How to end up in the dog house

Me: "Oh, did I tell you Mr. K proposed to me?"
The Boy: *aghast* "No!"
Me: "Yeah. We're supposed to get married."
The Boy: "Was he serious?"
Me: "Oh my God, of course not!"
The Boy: "Well, I mean, he is kind of an idiot."

He's lucky I decided that was funny.

I love my vet

They send out monthly e-mails. This one's intro sentence: "We can tell spring is here because people are wearing sunglasses with their umbrellas."

So true.

Because not all of you have access to my alter-ego's site

<--Yes, that is Martin from Oblivion, and no, I don't want to explain.

I love you, Coffee Guy

Peter and I met up at the cafe Maddo and I did a lot of NaNoWriMoing at, and my favorite Coffee Guy was there, wearing his "Utilikilt," combat boots, and sporting new surface piercings.

I ordered a mocha and a sandwich. Sandwich was given to me instantly. Mocha never made it to the bar. I walked over to him about ten minutes later, grinned pleasantly, and said "So, how's my mocha?"

He facepalms. "I don't know, how is it?"
"Hopefully good. I'm dying to find out."
Pause. "What size was it?"
"Sixteen ouce."
"Let's make that a 20."
"Oh, wow. Thanks so much!"

So I go back to sit down, and soon mocha is hand-delivered. Coffee Guy is my favorite because he always draws me little pictures in my foam. Well, today my mocha implored, in perfect calligraphy, "Please Don't Hate Us. :("

I took a sip and looked up to find him and The Owner both staring at me anxiously. I flashed them an "I love you" sign, and they giggled and went back to work.

I LOVE YOU, COFFEE SHOP PEOPLE. OMG.

What the hell, old people? Why do none of you have tact?

There was almost a riot at the concert I was ushering for tonight. I wish this were one of my classic cases of hyperbole, but it is not.

The problem? The ticket salespeople showed up and discovered someone had stolen the mouse and keyboard to the ticketing computer.

The solution? Get a new mouse and keyboard and ask the people who needed to buy tickets to wait.

THAT IS WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IN A SANE UNIVERSE, ANYWAY. Instead, they started screaming at the poor ticketing girl. Actually screaming, people. And she just kind of sat there and wilted and tried to explain the situation, but the crowd was having none of it because God I hate people. Meanwhile, the other two ushers and I are standing by the door doing our best impressions of >:o

"Fuck this," I muttered to Daryl, tossing him my programs and walking over to the mob. (I have this vague feeling that I made out with the ticket girl freshman year. Or wanted to. Or maybe want to now. Who knows. Either way, I needed to save her.)

"How hard would it be for us to pay you and just have you take a count on a piece of paper? I do not understand what the problem is!" shrieked one of our regulars.

"Ladies and gentlemen," I said in my best teacher voice, and lo! the mob was silenced. "We are doing everything we can to get you all tickets and seats in a timely fashion. The concert doesn't start until 7:30, so if you bear with us and stop distracting the ticket people while they work out their technical issues, we shouldn't have a problem."

Stony stares.

"Any UPS students, please talk to the ushers by the door and take your seats now. We'll count you ourselves. Those of you who need to pay, please realize that someone has stolen the mouse and keyboard to the ticketing computer, which is what is causing the delay."

"That's terrible!" muttered a man in the back, and I listened while the news was passed back along the line.

"Why can't you just do it manually?" barked the ringleader.

"Ma'm, we are student staff, and there are a specific set of rules for ticket sales we are required to follow unless we want to lose our jobs. None of the management seem to have made it here tonight, and are also not answering their phones." (Believe me, we tried to call.)

"Isn't there a Plan B?!"

"I wish there were. Here, let me open the main doors so you don't have to hold them yourselves. Excuse me."

And thus the riot was quelled, and there were adulations from the ticketpeople, who have vowed to love me till the day I die.

Have I mentioned I fucking hate people?

Um, hi.

Nope, not dead. Just been student teaching and working on a four-chapter Oblivion fanfic.

Mock me if you want, but it is chock-full of sexy genius.

Honeythief- Halou

Sometimes I doubt the path I chose
Sometimes my dreams feel all on hold
There's no doubt that this will make me strong
Because it's the hardest thing I've ever done

Despite this cruel world
And all my best efforts
You surprise me with just how perfect you are

Even with all my flaws
And my bad examples
You surprise me with
Just how perfect you are

And when I'm lost
You search for me
And when I doubt
You're my belief

I'm suppose to be
The stronger one
You always seem
To prove that theory wrong

Still, I hold my breath each time you go
Out in the world that's beyond my control
If you are dreaming
I never want to wake you up

When I'm all in a spin
Full of cynicism
You remind me of just how perfect you are

When I'm at my wit's end
And I'm losing my head
You remind me of just how lucky I am

for The Boy:

01101000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101

XD

iTunes puts the hot in relationships

The Boy and I are flopped on the bed, listening to music.

