Random thoughts

I like how a lot of people put their poetry up here. I wonder if I should put mine. I could...but do I have any I really feel like putting up? HMMMMMMM, I'll have to check the stuff I've saved on the big comp. I'm on the laptop right now. It doesn't have any of my stuff on it, cuz the whole family uses it. But the big comp is practically mine. =) It always ends up that way. Not like anyone else in my family is computer literate enough to NEED the big one!

Hmmm, I wonder how my henna tattoo is coming along? Yesterday Abigale put a dragon on my back with henna. it should be twice as dark now as it was this morning. YAY. Tomorrow, it will kick ass. Too bad I don't have any open-backed shirts to wear. I'll just have to wear a really low-backed one to the movie. Ooooooh, I'll get to see SLAM. HEE HEE HEE, so I'll need to look good.
=)~

I need a job in a bad way. I need money, and I need something to do with all the free time I Don't have. LOL. Man, when will I take my driver's test/ get my car? ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH!!! Man, I've been reduced to argh-ing again. That's my cue to go.

I think I might read "IT" again, just to see if it's as scary as I remember. That is the only book that has ever scared me. For good reason. We shall see.

The Fam Damily...LOL

All the good that came of our last big fight that shaved hours out of my finals studying time is gone. I am kind of sad, because I can feel it all slipping downhill and I'm not too sure what to do about it.

Fam is stressed about the move but she won't really do anything about it. She's just running-running-running-running around worse than usual and just letting the stress build. I can see it happening, but she won't give herself time to calm down. So then she starts griping at me and junk and I can't take it because she's stressing ME out by doing it and I snap and yell at her. So, we're back to the way things are.

At some point in our friendship Abigale has mysteriously turned into the Voice of Reason. She is telling me all this stuff about how I should deal with it. It was annoying me, because when I'm angry I don't want to hear it. I made myself get over it, though, because she means well and she knows what she's saying and I need to quit being so petty. =)

All I have to do is this: suck it up and be nice until the move is over and then it will all be ok. Man, I meed to re-discover my "happy place". Abigale has her forest, Rose has her clump of trees (which is actually the barrier that separates her from the real world, so maybe it's not quite a good trhing), I need to remember my pool in the woods. mmmmMMMMMMMMMmmmm ::meditiative noises::

aaah, mint chocolate chip ice cream shake. Yummy. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ::yummy food noise::

Meep. Meeep. Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Sorry, the title is an old joke between me and Rose. It came to mind, soooooo...

Not much to write about, actually. SLAM is on my mind-of course-but I'm not usually the type of girl that dwells on her bf, no matter how wonderful he is. So I'm not gonna talk about him. (Sorry babe.) Ah well, he knows he's all that anyway...at least to me.

I'm happy!!! Abigale bought me a wok and a cookbook of recipes I can make in it, and MAN, some of them sound SO GOOD! AAAAH, I can't wait to start!! Even "seasoning" the damn thing was a lot of fun!!! I love ethnic foods! SLAM and Abigale and I were in the car today trying to find the way to my new house (McKnight past 40 to Clayton/Ladue, then on to Price) when it hit SLAM "Oh crap. In a few years Fam and Unc are going to be old rich people." I start cracking up and say "yeah, rich, old, and uncultured!!" I mean, we're talking about the woman who wanted to use chopstick rests as a decoration on her bookshelf. I'm sorry, but Japanese tableware is NOT supposed to be used as decor!! So then I continue and say "yeah, and they'll be complaining about their outcast, Bohemian neice who eats weird food and has a house with Japanese sliding doors..." It was very amusing.

Argh, I don't WANT to be part of a rich family, damnit. Money is not important to me. I judge the worth of life by how content you are and how many real friends you have, not by how racy your car is and whether or not your neighborhood has sawhorses in the road to prevent speeding. (Or how big and scary your mailbox is, LOL.) ARGH, ARGH, ARGH. Oh well. I'm getting a car and the chance to paint my walls. Murals...and I'm also going to decorate MiniFam's playhouse and furnish it with fun stuff. The top floor will be mine, of course, since she can't get up there. I'll muralize that, too. And then there's the jacuzzi...but man, it's going to be so far away from everyone.

