual. We know how it'll end up....but we do it anyway.

But! It's good! Because I can spend Le Hour of Crankyness all alone in the house. So I got to wake up with some tea and some Dungeon Siege. Then around noon I ate, showered, and finished Pride and Prejudice. ::swoon:: I adore that book! Absolutely ADORE it!!! Jane Austen is the best female author ever. I have her sense of humor. I'm on her level, yo. And, deep down inside, I'm a really girly person. I kinda like that kind of romance. The non-sappy kind. The kind with the gowns and the coats-and-tails and the carriage rides and the British moors. Yeah. ((Now I have this urge to go climb a tree and get all dirty and beat up someone b/c I just called myself girly. I need to move on.))

So I got ready, used my new eyeshadow brush, and went out into that FABULOUS day to spend the rest of my giftcards. This is what I came back with three and a half hours later:

1) My own copy of Pride and Prejudice. It's paperback, but it's annotated. I can't resist official editions.
2) Sense and Sensibility, also by Ms. Austen. I was gushing to sensei one day about how much I loved Pride, and she told me this was better. I am skeptical, but I can't wait to find out.
3) Mints that taste like roses smell.
4) Mints that are like the rose ones but have something to do with violets. I have yet to get up the nerve to try them.
5) Three new pillows to add to my Room-ma.
6) A CD of White Zombie remixes that makes me feel stoned and under permanent blacklight, and Orgy. The one with Blue Monday and Stitches on it. You know, "Candyass"!!
7) Three book on gardening. One is the size of a large dictionary, the other two the size of coloring books. All three were really colorful and pretty, which is probably why I bought them. But they look useful, too!! Yes! I had a real reason!
8) A coke.
9) A place where I can get orchid fertilizer. They also told me who would be able to order the bonsai tree I want.
10) Bubble gum!!!

Then I find out that the evening will be to myself, as well, because Fam and Unc are going out. So I plan on watching The First Wives' Club becuase I read the book but haven't seen the movie, clean my room, and possibly do my Pegasus homework. Then tomorrow I can fry my brain with my philosophy homework before I go work with Mini-MOD. He wants me to make him a CD. (If I do, I'll probably call it the "Deathbitch Mix.")

One last note before I hand the computer over to Fam: I love the Gas House Car Wash. Why? Their new marquee says "Please note: Our washes contain ZERO carbs"!!!! The Atkins diet is everywhere, but at least this is funny and not sickening. Like we have low-carb bread in the fridge. BREAD. I am afriad to read the package and see what the heck they did to it.

First off let me start by saying that Fam is incredibly fucking dense. She came in half-asleep and just started being all pissy and annoying....and if she can't tell that I'm upset right now, she's blind. And she's not blind, so that leaves her being STUPID.

We had inventory tonight, and I am so close to quitting now that it isn't even funny. I went in on time and was promptly accosted by AK, who has a sinus infection and was all sniffly and drugged up on Flonase. First words out of her mouth? "What did you do to the wall?"

Alright. A little side note here. AK is a total SPAZZ about the wall. Normally it's cool, but every time I have to do it intead of her she rags on me for my alphabetization. First of all, it is ABSOLUTLEY IMPOSSIBLE to get the wall into perfect alpha. I do not get paid enough to do it. There are not enough hours in my day or possibly cells in my brain. It's just not gonna happen. It's also against BBV policy. They want the wall to look good. All the big blocks of titles go in order...all the small titles fill in the gaps. She yells at me for putting one row of A Mighty Wind before one full bay of Matchstick Men, which is right. I spend thirty minutes trying NOT to yell at her for putting major titles in the bottom three rows their first week out. Major titles ALWAYS debut in the top three rows.

Plus, I spent Monday fixing all HER problems, according to MOD-sama. The wall is a matter of taste, and she is NOT the queen of it.

I hate that. I've been here longer than her. I am the same level as her. But every since she has worked there she has tried to tell me what to do. It pisses me off, but I like her, so I try to suck it up or tell her as politely as possible to lay off of me and do her own job.

Well, then Sasquatch (affectionately named that b/c he's big and slightly smelly) offers me some sausage pizza, and I accept it and start picking off the sausage. Well, them AK and War Boy are all on me for being a vegitarian. I try for the sixtieth time to explain that I am NOT, I just decided one day not to eat beef or pork. (This has been a major issue for a while now. I used to tell people I was a red meat vegitarian and they'd yell at me cuz I don't eat veggies. So once I realized it would be easier not to call myself that, I stopped, and now everyone just thinks I'm freaking insane, and the vegitarians hate me for not having a "real reason." I have a reason: FUCK YOU. There.)

