There is no pleasing these people.

I smile. I offer to help with the dishes. I didn't bring my Blow Me or Porn shirt. I've been wearing skirts and keeping my elbows off the table. I even toned down my frigging hair and have been wearing a clear tongue stud.

So of course you have to find a problem elsewhere and assume I am making out with/boinking your son from anywhere from the living room couch, to the garage, to his sister's fucking BED. With no provocation. It's not like you walked in on us, or anything. And you know what? You haven't seen anything because there was nothing to see.

Which begs the question...

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM?

I don't care how much sleep I got. 6:30 AM my time to wake up?

UNACCEPTABLE. >.<

I am so many kinds of awesome

I finally found a Sim that will work for me. I still need to tweak her mouth a little, and the hair is a bit long, but I present to you the almost-complete Wrensim anyway!


This is mostly just to show you the eyes and the freckles. Cheeks are too plump at this point, and I abandoned that hairstyle in favor of one where the hair is down.





Full body. I think I did pretty damned good on my profile. I had no idea what my profile even LOOKED like before I started this. I may be, you know, ME, but I discovered that I had spent very little time actually paying attention to what I look like. Maddo and Sarah I did from memory, but me? Had to use just about every damned picture of me I own. (And that's a lot of pictures.)


Action shot one. Pensive Wren?

...I am SO putting grommets on that belt.


Action shot two. Could that possibly be a SMILE? >>

And then for a formal outfit, I decided that nothing but a femtux would do. Again, ignore the old hairstyle. (Though it doesn't look bad with the tophat!)


Ohhhh yeah.

Shakespeare just got to get paid, son.

Sarahsim is complete as scheduled. Next I am going to start work on Daryl, because Matt should be the easiest, and I CANNOT MAKE A SIM THAT LOOKS LIKE ME. Look. LOOK.


..Okay, ignore what she's doing, because that's actually pretty accurate.

Needs more bondage belt. And more glasses. I require librarian glasses.

But Sarahsim turned out quite well once I finally found hair that would work. She comes in two colors: blonde and black.



Some of the humor comes from the clothing names. Her bottom set is "Dark Jeans with All-Weather Black Sandals." If you know Sarah, you get it instantly. >>

I'm still trying to find her a black jacket. If I can figure out how to do some more hardcore editing, I'll be able to make her one.

I'm headed out of town until the 1st or so, so I won't be online much, but I'll be reachable by phone, e-mail, and blog. Sim project is on hiatus until I get back; Squeaker doesn't have Sims on it, and I'm leaving Papoose at work for the boys since we're terribly short next week and most of them will be stuck dispatching for eight hours or more. Putting a patrolperson behind a desk is a cruel crime.

And, before I go, a tale of three hundred cheerleaders and one old pervert. (I am so glad I get paid what I do. This and the cobweb+eye thing happened less than 24 hours apart. I have to GET A NEW CONTACT LENS.)

Ew.

Last night I was doing housing checks at 11PM and got a cobweb in my eye. Yeah, let's just combine my two phobias into one lovely package! I was so distracted when this happened that I ended up walking through a bush. Yes, through. I was on the phone with Mike. He can testify.

My probation ended today, so I am now officially UPS Security. I was told they liked me because I was reliable and am willing to help cover other people's shifts...and that I patrol with Partnerman too much. That's not my fault; I've told him it's an issue, and he will meet up with me anyway. But, summer is almost over, and I'll end up with new people in the fall, most likely, so I'm not too worried about this.

I have to finalize the Maddosim (she still needs an athletic outfit, and I want to tweak her eye color) and the Sarahsim (which I tested briefly before work) before I catch my plane tomorrow. I am still having a hard time getting my sim right. I guess I just need to break down and make a Read shirt and throw on some cargos and call it a day.

I heard you were dead (redux)

Nope, just recreating Comic House again. I cancelled my WoW account and bought The Sims 2, and have since been modding and skinning the game like crazy. My own character is proving very difficult to get right due to a lack of decent glasses templates, so last night I gave up and decided to work on Maddo.

Here is the real deal:


And here is the Maddosim:


There are a couple of differences, of course. The glasses are the wrong shape (but I did change the color to make them work better,) and real Maddo isn't wearing lipstick or smiling in her picture. XP*

I also made Maddosim an outfit that reminds me of two pieces of clothing I really associate with her. The shirt is her "The Protean Self" band shirt- hence the drama masks, and the pants are...red plaid pants. The original pants I used were gothic, had huge flares, and there were skulls and grommets everywhere. They were also guy's pants. So look on my works, ye mighty, and despair.



