Happiness is just a word to me, and it might have meant a thing or two if I had known the difference

Time to blog about something that happened to me this weekend. I wanted to wait until the more stress-happy of my friends had heard about it from me so I didn't freak anyone out. So now I'm left to talk about it in all the scary, graphic detail I want. Ready? Of course not.

I had the worst nosebleed of my life this weekend. Now, let me stress that means I'm really saying something here. The school nurse knew me by the end of the first year because of my nosebleeds. I would have to spend thirty minutes in her office at least once a month trying to get the bleeding to stop. Doctors told me my sophomore year that my nose was broken and never properly reset when I was littler, and that's what's causing the problem. So needless to say I'm used to it.

But not this. I was walking into the bathroom when out of the corner of my eye I saw a splotch of blood on the floor. I bring my hand up to my face and pull it back covered in blood. So I head for the tissues and pinch my nose to apply pressure to the veins.

It doesn't work. The blood isn't dripping from my nose like I'm used to. It is FLOWING. It's soaking through the tissues almost as fast as I can replace them, and it is also running down the back of my throat. That unpleasant experience has happened before, as well, but not like this.

I felt like I was choking. My blood was running down hot and thick, irritating my throat and actually making it difficult to breathe. I started to cough, and of course ended up coughing up the blood, which meant that I now had to hold tissues to my hands and mouth. I'm not sure how I can stress how unsettling it is to cough up your own blood. Your mouth is telling you you've eaten iron, and your body is telling you that something is fundamentally wrong. I kept flashing back to all the movies featuring people who were dying of tuberculosis. But unlike Satine and Doc Holliday, I was coughing up blood that was coming directly from my veins, not from diseased lung tissue. Oddly enough, that makes it seem a little more nasty to me.

The blood was also pooling in my stomach, making me feel incredibly sick.

Thirty minutes later I have finally brought everything under control. I wash off my nose, lips, hands, and brush my teeth. The toothpaste I spat out was red for a very long time.

Finally I disenfected the bathroom. After that, I passed out on the bed and slept for the night. It took a few minutes to get comfortable, because my stomach was killing me and there was still a slight trickle running down my throat that was unnerving enough to keep me awake for a while.

That is the most scared I have been in a long time.

Thanks for what? o.O;

From a people perspective, this holiday has been hell (alliteration for the win). My grandfather sent me a ridiculous e-mail, like he usually does. Fam called and got pissed because I was in a bad mood because three of the four caterpillars in our hot treatment have disappeared completely. So yeah, pissy mood.

But dinner? Whole other story, yo. I cooked it myself: Breast of duck marinated in pepper ginger sauce and then cooked covered in shredded pineapple to make it spicy-sweet and tender, too. Served on a bed of white rice with bamboo shoots, baby corn, and tofu (which I should have cooked with the duck, because this time it tasted like corn. Must pay more attention to the peer pressure tofu undergos, since it seems to be very sensitive.) Green grapes, ceaser salad, green tea, champagne, and a cream soda float for dessert. All eaten off my antique red plates and my silver, and in the case of the tea, my Bavarian china.

Who fucking needs cranberry sauce?

"Driving on I-5 is like some sort of bizarre game of Tetris..."

Matt's plane was canceled, so I had to go get him. The title is all I feel like saying about it except one word: "FOG."

He filled my gas tank for me, tho, which made me happy. It was very nice. ^^;

Oh my god, I don't have to wake up tomorrow.

Hey Maddo, YOUR MOM!

So I've gotten into this bad habit of making Maddo the butt of a string of your mom jokes. It started at dinner about a month ago, when we were discussing the childish trivia on the back of one of our milk cartons.
Maddo: "What does it say?"
Me: "Which is bigger? A. a tennis court, B. a football field, or C. your mom?"

There was rage.

Since then it has gone downhill. Two nights ago, driving down the highway towards a theme park, we see a sign telling what exit to take to get there. "Hey Maddo, your mom is coming up on the right!"

Then, just now, as I am trying to finish a sentence in my paper: "so the uniqueness is meant to accentuate the importance of....uh..."
Maddo: "Your mom."

We need a dose of maturity. >>;

I liiiiiive!

