My aunt snores.

I am so fucking tired.

In which I almost die a lot.

Fam decided to rent a full-size luxury sedan and drive us from the airport to the hotel. While on Valium.

DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE THE FORESIGHT TO SEE THE PROBLEM HERE?

"Oh, I feel fine!"
"I know you do. Trust me, I can TELL that you feel perfectly fine."

But I let her. That is a mistake I will never make again.

1) Directions are impossible for someone on Valium to understand, apparently, because "take the next left" becomes "let's merge onto the highway!"

2) It is permissable to make left turns from the rightmost lane out of four of a one-way street. On a red light. Three times in a row.

3) Left turns no longer need to yield to oncoming traffic, either. That convertible CLEARLY has brakes, and should be using them right about...NOW.

It was like being stuck on a rollercoaster in an amusement park run by Pennywise the Clown. Downtown Spokane will never be the same. Though, looking out the window, that may be a good thing.

Plane Post

Blogging from a propeller plane. I think my feet are going to go numb from the vibrations before we get there. I am so glad the flight only lasts for 45 minutes.

So apparently we're not going to a spa at all. We're just going to a town neither of us have ever really been to...for two days. I think I remember there being a bike trail around the lake, tho, so hopefully this won't end too badly. Fam is quite cracked out so she can fly, and it has been a little stressful, but if things settle down I'll be peachy.

Not much to say except I want a new iPod, a bike, a motorcycle, and a corgi. I'm obsessed. And the answer to this is obviously the episode of Cowboy Bebop where Ein appears.

I fucking love this computer.

Dear Prostitot Cheerleaders:

1) Put some goddamn pants on. I don't need to see your ass, Ms. Hot Pants. You are 12. Girl in thong who got locked out of her room, you are 16, and only SLIGHTY more forgiven.

2) It is not funny to go "hee hee! Wren's back! Haven't you been here, like, three times already?"
"...yes." STOP LEAVING WITHOUT YOUR KEYS.

3) After I open your door, don't stare at it and go "How do I unlock this big boy?" Do keys not EXIST in your orbit?

4) To the six girls who got locked out of their rooms at once after showering. The proper response to seeing me is:
a) To shout "yay, the keys are here!" and run screaming at me to give me a soggy loliphile group hug.
b) To not do the above.

I'll give you a hint. It's not a). I am not "the keys", and the idea of having you all pawing at me in joy makes me wish I were a turtle so I could just drop and HIDE IN AN IMPENETRABLE SHELL. Other people, however, seem to find it amusing:

Prince Abubu: I had six soaking wet cheerleaders try to give me a group hug when I unlocked their rooms last night.
John: ohh man
Prince Abubu: I almost killed them
John: I am just trying to see that
John: wow that is really funny
Prince Abubu: It was me screaming 'no, no! Ladies, we do NOT touch the security guard!"
John: ha ha ha, ohh man
John: that is good
John: that improved my mood greatly
Prince Abubu: well, I'm glad someone benefitted from my pain. XP*

Well, that was unexpected.

While I'm messing around on the time entry menu today I discover that I am now making 12.45 an hour.

I have always hated spinach

And I'm pretty sure I always will. But whatever.

There are easier ways for me to be healthier, anyway. I've stopped buying pop and junk food for the house. I also have foods that take time to make, so I'm less likely to eat out of boredom. And I don't carry enough money to buy fast food (I have this thing about credit cards at fast food places. I dunno.)

I've been craving chocolate ice cream for three days now, tho. Or is it four or five? But now I have an attack of stubborness, and I refuse to give in because it would depress me, anyway.

>>

Yes, Wren Self-Prevention at work again. I know me too well. Too bad I won't be able to do this once I'm back eating full-time at the SUB.

Zach's Back

Gotta love those random texts at 11PM...

Zach: Nice hair.
Me: How the hell... (I thought he was in Germany, and had not seen him since last month.)
Zach: Saw you earlier.
Me: Why didn't you come say hi? =(
Zach: Wasn't an option. (...)
Me: Okay then.
Zach: How is work and summer?
Me: Work is great, but summer is boring, since most people are out of town still.

And then he stopped texting, which leads me to believe he was too drunk to continue pushing buttons.

*relief*

Well, I got a low B in Oceanography after all was said and done, which boosted my entire (though not my major) GPA closer to a respectable number. Hopefully I do better next semester, too. Regular exercise should help boost my immune system and energy levels, for one.

"Tattoo removal services are making a killing off people’s stupidity. "- Seth Macfarlane

So very, sadly true.

Reminds me of the time Flamer Matt wanted me to lotion his freshly done tattoos, one kanji on each shoulder. He told me what they meant, and I knew enough Japanese to realize he was wrong...just not enough to know what he'd actually gotten himself branded with.

Dear Body:

Please tell me why you have stopped liking chicken. Do you know how hard it is going to be to eat out anywhere now?

Love,
Brain

Safeway

Little Girl: "WHOA! What color is her hair!"
Biker Dad: *looks down aisle, proceeds to throw up the horns at me*
Me: *taking this in stride* "I don't know, what color IS my hair?"
Biker Mom: "It looks green, doesn't it honey!"
Little Girl: "Did you make it that way?"
Me: "Yes I did!"
Biker Dad: "No she didn't! All faeries have green hair!"
Me: "...not a fairy."
Biker Dad: "She's a faerie!"
Me: *FLEE*
Little Girl: "YOU'RE NOT A FAIRY! YOU'RE NOT A FAIRY!"
Biker Mom: "Hush!"