I'm going to try to tweak the belt to work better with the cut of the pants, and give her close-toed slippers instead of those sandals. The hair is a style I found online that I recolored to match her bleached red hair that she loved (and misses muchly.)

I made a Superman pj/underwear set for her, too, but the sim looks so much like her that I don't feel comfortable posting the screencap online. >.<; (The same goes for her swimsuit.) I'll probably make a Spiderman set, too, but the S logo was a lot easier to edit on than the webbing would be. (Daryl is totally getting Spidey boxers, tho.)

But, I will show you the formal dress I edited for her. It reminds me of a lot of her more formal clothes, among them the silk pants set she wore to Typhoon during that weekend in Seattle.



And that's it. That is why I am sitting here at work and am incredibly tired and headachy. Luckily this is my only 12-hour shift this go-round.

I'm going to start work on Sarah as soon as I can find a hairstyle that works. Why does no one make long hair tucked behind the ears? COME ON PEOPLE. That and standalone cartilage piercings seem to be impossible to locate.

Ohwait. I've just had an apostrophe. Now I just need to get back home to my editing program and try it out.

Merciful Heavens were not in today's forecast.

Dear Stockroom Idiot:
I do not get paid enough to talk to you when you are in your underwear. No, really. Trot back around the fucking corner and get out of my sight. I reject this entire situation.

You are a TERRORIST!

Telemarketing is permanent life destruction. We cannot LIVE!

Dear Partnerman:

I could have given you a long, angry response after you told me you were "trying to speed me up because I walk really slow," but I didn't. Instead, I kept walking at my normal pace and let you run off ahead; this may have annoyed you, but it also kept you alive. Thank me later.

I'm sorry that it's such an inconvenience to you, Manstork. I've had to go through physical therapy twice in the past six years so I could walk. I've broken both my legs, and my knees have gone out twice. Because of this, on damp, chilly days my joints stiffen and my old fractures ache. But, none of that is information you need to know, because what you think of me does not matter. You're not my boss, you're just some kid with a big mouth and no tact who's two inches taller and a year ahead of me.

Tonight happends to be one of those damp and chilly days. I cannot walk any faster right now because of my lovely arthritic flare-up. You're lucky I'm walking at all. But you know what? It shouldn't be a fucking problem, anyway, because no one ever said you and I have to patrol together. In fact, last shift we got in trouble because they think we hang out too much. Head off on your own so you can "cover more ground" and leave me be.

Kthxdie.

Is spending time with family supposed to be that emotionally exhausting?

Erm.

I woke up this morning, and my hair was wavy.

I have no styling stuff with me, so I just kinda stared and went "Ah, fuck it."

Also, my cell phone is dead, so any calls today will be missed. If I'm needed, e-mail me.

Whee!

We just biked ten miles.

God, that was so much fun.

Hardtail I was on sucked so much ass, tho. Oh my God. The seat was made of freaking MARBLE, for one. Definitely not getting that bike. XD

With age comes BORING.

I've been thinking about this more and more intently since it idly crossed my mind at Point Defiance the other day. I was sitting on the sand cliffs at the end of the point, looking out at the bridge, enjoying the stiff breeze that always comes off the water there. The tide was out, so a ways below me was a pebble beach with really nice-looking waves that was absolutely vacant. I wanted to go down there, and there was a path down the side of the cliff, but I didn't.

Ten years ago I would have headed down that path without a second thought. That day I sat there and immediately thought "where would I leave my book? I'm wearing the wrong shoes for that. I could fall or roll my ankle. Getting back up would be a pain. What if the tide comes in?"

What the fuck! Ten years ago I would have stashed my book in a tree and gone down the damn slope BAREFOOT if I thought it would give me a better grip. What the hell happened to me? Is this adulthood creeping up?

I say fuck that. I'm going back there when I get back to town and climbing down that damned path and sitting on that beach. The last thing I want to do is forget how to have fun or lose my sense of adventure.

"Quick, to the Uglymobile!"

Uglymobile.

I ended up sleeping under the sink last night because Fam's snoring was so bad. When she woke up at 4:45 AM and headed for the bathroom, she freaked out when she found me on the floor. I was perfectly comfortable!