C7, the escape artist caterpillar of doom, is alive and eating once again. To celebrate this, we have given him a name: Fillorkadork.

He's probably still doomed just for having that for a name, but oh well.

I seem to not have blogged about him, so here is his backstory as told to various other people through e-mails:
Today we discovered that caterpillars who have eaten all the leaves of their host plants will travel great lengths to find new food....surprisingly great lengths. Sarah and I went into lab and discovered that our caterpillar called C7 was missing...and wasn't in with any of the other caterpillars, or in the glass aquarium we had the pots in....oh no. It had, in less than 12 hours, crawled out of its cup, up the side of the aquarium, off the aquarium, and along the counter into the corner. >.<; It's alive, for now, but we're wondering if it actually DID leave to find more food, because now every time we put it on a new plant it climbs down the stem and makes a beeline for the edge of the cup... Yep. C7 is a prime example of natural selection doing its thing. I expect when we go into lab tomorrow it will be dead. We've covered all the cups with perforated Saran Wrap, but who knows- that might not stop C7 in its bid for freedom.

When we left the lab that night, C7 was barely alive, in the corner of its cup, curled in a ball. We came back the next day, and it was in the same spot, not moving. Sarah poked it and it moved, so we figured we'd wait another day.

Today we go in? C7 is alive and devouring the plant once more. So now we are left wondering exactly what drove it to act so odd...

Current Theories Include
1) Fillorkadork is stupid. End of story.
2) Wanderlust hit a little too early and he went off to explore the vastness of the world around him. Unfortunately, he also forgot to pack a lunch.
3) He felt that he was trapped and decided to perform a jailbreak. The two days of not eating once he returned were a protest against our evil regime.
4) He thought he was getting too fat and decided to go for a dayhike and then practice short-term anorexia.
5) Some idiot in the lab moved him as a prank, and it took two days for him to recover from the stress.
6) He was a martyr for the cause of his brethren and risked his life to contact the resistance.
7) He was parasitized by something that altered his behavior. If a wasp hatches instead of a caterpillar once he pupates, we will know the truth.
8) He is the only fucking Brassica caterpillar to not like Brassica plants.

More weird little associations I have:

A continuation of this post from way back when. Though I talk to almost none of those people now.

I have a bad association with almost the entire Police: The Singles album. (And not just because of my taste in music, so stop all jokes about them now.)

Roxanne reminds me of my mom because she'd listen to it all the time for reasons I didn't understand then and now hope I still don't.

Can't Stand Losing You because I was told my ex listened to it on repeat when we broke up. He's still among the living, in case you're worried.

Don't Stand So Close to Me because I've had a couple creepy professors.

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic because too many people I don't like anymore told me it reminded them of me. I need new traits, evidently.

Every Breath You Take because it reminds me of when I was 12 and the times I've been stalked.

King of Pain because it's my ex's theme song.

You know...the Police are actually pretty creepy...

*giggles*

It's like all those times Fam woke me up after work by doing dishes at 4 AM...

Ah, the false sense of responsibility

What have I done in the past two days?
1) Selected classes for next semester
2) Gotten approved for a second credit card to use for gas so I can continue building good credit.
3) Filled out a job application so I can work next semester if I get hired and get some spending money again.

I'm bored and need a job again. Been too long since I felt like I was doing something worthwhile. Will also need the extra money for my cosplay, anyway.

LMAO

So I just received an e-mail from my Asian Art professor inviting me to "join the Chinese Opera." He meant "attend."

Also, "elonjugate" is not a word, no matter what he might say.

This is the most exhausted I have been in a long time

Himi, dahling, I love you, but I am never getting three hours of sleep again because we stayed up too late talking with Maddo. I did well on my quiz, tho, and that's all that matters.

I have messed up my shoulder royally by wrenching it. Now the muscle is horribly knotted, and I have been in pain all weeked. Sarah keeps accidentally hurting it, too.

You only hurt the ones you love, eh? Hon, I'm flattered, but I wouldn't mind a little recovery time in between maimings.

I'm going to be in bed before nine for the first time in....at least a year, maybe two. MMM, impressive.