"LA DA DA DA, I will survive..."

That's all for now.

argh-mentationismabilitynessageator

Time to do more ARGH-ing!!! I can't ger ahold of Fam and I really NEED to get to Mittens's because she's had an absolutely horrible day and I really, really want to cheer her up. She sounded so bad on the phone! DAMN YOU, Fam!! How dare you get in the way of my friend's happiness!! NO NO NO NONO!! Why did I wait forever to get my damn permit! Why don't I have MY license!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Must go cheer Mittens up. But nooooooo. AHHHH, frustration!!!

The dickhead

My ex boyfriend IMed me other day. We've been broken up for nine months. He called me once after we split and then I never got another call, an e-mail, nothing.

Well, he tries to tell me that he's been trying to get ahold of me. Yeah, right. Why have there been no messages on my voicemail? He must have tried damn hard.

Anyway, the moral of this story is that you past WILL come back to haunt you. It always does for me. So anyway, I've been talking to him for the sole purpose of pissing him off. In two more days, I'm never going to speak to him again.

He says he still loves me. Like hell he does. If he did, he would have tried harder to stay in touch and keep me with him in the first place. There is a good point to all of this, though: Outting up with him has made me realize just how good I have it with SLAM. YAY.

God, he is so horny. He's not getting any from his current g/f, so he's coming back to me to try and go back to where we were. Damn, I didn't know I was that talented (lol)...but no. I never did *THAT* with him. But I did do too much. Argh. So now he thinks we can go back to it. HA. This is why I call him the dickhead. He thinks with his dick. Jerk-off...he still tries to tell me I'm sexy and have a nice ass and that he'd like to use me as a plate. Why did I ever date him??

Thank God for SLAM.

the good day

I am so happy!! Abigale fits in SO WELL with all my friends out here! It's really great the way they have accepted her. Mittens and her get along really well, and even Rose was being warm and friendly. Not saying that Rose ISN'T, but the fact that she warmed up soon was really great. I was proud of her. LOL. ((When she reads this, she is going to kill me.)

I haven't written the past few nights because I was busy mirroring my blog on The Open Diary. That way I can see comments people leave me and stuff. So far it has been pretty cool. I like this setup better, so I'm gonna keep bloggin here and just copy-copy paste-paste into TOD. Anyway, blogs allow cursing, and I have to edit to post there. GRRRRRRRR. If I'm pissed, I'm gonna use colorful language. They shouldn't censor it. GRRRRR.

These past few days have been very busy. I've been swimming a lot at Mittens's and am getting to be VERY tanned. YAY. My freckles (freakles!!!!) are out in force again. I haven't had them this much since I lived in Hawaii, and I had forgotten how much I missed them. I get them all over, but mostly on my shoulders and nose/forehead/cheeks. Also, Fam has once again found a house that we will definitely be moving into. Damn it, I don't WANT to live in Olivette!! God, it is going to take me forever to get to school, and that means I actually have to GET my license next month...but hey, it also means bigger room and free car. Since I'll still be going to Webster, Fam said she would go ahead and get me a car and help pay for gas. She knows better than to move me out of school again. God knows I've done that too much already for one lifetime. In fact, it feels like I'm just now finally fitting in entirely. In fact, I'm not so sure I'd be so willing to go back to Oklahoma anymore. I have too much going for me here. SLAM, Rose, Mittens, Blu, Biker...heck, I'd even miss WGHS. So I guess I'll just keep on living the nsplit life thing. Oh well. As long as I keep in touch with Abigale, it doesn't really matter.

That reminds me. I haven't spoken to my stepdad in a while. I really should try to get ahold of him. I miss him. I never knew him that well, but he was the only father I can remember. Even if it was only for eight months.
:: Glo Paint 11:30 PM ::


...
Oh, by the way. I got my hair cut off. It's really short. SLAM isn't used to it yet. He said that he thinks I look better with it short, but he's not sure if he likes it as well because its not as fun to play with. Then, while we were watching a movie with Abigale and Mittens he actually got around to playing with it, so now he likes it better.