Then War Boy looks at my wrist braces and goes "What's up with those? What are you, Professional Inventory Girl?" And he has the nerve to laugh when I get upset. My wrists fucking HURT, you guys. No, hairstylist, they are NOT for fashion. No, War Boy, they are NOT to get me "in the groove." To the boy in math class, I am not going boxing. And to the customers/random lady at the hair salon, I do NOT want to discuss the location of my pain/ the relative merits of different kinds of braces with you. No, I don't care that you have it too.

Well, then the SM is late cuz she overslept, so we lose time waiting for her. AK wastes no time in drawing a fucking happy face on the back of my neck. I am now cursing my new haircut. She then proceeds to sing every Sifl and Olly song known to man and attempt to order me to sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

Well, finally the SM shows and gets us all going. I'm drinking the apology soda she bought us and trying to improve my mood when she tells everyone to unwind the scanner cords. She then turn to me and goes "And we unroll them all the way, don't we?" This was a direct jab to the LAST inventory we did where she told me to unwind all the cords and I did it wrong and she yelled and made me sad. So this upset me even more, cuz I was all miffed and sensitive at this point, anyway.

Again I try to suck it up. I hop on a counter and wait for the computers to get set up. The SM asks what section of the store I want to scan, and Mini-MOD pipes up and says "Anything as long as you can do it from the counter, right Lauren? Want me to get you a Riverfront Times to read? A new batch just came in on Wed." And THIS was a flashback to MOD-sama making fun of me for reading the RFT on Tuesday nights when we haven't had a customer in store for hours. Oh, he can watch TV...but I can't fucking read a newspaper.

I had already told Mini-MOD that I didn't find that whole situation funny AT ALL, and at this point I was so angry at AK for being annoying as all hell and at him for smirking like Satan's little bitch that I fled to the girl's bathroom and tried very hard not to cry. I did anyway.

Well, I make it to where my eyes look bloodshot but not moist and camp out in the back of the store away from the rest of the employees. It was the section I was supposed to scan, anyway, so I figured I might as well start out there,

Anyway, thirty minutes later we finally get the computers working, and inventory starts....then the computers freeze again, and inventory stops. So then it was all heavy lifting and wrist aching as we cleaned up and went home from an utterly horrible, failed night.

I hate them. And I have to work with the Mini-MOD on Sunday. I hope he either realizes he made me cry by then, cuz I think he suspects, or I get over it. Maybe both. But then again, if he knew for sure, he'd just make fun of me.

AAH! Scottish men (or man) work at Saturn!!

<3!> "I have to ask. What are you doing?"< / a c c e n t > And I was all "Playin a game, yo." (Only not.)

Well, anyway, he was all impressed because <> "I didn't think girls played those kind of games." < / a c c e n t > I just smiled sweetly and thought back to the Fantasy Shop encounter.

Then this other dude walks by and goes "That's an awesome laptop. Numberpad. Yes. I envy you." And I was all like, "why thank you" and <>. Only no.

< / s t u p i d i t y >

This was the most amazingly bad night of my life. And by life I meant week. ((I said week in my head. I did.)) Here is a simple list of everything that went wrong:

1) Fam and I had yet another "miscommunication" about the hotel thing. In other words, when I said "Look, here's the hotel and the dates I want, all you have to do is call this number and give them some money for me while I'm working tonight", I obviously meant "These hotels are too expensive. Let's find three new ones for $50 a night in a different fucking city. So guess what I had to do tonight, boys and girls? Yeah. My biggest beef with this was while I was underlining the SPECIFIC ROOM we wanted, I was asking her "So, you know you will be BOOKING this, right?" And she rolled her eyes at me. I figured I was being a bitch and did not try to pound it into her head any further. ((Serves me right.))

2) Unc made me cry in public again tonight. Fam took it as a personal affront when I mentioned that I was stressed out my the whole trip planning thing and stormed away from the dinner table. Unc then proceeded to upbraid me about it, saying that I needed to stop fighting with her, "It is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen"....etc. Fam then returns and begins yelling at me about it despite my request to continue the conversation in a non-public place when I did not feel like skeweringherintheeyewithmyundercookedgreenbeans.

3) My mahi-mahi was undercooked and there was bacon in my potato soup.

4) MiniFam was out in public again, which meant disapproving stares as she ran about the room wildly poking people and grinning through her paci. Fam was, of course, too busy reprimading me for crying quietly at the table to notice this.

5) I made hotel reservations only in order to discover that you must be 19 to be in the hotel. Waited on hold for twenty minutes to find out that if Unc calls, they'll probably let us stay anyway. So now I have to get HIM to do something. JEEEZ.

6) Fam said, and I quote "Hey, this will really top your night. I spoke the the architect about adding on to our house, and he says we'll need to move out from May to July."