This week is going to be busy. >.<;

Where have I been? こたえ は ひみつ です。

This weekend Comic House invited Himi down to hang out with us for Saturday. He was supposed to go home that night, but I assume he's been having fun because he is still here. I'll be taking him home after classes tomorrow.

He's fun to play against in Tekken 4 because he was just as rusty as I was, so it was a challenge for us to defeat each other. But in Soul Caliber II he OWNS MY ASS.

Worst moment of SCII? He chose Voldo, so I grabbed Ivy, because you HAVE to have them fight each other. It's just what you do. I have no idea how to play Ivy, and spent two rounds trying to get her to do her whippy sword thingy. I give up, switch to someone else, he pulls up Ivy...

me: "No! You're going to eat me."
Himi: "I don't even know how to play her!"
me: "Okay...."
*battle begins. FIRST FUCKING MOVE HE DOES? The whippy sword thingy.*

I may have exploded in rage. >>

Rain isn't supposed to sound crystalline...

Today was interesting...in Ecology class, I had the surreal experience of getting up in front of everyone and getting candy hurled at me by a girl in bad shoes to demonstrate the Target Hypothesis for the Equilibium Theory of Island Biogeography. And roomie yelling "no, more!" when they wanted to conclude the demonstration.

Yeah, 40 people watch some chick throw food at me today. No wonder I feel odd.

I have found a good way to be less bored in Asian Art. I pick a mood or a theme and then shuffle around on my iPod and mix song lyrics together to make a poem about it. It's fun, and just as cheesy as it sounds.

Half of the larvae we need have hatched. Hopefully more will have by Monday.

Stockroom Idiot: The Bitchening

Some of you know that meeting with my Professor was over the Stockroom Idiot. Oh yes. She complained to my professor that I was "pushy." I'm sure you can imagine my opinion of this.

She's totally right. Me, trying to save 60 butterflies and an experiment and my GRADE when my eggs come in three days early is probably pushy. But pushy with REASON.

The Professor doesn't blame me at all, she just wanted me to know. She told the Stockroom Idiot that I'm just "straightforward" and that I don't mean anything by it. I decided it would be best not to tell my professor that I feel the Stockroom Idiot is a complete waste of oxygen.

But, on good faith, I decided I'd try to be a little more nice. I do have to deal with this woman for two more years, after all.

This is where it gets good.

I saw her in the hall two days ago, and we made eye contact. I took my headphones out of my ears so I could hear, smiled, and said "hey!"

She stares at me unblinkingly until it gets a little awkward, then turns and simply walks. the. fuck. away.

I don't think the issue is on my end, boys and girls. What adult acts this immature?

Oh wait. But still, what adult SHOULD?

...exactly.

Tonight is the night I decide whether or not I like Chevelle.

I cannot type.:

Eriatarka: We're a very commotionable people.
Caffy: cumbustible? ^^
Caffy: shit!!
Caffy: com.
Caffy: busti.
Caffy: ble.
Vass: ...
* Caffy dies.
kyhmtsune: cumbustible. I like that. ^_^
* Caffy has quit (Quit: )
* Eriatarka resurrects the Caffy, rank 4!
* Now talking in #en
* ChanServ sets mode: +o Caffy
* Caffy laughs in shame.

Taken from the forum

Because it relates to courses I'm taking and is important to me personally, I have copy-pasted it here.

Misusing the word "Zen" has been a pet peeve of mine for a long time. Zen is a word used to describe a branch of Mahayana Buddhism that began in China (there called Cha'n) and then was brought over to Japan by Eisai, where it took root and developed into three distinct sects. Zen has nothing to do with, and in fact frowns upon, commercialism. Why? Because one of the main truths of all branches of Buddhism is that desire causes suffering, and buying things you want is -definitely- giving in to desire.

That being said, Zen is NOT:
1) A type of cereal. Trademarked. I don't fucking care if it tastes "Zensational." How can you even have "optimum Zen?" Zen is not a QUANTITY or daily value.
2) A scent of candle and/or decoration style.
3) A flavor of tea. (Though it is fantastic, saying that it is an "enlightening blend" is utter BULLSHIT.)
4) A specific shade of gray that a camera can come in.
5) A book that is a blatant rip-off of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
6) A synonym for "relaxing" or "peaceful" or "soothing."