What is it with guys and long hair? When I told Asshole that I got it cut off he said "NOOOOOOO, you look better with long hair!!" My response? "I'm not out to impress YOU, honey."
:: Glo Paint 11:33 PM ::

too late, too late!

ARGH!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, had to get that out of my system. I'm mad at the immaturity and the stupidity of my family. We were looking at the house we're moving into (as far as I know), and MiniFam got stung by a wasp. Unc went into asshole mode and started being a pompous jerk to everybody. Fam got stressed out, and they got into a fight and were yelling and MiniFam was screaming...They just don't know how to handle each other. Sometimes I doubt they still love each other, and yet they want another kid. I hope they wait until I am loooong gone from the house.


So then Fam calls Unc and asks if he likes the house while he's taking us home. (He was yelling at her earlier "I'm taking the kids home! You go with the realtors!" KID?! WOW, the talking monkey is also a hypocrite. I am far more mature than he will ever be. If he ever calls me a kid again I'llt ake him down a notch with a baseball bat.) Unc says "It's fine, do whatever," making it sound like he didn't really want it. Unc, however, was telling us all how he liked it and what a nice place it was and how he thought there was room for a pool. So then I call Fam and tell her what he REALLY said and that I like it (even though I don't want to move) to make her feel better. So she put a bid on the house, and the realtors just now called and said we have it. We have two weeks to move in. Oh Lord.


Great. I am now 15 minutes away from SLAM, Mittens, and Tiny One. Almost 30 minutes away from my school, and more like 35 away from Rose and Biker and Blu. But, I'll soon have a car so I can go places, but that means I have to practice really hard and get my license this summer before school starts. There's a jacuzzi, though. The room I'll probably get is bigger, but I'll have to re-Effectitize it, which is a real pain in the ass. This also means I have to go through the hell of moving again. Oh well, it'll give me an excuse to sort through my stuff.


Speaking of, I was going through my mom's old photos and stuff today. There were some great ones of her and her friends and Fam. But I couldn't find one labeled "Lauren's Dad". I know he's in the pics, but I have no clue which one he is. There's one of him from the side, but all you can see is hair. I dunno. Just curiosity. He tried to contact me when I was twelve. I pretty much told him to piss off. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing. I think I did, though. He waited until I was too old to try to meet me.
:: Glo Paint 5:21 PM ::


...
Toulouse wants to know if my room has lots of closet space. I refuse to answer him until he quits intoning the future horrors of my move.

time to whine

The Fam Damily did it to me again. They wake me up, so I get up and ask what's going on. Fam tells me that we are going to lunch before we go look at the house she is certain we will buy even though she hasn't seen it yet. So, I get in the shower and take my time. After all, it was only 11. Then Abigale tries to get in to get ready, but they are getting MiniFam ready, even though there's a bathroom downstairs they coulda done that in. So then they tell me they're leaving and we need to come on. 11:25?!!
My response: "WHAT?!! Abigale still has to shower! Why didn't you tell me what time we were going to leave??"

So they went without us. They'll be bringing us something back to eat on the way. ARGH.

Later I'm gonna post the full reasons why I'm not too keen on this moving thing.
:: Glo Paint 11:52 AM ::


...
I don't want to move because I feel like I have moved way too much for one lifetime. I grew up in a small town in Oklahoma and lived there until I was 13. Then my mom moved me away from all I knew and we ended up in Hawai'i. I had a new climate, a new culture, and a new stepdad...and I was just adjusting to one school when I had to move from Mililani to Wahiawa. (Our house had been broken into two times in two months.) In Wahiawa I was the only blonde girl, and practically the only white girl, even though I wasn't exactly blonde. (But I AM so white as to be nearly transparent.) So they pretty much hated me. I didn't even have time to adjust to that school before I was pulled out and shipped to good old St. Louis.

Four school changes and four moves in one school year. Not to mention two family changes. I was miserable. Now I've had two years to really get settled down again, and viola! I have to move. I hate it.


