Life, you're not funny.

So everyone I know is coming down with mono. This would be fine, because I love commiserating with friends, except now there are going to be more annoying rumors at work. Observe:

Dispatcher: "So apparently Feeney has mono."
Dispatcher 2: *raises eyebrow at me* "Oh, really?"
Me: "Oh, that's just fucking peachy."
Dispatcher: "What?"
Me: "I have mono."
Dispatcher 2: "See, I told you we'd find out who you've been kissing."
Me: "Yes. Feeney and I make out every day. Any time I am not here, we're swapping saliva."

Bossman Prime: *from over the cubicle* "Who now?"
Me: "Feeney."
Bossman Prime: *snort* "Oh. Riiiight!" *re-lurks*
Office: XD

At least one person has it figured out. And, at least I don't work with him anymore so there can't be any "OMG they make out at work guys!" rumors.