However, here is what it can be:
1) Associated with the Tea Ceremony.
2) Associated with calligraphy and paintings occuring in the Kamakura Period or which follow that style.
3) A type of garden occuring outside a Zen Buddhist Temple, in which you can generally perform walking meditition. (Not this.)

Basically, any of the arts or practices that have grown up around Zen as a religion can be called Zen. None of the items on the not list have any sort of basis in the religion at all beyond some cliched Western view of the principles of Zen. *breathes deeply* And I am done.

I am blogging this from the safety of my fort

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce my headphones. They may need quite a bit of explanation.



They are a $50 Sony silicon ear-bud (in my size!!!) noise-canceling little number I bought last semester to replace the iPod built-in headphones that I had dyed and destroyed. As you can see, they have fared about as well as their predecessors. The covering for the wires has long since disentigrated, they are many lovely shades of purple, and there are bits of tape clinging to what remains of them. And despite their ghetto appearance, they still play just fine.

How did they come to this, you might ask? Well, let me explain, in case me being the owner isn't enough of a tip-off for you. I listen to music constantly. I sleep with headphones in, which is the cause of most of the wear-and-tear. Most anything would look like that if it had spent half the night rolled around your neck/bunched into a ball and under your back. I am resigned to spending what breaks down to ~10$ a month to keep myself in nice, comfy earphones that cancel noise. They make me go to sleep faster and make me less livid at Asian Art.

Now I'm basically waiting until they die, just to see how much longer they can go. Wish them luck.

I wonder if coating them with epoxy spray would be a good idea...

This is what Absolute Terror looks like:

Hi Wren,

Can you stop by tomorrow either during my office hours (10am to 11:30) or during open lab time (1 - 5pm)? If you can't make those times, we can set up another time to talk.
Thanks, have a good day,
[Ecology Professor]

No explanation. I have no idea what this is about.

::EDIT::
So I replied and tried to get more info.

Sure, I can come in tomorrow. What will we be meeting about?
~Wren

Hi again,
It's nothing to be concerned about, so don't worry. It's just some stuff I wanted to discuss...
have a good evening.

SHE USED ELLIPSES! *DIES*
Seriously though, wtf? Why so secretive?

I am going to spend the night hiding in a fort. >>

Eureka!

I have had the most wonderful idea while studying for my Ecology quiz. I need to formally change my name to Wren so I can have an alliterative name and then go on to publish papers titled "Beaver Browsing Benefits Beetles."

Yes, that paper exists.

::EDIT::
I'll kiss anyone who can find me a name change form from a creditable source that doesn't want me to pay it for something that should be free if I could find it in the twisting nether of Missouri's legal documentation. Or bake/mail them cookies. It's basically the same thing.

Caffy Photo Shoot, Part I

I finally have a picture of the hair now that the purple dye is mostly under control. I wish it were sunny so I could take these pictures outside, but meh.


Yes, I am very pale. Also, you can see the blue at the ends of my hair in this pic, which makes me happy, since until now I've had no definite proof that it is, in fact, there.

There will be pics of the clothes later if I can find a place in the house that has decent lighting.

Also, I haven't had a good pic of my tongue stud since the one that was taken an hour after piercing, so here's a new one of it healed and with an acrylic stud.

Though I guess the one taken at Ohayo of me crushing Eri into the floor might count, though in that case its not the focus of the picture.

Man, I am so damn pale. XD

I will always love Suzanne Vega

It's a one time thing
It just happens
A lot
Walk with me
And we will see
What we have got
Ah...

My footsteps are ticking
Like water dripping from a tree
Walking a hairline
And stepping very carefully
Ah...

My heart is broken
It is worn out at the knees
Hearing muffled
Seeing blind
Soon it will hit the Deep Freeze

And something is cracking
I don't know where
Ice on the sidewalk
Brittle braches
In the air

The sun
Is blinding
Dizzy golden, dancing green
Through the park in the afternoon
Wondering where the hell
I have been
Ah...

This has been my favorite song since forever.