At least they aren't making me change schools. That's a pro. At least they aren't making me buy my own car and gas. Since we'll be so far away from my high school, they're just gonna give me one. At least that's what Fam says, but I highly wonder if she has run that past the Almighty Unc yet. We shall see. And who knows? I might end up with a pool. Which would be an exercise=freckle creation plus. ((Still trying to type FREAK-les, LMAO.)
:: Glo Paint 12:13 PM ::


(IN RESPONSE TO A NOTE: By the way, I know what in the hell a viola is. I use it jokingly as a fake, corny sound effect. I knew these people wouldn't understand my slang, LOL. Now they all think I'm a dumbass. Good grief!!!!!) ROFLMAO.

my theme song

HEEE, today was the being of joy. I have had a hand in the creation of a beautiful thing... (IE Tiny One and God finally getting together...hee hee hee. I blame me. =)~ )

::sniff::AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...


*Feels Pathetic and Girly, but OH WELL*
:: Glo Paint 11:25 PM ::


...
Jimmy Eat World - The Middle
Hey
Don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just try your best
Try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves When you're away

It just takes some time
Little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

Hey
You know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own
So don't buy in
Live right now
Just be yourself
It doesn't matter if that's good enough
For someone else

It just takes some time
Little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

It just takes some time
Little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

Hey
Don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just do your best
Do everything you can
And don't you worry what their bitter hearts
Are going to say

It just takes some time
Little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right

It just takes some time
Little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right, all right



I think this is my new theme song.
:: Glo Paint 11:47 ::

the effect

La De Da... summer has set in fully. It took less time than I expected. I blame Mittens's swimming pool. HMMMM, how the heck do I already have the beginnings of a tan? HEE HEE, maybe this will be the Summer of Darkness for me...aaaah. Speaking of darkness, I must have made quite an impression on SLAM's family the other night, because it seems that I am already invited to his mother's birthday in July. Someone please do me the large favor of shooting me now.

(("And so the once-happy, carefree month of July took on more sinsiter overtones, and became a sort of monster looming closer and closer..."- Toulouse)) (Damn him. And I wonder where the hell he expects to live once my closets are remodeled next week? You see, I plan to have them both made Toulouse-Proof. Uh-oh. Is he gonna become the monster under the bed? AAAAAH!!! The Fat Man Beneath the Futon! SUELTAME!!!)

Good News #1- I get my braces off July 18th!! THANK GOD!! No more bondage for the mouth!!
Good News #2- Tomorrow the "Moviegoer Crew" is gonna catch lunch and go see Spiderman again for the sole purpose of God meeting up with the Virgin Mary. The Prophet (Mary's mother) had a hand in arranging the whole thing and predicts that all will end quite peachily. Because it is all Jesus' fault, he is, of course, not invited. But we blame him anyway.

More in five minutes or so. I have to go find a few files on my comp to put up here. =) AAAAH, give the gift of sharing.
:: Glo Paint 6:07 PM::

...
On "The Effect"
THEN:

It’s really hard to find the ideal room. For me, many features affect it. The time of day, what season it is. It’s so hard to get them all to coincide at once.
The best lighting is the kind that you can see shimmering around you in the air. The kind you find filling up late summer afternoons, making you think of gentle breezes, the cool, relaxing feel of water on your skin, and the slippery tang of iced tea as it washes down your throat.
The season has to be just right. My idea of the perfect room occurs only in mid-spring and early autumn. Not too warm, not too cool, and with just the right amount of wind to flutter the curtains and give them seeming life. During these times, the air appears to be filled with golden dust that in turn breathes life and beauty onto all it touches.
The whole blend ends up turning the room blessed with it into a surrealistic wonderland filled with light and sound in the perfect amounts. Life turns down a notch, and time seems to drag its feet. Minutes stretch on for eternities, and I find myself enjoying the beauty of it and wanting it to last forever.
The last requirement is this: It all has to happen in MY room. On those rare occasions in life when I walk into my personal haven and the lighting is just right and the breeze carries the smell of the sun, I drop whatever I’m doing, move to my bed by the window, and sit. The open window that I’ve taken the screen out of sends the breeze smoothly across my skin and through my hair. The long, sheer, filmy curtains framing my window spin in laughing circles through my field of vision, which is being lit by light that is golden and otherworldly. I take deep, healthy breathes of the fragrant, glowing air and find my entire self filled with joy. I am alive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOW:


