the feeling I can't shake

I'm sad today and I was yesterday, too. Not sure why. it's not just the fact that the days have been horrible. They actually haven't. It's just that the little things have been adding up and making the good stuff unable to make me happy.
Abigale's going home, too. So I have to move and deal with Fam on my own. I'm never sure who starts the fights anymore. That depresses me, too. Because I don't WANT it to be my fault that I'm sad all the time. (But what if it is?)
Tonight Fam suggested that Abigale stay another week, and well...she almost did, but she has stuff to do back home. (I don't blame her, really. And I'm going out there in August, so it's not like it was my last chance to see her.) But while we were talking it over, Fam comes up and tries to talk her out of staying. I don't know why, but it really annoyed me. It seemed like something only Abigale and I should talk about. So I told her to go away, basically. And she huffed off, then came back and told Abigale what she thought anyway, then looks at me and says "Oh, and now Lauren's going to be mad at me."

She assumes. She always assumes. That's what starts it. Why can't I learn to just put up with it? They've told me flat out that they're miserable with me in the house. Sometimes I wonder why they haven't thrown me out.

Ever since I came to live with them people have assumed. That I'm suicidal, angry...that I'm torn apart inside with grief for my mother. They expect me to be a problem child, so they treat me like it before they even get a chance to see what I really am inside. You can't be yourself inside the mold set by everyone around you. Slowly, you bend and twist to its will, and sometimes I wonder if I am finally turning into what they expect. I've been fighting it for over two years now. How much longer do I have to? I hoped that when I moved out here people wouldn't think that of me because they wouldn't know that my mom killed herself. But they knew that I lived with my aunt and uncle and they asked anyway...so it didn't change. Amber told the adults around me, I think, because they all treat me like some fragile glass decoration that will shatter into a million pieces at the slightest motion. I am far stronger than that, but...I just wish that they would realize that I'm not any of the things they think I should be.

Wow. See what happens when I just let my thoughts flow? I'm very angry right now, I guess. Bitter might be the better word. I'm sick of people not seeing me when they look at me. They seem to see what they want to see, and nothing I do changes that image. And when I tell them this, they say I'm just being dramatic and silly and that I'm over-reacting.

Am I?