This was CLEARLY a mistake.

The wedding is today. I went upstairs to meet everyone, and stumbled across Unc's sister, K.

K: "Oh. I didn't know you were going to be here..."
Me: "Yep." *walks off*

I don't know anyone from the party. Current plans are to see the wedding, steal bbq and a cupcake, and disappear downstairs into the basement until they all leave.

And then it started raining. And you know you've been in the PNW for too long when you see the rain and go "So...?" I figured we'd just move the food inside and have the ceremony there, too.

Nope. [Girlfriend] starts crying and runs upstairs, leaving the wedding cake to its own devices.

---

Another crisis. The storm clears up, we have lovely ceremony by the pool. Unc decides kids can swim after they are done eating and turns on pool slide. Pool slide sends out jet of water and douses uncut wedding cake. [Girlfriend's] shrieks of rage enlighten me to the problem while I am devouring a successfully filched cupcake. I leap in front of cake with arms outstretched, half-eaten cupcake in one hand, and get soaked. Am now spared any pictures with the photographer, and nommy dessert is safe. Mission is personally considered huge success.

As I am ducking back in to change shirts, am waylaid by small, unfamiliar boychild.

Child: "Do yoo like puh-ple?"
Me: "Nope." (This is a reflex response by now--I honestly wasn't intending to be a bitch.)
*candid stare* "Den why is yourw hairw and shirt puh-ple?"
Me: "Shampoo accident." *flees for basement*

Smart kid.

This is shaping up to be an absolutely hysterical day.