I have managed to capture all the elements I love and trap them in my room. At least that is the way it seems. The very air is fresher and warmer in my room, and yet my windows can't be opened (damn you Amber). The windows let in near-perfect amounts of light, and when the rest of my haven is clean, that is all I need to acheive "The Daylight Effect". Add in a little Japanese soloist music, and you have a warm, calming, refreshing room. This gets me through most of the day.
The next type of effect, "The Effect" sets in when the sun is almost down and the light has faded from my room. I'll shut the curtains, close the door, and light my many candles. After turning on my personal mood music CD, or my room's theme song (more about that later), I have a relaxing atmosphere that manages to entertain and sedate at the same time. The same girl who called it mysterious also said it was like being on Codeine. (I agree.) This type of effect has been responsible for some of my best poetry.
If I don't feel like being sedated, I will just shut the curtains and turn on my spinning lamp and my blue/purple lights. When I do this, I normally don't play music. This is just the mood I use to clear my mind and write in my journal. It's light enough to keep me awake, but not trippy or distracting in any way. So, I guess you could call this "The Implied Effect", cuz it's THERE, just not obviously so.
The last and most recent effect I've discovered is the "Strung-Out Effect." This involves hitting the lights and turning on my blacklight, grabbing the glo-paint and the bubbles, and turning on Rob Zombie or Lords of Acid. Then the glo-paint trim randomly strewn about my room becomes fascinating, and you begin to wonder just exactly how those footprints on the wall got there. The last time I did this I discovered that I had ended up staring and my glo-painted fan for two hours (when not blowing bubbles). When the phone rang and I answered, they thought I was high. This effect is very entertaining. VERY entertaining. But, since I am somewhat afraid of it, I haven't induced it that often.


My favorite is The Effect. Mittens knows why. Soon all you other people will, too.
:: Glo Paint 6:30 PM ::


...
MY ROOM KICKS BUTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:: Glo Paint 6:34 PM ::


...
First time in a long time that I have been insanely happy for no reason...It scares me. I blame my room.

YAAAAY, Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle"!!!! On repeat!!
:: Glo Paint 9:58 PM ::


...
(Sad I didn't find pillows. But I have Candle Overkill now, so I is happppppyyyyyyy.)
:: Glo Paint 9:59 PM ::
...

black holes

HEEEEE. Spiderman. It was good. I got pissed at the ending, but it was good. "SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!"

I have to go eat dinner with SLAM's family tonite. I am NOT looking foreward to it at all... ::sigh:: ((::sounds of scuffle:: "MISTAA-oof!" ::Door slams:: "Damn it, Toulouse get the hell back in the closet!! I DO NOT feel like hearing your damn narrations right now!!")) We'll probably watch a movie afterwards, and I think he was mildly flipping out that we would be on his bed. Uhhhh... so... big deal? Should I feel honored/terrified?? LOL. I love that boy, but sometimes me no understandy him.


Am in the midst of extracting myself from the worthless black hole that is THE ZOO. There is no reason for my being there. Therefore, I will leave. As soon as possible. David, damn him, needs to become living again so I can get references from him for me and Mittens. I plan to work a Deirbergs, if they'll have me...and at the end of the year, whatever I've saved, Fam and Unc will match, and I'll buy a car with it. HEE, I might actually end up getting a decent car outta this, because I don't think they understand just how much I can save. And WILL save... ::manaical laughter::

the end of school

I have seen a dark, sad side of myself. I did not know how dependent I was on the internet until I was suddenly unable to use my modem...those were the darkest 12 hours of my...week?
(( "And thus the girl is forced to admit that we are living in a material world, and she is a material girl."-Toulouse)) AAH.