And what is THAT shit?! Fam and Unc have this GREAT idea to travel as a family for three months! NO!! NONONONONONONO!! This is my summer before college! I was basically planning on staying home and chilling, but no! I have to fucking go up to where I'll be spending the next eight months in two months early with the Damily and away from my friends, who are the only real reason I'm sad to be leaving in the fall? AWW, Hell no. They can go where they want. I'll just uh, tent in the front yard. Alone.

I mean really. Why the hell do we need the add-ons? And why the hell does it have to affect me?! I certainly don't care if we have two more guest bedrooms! And neither do the guests we will n e v e r b e h o s t i n g !!

Fam was right. That really WAS the culmination of my night.

7) Philosophy paper. I just want to fucking kill something right now. And I'm so sleepy. Less than four hours sleep, nearly no food, and a three-mile walk are not conducive to lucidity. But they evidenly increase my vocabulary.

HAHAHA!!!!!!!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Who is that, running amidst the plains! It is Wren, hands clutching a studded crowbar! And with a gutteral scream, her voice cometh: "I'm going to beat you until you are hot and bothered!!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

_______________________________

The Raichle Bathroom As It Is

It seemed like a gorgeous idea in my head. When she said "slipper" bathtub, I pictured that beautiful wooden, high-backed, clawfooted, utterly gigantic tub from Secretary (go watch that movie now.) When she said stone floors, I pictured irregularly shaped and spaced cobbling, and somehow in my head it was tasteful. I think it was because I added in lots of plants, steam, a birdcage, and about 20 extra feet of space. And it matched whatever bold color the walls would be.

What did I end up with? Grey floors, salmon-colored walls, brown and beige towels. Gold tub fixtures mixed with brass towel rods. Did she think it wasn't going to be noticable? And, for some reason, a green floor mat. Green.

The tub is not wooden. It is porcelain and really FREAKING COLD ON YOUR BACK. It is not high-backed, so you have to slouch, and it's too short for you to stretch out and really relax in. It is not claw-footed. There is air in the pipes, so when you drain it, it makes a deafening gurgling noise that reverberates throughout the whole stony interior. Finally, it is terrifying to get out of. I don't know why. it just is. You simply feel like you're g o n n a d i e.

I don't know what went wrong. This is the bathroom people are going to SEE! Why make it the odd one??

I think it's cuz Fam picked the tile and Unc chose the wall color and they collaborated later and decided they didn't care.

I wish they'd have asked me.

Satire, baby

So, I just wrote my satire. Well, last night I did. I'm doing the finishing touches now. But I just wanted to say that my wireless internet works in the kitchen and my room, but NOT in the study. I think The Uber Machine has a bad sense of humor.

Guess WHAT boys and girls?!!!

Alright. So I had the LDB all ready to come over and help me out with the frigging internet for my laptop, right? Well, it turns out he couldn't come over "because the roads are too bad" ((::sigh:: moms))... but it's all good. It worked out in the end and saved me from looking like a TOTAL DUMBASS.

Cuz guess what? I had Tiny One over, and I was showing her how it wasn't working....and the Stupid Little Fucker (which is what I named my wireless connection last night) decided to work. As I was saying "See?!! It's not working!!" WHABAM! Yahoo! I was so pissed.

So this is the first entry typed from my laptop. I'm currently getting used to the kayboard and downloading AIM.

Something off of a Bath and Body Works room spray bottle

Native American legend states that Grandmother Earth so loved the cedar tree that she gave it a soul-soothing aroma.

Quite a few things bother me about this:

1) Its Bath and Body Works and in my house. They use animal testing. Bastards.

2) They don't state what Native American tribe. That is so frigging generic.

3) GRANDmother Earth?!! Who's her kid?

4) How the fuck do the asshats in advertising know this?

5) "aroma" is a food word. Dinner has an aroma. A ceder tree has a "scent". I hear aroma, I think about how edible the tree smells.

6) The scent isn't strong enough to overpower the stench of the peeflowers Fam insists must be grown in the bathroom and the kitchen each winter.

Also. I think I am a resident in the only house that has a paper shredder and does NOT do business work at home. Am I wrong? It just seems like such a ridiculous and WRETCHED thing to have in the study with me. I mean, it's perched on it's own trash can. We don't even STORE it.

And the trash can is empty.

My life just flashed before my eyes

Sometimes I wonder what I'll be like when I'm an adult. Then I see Unc get angry, throw a TV remote, stomp up the steps, and slam three doors. And I figure I'll be pretty much the same as I am now. Depressing.

HEH. Update on the counting to ten in japanese thing. I can now do 1-4, 8, and 10. That's it. That is ALL I have managed to beat into my brain. Oh, and I can remember the other numbers if I'm not trying to do it in order. SOOOOO screwed up!!

OK. I feel the need to write about exactly WHAT is going on at work.