Biker Dad, you fail.

Ah, Fourth of July...

Fin.

I NEED TO NOT DO THINGS LIKE THIS

*room is full of security people, eating tons of food and chilling. The door is locked, and a sign on the door says KNOCK, WE'RE OPEN.*
Friend: "I cannot BELIEVE how much money you guys are making right now. LOOK AT YOU!"
Me: "I know! I'm making 18 dollars an hour to *yak* ...cough on lemons!"
Room: "..."
Me: *hysterical laughter*
Friend: "The sad thing is that is NOT the first time I've heard someone say that."

It took me a full five minutes to stop laughing.

Actually, I lied.

I'm still laughing. *snerk*

Oh, do continue...

"That's George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three—three or four books about him last year. Isn't that interesting?"—President Bush, showing German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann the Oval Office, Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

Bitches!

"I am having lunch!"
"I had breakfast made for me. Hah."
"Yes, and you have a wonderful girlfriend, which is a luxury I don't possess."
"Aww, I'm sure you'll find the right girl for you one day."
"Hardly. They're pretty to look at, but I'd go insane if I dated one."
"Funny, now that you mention that..."
"XD"

I really love my coworkers. I'm filling in for a kid who swears up and down he's sick (I call Fourth of July Jungle Fever), but I'm not about to complain because I'm making 12 hours worth of time-and-a-half for being here. Also, the grave shift is coming back around 6, and we're going to have a 4th-of-July barbeque. All in all, far more than I would have been doing had I not been called in, and while making $215.

God, that's as much as I used to get as my entire PAYCHECK at Blockbuster. I cannot believe I spent two years there.

On another note: I'll be spending my free time today making a Blue Seed AMV.

Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

Two stories

Both posted over at customers suck:

Summer lovin, having a blast! Summer lovin, happened so fast. I met a girl, crazy for me, I met a guy, cute as can be. Summer days, drifting away, but ah! for those summer nights!

In your itsy bitsy teeny weeny riding up the butt bikini, keeping on the heels cuz you're sagging just a teeny bit more than the girls he pretends he doesn't thrill, rubbing on the lotion, and rockin on the horse sized pills.

Typing to keep myself awake

After work yesterday, I actually fell asleep sitting up while arranging my bedclothes around me. I woke up a few hours later lying on my legs, completely disoriented, and in an incredible amount of pain due to my hip being pissed off. Feels fine now, tho. Still, I didn't think I was -quite- that tired.

The dispatcher and I had a mind-reading moment today when Partnerman walked in wearing a pumpkin, red, purple, and grey plaid shirt over a red undershirt with white shorts and orange flip-flops. Everything was going fine until we made eye contact. She grinned, I snickered, and it was downhill from there.

Partnerman's roomie: "What are you guys laughing at?"
Me: "We're having a girl moment. It would be best not to notice."
Partnerman: "What?"
Dispatcher: "It looks like you just got in from Hawaii."
Me: "Don't be silly! There's no plaid in Hawaii!"
Partnerman: - -;;

It was the white shorts that did me in, in all honesty. Though he usually has better dress sense than that. When we first started working together I had him pegged for a nerd because he always buttoned his polo up completely (including the forbidden "dork button"). Well, one day he forgot, and I learned the actual reason why. Thus, I assume today was laundry day.

Days off!

So, who wants to go see The Devil Wears Prada with me? I ADORE Meryl Streep.

Icons and hate

Straight from the PotC: Dead Man's Chest trailer. Johnny's next line is "I happen to have no dress in my cabin!"

Unfortunately, due to the amount of time I spent getting the perfect screenshot for this icon, I'm pretty convinced Elizabeth and Jack don't actually kiss. Her eyes are open, his are shut, and she pulls away from him slightly.

Maybe she's just a tease and there's still hope for hot sex. Happy thoughts, Wren.


This one is for Maddo. And those of you who see the movie MUST AGREE THAT IT IS TRUE. Tumnus crowns her and thinks "ah, now to wait ten years." *thumb-twiddle*

Though I can't decide if I should make one that is less overly cheesy and more, I dunno, less subtly joking. Maybe if I can master the art of the animated gif I'll give it another go.

Here's the banner I made, also for Maddo. (Tell me if you want different dimensions...)

Yes, that is star eraser brush+lens flare. SHAMELESS. ^^


And finally, what happens when you have twelve hours of shift and one actual hour of work to do. Yah, that's a sketch from Poe's LJ, badly colored and butchered by me at 4AM.

It's not easy being green... ^____^

I was just completely shunned by a lone Mormon.

Good thing he's headed off-campus today; it's rather hard to ignore a Maglite.

One of the camp counselors called last night and complained that we weren't sending female officers to do admits for the Mormon girls. Well, we kinda can't, when there are only two female patrol members out of 14 or so people able to let you in. So shut up.

I then got into a debate with Tom about whether this counselor would be more upset if he was sent to let them in, or I was. We figured it was pretty even until I suggested I hit on the girls as I was admitting them. I'm not a mean person, however, so will refrain from doing so without justifiable provocation.