School is over. Hasn't sunk in yet, tho. Probly won't for a week or so. HMMMMM, I said I was gonna go nap, but the frickin duck dance finally woke me up...or maybe it was because I was laughing so much at the astonished surfer dudes in the white car who had not clue what in the HELL was going on when we drove by...Man, that was so fuuuuunnnnyyyy!!! ::implied tears::


Ohhh, and then there were the dudes who freaked out at the sheer volume of soda bottles in my locker. LOL, they don't understand how much I drink in one week. It was amusing to say the least.


AAAHHH, just remembered the existence of Neopets!! Must...play...Swarm...fight...battledome...
:: Glo Paint 12:00 PM ::


...
Wow. IS it actually summer?

Ouch. Pang from where Mittens shoved her foot into my stomach/chest/ribs.


No hay mas que quiero decir.
:: Glo Paint 11:06 PM ::
...

Finals, finals, finals!!

OOOOOH, Lauren did BAAD on her finals today... Oh well. I care not. Because tomorrow is the last day. And I have soda. So all is good in my caffeine-strung-out world.

Ha. Went to the Butterfly House with Al and Rose and Mittens yesterday. I was great. We get along really well, and Al is frickin' hilarious. Too bad I put a new hole in her shirt. I wasn't my fault, I swear, the thing was like paper thin. ((OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPS))


Then there was the Gift Shop/Pain/Khaki-Clad-ASS-In-Way-of-Picture interlude. And I wonder how many people we annoyed during the movie? ((During which I discovered that Al's very EXISTENCE is loud.)) Or should I say I annoyed, b/c I refused to shut up. It was so frickin hilarious tho!!! They should never show butterflies living to the Carmen Waltz...and I never should have done the worm. I'm glad nobody actually SAW me do it the first time, tho. It would have traumatized them. I want the photos we took.


I should study, but I'll wait until 3:00. Currently too busy listening to the Lords of Acid. "Spacy B*tch" is my current fave. HMMM...what else can I do that involves nothing constructive? ::Sudden urge to watch Fushigi Yuugi/Cowboy Bebop:: GRRRRRRR, no es posible.


AAAAHHHH, Spanish!!! That currently equals school, b/c my spanish final is tomrrow. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, frickin Ms. Carmell giving me an 89%!!!


Must go screw around somewhere.

the family always gets bad around night-time

Ah, finals week is here. So it begins...only not, because weight training is in no way a real final.
:: Glo Paint 7:05 ::

...
Today the little man is predicting the grades I will get in my classes. (("And so, as the girl studied, she began to understand that it was not possible to do well and maintain the A's she had in her classes...")) I try to keep him from doing it, but if you've ever tried to stuff a fat man in a closet when he doesn't want to go, you'll understand the difficulties I'm having. (And, if you've ever actually DONE it, well, you're a freak. What'd the fat guy ever do to YOU??)

Breaking from studying for finals. I have nothing classes again tomorrow, so I am studying for the next day's tests. That way, I can get a ahead a bit. Wow, it sounds like I actually know what I'm doing. AHHH, three more days until my exit to eternal summer slacking (eternal evidently=three months...).

Mittens says my narrator should be Toulouse from Moulin Rouge. Weeeell, he's close, but not quite the same. So, my narrator's heck is Toulouse.

LOL, I have my own personal slang. Well, my group of peoples does. But it still is in the being of humor that is of goodage.
:: Glo Paint 5:58 PM ::


...

FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:: Glo Paint 8:27 PM ::


...
"And thus, the girl finally realizes that her life is supposed to equal no more, and no less, than misery." -Toulouse, the annoying little fat man in my psyche.
:: Glo Paint 8:29 PM ::


...
Oh God. What the hell am I doing? They're finally making me live up to their expectations...
:: Glo Paint 8:31 PM ::


...
PERFECT
Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face

Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder


How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet


Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud


I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem...why are you crying


Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect

:: Glo Paint 8:38 PM ::


...
Wow. I am really shocked. I think we may have solved our problems. It took two hours, but we did.They actually, finally listened to me. The family, that is...um. Where to go from here?
... ... .... ....
Happiness. Ooooooooooooooooooooooh. ((How long will it last??))
:: Glo Paint 10:17 PM ::

the little man who lives in my closet

I think Unc hates me. I'm trying to think of a time when he's been nice to me since the "troubled child" episode. It's like ever since he decided I was f*cked in the head, he's decided to treat me like crap. Cuz we ALL know that's gonna help things, right? ((Talking monkey...))