*new song queues*
Me: *twitches spastically to the beat*
Boypillow: "Hey, don't dance so sexily!"
Me: *stare*
Me: "You were raised by circus clowns, weren't you?"

Fatality.

Pandora.com and I got into a fight today. It randomly decided to add a slew of completely inappropriate pop music to a station I'd carefully trained to perfection. Since I write my book to this station, I was somewhat less than amused.

Me: "What the shit is house techno doing on the Frou Frou station?" *skip*
Pandora: *country twang*"YOU STOLE THE MOOOON FROM MY LIIIIIII--IIIIFE."
Me: "What? No!" *thumbs down*
Internet: *stutters, strains*
Pandora: "Take just one last dare, pretend you don't care. Till twilight falls. Wait. There's someone else here. And I can't stop my tears. I've never been so scared..."
Me: *skip*
Pandora: "I AM DONE WITH YOU NOW!"
Me: "Odd. I was thinking the same thing." *close window*

I got a new vest today.

And it looks really good with my necklace.


Wow, you can really tell I have mono if you look at those enormous bags under my eyes. It doesn't help that Maddo and I spent the entire day running around in the rain to acquire that vest.

(No this is NOT a shirt I wear at school. I wonder why. I am going out to dinner, and as such feel it is more appropriate for me to have cleavage on display than it is in front of a room full of fifteen-year-olds.)

For Maddo

<--Because I had too much time on my hands this morning.
I made the text sharper and deepened the color on a whim. I wasn't sure if I could fix the text without digitally redoing it, but it turned out to be really easy. Use it if you want! :D

(Wren: Making like the Sistine Chapel restorers with icons since...eh.)

I wish time still stopped for bad things like when I was a kid

Melvin "The Brick" Fatrat, July 2006 - March 5, 2009
He climbed into his hammock with his brother last night and didn't climb out again this morning.

Life, you're not funny.

So everyone I know is coming down with mono. This would be fine, because I love commiserating with friends, except now there are going to be more annoying rumors at work. Observe:

Dispatcher: "So apparently Feeney has mono."
Dispatcher 2: *raises eyebrow at me* "Oh, really?"
Me: "Oh, that's just fucking peachy."
Dispatcher: "What?"
Me: "I have mono."
Dispatcher 2: "See, I told you we'd find out who you've been kissing."
Me: "Yes. Feeney and I make out every day. Any time I am not here, we're swapping saliva."

Bossman Prime: *from over the cubicle* "Who now?"
Me: "Feeney."
Bossman Prime: *snort* "Oh. Riiiight!" *re-lurks*
Office: XD

At least one person has it figured out. And, at least I don't work with him anymore so there can't be any "OMG they make out at work guys!" rumors.

*giggle*

The Boy, at about 3AM, woke me up to tell me the following:

Boy: "I like flamethrowers!"
Me: "Oh, really? Which kind do you like?"
Boy: "The ones with nozzles."
Me: "Honey, why are we talking about flamethrowers?"
Boy:* giggles* "I dunno!"
Me: "Why don't you go back to sleep."
Boy: "Kay!" *rolls over and promptly begins to snore.*

He talks in his sleep a lot, and it will never stop being adorable.

Fin.

Went to bed naked. Woke up with missing pants on.

Have had trouble walking up and down stairs.

What the ever living fuck went down last night?

I'm going to level with you guys. I went to bed with pants on last night. I really did. They were my maroon UPS sweats, because if I sleep completely naked my ass gets cold, okay. IT DOES.

This morning I wake up groggy with a sore left leg and ass muscles. I am also ass naked, and my sweatpants are nowhere to be found.

This leaves me with two questions:

1. What happened?
2. Where the fuck are my pants?

I just realized...

...I never posted the pictures of me from Halloween. Without further ado, I present...Wrenjamin.



Yes, those are pigtails.

Belated HR Update

So HR is taking the Christmas Decoration Debacle very seriously. They are treating it as a religious discrimination case, and as soon as my letter of complaint is formalized will turn it into a formal review, which means at the very least a letter in her permanent file.

In the meantime, I am convincing my fellow students to go to HR for other reasons, since she seems determined to piss off and walk all over everyone on the staff. For someone that rants about respect, she's not very good at treating us with any.

In short? She's in trouble. Hopefully this will encourage her to talk calmly before swan diving into our throats.