But, I now have my own room in the bed-and-breakfast we're staying at. Which is a very lovely house, and the owner seems nice. A little brusque. There is a wine-and-cheese tasting at 6PM, and a hot tub. Fam and I are going to see The Lake House tonight, and then go on a 6-mile bike trail around the lake tomorrow. (That will get me even more psyched to buy my bike when I get back into town.)

Apparently Coeur d'Alene is the white supremecist capital of the nation. I have seen one non-white person since we arrived, and people have been FREAKING OUT about my hair. It's a little unsettling, but at least the lake is pretty. It's like I told Fam: come here for the scenery, not the culture.

We may do some shopping tomorrow, too. I'm in a jewelry mood. I need earrings.

My aunt snores.

I am so fucking tired.

In which I almost die a lot.

Fam decided to rent a full-size luxury sedan and drive us from the airport to the hotel. While on Valium.

DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE THE FORESIGHT TO SEE THE PROBLEM HERE?

"Oh, I feel fine!"
"I know you do. Trust me, I can TELL that you feel perfectly fine."

But I let her. That is a mistake I will never make again.

1) Directions are impossible for someone on Valium to understand, apparently, because "take the next left" becomes "let's merge onto the highway!"

2) It is permissable to make left turns from the rightmost lane out of four of a one-way street. On a red light. Three times in a row.

3) Left turns no longer need to yield to oncoming traffic, either. That convertible CLEARLY has brakes, and should be using them right about...NOW.

It was like being stuck on a rollercoaster in an amusement park run by Pennywise the Clown. Downtown Spokane will never be the same. Though, looking out the window, that may be a good thing.

Plane Post

Blogging from a propeller plane. I think my feet are going to go numb from the vibrations before we get there. I am so glad the flight only lasts for 45 minutes.

So apparently we're not going to a spa at all. We're just going to a town neither of us have ever really been to...for two days. I think I remember there being a bike trail around the lake, tho, so hopefully this won't end too badly. Fam is quite cracked out so she can fly, and it has been a little stressful, but if things settle down I'll be peachy.

Not much to say except I want a new iPod, a bike, a motorcycle, and a corgi. I'm obsessed. And the answer to this is obviously the episode of Cowboy Bebop where Ein appears.

I fucking love this computer.

Dear Prostitot Cheerleaders:

1) Put some goddamn pants on. I don't need to see your ass, Ms. Hot Pants. You are 12. Girl in thong who got locked out of her room, you are 16, and only SLIGHTY more forgiven.

2) It is not funny to go "hee hee! Wren's back! Haven't you been here, like, three times already?"
"...yes." STOP LEAVING WITHOUT YOUR KEYS.

3) After I open your door, don't stare at it and go "How do I unlock this big boy?" Do keys not EXIST in your orbit?

4) To the six girls who got locked out of their rooms at once after showering. The proper response to seeing me is:
a) To shout "yay, the keys are here!" and run screaming at me to give me a soggy loliphile group hug.
b) To not do the above.

I'll give you a hint. It's not a). I am not "the keys", and the idea of having you all pawing at me in joy makes me wish I were a turtle so I could just drop and HIDE IN AN IMPENETRABLE SHELL. Other people, however, seem to find it amusing:

Prince Abubu: I had six soaking wet cheerleaders try to give me a group hug when I unlocked their rooms last night.
John: ohh man
Prince Abubu: I almost killed them
John: I am just trying to see that
John: wow that is really funny
Prince Abubu: It was me screaming 'no, no! Ladies, we do NOT touch the security guard!"
John: ha ha ha, ohh man
John: that is good
John: that improved my mood greatly
Prince Abubu: well, I'm glad someone benefitted from my pain. XP*

Well, that was unexpected.

While I'm messing around on the time entry menu today I discover that I am now making 12.45 an hour.

I have always hated spinach

And I'm pretty sure I always will. But whatever.

There are easier ways for me to be healthier, anyway. I've stopped buying pop and junk food for the house. I also have foods that take time to make, so I'm less likely to eat out of boredom. And I don't carry enough money to buy fast food (I have this thing about credit cards at fast food places. I dunno.)

I've been craving chocolate ice cream for three days now, tho. Or is it four or five? But now I have an attack of stubborness, and I refuse to give in because it would depress me, anyway.

>>

Yes, Wren Self-Prevention at work again. I know me too well. Too bad I won't be able to do this once I'm back eating full-time at the SUB.