This morning in the car on the way to pick up Rose the only thing he said to me was "I can't take this music, Lauren". Then he turns off the CD. So I turn off the radio, thinking he wants silence. He glares at me and then turnes it onto some horrible song. I tell him I don't like it, and he turns it up. I turn it down. He turns it up again and goes "You're not the only person in the car, Lauren." "Neither are you," I reply, trying to get him to understand that a compromise is needed...he just glares at me again and turns it up more. After the song is over, he turns off the radio and then goes to sleep.

So, this evening I see him at dinner. I was talking to Fam about something and he cuts in and says "Lauren, you make no sense." I look at him and go, "Unc, that was really mean. Can you do me a favor and not say stuff like that to me?" He smiles cruelly and says "Only if you do me a favor and do the same. And I know you can't." Needless to say, that made me sad. Then Fam starts yelling at me to stop it. ((Me?))

So then I move on and I'm talking about this summer and the job I'm supposedly getting (I'm not bitter, oh nooooo.) Fam mentions that it's too bad I can't work somewhere close, and I say "Well, I'm getting my license soon, and so is Rose, so we should be able to work it out." She goes "Yeah, but I'm not letting you use my car all the time, you know." I say "I know, but when I get a job, I'd like you to help me buy a car." She says "We'll see." I say "It'll make it a lot easier." She goes "yeah, it would", and then Unc cuts in with "No, it won't. When you hit someone, it'll make it really HARD on us." Then he goes off into this whole tirade about how they're going to take their sweet time in getting me a car because I'll be too inexperienced and he's amazed that Mittens's parents even let her have a car so early on... blah blah BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

Fam looks at him oddly and goes "Well, you're being a little harsh." He puffs up and says "No, I'm not! I'm telling the truth! If she thinks she's going to get a car anytime soon she's wrong!"

I look at him and go "Look, I'm done eating now", and go to leave. He says as I go "I'm being honest, Lauren. I never got a car."

I say "Well, you were deprived, weren't you?" ::sarcasm was finally allowed to leak through:: He yells after me "No, I wasn't. I earned my car." (Of course implying with his tone of voice that I, being the lowly, troubled child that I am, don't deserve to own one.)

So now here I am, feeling like crap yet again. Another dinner with the damn family.
WHAT THE HELL DO THEY WANT ME TO DO!?! GOD, I WOULD DO ANYTHING JUST TO MAKE THEM SHUT UP, LEAVE ME ALONE, AND BE HAPPY!!!!
:: Glo Paint 6:47 PM ::


...
I discovered a good thing about grammar. It dulls the senses of even the most pained mind. (Can you tell what I've been doing for the past hour??)

The Little Man Who Lives in My Closet
Picture a short, sweaty fat guy in a tux, tophat, and tails. (Oh, and a cane. Don't forget the cane.) Nobody can see him except you. He lives in your closet, and his sole purpose in life is to be your voice of impending doom. Once in a while he'll hop out, flourish his hat and cane, and bellow "MISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!" in a rich tenor, then tug at the waist of his pants, bow, wish you a good day, and calmy walk back into your closet. He's always, always right, too.


But he doesn't stop there, oh noooo. Sometimes, on a particularly stressful day, he'll leave the closet entirely and follow you around, huffing and puffing, all day. This is when he takes on his full role of narrator. You'll be sitting there at the dinner table and he'll monotonously intone "And the long days of summer loom ahead, threatening to swallow the girl and drown her in familial misery," or "As she gazed her aunt, she realized resistance was futile and began to cave in to her ridiculous accusations."
The little man in the closet is the embodiment of sarcasm, futility, and most of all, impending doom. He enjoys it. And he is finding more and more ways to sneak out of the closet when I'm not looking.

