It's practically ritualistic...

My Christmas homecomings are frequently less than happy occasions. When I came back last year, they told me they'd sold all my stuff, and the year before that I didn't even have a room to sleep in. One of their favorite pastimes is leaving me alone for indeterminate amounts of time at the airport.

And yet I'm upset that things weren't different this year. My plane was an hour late. When I land, I call Fam to see where I should meet them. "Call Unc," she says. "You didn't let us know your plane was going to be late, so Minifam and I went home and he's out with [stripper girlfriend who is as old as I am]. I'm not sure when one of us can pick you up."

"..." Yes, my lack of precognitive ability has failed us all, and as a result I missed my window of opportunity to be part of the family. I call Unc-- it gets better.

"Hey, who is picking me up?"
"I don't know. I'm on my way to [stripper girlfriend who is as old as I am]'s."
"...So when am I going to get picked up?"
"I don't know."
"..."

And then it is decided that he will pick her up first and then they will both come to get me.
"Is that okay?"
"Does my opinion really matter?"
"Well, I at least want you to be honest."

He did have the sense not to bring her, at least. But when we got home? "Alright, I'm going to bed. I only got five hours of sleep last night." Twenty minutes later, girlfriend "sneaks in."

There is no food in the house. And he did not ask about my flight, or how I weathered the storm, or how the semester was, or anything. He just...fucking chauffeured me to the house and went upstairs and shut the door to the master suite.

I don't know if I can adequately explain why it makes me so upset. (Apparently that is something I've been failing at recently.) It's just this overwhelming sense of apathy that I am getting from them. It's not that they don't care, really, they just have no fucking clue what is going on with anyone else but themselves.

I'm not even sure now why I brought copies of the science magazine. It's just going to set me up for another night of feeling like this if I give it to them.

Talking to people to feel better has failed. I'm just going to go shower.