I have seen more crotch on this job...

Dear incredibly drunk sorority girl who has fully embraced the stereotype:

Don't act so shocked when we tell you it will be a while before we can let you back into your room, especially when there are two ambulances and a fire truck parked outside that are visible from your hall window. There is a diabetic in the nearby frat with a blood glucose level of over 700 (LOL BEER). We will get to you when we can. Oh, my, it's five minutes later? Are the ambulances still in sight? Yes? Go away. Also, having your slightly less drunk boyfriend call in for you will not magically make us change our priorities, especially since he is certainly not one of your "sisters."

Finally, if you're going to flop your microskirt-clad ass on the floor in a drunken stupor, please wear underwear. I did not need to see exactly what your loving man was about to get himself into.

Sewer rats would have run in fear. I, however, had to calmly unlock your door and amble off to find a pleasant place to obtain a concussion.