:: Glo Paint 8:23 PM ::

funny stuff

well, mein schmetterling... ... ...those are the only two German words I know, and I'm not even sure I spelled "my" right. Schmetterling=buttefly=mariposa...Well, I also know "bestrafe mich", but that's not going to get me far in life. (Bestrafe mich means "punish me".)
This summer, though, thanks to Mittens's dad, I will finally learn how to really speak such a bad-ass language. Biker says German can be pretty. I've never heard it be, but she actually speaks the language, so I'll take her word for it. Heh. "Ich liebe dich..." That means I love you, but it sounds in no way pretty... SCHMETTERLING!!! Man, why am I starting to manglize a language I don't even know yet? ::sigh:: This is going to be a LOOOOONG summer...thank God!!! I hope it contains so much frickin' hilarity that I pull my phoenix routine at least twice a day.
Man, I had forgotten that you can actually begin to feel waterlogged if you stay in a swimming pool for too long. It is not pleasant. Oh, and the sun is trying to make me blonde, and is summoning my freackles. ((LOL!!! FREAK-les!!! BAD TYPO!!!!))
HEEEE, I missed my freckles. I'm glad they're coming back. =)

MUST...GO...STUDY... aaaaaaaaaaaaaah. "Done" with math. Now time to "finish" Spanish. And eventually I will "start" learning the grammar for the Damn?d Pegasus Final of D?m.


((ayudame- so says Lauren's Inner Adult))

sudden determination to continue slacking

AAAAAH. TIme to get down to business and do my study guides for finals. This really sucks!!! You see, I've worked really hard to keep my grades in the A range, but I have borderline B-A grades in several classes, so I actually have to worry about some of my finals. Oh well. I will survive...or go absolutely INSANE. Man, if I had only tried a little harder last year. Now I have to get really good grades to drag my GPA up. I mean, it's good and all, but not good like I want it. Cuz I know I'm a better student than my GPA reflects.... So I'm gonna MAKE my GPA reflect what I want.

ARGH. Why was I suck a fricken' slacker freshman? Or even better, why didn't I slack off in the RIGHT way?? Cuz I'm doing even LESS work this year, but I'm turning stuff in when I should, so my grades are better. Why didn't I learn the fine art of slacking earlier? UGH.


Time to get crackin'. This is DEFINITELY a Rammstein day!!!!!!!!!!
:: Glo Paint 1:37 PM ::
...

mostly Spanish

Tengo un amigo que quiere hablar conmigo en espa?ol. Se llama Craig. Esta en una universidad de Alabama (un estado que tiene casi nunca profudidad... JAJA), y ello parece ser muy amable.

(I have a friend who wants to speak in spanish with me. His name is Craig. He goes to a university in Alabama ((Inside joke about profundity...no need to translate it... HAHA)), and he seems to be very nice.)


This might turn out to be fun. Have I possibly found my own Sti? ((Sings: "A sti to call my own...")) Wait, and I somehow twisting a song? NOOOOOOOOO!!!


I think I'm gonna sleep now. Bye.
:: Glo Paint 11:06 PM ::


...
By the way, I never did get around to studying... oh well.
:: Glo Paint 11:06 PM ::

classic procrastination

I have a dilemma. Screw around all night and de-stress, or be productive and do some finals stuff? The more I do now, the less I have to do this weekend, but the more stressed and angry I'll be.

I have a dilemma. I think I'll watch TV while I decide.
:: Glo Paint 7:33 PM ::


...
Still haven't decided. HMMMM, I should work on my story until I do.
:: Glo Paint 8:18 PM ::

...
Now trying to find someone who speaks Spanish to talk to. Have been inspired by Mittens and Sti. ?Quiero un "Sti" para m?!
:: Glo Paint 9:20 PM ::


...
AAAH, Jon just IMed me. Now I can't study, cuz I haven't talked to him in a while (ie- one week.) HEH.
:: Glo Paint 10:17 PM ::


...
Currently talking to Vanya (or is it Vanja)? She is so VERY interesting...

:: Glo Paint 11:17 PM ::

trippy

Hmmmm, note to self- Don't listen to Lords of Acid when laying on a bed underneath a blacklight and staring at your fan which has been attacked by glo paint.

Understand why I feel all trippy?