Well, as you all know, DRICK has been spending most of his time on the phone recently while at work. He has also not been doing any closing duties. And he has pissed off more customers per night than I thought possible. I felt really bad because I like him as a person, but working with him was AWFUL! because I had to get the store all clean for close AND try to keep the customers happy because things always went even MORE downhill when he intervened for "situations". Also, he doesn't know how to do a lot of the manager stuff.

Well, other CSRs complained to MOD-sama, who doesn't really like DRICK, so he told Ms. SM about it. And she called us all aside seperately and asked us what had been going on. She then proceeded to warn DRICK about it and to tell him that he'd get written up if it kept on happening.

Well, it did keep on happening, and I was the one who got blamed for complaining about it when he got in trouble. So now he completely hates me and it is MORE AWFUL to work with him.

Ms. SM tried to keep him from blaming me by telling him that a lot of other people have complained, too. She may have used the term "everyone", actually. We've had managers at OTHER STORES call and complain about him because he calls them when he doesn't know how to do basic manager things. But, he has focused his hate on me. And I'm sad.

Hopefully, tho, he will be gone soon, and I asked Ms. SM to schedule me with him as little as is humanly possible. I know he got written up, and that's grounds for getting fired. He requested a transfer to another store, but Ms. SM told him no. When he asked why, she responded with "No one else will take you. You can't even do your job at THIS store." So now he kind of hates everyone. But, he's doing his job. Just very sulkily. And I think he's gotten BETTER at pissing off the customers.

::sigh:: My big beef, tho, is that I wasn't the first one to complain, so it's sad that I ended up being his most hated CSR. But, whatever. Soon it won't matter. And I guess I might as well get used to stress in the workplace.

Wait, why?!!

A funny note about mini-MOD. Today I went in to return my movies (NO LATE FEES, YAAAAAAAAAY!!!) and he said "Hey, somebody opened your box. I was really mad at them."

So I looked at where he was pointing, and it was a box that was labeled: "To: Lauren...Contents: drugs". It was obviously his handwriting. I just glared at him and tried really hard not to laugh. ><

Weird little associations I have

BAD ONES
1) Counting to ten in japanese. It is so stressful to me that I am having problems memorizing it for class-- and I get an adrenaline rush every time I try. But only when I have to count from 1 TO 10. In order. If I'm just using the numbers, say to give out my denwa bangou...(telephone number)...then I'm fine. And who gave me this bad association? The wife of my karate sensei. (::mutters:: BITCH.)

2) Led Zepplin. Specifically the "Lemon Song". The first time I ever had my mom get drunk AND angry at me was also the first time I heard this song. The worst part was that I ended up feeling guilty for not knowing why she was mad. This was before I understood that she didn't know, either.

3) That fucking kitchen and bath place on Manchester. I am NOT telling you why.

4) The kitchen. Specifically, cleaning the microwave. No one would get this one if I even TRIED to tell them, but it involves me being grounded to my room for eight months in a row.

5) Algonquin Park. I had a bad date there once. I don't think either of us are sure what quite went wrong, but the car getting stuck in snow may have had a LOT to do with it.

6) Sledding.

GOOD ONES (well, ambiguous, anyway)
For people I know, this is either the clothing I picture them in or what makes me think of them.

1) Tiny One: American Eagle and Pink Floyd. If in a cowboy hat, then knife.
2) Biker: The "not a bniker" convo (that's how she got the name). Headscarves, scarves. Stripes and bright colors.
3) SLAM: The Police (band) and that song "One Night in Bangkok". Oh, and shorts in winter. And BUM pullovers.
4) Mr. 7-7-7: Old raggedy-ass purple henley T and marijuana pocket pants. Jesus (the guy, not the expletive.)
5) Rose: Button-downs with cool tank tops. Orgy and Silverchair. Lump. (Not the "umarriagable" kind.)
6) Batman: polka dots. Trees.
7) Fam: red
8) Unc: leather. And not the scary kind.
9) Fro: black. And getting bruised.
10) I'm bored.

No, I have absolutely no idea why there is a Playboy Bunny poster in Mrs. Walters' room now.

::sigh::

This would be such a wonderful day if it wasn't so frigging cold and I didn't have to work tonight.

Confide in me!!

HEH. Good song. Even though Kylie Minogue scares the holy hell outta me.

Only one thing I wanna write about-- MiniFam is in the kitchen screaming that she wants a bottle and throwing things. This is what has been happening for the past 15 minutes.

So, she's old enough to scream about it in complete sentences ((sentances)). Possibly she shouldn't be DRINKING THEM?!!!

More Fun with the Damily

Unc: "What are you doing?"
Me: "Making mashed potatos."
Unc: "Why?"
Me: "Because I'm hungry."
Unc: "Oh, okay."