Why am I not legally as old as I feel?

Met him and Mr. 7-7-7 at Steak-N-Shake tonight after work. Halfway there before I realized a few things:
1) If Fam had any idea where I was, she'd flip,
2) If the cop behind me knew how old I was, I'd be screwed.
3) Screw them both, I want french fries.
4) The next person who uses the phrase "freedom fries" around me will be wearing his legs as a turban.
5) That is a nasty mental image.
6) Hey look, it's Stealthy Loser Boy!
7) I want to punch him.

Our waiter gave us our stuff free, too. I am getting good at this not being charged thing.

I want to be 18 so I can go get my tongue pierced and buy a real set of handcuffs for my car.